Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word

[pitabooom]

Its crazy that I have to turn here to vent and get things outta my chest. Married for 8yrs with 1 kid.

During the initial phase of relationship, my gf knew I had other girls before. Being completely honest with her about some sexual mistakes in my life is perhaps the worst thing any man could do. However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest.

After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc.

After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; busted my arse working 2 jobs (my day job and a Uber driver) to cover my credit card bills paying off quite abit of bills and avoided touching my wife's money as far as possible. Even then, she had continued on her tirade every now and then. Even to the point of telling me - to leave the house with my child.

Fast forward to 8yrs on. Just as I'd thought when things had settled down, she went on another crazy spree. One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work.

As for her, well...
1) She doesn't do the housework
2) She has never volunteered to pay for the child's bills at all.
3) She doesn't manage her own house admin - aka her income taxes, her insurance premiums, her Medisave contribution, etc.
4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly) and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!
10) She sprained her foot, insisted on going to work even though I kept telling not to, decided to go home in the middle of the night cos her foot was killing her, limped back home, started banging the door instead of opening it and when I woke up, she instantly gave me a slap.
11) I actively avoid calling her during the day as I know she will be asleep and wanted her to get some rest. But at night, its the reverse since she is working, so she'd wanna call me cos she is awake and working.

And now, she's threatening divorce because "I am not facing up to "the problem", not meeting her expectation and playing victim." and told me to just pack up with my child, return to my mother's and she's not going to fight for custody because "that's my daughter." And she can live however she like.

Sorry for the really long rant.

I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers.

In case u guys are wondering. No, she's not a sex worker. In the healthcare line.

It doesn't help when I had tolerated my MIL staying with us, her MIL being a cultist in JW, bad mouthing me to my daughter in front of me (but fortunately, my daughter's close to me) and to add insult to injury - I had helped her find an excellent tenant for her house, got a really good rental price to contribute to her retirement income, and she doesn't have to pay a single cent when I repaired quite abit of stuff that's falling apart in her house. I did took back the repair costs from her later, to the tune of $5000 (and I overdrafted my credit card on some months for those repairs and replacements!), my MIL started whining to her sisters within earshot of my wife who later confronted me why I took money from my MIL.

What do u think I shld do? Should I just initiate or wait for her to initiate? Or maybe just pray and hope she will die in a random accident and at least things won't end messily.

Seriously, other than the lack of sex (when u are too fucking tired to even fap and cum; much less sustain an erection) and a single deaf ear (cause of which is unknown, specialists I had visited claimed it may be stress), I am really wondering if she had just went too far and kept asking for divorce on slightest things.

[homana]

Same situation just div and fight for the kid

[sexcision]

No reason to continue I suppose. If your daughter is not close to her, Than I suppose there simply no reason to stay on.

Instead of waiting for her to initiate, just go direct to the lawyer and serve her the divorce letters. Be proactive and shock her.

[fallen11]

No reason to continue I suppose. If your daughter is not close to her, Than I suppose there simply no reason to stay on.

Instead of waiting for her to initiate, just go direct to the lawyer and serve her the divorce letters. Be proactive and shock her.

yes shock and awe her so she has less time to prepare.
Surprise attack her wih divorce.
When you mention divorce, be ready to proceed asap with minimum delays. Else she got time to strategise, conjure evidence and play victim, its not to your advantage. Best go law firm and file divorce the next morning after you announced your decision to her (dont tell her u going law firm the next day though).

[iluvbreast]

Its crazy that I have to turn here to vent and get things outta my chest. Married for 8yrs with 1 kid.

During the initial phase of relationship, my gf knew I had other girls before. Being completely honest with her about some sexual mistakes in my life is perhaps the worst thing any man could do. However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest.

After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc.

After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; busted my arse working 2 jobs (my day job and a Uber driver) to cover my credit card bills paying off quite abit of bills and avoided touching my wife's money as far as possible. Even then, she had continued on her tirade every now and then. Even to the point of telling me - to leave the house with my child....

Seriously, other than the lack of sex (when u are too fucking tired to even fap and cum; much less sustain an erection) and a single deaf ear (cause of which is unknown, specialists I had visited claimed it may be stress), I am really wondering if she had just went too far and kept asking for divorce on slightest things.

Well the only advice I can offer is quickly go see a good lawyer, discreetly.

While you are there, tell the lawyer what do you want out of the divorce, and how to safeguard your cash (those in the account) and your asset(s).

The law works around facts, meaning you need to gather supporting evidence usually in terms of records, receipts etc to prove what is yours (same thing for your wife), if it cannot be proven then it could be shared. Sometimes it is better to empty the account first to hold on to the cash and then return back if judge ask you to return.

Good luck.

[LooksLikeJesus]

Its crazy that I have to turn here to vent and get things outta my chest. Married for 8yrs with 1 kid.

During the initial phase of relationship, my gf knew I had other girls before. Being completely honest with her about some sexual mistakes in my life is perhaps the worst thing any man could do. However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest.

After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc.

After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; busted my arse working 2 jobs (my day job and a Uber driver) to cover my credit card bills paying off quite abit of bills and avoided touching my wife's money as far as possible. Even then, she had continued on her tirade every now and then. Even to the point of telling me - to leave the house with my child.

Fast forward to 8yrs on. Just as I'd thought when things had settled down, she went on another crazy spree. One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work.

As for her, well...
1) She doesn't do the housework
2) She has never volunteered to pay for the child's bills at all.
3) She doesn't manage her own house admin - aka her income taxes, her insurance premiums, her Medisave contribution, etc.
4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly) and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!
10) She sprained her foot, insisted on going to work even though I kept telling not to, decided to go home in the middle of the night cos her foot was killing her, limped back home, started banging the door instead of opening it and when I woke up, she instantly gave me a slap.
11) I actively avoid calling her during the day as I know she will be asleep and wanted her to get some rest. But at night, its the reverse since she is working, so she'd wanna call me cos she is awake and working.

And now, she's threatening divorce because "I am not facing up to "the problem", not meeting her expectation and playing victim." and told me to just pack up with my child, return to my mother's and she's not going to fight for custody because "that's my daughter." And she can live however she like.

Sorry for the really long rant.

I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers.

In case u guys are wondering. No, she's not a sex worker. In the healthcare line.

It doesn't help when I had tolerated my MIL staying with us, her MIL being a cultist in JW, bad mouthing me to my daughter in front of me (but fortunately, my daughter's close to me) and to add insult to injury - I had helped her find an excellent tenant for her house, got a really good rental price to contribute to her retirement income, and she doesn't have to pay a single cent when I repaired quite abit of stuff that's falling apart in her house. I did took back the repair costs from her later, to the tune of $5000 (and I overdrafted my credit card on some months for those repairs and replacements!), my MIL started whining to her sisters within earshot of my wife who later confronted me why I took money from my MIL.

What do u think I shld do? Should I just initiate or wait for her to initiate? Or maybe just pray and hope she will die in a random accident and at least things won't end messily.

Seriously, other than the lack of sex (when u are too fucking tired to even fap and cum; much less sustain an erection) and a single deaf ear (cause of which is unknown, specialists I had visited claimed it may be stress), I am really wondering if she had just went too far and kept asking for divorce on slightest things.

1) However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest. -> Is/Was she completely honest with you as well? If no, you're looking at a flag, a big red flag. Anyway, talking abt body count. Women usually deflate their numbers and men do the opposite

2) After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc. -> From what I learnt abt women in general. When they are in a dissatisfied relationship. They will start shit whenever they can.

3) After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; - > You should NOT have a child with this woman in the 1st place. See pt 1 and 2.

4) One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work. -> She has ZERO respect for you as a man, husband and father.

5) As for her, well... Your pt 1 to 11. -> Hohoho, she's trying to milk you dry before pulling the plug.

6) I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers. -> Please for the love of god. Milk her back, she doesn't give 2 cents abt you. For her, you're less than a human. It's a case of either you or her. Please get your balls back for the love of god and yr child.

7)

7) 4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly)
and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been
paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!


You better keep a DETAILED record of all these expenses you forked out of yr own pocket. Bring them to a lawyer and file for divorce asap. If you wait till she file 1st, I am afraid it might break you. Divorces hurt men financially and emotionally MORE than women in general. Since she THREATENED you 1st. Better prep yourself and pull the trigger 1st and save yourself the hassle in the long run. Have some self respect. It's very common these days for SG women treat SG men like a potty. It's amazing you put up with it for 8 years. BTW, she's not insecure, she's DISSATISFIELD with YOU and the MARRIAGE.

Off the recorder: Which race do you belong to? And yr wife, race? local or foreign? Can pm me if you dont want to post it here.

[LooksLikeJesus]

Divorce is only the very last choice. :) Try sort it out if possible. Aim of a marriage is be old together.

Well, Just look at his expenses alone. if he persist. he will die a poor and broken man.

[Willamshakspear]

There is no problem that cannot be resolved. Nothing is impossible. It only takes mental strength of Will for action needed.

A)Problem with wife:- a companion for life is either an asset or a liability.

At face value, she looks like a liability to the family - she does not love you or her child, & is dissatisfied with seemingly every effort you put in the family to hold it together.


B)Problem with husband:- to be fair, it's only your side that is heard, & not her side of the story. It takes 2 to clap.

Women have biological issues that affects her psychologically, which men do not go thru, & thus men must understand what she is going thru. It is the menstrual cycle EACH month, & thus the mood swings. Some women handle it well, but most do not, & need an understanding man to help her thru.

When she agreed to marry you, she had certain expectations of you for a future together. One of them which most women want is companionship, in the ideal sense - 9 to 5 job, decent salary, cosy after work hrs together, weekends spent in leisure & an annual vacation.

As you hold a credit card, it proves you have an income above $3k a month, with savings for future, thus a decent salary. However, when you take on 2 jobs, it means she longer sees you, left alone at home after work hrs, space for mental suspicions to grow on what you are actually doing outside of home, even if no hanky panky on your side.

Daughters are often closer to Daddies than with Mummies, probably because men are more indulgent, & often not at home to be critically watching over her than the mummy, & misunderstandings happen with the mother, which eventually alienates both, & could be the cause why your wife may not be close to her daughter than the father.

Solution:-

Talk is cheap & easy, but sadly, it's the only solution left to save the marriage. Divorce is easy even if messy, but the pain & emptiness will be a scar for life.

Find a time when you & her mood are better, sit down & discuss about the future. Return back to the starting point when you met & decided to get married, & find out why - what made you commit to each other. Find that love that still resides deep in your hearts, & use it to rekindle that flame to light the path for the future of your family.

Financial security is critical, but it is NOT everything. Most family can do without many material things in life & yet find happiness with each other. Strategize your family's financial need - discard that which is beyond your means, & manage that which you day job can offer - WITHOUT taking on another job so that you will have more time with the family & with her. Being married is NOT being single all the time without a partner to share the day.

Such efforts will NOT be overnite change, but only over time if each give other space & time to change. We Humans can no longer change the past, but we can still change the future, if the will power & love for the family still exists.

All the best to you. :)

[pitabooom]

you listed many points esp. financial part. hope you can back it up in court. :)

Oh man, if i can say it out, u betcha ur balls i can back it up.

[pitabooom]

1) However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest. -> Is/Was she completely honest with you as well? If no, you're looking at a flag, a big red flag. Anyway, talking abt body count. Women usually deflate their numbers and men do the opposite

2) After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc. -> From what I learnt abt women in general. When they are in a dissatisfied relationship. They will start shit whenever they can.

3) After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; - > You should NOT have a child with this woman in the 1st place. See pt 1 and 2.

4) One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work. -> She has ZERO respect for you as a man, husband and father.

5) As for her, well... Your pt 1 to 11. -> Hohoho, she's trying to milk you dry before pulling the plug.

6) I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers. -> Please for the love of god. Milk her back, she doesn't give 2 cents abt you. For her, you're less than a human. It's a case of either you or her. Please get your balls back for the love of god and yr child.

7)

7) 4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly)
and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been
paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!


You better keep a DETAILED record of all these expenses you forked out of yr own pocket. Bring them to a lawyer and file for divorce asap. If you wait till she file 1st, I am afraid it might break you. Divorces hurt men financially and emotionally MORE than women in general. Since she THREATENED you 1st. Better prep yourself and pull the trigger 1st and save yourself the hassle in the long run. Have some self respect. It's very common these days for SG women treat SG men like a potty. It's amazing you put up with it for 8 years. BTW, she's not insecure, she's DISSATISFIELD with YOU and the MARRIAGE.

Off the recorder: Which race do you belong to? And yr wife, race? local or foreign? Can pm me if you dont want to post it here.

Chinese, Singaporean. If u are so keen to know.

[pitabooom]

Anyway, despite my best effort today. Still met with stony silence from her as she did not respond to any of my words at all when she woke up and prepped to go work.

For concerned bros who want me to make a pre-emptive strike, I had already sought the counsel of a lawyer. Female lawyer if anyone is keen to know. But she's not emotional at that, a tough cookie cutter who straight up gives me facts to the face and what to do. It was really enlightening given that she is really experienced and handled shiat like this. An hour well spent indeed.

Despite all the shiat, I have little intention of actually serving my spouse papers and seize the bull by its horns. I still wanna save the marriage if anything and I really hoped that I would nt need to seek the services of my lawyer and our little session is only up to that point. She hopes the same way too. But its just to get professional opinion so that I know I will not have my back to the wall if my spouse were to push me. I had built a door and if my spouse were to keep pushing, all I need to do is to open the back door and walk away.

Somehow, in times like these, it is a little comforting hearing from my child that she wants to marry me and actually drawing it out. In normal times, anyone would be creeped out. But I guess its kids way of expressing that highest level of love they have for their father.

I'll just gather whatever I could based on what my counsel tells me to. So on the assumption she decides to fire the first shot, I can counterclaim as a defendant with solid evidences of finances, etc in a explicitly short time.

Granted that divorces are still very adversarial and we can't even divorce on "irreconcilable differences" now. But I'll just spend the time just gathering stuff.

She expects a man at her beck and call. Unfortunately, its been 8yrs and no man can tahan this long. Yah, it had gotten to the point of me covering for her (even in housework), that my child forgets and calls me Mummy at times.

[Willamshakspear]

Give it time, brother. No change is gonna come overnite. Just be yourself, with a willingness to not just talk, but to act with understandings too. Actions will always be louder than words.

She is a Singaporean woman too, & they too are educated. It will take time to sink in. Furthermore, being a health worker in this terrible covid era would have taken a toll on her mentality. While most of us will live with this endemic courageously, the chances of her being infected is far higher than most, & seeing suffering mostly of the elderly, would have affected her mentality & mortality even if she is not in the risk group of 1%, being young.

We men are mostly mentally stronger than women. Be there for her, not by words, but by actions of love, the love that made both of you commit to each other.

Divorce may just be a word, but it comes with many, many PRACTICAL considerations, especially for men, not just financially but emotionally broken too. For the Sporean women, they may have financial security after a divorce, but with age catching up, looks & mentality will fade, & her options for a lifelong partner is far far limited than a SYT.

None needs to suffer. No Human is born to be lonely, more so after when we each experienced unconditional love in its purest form by parents, which can be duplicated in degrees to another that we seek to further the journey of life...

[larue]

Love her, go for counselling.

Don't love her, go for divorce.

It will be very difficult adjusting to a life without seeing your daughter as often as you do now, unless you get C&C, and rest assured your child will be weaponised against you. It will be very bad.

[LooksLikeJesus]

Anyway, despite my best effort today. Still met with stony silence from her as she did not respond to any of my words at all when she woke up and prepped to go work.

For concerned bros who want me to make a pre-emptive strike, I had already sought the counsel of a lawyer. Female lawyer if anyone is keen to know. But she's not emotional at that, a tough cookie cutter who straight up gives me facts to the face and what to do. It was really enlightening given that she is really experienced and handled shiat like this. An hour well spent indeed.

Despite all the shiat, I have little intention of actually serving my spouse papers and seize the bull by its horns. I still wanna save the marriage if anything and I really hoped that I would nt need to seek the services of my lawyer and our little session is only up to that point. She hopes the same way too. But its just to get professional opinion so that I know I will not have my back to the wall if my spouse were to push me. I had built a door and if my spouse were to keep pushing, all I need to do is to open the back door and walk away.

Somehow, in times like these, it is a little comforting hearing from my child that she wants to marry me and actually drawing it out. In normal times, anyone would be creeped out. But I guess its kids way of expressing that highest level of love they have for their father.

I'll just gather whatever I could based on what my counsel tells me to. So on the assumption she decides to fire the first shot, I can counterclaim as a defendant with solid evidences of finances, etc in a explicitly short time.

Granted that divorces are still very adversarial and we can't even divorce on "irreconcilable differences" now. But I'll just spend the time just gathering stuff.

She expects a man at her beck and call. Unfortunately, its been 8yrs and no man can tahan this long. Yah, it had gotten to the point of me covering for her (even in housework), that my child forgets and calls me Mummy at times.

Think you more or less have an idea on what to do. My guess, you're here to see with any of the views fits yours.

But my opinion still stands. I rather be the bad guy than the victim. Coz SG society is a gynocentric society. They dont pity male victims. Since you already made up yr mind, anymore words from me is kinda pointless. I pity yr child too. I know how it feels for the child, coz i got a shitty mother as well. Now, I am just waiting for her to die asap tbh. All the best for you then.

[pitabooom]

Think you more or less have an idea on what to do. My guess, you're here to see with any of the views fits yours.
Yes and no.

I do have an idea on what to do if the push becomes a shove. But also posting here to vent steam (since she doesn't come here) and also to see what other bros would had done in my circumstances.

It takes a man to know a man's feelings.

I don't mind tanking things for her - bills, doing housework, etc. in fact, I had earlier realized that doing 2 jobs was so detrimental and exhausting to the point it put my clients at risk that I'd decided to stop. But personally, all I want is just a level of understanding and support from her just as I am supporting her right now.

She needs to go overseas trip with her patient (yah, I had seen her patient and her family)? Ok, please go. Take the time, breathe in the air of another country. Take a breather away from Singapore.

Reached home hungry and tired? Bed's prepped, food's ready. You could sit down, stretch your hand out and food's nicely plated for u.

Wanna trash talk others in personal capacity to vent? I'll listen. Maybe join in with the trash talking to validate what she's thinking. Don't particularly enjoy it.

After 8yrs of giving and hardly receiving (even though I had mentioned explicitly that I do not need new stuff and she should just save up instead of being a spendthrift, all I'd heard over the years are that "money's mine. Can u let me do something I enjoy?"), I have an idea how and what many Japanese Housewives are feeling. No, not the JAV kind where the female lead's constantly horny. But that whole, "Please show me an equal measure of love!" feels.

But my opinion still stands. I rather be the bad guy than the victim. Coz SG society is a gynocentric society. They dont pity male victims. Since you already made up yr mind, anymore words from me is kinda pointless. I pity yr child too. I know how it feels for the child, coz i got a shitty mother as well. Now, I am just waiting for her to die asap tbh. All the best for you then.

Short of hoping she will die in an accident (well, I guess she'll outlive me), my second hope would be she'd wake up her idea and be that kind of Mother that would live up to basic standards instead of a mediocre one.

[BedGuy]

Oh man, if i can say it out, u betcha ur balls i can back it up.

I really salute you bro. Wah lan eh you can really tahan and suffer for 8 years. This wife is from hell. Like the saying marriage is for better or for worse. If i were you i bye bye her asap.

[Willamshakspear]

my second hope would be she'd wake up her idea and be that kind of Mother that would live up to basic standards instead of a mediocre one.

What is lacking in a marriage is often COMMUNICATIONS. No mortal is perfect, nor think alike, or can read minds. Thus it is important to communicate with each other & spend quality time together. Marriage is a shared journey together.

While we mortals have no super power of the comics or movie kind, we DO have a gift - the power to influence another. It is not magic. It is just simply communications & patience, to steer one from another's path. It will not work overnite, but only over time.

Understand her needs & wants, & understand yours as well. A thousand battles fought, a thousand won, once you can slowly, at the right moments, not during heated arguments, & over time, you would have guided her to a better path for the future of your family.

We can easily give up, as most do, but it comes with consequences of practical realities over singlehood or single parent. There is no good or bad consequences, but realities to accept & for sustainability of life till old age. The journey of life is far better shared than alone.

No being promised life will be a bed of roses daily. There will always be challenges daily, to courageously confront & not hide, or cover it under the floor mat, in order to live not just for oneself, but loved ones too.

[Humpy Dumpty]

Sorry to hear of your circumstances.

However, it seems like a great situation for your wife to be in.

Housework is all done, no need to contribute financially, no need to help raise daughter, you can be at her beck and call...

It doesn't seem like she respects any of the responsibilities which typically come with raising a family or fostering a marriage. That is very self-centered.

I see you have tried your best to do what would objectively improve the relationship. I don't think anyone can doubt you in trying to improve the situation.

However, if I may make a point so as to hopefully provide some insight from my point of view, I see that ironically your actions of compensating for her lack of contributions over the years has probably actually reinforced her bad behaviors. The more badly she treats your marriage/family, the more the ideal the situation becomes for her. She is actually being rewarded for her bad behavior. I say this as an observation and not a criticism of the past as I'm sure you did what you thought you needed to do to get your family/marriage through the difficulties. It is also not to excuse her behavior and neglect of your marriage and family life in the first place.

I think if you are to make it work, you must regain your own authority and power back, in order to balance your relationship, in order to save it. This means you need to stop rewarding her for her neglect.

See your relationship as a bike along a road, without balance, the bike can't go straight. Both parties need to give and take to keep the bike balanced, to keep it moving forward. One party pulls the weight of the other for too long the bike ends turning off center, if you do this for too long you end up moving in circles and eventually everyone falls off. It's not a healthy environment to be going in circles and people will be hurt when you fall off. You both must make it more balanced as it sounds like if you continue, it is inevitable that the bike is headed for a big crash. If you both know this, it will allow you to take drastic and difficult action to avoid a crash.

I hope you find a way through it. I think you have lots of worth both as a father and a husband. Your spouse should not feel entitled to take it for granted. If not, maybe you are better riding the bike without her, or even with someone new. Best of luck!

[pitabooom]

Sorry to hear of your circumstances.

However, it seems like a great situation for your wife to be in.

Housework is all done, no need to contribute financially, no need to help raise daughter, you can be at her beck and call...

It doesn't seem like she respects any of the responsibilities which typically come with raising a family or fostering a marriage. That is very self-centered.
I am not sure if I am trying to justify for her if I say "it prob stems from unknown childhood trauma or she's raised on single parent system."

We all have our (not too glorious) histories (past or present). I am not a saint and I do not intend to be one. But in the interest of re-starting and rewriting history for our child, I'd really want to make things work.

I see you have tried your best to do what would objectively improve the relationship. I don't think anyone can doubt you in trying to improve the situation.

However, if I may make a point so as to hopefully provide some insight from my point of view, I see that ironically your actions of compensating for her lack of contributions over the years has probably actually reinforced her bad behaviors. The more badly she treats your marriage/family, the more the ideal the situation becomes for her. She is actually being rewarded for her bad behavior. I say this as an observation and not a criticism of the past as I'm sure you did what you thought you needed to do to get your family/marriage through the difficulties. It is also not to excuse her behavior and neglect of your marriage and family life in the first place.

I think if you are to make it work, you must regain your own authority and power back, in order to balance your relationship, in order to save it. This means you need to stop rewarding her for her neglect.
That whole "parenting" thing with bad kids concept right? Whilst it is easier to shape a kid before they hit 10yrs old when mindsets jell and set, its much harder to re-shape preset thoughts in an adult.

You could probably say, I am the equivalent of a helpless mother who can do nothing but hang my arms while her son screams, kicks and bangs his head against the ground. But the mum couldn't leave her son out of love for her

Yup. I am a failure at that.

See your relationship as a bike along a road, without balance, the bike can't go straight. Both parties need to give and take to keep the bike balanced, to keep it moving forward. One party pulls the weight of the other for too long the bike ends turning off center, if you do this for too long you end up moving in circles and eventually everyone falls off. It's not a healthy environment to be going in circles and people will be hurt when you fall off. You both must make it more balanced as it sounds like if you continue, it is inevitable that the bike is headed for a big crash. If you both know this, it will allow you to take drastic and difficult action to avoid a crash.

I hope you find a way through it. I think you have lots of worth both as a father and a husband. Your spouse should not feel entitled to take it for granted. If not, maybe you are better riding the bike without her, or even with someone new. Best of luck!

Thanks for the really sound advice.

From earlier posts - communications does seem to be the key. I mean, she's not stupid and she probably can register pretty high on the IQ score if she wants. After all, I believe I did addressed her sense of extreme insecurity from a monologue with her in the car.

Trying to keep my mental self without going mental.

[LooksLikeJesus]

"I am not sure if I am trying to justify for her if I say "it prob stems from unknown childhood trauma or she's raised on single parent system."


------------> Avoid such men and women like a plague. My effing mother is from such backgrd. Her only saving grace was, she was pretty. And my father is a cuck.

Children/Adults from such backgrd are known to be problematic in most cases. This is well documented in the west. It can range anything from Domestic abuse, child abuse, narcotics to full fledged psychopath (eg: Ted Bundy)

I am genuinely surprised a lot of Singaporeans Chinese Men still stick to the notion of married till forever (even if it means the end of me, aka kampong thinking. Not implying you, OP). Things have CHANGED and we have to adapt to times. This is not Surabaya, Indonesia.

[fallen11]

Love her, go for counselling.

Don't love her, go for divorce.

It will be very difficult adjusting to a life without seeing your daughter as often as you do now, unless you get C&C, and rest assured your child will be weaponised against you. It will be very bad.

love or not
also go for counselling
Even want to divorce, also need to build up your case for more favourable outcomes. Court will consider the fact that you have made efforts to save the marriage before.

[Pictionary]

Yes and no.

I do have an idea on what to do if the push becomes a shove. But also posting here to vent steam (since she doesn't come here) and also to see what other bros would had done in my circumstances.

It takes a man to know a man's feelings.

I don't mind tanking things for her - bills, doing housework, etc. in fact, I had earlier realized that doing 2 jobs was so detrimental and exhausting to the point it put my clients at risk that I'd decided to stop. But personally, all I want is just a level of understanding and support from her just as I am supporting her right now.

She needs to go overseas trip with her patient (yah, I had seen her patient and her family)? Ok, please go. Take the time, breathe in the air of another country. Take a breather away from Singapore.

Reached home hungry and tired? Bed's prepped, food's ready. You could sit down, stretch your hand out and food's nicely plated for u.

Wanna trash talk others in personal capacity to vent? I'll listen. Maybe join in with the trash talking to validate what she's thinking. Don't particularly enjoy it.

After 8yrs of giving and hardly receiving (even though I had mentioned explicitly that I do not need new stuff and she should just save up instead of being a spendthrift, all I'd heard over the years are that "money's mine. Can u let me do something I enjoy?"), I have an idea how and what many Japanese Housewives are feeling. No, not the JAV kind where the female lead's constantly horny. But that whole, "Please show me an equal measure of love!" feels.



Short of hoping she will die in an accident (well, I guess she'll outlive me), my second hope would be she'd wake up her idea and be that kind of Mother that would live up to basic standards instead of a mediocre one.
It's weary to understand your host of problems. And u are asking the wrong people and following blindly.

I am not frens with fallen11 and peanadood. However u should seek both of their advices. I am not going to read, understand and provide advices further. This forum should be leisure reading, not painful reading.

[Willamshakspear]

love or not
also go for counselling
Even want to divorce, also need to build up your case for more favourable outcomes. Court will consider the fact that you have made efforts to save the marriage before.

Counselling is good. Most official counsellors do have good hearts, but the drawback is that they will not know both your life history enough, in depth, nor the time to do so. Some are even so jaded that based upon face value, they will relay what a divorce lawyer will say - the consequences & then make that choice.

It's like the investment field. Most would place their life savings on a Broker, who claims he is the best, with records to show you, but only the wins & NOT the losses. It's a job to him - he earns commission.

However, it is YOUR life savings. Win or lose, the Broker loses nothing. If you win, good for you. But if he lost it all, it's only YOUR savings, not his. He simply pats the dust off his backside & leave you to come to grips on the lost of your life savings. Investments have its up & downs, he will tell you. It's your choice after all, as he did not put a gun to your head & force you to invest.

The best investor is & WILL always be yourself. It's your life savings. All it takes is MORE understanding, education & trial runs with small amounts 1st, to learn, then when you are confident enough with market study, then proceed to bigger amounts.

Similarly in life, YOU are the best counsellor for your marriage, as YOU know 1st hand from day 1 till today in the relationship with your wife - her every needs as well as yours. As no 2 human will think alike or can read mind, communications is akin to learning, from each other, to progress the relationship for a better future, taking baby steps first, with patience, before proceeding to the next level. It only needs patience & time.

Her calls of Divorce or seemingly indifference to household chores ( as you earn a decent salary & both have different work times, thus there may be a maid to tidy up after you both at home) may not be real, as common with women who says yes but mean no, but only a cry or a plea that there is something wrong in the relationship & needs to improve. You will need to find a good & quiet time with her to draw out the depths & real meaning of such cries, to improve or compromise for a preferable future for you both & kid, they way you both used to do before marriage, sharing hopes & dreams for a future together, under the moon on a bench facing the endless sea at East Coast Park...

Most easily quit & think their next relationship will be better. They are mistaken. Humans are not robots or slaves. It will need patience & time to build a relationship. If they have none of such, then life will be revolving door of women till money runs out or old age, unless one is a tycoon, then they can easily change partners everyday, but then, tycoons became rich by saving, not throwing money or relationships away.

[Pictionary]

Counselling is good. Most official counsellors do have good hearts, but the drawback is that they will not know both your life history enough, in depth, nor the time to do so. Some are even so jaded that based upon face value, they will relay what a divorce lawyer will say - the consequences & then make that choice.

It's like the investment field. Most would place their life savings on a Broker, who claims he is the best, with records to show you, but only the wins & NOT the losses. It's a job to him - he earns commission.

However, it is YOUR life savings. Win or lose, the Broker loses nothing. If you win, good for you. But if he lost it all, it's only YOUR savings, not his. He simply pats the dust off his backside & leave you to come to grips on the lost of your life savings. Investments have its up & downs, he will tell you. It's your choice after all, as he did not put a gun to your head & force you to invest.

The best investor is & WILL always be yourself. It's your life savings. All it takes is MORE understanding, education & trial runs with small amounts 1st, to learn, then when you are confident enough with market study, then proceed to bigger amounts.

Similarly in life, YOU are the best counsellor for your marriage, as YOU know 1st hand from day 1 till today in the relationship with your wife - her every needs as well as yours. As no 2 human will think alike or can read mind, communications is akin to learning, from each other, to progress the relationship for a better future, taking baby steps first, with patience, before proceeding to the next level. It only needs patience & time.

Her calls of Divorce or seemingly indifference to household chores ( as you earn a decent salary & both have different work times, thus there may be a maid to tidy up after you both at home) may not be real, as common with women who says yes but mean no, but only a cry or a plea that there is something wrong in the relationship & needs to improve. You will need to find a good & quiet time with her to draw out the depths & real meaning of such cries, to improve or compromise for a preferable future for you both & kid, they way you both used to do before marriage, sharing hopes & dreams for a future together, under the moon on a bench facing the endless sea at East Coast Park...

Most easily quit & think their next relationship will be better. They are mistaken. Humans are not robots or slaves. It will need patience & time to build a relationship. If they have none of such, then life will be revolving door of women till money runs out or old age, unless one is a tycoon, then they can easily change partners everyday, but then, tycoons became rich by saving, not throwing money or relationships away.
From the way i look at it, TS is holding a lousy job. How on earth he can do a day job and night job in one goal? It's most probably a full day job with little or no intellect. And healthcare might be a factory job????

Yes, it is very hurting for TS. Just minimise the emotional damages.

Due to my job nature, i need to practically hands-on a bit of database. But customers say this is programming. Squirrel language is a form of programming too. What loads of rubbish..... what to do?????

Let's not continue our conversation further and better kill the interest of this discussion asap. I need to take a break and study a bit later on. If dun learn, then how to work and how to earn more money?????

[sbwow]

And now, she's threatening divorce because "I am not facing up to "the problem", not meeting her expectation and playing victim." and told me to just pack up with my child, return to my mother's and she's not going to fight for custody because "that's my daughter." And she can live however she like.


What is the problem she is mentioning regarding bolded text, and what is the expectation here?

Did you overpromise before marriage and unable to fulfill that now?

[supershaft]

Its crazy that I have to turn here to vent and get things outta my chest. Married for 8yrs with 1 kid.

During the initial phase of relationship, my gf knew I had other girls before. Being completely honest with her about some sexual mistakes in my life is perhaps the worst thing any man could do. However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest.

After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc.

After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; busted my arse working 2 jobs (my day job and a Uber driver) to cover my credit card bills paying off quite abit of bills and avoided touching my wife's money as far as possible. Even then, she had continued on her tirade every now and then. Even to the point of telling me - to leave the house with my child.

Fast forward to 8yrs on. Just as I'd thought when things had settled down, she went on another crazy spree. One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work.

As for her, well...
1) She doesn't do the housework
2) She has never volunteered to pay for the child's bills at all.
3) She doesn't manage her own house admin - aka her income taxes, her insurance premiums, her Medisave contribution, etc.
4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly) and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!
10) She sprained her foot, insisted on going to work even though I kept telling not to, decided to go home in the middle of the night cos her foot was killing her, limped back home, started banging the door instead of opening it and when I woke up, she instantly gave me a slap.
11) I actively avoid calling her during the day as I know she will be asleep and wanted her to get some rest. But at night, its the reverse since she is working, so she'd wanna call me cos she is awake and working.

And now, she's threatening divorce because "I am not facing up to "the problem", not meeting her expectation and playing victim." and told me to just pack up with my child, return to my mother's and she's not going to fight for custody because "that's my daughter." And she can live however she like.

Sorry for the really long rant.

I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers.

In case u guys are wondering. No, she's not a sex worker. In the healthcare line.

It doesn't help when I had tolerated my MIL staying with us, her MIL being a cultist in JW, bad mouthing me to my daughter in front of me (but fortunately, my daughter's close to me) and to add insult to injury - I had helped her find an excellent tenant for her house, got a really good rental price to contribute to her retirement income, and she doesn't have to pay a single cent when I repaired quite abit of stuff that's falling apart in her house. I did took back the repair costs from her later, to the tune of $5000 (and I overdrafted my credit card on some months for those repairs and replacements!), my MIL started whining to her sisters within earshot of my wife who later confronted me why I took money from my MIL.

What do u think I shld do? Should I just initiate or wait for her to initiate? Or maybe just pray and hope she will die in a random accident and at least things won't end messily.

Seriously, other than the lack of sex (when u are too fucking tired to even fap and cum; much less sustain an erection) and a single deaf ear (cause of which is unknown, specialists I had visited claimed it may be stress), I am really wondering if she had just went too far and kept asking for divorce on slightest things.


Sorry to hear tat.. but to be brutally honest, basically ur fate is sealed. Even if u think that escape route via divorce will set u free, u will not be. Financially u will be drained till point of no return.

SO what u can do now is to pray day n night that u r fit enough to continue working till retirement age as your liabilities are too much to take a breather from work.

Smart women will fast fast get married before their expiry date is over. Imagine a BBFA wifu keep ordering you around beck n call like a slave till ur last breath. Sad but hard truth in sg context.

[bignehneh]

Step 1 try to look at your finances
Step 2 talk to your wife (is she Singaporean)

If you don’t do 1-2 properly, later will land into financial issues

[Willamshakspear]

The insignificant nobody me do agree that finances play an important role in marriage for sustainability as well in the decision to divorce.

Singapore's judicial system is balanced & fair. While it may seem to protect women in divorce proceedings, equally it will not burden the man, as the judge will seek to study the husband & wife's financial situation for sustainability, before awarding any claims.

In our male dominated World, the man has far more opportunities in jobs & career development even right up to old age, but for women, not all but most, they have a shelf life, no matter how much she can earn while young. The maintenance obtained from the man is to support her, so that she can sustain life for herself & not be left abandoned after a vow & oath made at marriage is broken now by the husband.

However, money is NOT everything. Although it is said without money, everything becomes nothing, it will be a sad day when money is the only equation in a marriage, more so in Singapore when opportunities abound for all & none goes hungry.

What most women want from a husband is just to be loved, a 9 to 5 job, a decent salary for sustainability, & companionship for life. Most are educated Singaporeans & knows it is useless to compare with others. With high salaries comes higher sacrifices to the family which will be detrimental to her desires such as shorter time spent together, overseas biz trips, etc.

Sometimes, perhaps when the wife is stressed out at work or with her menstrual cycles, the husband will have to have patience, to calmly talk to her, remind her & bring her down with REALITIES to accept, for a vow of love made at marriage, to discuss & find solutions or compromises together to achieve a goal in the journey of life together.

Reason & logic, when presented properly, over patience & time, will always win, even with the seemingly mental, & most are sane. The only insane ones are already in mental hospitals or under medication to stay sane.

[Ladyrain]

It takes two hands to clap. Only stay in the marriage if everyone plays their part well in front of your child.
In your case, it is unhealthy for your precious daughter to witness hostilities within family, much less for another family member to gossip about her father to her.
Why are you putting yourself through such agony? What exactly are you holding on for?
In my opinion, the faster you end the marriage and take your child, the better it is for your mental health and for your child.
It is better for your girl to live with a happy and loving father than for her to grow up in a broken family, one that she keep hearing her mother say how much she don't want her.
Leave. You are better than that

[BoLiang]

you knew what you were in for when you sign the cert and lasted that long. Hoped the sex was good and worth it. Else, such women needs to be thumbed down and shown her place.

Every cornered dog will bite and it is just a matter of time when you retaliate. You dont need bros here to teach you.

[bignehneh]

Its crazy that I have to turn here to vent and get things outta my chest. Married for 8yrs with 1 kid.

During the initial phase of relationship, my gf knew I had other girls before. Being completely honest with her about some sexual mistakes in my life is perhaps the worst thing any man could do. However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest.

After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc.

After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; busted my arse working 2 jobs (my day job and a Uber driver) to cover my credit card bills paying off quite abit of bills and avoided touching my wife's money as far as possible. Even then, she had continued on her tirade every now and then. Even to the point of telling me - to leave the house with my child.

Fast forward to 8yrs on. Just as I'd thought when things had settled down, she went on another crazy spree. One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work.

As for her, well...
1) She doesn't do the housework
2) She has never volunteered to pay for the child's bills at all.
3) She doesn't manage her own house admin - aka her income taxes, her insurance premiums, her Medisave contribution, etc.
4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly) and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!
10) She sprained her foot, insisted on going to work even though I kept telling not to, decided to go home in the middle of the night cos her foot was killing her, limped back home, started banging the door instead of opening it and when I woke up, she instantly gave me a slap.
11) I actively avoid calling her during the day as I know she will be asleep and wanted her to get some rest. But at night, its the reverse since she is working, so she'd wanna call me cos she is awake and working.

And now, she's threatening divorce because "I am not facing up to "the problem", not meeting her expectation and playing victim." and told me to just pack up with my child, return to my mother's and she's not going to fight for custody because "that's my daughter." And she can live however she like.

Sorry for the really long rant.

I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers.

In case u guys are wondering. No, she's not a sex worker. In the healthcare line.

It doesn't help when I had tolerated my MIL staying with us, her MIL being a cultist in JW, bad mouthing me to my daughter in front of me (but fortunately, my daughter's close to me) and to add insult to injury - I had helped her find an excellent tenant for her house, got a really good rental price to contribute to her retirement income, and she doesn't have to pay a single cent when I repaired quite abit of stuff that's falling apart in her house. I did took back the repair costs from her later, to the tune of $5000 (and I overdrafted my credit card on some months for those repairs and replacements!), my MIL started whining to her sisters within earshot of my wife who later confronted me why I took money from my MIL.

What do u think I shld do? Should I just initiate or wait for her to initiate? Or maybe just pray and hope she will die in a random accident and at least things won't end messily.

Seriously, other than the lack of sex (when u are too fucking tired to even fap and cum; much less sustain an erection) and a single deaf ear (cause of which is unknown, specialists I had visited claimed it may be stress), I am really wondering if she had just went too far and kept asking for divorce on slightest things.

Is she a nurse? Usually they compare their husband success to a doctor. But how you manage to marry her in the first place?

[talkingman]

The outcome is obvious. Dump her.;)

[Greenfrog]

Divorce is only the very last choice. :) Try sort it out if possible. Aim of a marriage is be old together.

bro , did u read what TS wrote?

his wife slap him leh... for something trivial .

[demonhunter]

10) She sprained her foot, insisted on going to work even though I kept telling not to, decided to go home in the middle of the night cos her foot was killing her, limped back home, started banging the door instead of opening it and when I woke up, she instantly gave me a slap.
.

I would have organised a gangbang session for her .

:cool:

[bignehneh]

I would have organised a gangbang session for her .

:cool:

Haha! Sad life

[cornporn]

Its crazy that I have to turn here to vent and get things outta my chest. Married for 8yrs with 1 kid.

Take my opinion with alot of salt coz i only hear one side of story ah.

psychologically, i believe its about whether the person she marries can provide her with everything she needs without working. selfish. base on what you say she not contributing much. doesnt even regard the daughter as her own. so from the details of the marriage, she and her side of the family only wants money for good life.

my suggestion, if base on what u say is true , dont wait. just divorce. since u say she bring it up so many times. give her what she wants. she never initiate the divorce i can think of two reasons. you find lawyer u pay. another reason you initiate the divorce she play the victim card so she dont look bad. that's why she keep mentioning but no action. 1. she dont look bad infront of others, 2. as much as you dont bring in alot of money, there is still a degree of financial dependancy on you such as your cpf paying the house, u paying the utilities, the car.

no point dragging on. harm you and your daughter more. end this and move on build a better life for you and your daughter

[demonhunter]

Haha! Sad life

If only you knew .....


:D

[Garage1]

any updates to the saga bro?
hang in there

[JacqueMerlin]

Its crazy that I have to turn here to vent and get things outta my chest. Married for 8yrs with 1 kid.

During the initial phase of relationship, my gf knew I had other girls before. Being completely honest with her about some sexual mistakes in my life is perhaps the worst thing any man could do. However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest.

After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc.

After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; busted my arse working 2 jobs (my day job and a Uber driver) to cover my credit card bills paying off quite abit of bills and avoided touching my wife's money as far as possible. Even then, she had continued on her tirade every now and then. Even to the point of telling me - to leave the house with my child.

Fast forward to 8yrs on. Just as I'd thought when things had settled down, she went on another crazy spree. One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work.

As for her, well...
1) She doesn't do the housework
2) She has never volunteered to pay for the child's bills at all.
3) She doesn't manage her own house admin - aka her income taxes, her insurance premiums, her Medisave contribution, etc.
4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly) and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!
10) She sprained her foot, insisted on going to work even though I kept telling not to, decided to go home in the middle of the night cos her foot was killing her, limped back home, started banging the door instead of opening it and when I woke up, she instantly gave me a slap.
11) I actively avoid calling her during the day as I know she will be asleep and wanted her to get some rest. But at night, its the reverse since she is working, so she'd wanna call me cos she is awake and working.

And now, she's threatening divorce because "I am not facing up to "the problem", not meeting her expectation and playing victim." and told me to just pack up with my child, return to my mother's and she's not going to fight for custody because "that's my daughter." And she can live however she like.

Sorry for the really long rant.

I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers.

In case u guys are wondering. No, she's not a sex worker. In the healthcare line.

It doesn't help when I had tolerated my MIL staying with us, her MIL being a cultist in JW, bad mouthing me to my daughter in front of me (but fortunately, my daughter's close to me) and to add insult to injury - I had helped her find an excellent tenant for her house, got a really good rental price to contribute to her retirement income, and she doesn't have to pay a single cent when I repaired quite abit of stuff that's falling apart in her house. I did took back the repair costs from her later, to the tune of $5000 (and I overdrafted my credit card on some months for those repairs and replacements!), my MIL started whining to her sisters within earshot of my wife who later confronted me why I took money from my MIL.

What do u think I shld do? Should I just initiate or wait for her to initiate? Or maybe just pray and hope she will die in a random accident and at least things won't end messily.

Seriously, other than the lack of sex (when u are too fucking tired to even fap and cum; much less sustain an erection) and a single deaf ear (cause of which is unknown, specialists I had visited claimed it may be stress), I am really wondering if she had just went too far and kept asking for divorce on slightest things.

Let me guess... China?

Anyway, you are royally screwed. I hope she is not a citizen yet.
Please pack your bags and move out with your daughter to your mother's place. Talk to your mother and let her know about your problems. Don't let your wife know. Just pack and move out suddenly. Kick her out of your life and take care of your daughter. You can proceed for a divorce after 2 years while staying separately. This 2 years will enforce the fact that your ex wife had not paid a single thing for the kid to prevent her from demanding maintenance from you.

DO NOT and I REPEAT: DO NOT apply citizenship for her.