What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagable?

[akapat]

What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagable?

To be honest, its quite a total loss. Mind went blank. How you guys deal with the aftermath?

Seem like divorced is never going to be peaceful...

[needforboobs]

What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagable?

To be honest, its quite a total loss. Mind went blank. How you guys deal with the aftermath?

Seem like divorced is never going to be peaceful...

There is no easy way to deal with it, you just have to see through it till its settled. Having a channel for the energy and vent frustration helps. Whoring helps. Married or divorce, life goes on...

[MoeLanYong]

TS,
Read some of your posts. Kinda sad. Move on and live for your kids ba

[kim-seng-heng]

Divorce la.....if not u be suffering like in living hell.

[Steventan]

What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagable?

To be honest, its quite a total loss. Mind went blank. How you guys deal with the aftermath?

Seem like divorced is never going to be peaceful...

It may be inevitable; but take it positively.

[RTTO]

What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagable?

To be honest, its quite a total loss. Mind went blank. How you guys deal with the aftermath?

Seem like divorced is never going to be peaceful...

Bro TS, read my story if you haven't done so.... hopefully can help.

https://www.sammyboyforum.info/showthread.php?t=676342

[JacqueMerlin]

Bro TS, read my story if you haven't done so.... hopefully can help.

https://www.sammyboyforum.info/showthread.php?t=676342

Your story did not inspire me but rather reminded me of the pain i endured. My ex wife believes it is her rightg to fuck around and keep her options open even after marriage. She cannot accept infidelity on my part but yet she feels it is ok for her. Her beliefs in the womens charter empowers her to brandish her double standards. I was suicidal for a long time until someone introduced me to sammyboyforum.

Eventually she found another man again quite expectedly and demanded a divorce with a lot of money. I negotiated and cut my losses. Divorced and walked out of the torturing marriage. I have remarried but this time to another girl of different background. She treated me very well and with respect. But my attitude towards marriage has forever been changed. Fidelity seems like a liability instead.

The women's charter is very damaging and ruin lives.

[swiftrunner]

I cannot say much but I experience the betrayal part at different stages of life. May you find peace.

Now whenever I get into a new relationship is like....

https://www.facebook.com/Anowa/videos/10156438374029893

https://www.facebook.com/Anowa/videos/10156438374029893/

[HelloAngel]

I felt relieved when my papers were done. Since after counseling and nothing changed, why live life being unhappy? Married or divorced, life goes on. My son stays with me and we are all happier. But I am opp. My ex demanded a bigger share of the matrimonial home and I was too tired to fight. His child maintenance is below $300 and I have to work hard for the sake of my child. Not all marriages are meant to last forever. Life is such. Embrace it n be happy.

[POP69]

Better then now then keep dragging on n prolong the pain. Mine after drag n fight in court for 4 long years before both of us sign the paper.

[peanodood1337]

Initially? Despair. Subsequently? At peace - because I knew I gave it my best shot and if it didn't work out, there was nothing I could do about it anyway.

To the depressed bros out there, you only got one life man. You might miss the next train while moping around. Don't give up on yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, who would?

Simple mantra that got me past my worst days:

Don't like it? Change it.
Can't change it? Lean to accept it.

Good luck!

[merelyevil]

in singapore once you get married you basically hand your balls over to her
thats the way the woman charter works....
lawyers have weighed in on this issue, essentially the legal advice is dun get married
that being said, if really cannot salvage, try to end amicably lor, if divorce get good lawyers

[WarPig]

in singapore once you get married you basically hand your balls over to her
thats the way the woman charter works....
lawyers have weighed in on this issue, essentially the legal advice is dun get married
that being said, if really cannot salvage, try to end amicably lor, if divorce get good lawyers

Some lawyers themselves have been screwed by the Women's Charter too.
Even though they know the law inside out..... but were still unable to extricate themselves from the tentacles of the horrible Women's Charter.

So the best solution and wisest thing to do is never to get married in Singapore.

[YELLOW]

sigh regret regret regret

[MoeLanYong]

Some lawyers themselves have been screwed by the Women's Charter too.
Even though they know the law inside out..... but were still unable to extricate themselves from the tentacles of the horrible Women's Charter.

So the best solution and wisest thing to do is never to get married in Singapore.

Actually the wisest thing is to realize the W.C. exists so that you are compelled to make your marriage work. So don't fuxk it up.

[MoeLanYong]

thats great only the WC compell women to make marriage fail

And every women goes into a marriage with plans to sabotage it and eventually herself? Got it! Anyone told you you're a genius?

[MoeLanYong]

An absolute genius! Even knows how my wife looks like without meeting her. Lol. Simply awesome! One thing though. That English. Needs some work. Loosen the angst, it might help. But otherwise. Brilliant.

Pssst: Can give me the 4 digits coming out this weekend? Thanks.

[Stereo]

Take it easy TS. Life is short. Enjoy nia

[MoeLanYong]

IF your wife so pretty so engaging and you so happily married liek what you are try to sell, you wouldnt be spend so much time giveing your worthless opinion on SO MANY threads, as to english ability look at your own postings full of grammatical error and use of language that belongs to someone with a highschool education. It doesnt take much intellect to hypothesis abt your situation ie lack of education and ugly wife, i mean how pretty is a wife that is 40ish and puts up with your stupidity, i can barely stomach you listening to your stupid rabbling online, imagine having to listen to you, look at your ugly face and having sex with you, your wife would have to be some hideous troll

I got me a fanboy. Lol. Come, let me help you out.

"If your wife is so pretty and so engaging, and you so happily married like what you are trying to sell, you wouldnt be spending so much time giving your worthless opinion on SO MANY threads. As to English ability, do look at your own postings. They are full of grammatical errors and the use of language resembles one with a high school education. It doesnt take much intellect to hypothesize abt your situation ie a lack of education and an ugly wife. I mean how pretty can a 40ish wife be when she has to put up with your stupidity? I can barely stomach listening to your stupid ramblings online. Imagine having to listen to you, looking at your ugly face and having sex with you? Your wife would have to be some hideous troll."

There you go. Fixed. You're welcome :)

[MoeLanYong]

notice you never debate teh valid points i bring up instead you are just a two bit cheap word spell check which i could also use if i think you are worth me than the two sec it takes me to expose your stupidity

Lol. In addition to Spell Check you might want to add,

Simple past tense - wife is
Conjunction - and so engaging
Present continuous tense - trying to sell
Third person pronoun - They are full of
Simple plural - grammatical errors
Vocabulary - use of language resembles one, stupid ramblings online
Indefinite article - ie a lack of education and an ugly wife
Synthesis and transformation - I mean how pretty can a 40ish wife be when she has to put up with your stupidity?

You know, a lot of people spent a lifetime trying to master the above. Some even make a living teaching these to primary school kids (pun intended). So you are not doing them justice by classifying all these under the guise of Spell Check, ya?

I am debating the points. I am showing you who is the one who lacks an education. :)

[MoeLanYong]

As you stated this so called knowledge you are now claiming as a expertise is at most as you mentioned "teaching primary school kids" ie is not worth much, even barely educated angmoh can do that. Secondly Word spellcheck also includes grammarcheck, and thats all you have done in your correction of my posts. Why dont you go look back at your own posts and see the abundance of errors. What I was alluding to was all the other points I previously brought up. Its the sign of a loser that would resort to typographical errors as a sign of a winning debate when other issues have been raised.

Except that Grammar check does not include Vocabulary and Synthesis & Transformation which you sorely need, and primary school teachers in Singapore is a highly trained job requiring a teaching diploma which most ang mohs do not have.

I can see why your wife left you, and why you can't hold down any relationship with your winning personality and bigoted views. "20 gf and 3 serious ones last more than 1 year" reveals a weakness, not a boast. I actually feel sorry for you.

The happiness you refer to, of humping 490 women compared to me with a simple family, let me break it down for you. I hope you hump a women every hour after work. Because after you are done with your hooker, all you have left is your lonely self for the rest of the night. Feel free to pity me doing beautiful family time with my lovely wife and kids. I know nothing about happiness.

I think one of us is not growing up properly. Like a caterpillar that did not evolve to a butterfly. Sowing wild oats sounds like the stuff one does when young. Then one gets married and move on to the next stage in life. Father a child, build a family. Primary 4 Science - Life Cycles. Funny how it is the caterpillar that is now boasting to the butterfly how great life is when he does not know what it feels like to fly. Don't mind me, your life is still great. Like that prostitute with her 491th customer. You and her are absolutely loving it. And I am just too dumb to realize it.

You know, a minister once told me. He heard countless confessions from men before they exited this life. None has told him on their deathbeds that they wished for an extra million dollars or wished they had closed that business deal. Most told him they wished they could have spent more time with their loved ones. I hope you kept the names of those 490 whores. You know, just in case the minister should ask.

There is actually nothing to debate. We live in different worlds and to each his own. Go get em tiger! Your 491st.

[fuckwaynelim]

chicken and duck talk here, I think it is MS MoeLanYong vs Mr.sbfs haha, how can both world come together? :D:cool:

[MoeLanYong]

chicken and duck talk here, I think it is MS MoeLanYong vs Mr.sbfs haha, how can both world come together? :D:cool:

Only that Tom bo sai pang, go stalk all my posts to pick a fight. I ying siu him lor. :)

[Flinger2]

There is a lot of bullshit in this thread abt divorce and such.

Anyway, I realized after eight years that me and my partner are two completely different people.

Actually, I realized it long ago, but I had this positive view that she will change over time, She has changed somewhat but the core habits and behaviors are the same and don't think she will ever change.

She has good qualities but we both have very conflicting views about life and perspective about how to live our life.

Earlier on, we use to quarrel a lot and fight a lot. But over a period of time, I have come to the understanding that all these quarrels and fights were basically useless as nothing is going to change or any good gonna come of it.

I just decided that I would rather have a peaceful life that live a life full of nasty battles .

From that day onwards, its rare to fight or quarrel ,even if she instigates me , I just brush it off as no point as nothing good is going to come off it.

I just take it that we are two very different ppl living in the same house.

Why don't I divorce? I don't see the benefits of it. Its going to detrimental to me, my kid and my parents. The status quo seems the best choice.

After the realization and all, I live a more peaceful life and a more fruitful live. The only thing is I don't have someone to call as my soulmate that I can share my love and somene to get initimate with.

[MoeLanYong]

Anyway, I realized after eight years that me and my partner are two completely different people.

Actually, I realized it long ago, but I had this positive view that she will change over time, She has changed somewhat but the core habits and behaviors are the same and don't think she will ever change.

After the realization and all, I live a more peaceful life and a more fruitful live. The only thing is I don't have someone to call as my soulmate that I can share my love and somene to get initimate with.

If one has lived life a bit, one will realize there are 2 things a man will never do. One, he will never stop to ask for directions. Two, he will never admit he is wrong. He will rather NOT have "a soulmate" for the rest of his life than admit the wrong is on his part.

I will do this thread no favours by moping around like every contributor. Allow me to present a different perspective.

Why does one think that marriage gives him the right to be his wife's father or priest? Why is one so quick to judge his wife's character - Oh, she has changed. Not me. She. Her fault. She has to do the "changing". Not me. I am never at fault.

Don't we all change as we grow older? We see things differently. We face new challenges. But No, it is the wife's fault for changing. Or not being able to "change".

I had my first love when I was a teenager. When we broke up 7 years, we were both accusing each other of "changing". I found such a relationship suffocating. It felt like a priest breathing down my neck. What she did wrong. What I did wrong. How she "changed". How I "changed". How we both should "change". We were both blaming each other every time we quarrelled. It felt miserable. Such a relationship was doomed to fail. And it did.

But I learned. Enter my wife. We never talked about how each should behave. We never talked about our future. We never talked about the 3 ways to get rich, the 5 ways to invest in a hdb, the 7 things to do to build a family, etc. Heck, I never even told her I loved her or gave her a rose till AFTER we were married. We just enjoyed each other for what we were. When we were happy, we went out. When we were not happy, we went out with other friends separately. More often than not, we were happy being together. There were no promises to each other, no pressure, no nothing. We talked only about happy things when we were together. Jokes, giggles and laughter. I respected her as a person and as an individual, and vice versa. This continues up till today.

Aren't you tired after a day's work? You only have that few hours left for the day. Why do you want to trap yourself by going into a topic that will lead to a quarrel i.e you wrong, I right, you changed, I didnt, can you change?

Nobody will bat an eyelid when you say you and wife are "completely different" people. On the contrary, what I will find astonishing is when you say you and your wife are the same people! Because the truth is No two humans are alike. Not even identical twins.

Every person reacts differently in different situations. If you haven't found that out, you have lived your life in vain. I can understand it if you are a construction worker and the way you resolve conflicts is to get personal. Oh...she....her fault....she changed...I didn't ....I holy....I angry her now.

When you are capable of typing English in a forum, shouldn't you operate at a higher level than that construction worker? Isn't resolving conflict at work is a common thing? Haven't you been in the boardroom where colleagues disagree? Did you get personal with that colleague when you didn't get things your way? Or did you just agree to disagree, move on and do your work nonchalantly? Why then are you not applying these skills to your marriage?

I submit to you, you have built too much expectations on your wife. You are choking the relationship. Keyword YOU.

Learn to take things easy. Chill. Ditch the I TOLD YOU SO. If your wife insists on doing things her way, let her do what she wants. She is an adult after all. When she messes up, learn to laugh over it. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't so important was it? You just wanted to WIN.

Yes, there will be quarrels and disagreements. Like I said, no 2 minds think alike. Keep the quarrels infrequent. Resolve the matter quickly. Don't bear grudges. And stop bringing it up again! No one wants to be married to a historian, an accountant or a lawyer. Why are you so quick to bring up the past? So quick to calculate who is right? So quick to argue?

Nobody said Marriage is easy. It is always a Work in Progress. It needs work. As you age, the anger quells. The need to be RIGHT all the time lessens. You hit your 50s, you find yourself a soulmate.

[sundial]

There is a lot of bullshit in this thread abt divorce and such.

Anyway, I realized after eight years that me and my partner are two completely different people.

Actually, I realized it long ago, but I had this positive view that she will change over time, She has changed somewhat but the core habits and behaviors are the same and don't think she will ever change.

She has good qualities but we both have very conflicting views about life and perspective about how to live our life.

Earlier on, we use to quarrel a lot and fight a lot. But over a period of time, I have come to the understanding that all these quarrels and fights were basically useless as nothing is going to change or any good gonna come of it.

I just decided that I would rather have a peaceful life that live a life full of nasty battles .

From that day onwards, its rare to fight or quarrel ,even if she instigates me , I just brush it off as no point as nothing good is going to come off it.

I just take it that we are two very different ppl living in the same house.

Why don't I divorce? I don't see the benefits of it. Its going to detrimental to me, my kid and my parents. The status quo seems the best choice.

After the realization and all, I live a more peaceful life and a more fruitful live. The only thing is I don't have someone to call as my soulmate that I can share my love and somene to get initimate with.

I have the same mindset ....
I put aside the r/ship and focus on my career. Travelling out of the country most of the time. Only person who is now suffering is my child which I feel very sorry. But i get very unhappy when am home for more than 2 days seeing this is not what I want, and if I want to drive towards my aspiration we end up in bitter fights.

[paulcum2sooon]

Similar situation for me.

I had my separation a long time ago, now legally divorced.

I’m happier this way but from time to time I miss both my boys though I’ve gotten used to it.

Deep down I know I am a player and I will never change.

If I had the chance I would not have gotten married etc


I have the same mindset ....
I put aside the r/ship and focus on my career. Travelling out of the country most of the time. Only person who is now suffering is my child which I feel very sorry. But i get very unhappy when am home for more than 2 days seeing this is not what I want, and if I want to drive towards my aspiration we end up in bitter fights.

[Flinger2]

I think you are coming from the perspective that I am a person who does not admit my guilt if I am wrong. I admit it and I have changed to whatever things she said I was not doing. But she didn't.

1) She had lied to me multiple times .

2) She had manipulated me multiple times.

3) She takes me for a punching bag when she has issues with her family.

4) No matter what I do, it never satisfies her. She always has something that I am not doing.

5) I have been very nice to her and she has taken advantage of that.

Have I been wrong, yes certainly! I have apologized to her and changed. She knows it and has even acknowledged it.

I can go on and on and on.

Have you ever thought that sometimes it is the woman who is wrong.

There are man who are good you know.



Except that Grammar check does not include Vocabulary and Synthesis & Transformation which you sorely need, and primary school teachers in Singapore is a highly trained job requiring a teaching diploma which most ang mohs do not have.

I can see why your wife left you, and why you can't hold down any relationship with your winning personality and bigoted views. "20 gf and 3 serious ones last more than 1 year" reveals a weakness, not a boast. I actually feel sorry for you.

The happiness you refer to, of humping 490 women compared to me with a simple family, let me break it down for you. I hope you hump a women every hour after work. Because after you are done with your hooker, all you have left is your lonely self for the rest of the night. Feel free to pity me doing beautiful family time with my lovely wife and kids. I know nothing about happiness.

I think one of us is not growing up properly. Like a caterpillar that did not evolve to a butterfly. Sowing wild oats sounds like the stuff one does when young. Then one gets married and move on to the next stage in life. Father a child, build a family. Primary 4 Science - Life Cycles. Funny how it is the caterpillar that is now boasting to the butterfly how great life is when he does not know what it feels like to fly. Don't mind me, your life is still great. Like that prostitute with her 491th customer. You and her are absolutely loving it. And I am just too dumb to realize it.

You know, a minister once told me. He heard countless confessions from men before they exited this life. None has told him on their deathbeds that they wished for an extra million dollars or wished they had closed that business deal. Most told him they wished they could have spent more time with their loved ones. I hope you kept the names of those 490 whores. You know, just in case the minister should ask.

There is actually nothing to debate. We live in different worlds and to each his own. Go get em tiger! Your 491st.

[topcook1]

I think you are coming from the perspective that I am a person who does not admit my guilt if I am wrong. I admit it and I have changed to whatever things she said I was not doing. But she didn't.

1) She had lied to me multiple times .

2) She had manipulated me multiple times.

3) She takes me for a punching bag when she has issues with her family.

4) No matter what I do, it never satisfies her. She always has something that I am not doing.

5) I have been very nice to her and she has taken advantage of that.

Have I been wrong, yes certainly! I have apologized to her and changed. She knows it and has even acknowledged it.

I can go on and on and on.

Have you ever thought that sometimes it is the woman who is wrong.

There are man who are good you know.


Dont ever reason with a woman .....wasting of breathe. Man is always on the left and woman is always right......They expect man have to give in to them. I had enough of them too....

[Shadow_warrior]

There is a lot of bullshit in this thread abt divorce and such.

Anyway, I realized after eight years that me and my partner are two completely different people.

Actually, I realized it long ago, but I had this positive view that she will change over time, She has changed somewhat but the core habits and behaviors are the same and don't think she will ever change.

She has good qualities but we both have very conflicting views about life and perspective about how to live our life.

Earlier on, we use to quarrel a lot and fight a lot. But over a period of time, I have come to the understanding that all these quarrels and fights were basically useless as nothing is going to change or any good gonna come of it.

I just decided that I would rather have a peaceful life that live a life full of nasty battles .

From that day onwards, its rare to fight or quarrel ,even if she instigates me , I just brush it off as no point as nothing good is going to come off it.

I just take it that we are two very different ppl living in the same house.

Why don't I divorce? I don't see the benefits of it. Its going to detrimental to me, my kid and my parents. The status quo seems the best choice.

After the realization and all, I live a more peaceful life and a more fruitful live. The only thing is I don't have someone to call as my soulmate that I can share my love and somene to get initimate with.

on the same page as you bro...

[Shadow_warrior]

I think you are coming from the perspective that I am a person who does not admit my guilt if I am wrong. I admit it and I have changed to whatever things she said I was not doing. But she didn't.

1) She had lied to me multiple times .

2) She had manipulated me multiple times.

3) She takes me for a punching bag when she has issues with her family.

4) No matter what I do, it never satisfies her. She always has something that I am not doing.

5) I have been very nice to her and she has taken advantage of that.

Have I been wrong, yes certainly! I have apologized to her and changed. She knows it and has even acknowledged it.

I can go on and on and on.

Have you ever thought that sometimes it is the woman who is wrong.

There are man who are good you know.

Ignore those people who think they know what they are talking about, trying to be the pope preaching all the time or talking down to people or another idiot of a fool talking about how great his marriage is in a thread that everyone is saying how the charter is screwing them or their other halves are cheating or the complete lack of sex. I don't believe insensitive people who toot their own horns like that can make marriage work. Sensitivity aka EQ is a key to managing relationships. Another guy boost about how he make investments through property in his 30s and never has to work. When I questioned him, he couldn't present the facts. So ignore the naysayers. They don't have any experience of real problems worth listening to.

[MoeLanYong]

I think you are coming from the perspective that I am a person who does not admit my guilt if I am wrong. I admit it and I have changed to whatever things she said I was not doing. But she didn't.

1) She had lied to me multiple times .

2) She had manipulated me multiple times.

3) She takes me for a punching bag when she has issues with her family.

4) No matter what I do, it never satisfies her. She always has something that I am not doing.

5) I have been very nice to her and she has taken advantage of that.

Have I been wrong, yes certainly! I have apologized to her and changed. She knows it and has even acknowledged it.

I can go on and on and on.

Have you ever thought that sometimes it is the woman who is wrong.

There are man who are good you know.

Flinger2,

I am coming from a perspective that you are too fixated with who is wrong, who is right, who has changed, who has not changed, who is the punching bag, who is nice etc. Nobody likes to be married to a priest who is always judging characters. Or an accountant counting who's right and who's wrong. Or a historian.

What a suffocating relationship! Overbearing, to say the least. You don't do that with a new girl you meet, do you? You talk happy things only and hope she will go out with you again, ain't it? So why don't you treat your wife like a new girl?

Why don't you live and let live? Have a giggle. Have a laugh. Crack a joke. Don't take things too seriously. Accept that there will be differences - no two people are the same. Hug her once in a while. Be a punching bag for her. Cross each day happily.

If you set the tone for a conversation/relationship to be free wheeling and light hearted, I can't see how she will persist in being confrontational. Have a think. Or stay fixated. Your marriage bro, not mine. :)

[Shadow_warrior]

lol...preacher got to do what he preaches....

self righteousness just doesn't touch people's heart these days

[Xyberduke]

I ask myself why we started and how we got to this stage of no return, and what can be done.

[Flinger2]

HI MoeLanYong,

I agree with you. The sad thing is I have done everything you said.

She is a nice person for a while, then she will change again.

To use your example. You talk happy things, she is happy and one day, when you talk happy things, she just changes completely .

It's like a wife beater, you try your best to work out the differences. He is nice to you for a while and says he will never do it. Then he is back to beating his wife.

As you know, in a relationship it takes two people to work it out. If only one person is trying all the time, it does not work.

Also, I have to admit, that after 8 years of going through the same cycle over and over again, its hard to want to reconcile. Why? because after 8 years you think the person is going to change again?

Also, after 8 years, you lose the trust, you lost your love etc... you just want to avoid the cycle.

I am guessing, you have never experience something like this and thus you are not able to imagine it.


Flinger2,

I am coming from a perspective that you are too fixated with who is wrong, who is right, who has changed, who has not changed, who is the punching bag, who is nice etc. Nobody likes to be married to a priest who is always judging characters. Or an accountant counting who's right and who's wrong. Or a historian.

What a suffocating relationship! Overbearing, to say the least. You don't do that with a new girl you meet, do you? You talk happy things only and hope she will go out with you again, ain't it? So why don't you treat your wife like a new girl?

Why don't you live and let live? Have a giggle. Have a laugh. Crack a joke. Don't take things too seriously. Accept that there will be differences - no two people are the same. Hug her once in a while. Be a punching bag for her. Cross each day happily.

If you set the tone for a conversation/relationship to be free wheeling and light hearted, I can't see how she will persist in being confrontational. Have a think. Or stay fixated. Your marriage bro, not mine. :)

[MoeLanYong]

HI MoeLanYong,

I agree with you. The sad thing is I have done everything you said.

She is a nice person for a while, then she will change again.

To use your example. You talk happy things, she is happy and one day, when you talk happy things, she just changes completely .

It's like a wife beater, you try your best to work out the differences. He is nice to you for a while and says he will never do it. Then he is back to beating his wife.

As you know, in a relationship it takes two people to work it out. If only one person is trying all the time, it does not work.

Also, I have to admit, that after 8 years of going through the same cycle over and over again, its hard to want to reconcile. Why? because after 8 years you think the person is going to change again?

Also, after 8 years, you lose the trust, you lost your love etc... you just want to avoid the cycle.

I am guessing, you have never experience something like this and thus you are not able to imagine it.

Hi Flinger2,
Erm.....I did experience the same and wrote about it in my first post to you. My first gf of 7 years. So I know perfectly what you are saying. A suffocating relationship of analysing each other's character ....."cycles and cycles of long talks of who, what, how to change" .....to a point where I lost interest in even wanting the relationship to work.

The difference is I could walk off. Learn. Re-start a new relationship on a different footing, whereas you can't. You are stuck in a marriage. With the same person. With a kid. Your path to recovery is harder. If you even want a recovery which atm, I am pretty sure you don't.

This is a good time to Pause. Think. Reflect.

Lets square up the facts. You and I know, the status quo is miserable. No happiness. Living with the "enemy".

A divorce will be drastic. Change of living arrangement. You will not get daily access to your kid. Maybe it is worth exploring. Maybe it is not.

Consider an improbable. A situation where you and your wife can be happy. You can get to see your kid everyday. You can have a beautiful family. Nice? An objective worth trying for? What will it cost?

That you Change your mind.

Re-look things.

Perhaps she is not the enemy.

Perhaps that argument was not that important. Perhaps it is not so important to suss out the 7 things you and her need to do. Perhaps it is not so important to debate every single miniscule matter.

Some things can be left unsaid.

You can make things light hearted as you said and I quote, "you talk happy things, she is happy and one day, when you talk happy things, she just changes completely."

So let her change! What is wrong with it? You a control freak??

She "changes completely". You withhold the unhappy things you want to say to her. Hold your peace. Do your things. Ignore her. And when there is another opportune time, you talk happy things with her again.

SO your conversations with her are ONLY happy talk.

Cut off the unhappy talk. Make it through the day with just happy talk and hopefully some lame jokes. Good enough for a day! Don't worry about tomorrow or her "changing completely". Do the happy talk for a week. Then pat yourself on your back - you did amazing. Do it for a month and see how refreshing it can be! Do it a year, I put money on it she will reciprocate.

You are still obsessed with her "changing completely" or how she should react. Perhaps the only real change needed is for you to CHANGE your mind on how you view things. Not try to change her.

You see, your default mode is still to blame her.

[Shadow_warrior]

I ask myself why we started and how we got to this stage of no return, and what can be done.

bro there is a show the break up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wExBMJhuQ2w

it shows a couple a giver and a taker who puts in a lot of effort and the other taken for granted. And at the end the giver feels there is nothing more to give.

disappointment leads to anger, and more disappointment leads to hurt, pain, sadness. The harder you work, and if the person just keeps taking, you come to a point that enough is enough.

I am there. And accepting that I am in this position, rather than be angry, feeling disappointed, hurt is better than trying everything I can for the last 10 years and coming up empty in return

[Flinger2]

If I were to summarize what you said, "If she slaps you, just take the slap and then ignore it" Then when she is happy, you can then talk to her and have a happy conversation.

I am glad you are able to do that. You are a saint. Congrats to you.

I am not. I am just a typical human.





Hi Flinger2,
Erm.....I did experience the same and wrote about it in my first post to you. My first gf of 7 years. So I know perfectly what you are saying. A suffocating relationship of analysing each other's character ....."cycles and cycles of long talks of who, what, how to change" .....to a point where I lost interest in even wanting the relationship to work.

The difference is I could walk off. Learn. Re-start a new relationship on a different footing, whereas you can't. You are stuck in a marriage. With the same person. With a kid. Your path to recovery is harder. If you even want a recovery which atm, I am pretty sure you don't.

This is a good time to Pause. Think. Reflect.

Lets square up the facts. You and I know, the status quo is miserable. No happiness. Living with the "enemy".

A divorce will be drastic. Change of living arrangement. You will not get daily access to your kid. Maybe it is worth exploring. Maybe it is not.

Consider an improbable. A situation where you and your wife can be happy. You can get to see your kid everyday. You can have a beautiful family. Nice? An objective worth trying for? What will it cost?

That you Change your mind.

Re-look things.

Perhaps she is not the enemy.

Perhaps that argument was not that important. Perhaps it is not so important to suss out the 7 things you and her need to do. Perhaps it is not so important to debate every single miniscule matter.

Some things can be left unsaid.

You can make things light hearted as you said and I quote, "you talk happy things, she is happy and one day, when you talk happy things, she just changes completely."

So let her change! What is wrong with it? You a control freak??

She "changes completely". You withhold the unhappy things you want to say to her. Hold your peace. Do your things. Ignore her. And when there is another opportune time, you talk happy things with her again.

SO your conversations with her are ONLY happy talk.

Cut off the unhappy talk. Make it through the day with just happy talk and hopefully some lame jokes. Good enough for a day! Don't worry about tomorrow or her "changing completely". Do the happy talk for a week. Then pat yourself on your back - you did amazing. Do it for a month and see how refreshing it can be! Do it a year, I put money on it she will reciprocate.

You are still obsessed with her "changing completely" or how she should react. Perhaps the only real change needed is for you to CHANGE your mind on how you view things. Not try to change her.

You see, your default mode is still to blame her.

[Stereo]

This thread chiminology ....

[MoeLanYong]

If I were to summarize what you said, "If she slaps you, just take the slap and then ignore it" Then when she is happy, you can then talk to her and have a happy conversation.

I am glad you are able to do that. You are a saint. Congrats to you.

I am not. I am just a typical human.

Er....what slap? Sorry, I lost. My point was simple. Avoid the heavy talk of who is right and wrong. Keep to happy talk. Walk away / ignore when conversations turn unhappy - all anger management consultants teach that. What difference does it make? You and her are already ignoring each other. Anyway, I overstayed my welcome. I merely chanced upon your story bec I went through a similiar r/s of trying to get the other party to change. You either hear what I am saying or you don't. I am not selling you a religion as some allege. Lol. Have a good weekend :)

[c0cktailov3r]

This thread chiminology ....

👍 i agree.

[Shadow_warrior]

If I were to summarize what you said, "If she slaps you, just take the slap and then ignore it" Then when she is happy, you can then talk to her and have a happy conversation.

I am glad you are able to do that. You are a saint. Congrats to you.

I am not. I am just a typical human.

lol...you are right bro.

I am a typical human being too. And the experience of being battered, abused, ignored doesn't motivate me to work anymore on the marriage after so many years.

Saints...hahaha. I like your term. Olympic swimmers do the work, get into the pool. People who talk only are people who swim on dry land, watch the swimmers on TV. They never get wet but talk like experts.

[Disillusioned99]

What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagable?

To be honest, its quite a total loss. Mind went blank. How you guys deal with the aftermath?

Seem like divorced is never going to be peaceful...

Like you, my mind went blank or rather I just did not want to think about anything. I live my life a day at a time, hoping that the day will be a good day.. a better day. One that I don’t need to take anti depressants.

Yes, the divorce is gg to be a nightmare. As it is, he is a complete asshole. Till today, he is still telling me he will give up our 2 children for the slut if he needs to choose. If not, we can move on as a family? By accepting the slut into the family? He must hv watched too many TV dramas!

I rather live and die alone than share my man with a Low class slut who opens her legs for money.

[Shadow_warrior]

Like you, my mind went blank or rather I just did not want to think about anything. I live my life a day at a time, hoping that the day will be a good day.. a better day. One that I don’t need to take anti depressants.

Yes, the divorce is gg to be a nightmare. As it is, he is a complete asshole. Till today, he is still telling me he will give up our 2 children for the slut if he needs to choose. If not, we can move on as a family? By accepting the slut into the family? He must hv watched too many TV dramas!

I rather live and die alone than share my man with a Low class slut who opens her legs for money.

welcome back sis. hope you have resolved on what you want to do.

if its moving on, and it makes you happier, than do it. Chase your future, focus on yourself and your family

[MoeLanYong]

Saint nope. Just a happily married man with kids sharing some observations. I am not into "I feel your pain bro, my wife was such a biatch, this is what she did etc", just to pally up with you. So fake. I prefer to tell the problem as it is. Directly. Most times, the problem is with the men - because they are the head of the household and drive the relationship.

[MoeLanYong]

Like you, my mind went blank or rather I just did not want to think about anything. I live my life a day at a time, hoping that the day will be a good day.. a better day. One that I don’t need to take anti depressants.

Yes, the divorce is gg to be a nightmare. As it is, he is a complete asshole. Till today, he is still telling me he will give up our 2 children for the slut if he needs to choose. If not, we can move on as a family? By accepting the slut into the family? He must hv watched too many TV dramas!

I rather live and die alone than share my man with a Low class slut who opens her legs for money.

Disillusioned99,
On point. There is one such married man above fooling with other women telling you to "move on, chase your future, focus on yourself and your family". When he has wrecked his own family. Sleeping with sluts. He even started a thread calling for those with fb and mistresses (little 3) to fall in. How he manages to be so fake and pretentious is beyond me. The brashness of some men and your husband.

[Flinger2]

Seems like you don't know what analogies are.

Also, you are not "Listening" or reading what I am talking about.

You seem to just repeat your solution over and over again, thinking it will solve all problems. =)

A problem is not solved when you repeat the solution multiple times.

If you read anything I wrote, you would have realized I have done everything you are talking about and the problem still exists.

tsk. tsk.


Er....what slap? Sorry, I lost. My point was simple. Avoid the heavy talk of who is right and wrong. Keep to happy talk. Walk away / ignore when conversations turn unhappy - all anger management consultants teach that. What difference does it make? You and her are already ignoring each other. Anyway, I overstayed my welcome. I merely chanced upon your story bec I went through a similiar r/s of trying to get the other party to change. You either hear what I am saying or you don't. I am not selling you a religion as some allege. Lol. Have a good weekend :)

[MoeLanYong]

Seems like you don't know what analogies are.

Also, you are not "Listening" or reading what I am talking about.

You seem to just repeat your solution over and over again, thinking it will solve all problems. =)

A problem is not solved when you repeat the solution multiple times.

If you read anything I wrote, you would have realized I have done everything you are talking about and the problem still exists.

tsk. tsk.

It is pretty obvious why your wife is sick of communicating with you. 3 exchanges in and even I want out. Lol. Recap. You wrote you did everything. I opined you did not do it correctly - the proof being you still blamed her for "being happy one day and changing completely" the next, which to me shouldnt matter. Then, you interpreted her cold shoulder as Slapping you, and called me a Saint.

Nobody slapped nobody. Stop being so calculative. You are a man for goodness sake. Geez. Try acting like one. 大方一点. BUT no, this is not what you want to hear, right? What you want to hear is: You are totally innocent and she caused the marriage failure. Got it. Man, I can totally feel your wife. Haha. Anyway, have a great day bro. :D

[Shadow_warrior]

Seems like you don't know what analogies are.

Also, you are not "Listening" or reading what I am talking about.

You seem to just repeat your solution over and over again, thinking it will solve all problems. =)

A problem is not solved when you repeat the solution multiple times.

If you read anything I wrote, you would have realized I have done everything you are talking about and the problem still exists.

tsk. tsk.

I can relate to that bro

tried to cook dinners so she would come back to eat, failed, she still stayed at work, I ate alone. Got tired of having the same pot of congee and soup for days just to finish it before it turns bad

tried to ask her to let me know when she was coming back late, many arguments later, I gave up trying to ask her to communicate

realise that she doesn't know what is happening in my life and doesn't care for that matter, and despite me trying to know about hers, she doesn't share.

Share about my life problems, didn't find the partner I married to listen. In fact most of the time, she's not listening, thinking about her own things or looking at her phone while I share my woes

For years, all day long not even a sms. Its like wake up, she's gone to work, she comes back at 8pm, she takes care of the kid(NOW. Before that she would only come home at 10-11pm) and then she goes to bed. We haven't had a proper conversation in years

Staying together really for the kid. I wanted out and stated my request. But for the child I am really biting the bullet.

[MoeLanYong]

Mr. Tom Fakery is here again! Lol. With his, I feel you bro. I know your pain sis. I experienced the same. This is what my wife did to me. Therefore I got me a gf outside. It is my wife's fault - she ignored me - so I am entitled to find a fb. I am so good a father. Staying on in an unhappy marriage for my kid only. It is never my fault. All my wife's fault. Women are strange creatures.

Hahaha. Seriously, Flinger2, someone is desperately trying to win you over. Go talk to him. Your conversation with me was long over. You two need each other more. :D

[Shadow_warrior]

a man who is a eunuch, cannot please a woman

a person who eats feces, open his mouths and only smelly words come forth

a spectator who has never swam in water, cannot teach you proper swimming techniques

a poor man/soul can never teach you how to be rich

[Flinger2]

heh. It is obvious from what you wrote here that you don't give a damn to anyone except your own reasoning.

Your summary is completely different from what I wrote. Go read first before commenting as if you know whatever has happened to me.

Tsk. Tsk.



It is pretty obvious why your wife is sick of communicating with you. 3 exchanges in and even I want out. Lol. Recap. You wrote you did everything. I opined you did not do it correctly - the proof being you still blamed her for "being happy one day and changing completely" the next, which to me shouldnt matter. Then, you interpreted her cold shoulder as Slapping you, and called me a Saint.

Nobody slapped nobody. Stop being so calculative. You are a man for goodness sake. Geez. Try acting like one. 大方一点. BUT no, this is not what you want to hear, right? What you want to hear is: You are totally innocent and she caused the marriage failure. Got it. Man, I can totally feel your wife. Haha. Anyway, have a great day bro. :D

[MoeLanYong]

Hey! What happened to the angry version?? The s.o.b. lah. The F word lah. The threat lah. You wrote so long. Then replace with this? Awww. Thats a lot of effort wasted, you know? On me. Hahaha. Can put it back??

[MoeLanYong]

heh. It is obvious from what you wrote here that you don't give a damn to anyone except your own reasoning.

Your summary is completely different from what I wrote. Go read first before commenting as if you know whatever has happened to me.

Tsk. Tsk.

You got me bro. I am unreasonable. Hence I have a wonderful marriage. Go talk to that yoda. Reason much he has. Go go, really. Ignore me. Lol.

[Shadow_warrior]

a man does not consult a monk on how to consummate his marriage

a virgin cannot advice you on what position is best to please your partner

a man whose self esteem is fragile has to insult others to feel superior

[Shadow_warrior]

Practicing ignoring and the situation e.g marriage gets better, Yoda says, work it does not

but lets see, I have ignored. Lets see if the person changes and starts to change taking their own advice, making things more happy with happy thoughts. Physician heal yourself.

[Flinger2]

Sigh..

You know who you are right?

The guy who keeps on harping he has a wonderful marriage at every post, but in reality its the opposite.

You are in denial and thus you have to keep on repeating that you have a wonderful marriage.

It's ok. I understand you have a wonderful marriage.

Sure.

Take Care.

You got me bro. I am unreasonable. Hence I have a wonderful marriage. Go talk to that yoda. Reason much he has. Go go, really. Ignore me. Lol.

[YELLOW]

yup ... she ignored me long enuff to give up too .... then turn ard say i ignore her now .... i aldy left when she treated me the way she did .... 1yr aldy never had a proper conv not even a meal aldy .... becos i ve left .... only physically ard becos of kid .... living day to day jus trying to be happi and stay positive .... treat her as invisible ....


I can relate to that bro

tried to cook dinners so she would come back to eat, failed, she still stayed at work, I ate alone. Got tired of having the same pot of congee and soup for days just to finish it before it turns bad

tried to ask her to let me know when she was coming back late, many arguments later, I gave up trying to ask her to communicate

realise that she doesn't know what is happening in my life and doesn't care for that matter, and despite me trying to know about hers, she doesn't share.

Share about my life problems, didn't find the partner I married to listen. In fact most of the time, she's not listening, thinking about her own things or looking at her phone while I share my woes

For years, all day long not even a sms. Its like wake up, she's gone to work, she comes back at 8pm, she takes care of the kid(NOW. Before that she would only come home at 10-11pm) and then she goes to bed. We haven't had a proper conversation in years

Staying together really for the kid. I wanted out and stated my request. But for the child I am really biting the bullet.

[larue]

yup ... she ignored me long enuff to give up too .... then turn ard say i ignore her now .... i aldy left when she treated me the way she did .... 1yr aldy never had a proper conv not even a meal aldy .... becos i ve left .... only physically ard becos of kid .... living day to day jus trying to be happi and stay positive .... treat her as invisible ....

Why not just part properly? Your child can see what's happening anyway.

[jameschong1]

[QUOTE=Shadow_warrior;17080889]I can relate to that bro

Share about my life problems, didn't find the partner I married to listen. In fact most of the time, she's not listening, thinking about her own things or looking at her phone while I share my woes

did u earn enuf to feed your family?
did u spend yr little salary on 4D, prostitutes, hong kee?

[sweeteve]

Facing the same issue at home. Please help to find this bastard out, trying to salvage my own marriage.

His contact - 936668xx

[Mikka]

Kiss goodbye and not waste each other's time.

[Grexil]

Short pain better than long pain. Just stop the bleed. I think.

regards.