Girl I dated went back to her ex who cheated on her

[zarniz]

Hi guys, just wanted to share my story. In December, I met a wonderful girl through mutual friends at a rock show. I immediately fell for her, and the next day I added her on Facebook, started messenging and we started off great. I had to leave to work in Singapore 2 days after I met her so it was considered long distance.

We chatted everyday, never failing to send good mornings nor goodnights, regularly send pictures (non nudes, clean ones lol) to each other and voice messages as well. We kept ourselves to pictures, voice messages and messages, and not video calls nor voice calls as we have only met once.

In February she told me about her ex boyfriend of 4 years (who was also sort of long distance, as he was working in Japan, but cheated on her by being with another woman) trying to connect back. (She broke it off in September btw), and how the then current girlfriend was calling her to back off etc. I comforted her, and did my best to convince they were not worth it etc... And she agreed.

I sent her gifts (chocolates and a shirt which she wore and posted on Facebook) in March. On the 10th April I went back ( we are based in Yangon, Burma btw) for her birthday, met again for the first time after 5 months. ( I just recently got promoted and work issues prevented me from going back earlier). We got along well, had 3 wonderful dates, and she had to leave town to travel somewhere with her friends. I left again for Singapore and planned to return a month later.

Then a week after our last date, things started to go south. All messages had to be initiated by me, all replies were so cold and different ( it really hurt during that time). I became desperate and panicked. I told her i cared for her and if anything she could talk to me. I sent her flowers then that night she asked why i sent her flowers, and at 1am, she told me not to like her. I read it at 3am to a wtf moment, and bombarded her with tonnes of questions. I cooled off in the morning and asked her why she said those words. That night she replied "i dont want to ruin our friendship".

I was devasted. I really fell for her hard and would have done anything for her. She was 2.6 years older than me, but i didnt mind, i already planned on making it work. I was supposed to make the next step between us when i decided to return in May. I thought i moved in too fast and she set up walls as she had been heart torn apart before.

I had my initial suspicion as i heard her ex boyfriend was back in town. But i trusted her not to fall back for him (what a stupid fool i was). I asked her close friend ( my best friend's fiance) and she assured me she wasnt dating anyone. So fast forward to the 21st of May, i returned back and set a date to meet her .

We met, talked openly and she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship, so i was fine with that and thought i still had hope. What i didnt know at that time was that she has already been back with her ex boyfriend since the start of May. I was lied to my face. We went back to casual talks and i had to leave town for work.

I just knew a few days ago that she's back with her ex who had cheated on her before. Right now i am in a really messed, mixed feelings of sadness and anger. Has anybody encountered this before? What do i do? And have you been in the ex boyfriend's shoes and what will it do to their relationship?

Would Appreciate the replies.

Zarniz

[subidowa]

You are just not good enough.... Simply said.....

If you are that good, the ex boyfriend, husband, or even current boyfriend also cannot prevent her from falling for you. If you are that good, you can even snatch her away from her current fling or FWB.

Maybe, you are not good enough, thus, you have just highlighted how good her ex is. Thus, you might be indirectly helping the ex gaining her back. However, bro I just want to say. A girl only, there are a lot of girls in the world. The point is have you fucked her? If yes, move on, why bother, you have already won. Why bother to stick to someone who dun feel as good as how you feel about her. Also, you didn't get her but IF you got her body also ok ma. Seriously, dun treat yourself badly over someone who dun treat you well at all. You didn't lose a lot, not like you buy her very expensive stuffs or need to split properties etc. Be grateful that she ran away while you two are not married.

[Gaofar]

Bro TS,

Sorry to hear that story of yours. I'm sure you are twisting and relentless in giving up something that you have hold so dear of..

But actually that is the problem.. From what I've seen of your story, I gathered that you and the girl have only met like no more than 10 fingers add up together? And the thing is that you self-proclaimed that you are in relationship with her, locks you in and you felt that she belongs to you when in actual fact she is just merely passing-by in your life..

You are infatuated with her and I'm sure the first moment you set eyes on her is unforgettable. But always remember one thing: if it's not yours, it's not yours.. I mean, she did not sign any agreement that she is solely yours right? Till the moment that she is your wife, she is at will to see anyone actually. If in reality she decides to get back to her ex, wish her well and learn to let go..

Be at peace my friend.. Take this as a pleasant experience that chanced upon your life. Though she is not yours, thank her for appearing in your life and move on..

[zarniz]

Bro TS,

Sorry to hear that story of yours. I'm sure you are twisting and relentless in giving up something that you have hold so dear of..

But actually that is the problem.. From what I've seen of your story, I gathered that you and the girl have only met like no more than 10 fingers add up together? And the thing is that you self-proclaimed that you are in relationship with her, locks you in and you felt that she belongs to you when in actual fact she is just merely passing-by in your life..

You are infatuated with her and I'm sure the first moment you set eyes on her is unforgettable. But always remember one thing: if it's not yours, it's not yours.. I mean, she did not sign any agreement that she is solely yours right? Till the moment that she is your wife, she is at will to see anyone actually. If in reality she decides to get back to her ex, wish her well and learn to let go..

Be at peace my friend.. Take this as a pleasant experience that chanced upon your life. Though she is not yours, thank her for appearing in your life and move on..

Wow, Gaofar bro,
Your words are true. Really opened my eyes. Can't really blame her though. Pretty seems one sided from me.
But I wasnt proclaiming i was in a relationship with her, but i was confident that time that i could get her. Haizzz, i was wrong. Guess i was obsessed with her. Just that i felt played.
Learnt my lessons, and hope bros can learn from this too!

[zarniz]

You are just not good enough.... Simply said.....

If you are that good, the ex boyfriend, husband, or even current boyfriend also cannot prevent her from falling for you. If you are that good, you can even snatch her away from her current fling or FWB.

Maybe, you are not good enough, thus, you have just highlighted how good her ex is. Thus, you might be indirectly helping the ex gaining her back. However, bro I just want to say. A girl only, there are a lot of girls in the world. The point is have you fucked her? If yes, move on, why bother, you have already won. Why bother to stick to someone who dun feel as good as how you feel about her. Also, you didn't get her but IF you got her body also ok ma. Seriously, dun treat yourself badly over someone who dun treat you well at all. You didn't lose a lot, not like you buy her very expensive stuffs or need to split properties etc. Be grateful that she ran away while you two are not married.

True. But I didnt get to fuck her. Lol.
Appreciate those kind words. Just felt i wasted a lot of time over this period.

[a2014]

TS, it looks to me this is a one sided affair. YES she accepted your advance at that time when she was down, this is natural for all human.

It is also a good thing that this had happened after a short period of time and thing changes. No doubt you feel uneasy and cannot accept the fact that you are going to loose her. This is something that you have to learn, never get too involve into a relationship, go slow, look carefully before you commit on anything.

Just remember once you sign on the dotted link you are deem to loose at least half of everything you have owned if not all. Therefore choose wisely.

Actually you didn't loose her, except that your one sided affair cause you to think so. The more you pursue her now the worst it becomes. Breaking off is not an option as it actually hasn't started yet. Just take it as what it is and move on, who knows what's next. Now a day love affair is not so easy to predict any more as the society has become more open.

It will certainly take a while for you to get back to your own self.

Do Take Care.

[zarniz]

TS, it looks to me this is a one sided affair. YES she accepted your advance at that time when she was down, this is natural for all human.

It is also a good thing that this had happened after a short period of time and thing changes. No doubt you feel uneasy and cannot accept the fact that you are going to loose her. This is something that you have to learn, never get too involve into a relationship, go slow, look carefully before you commit on anything.

Just remember once you sign on the dotted link you are deem to loose at least half of everything you have owned if not all. Therefore choose wisely.

Actually you didn't loose her, except that your one sided affair cause you to think so. The more you pursue her now the worst it becomes. Breaking off is not an option as it actually hasn't started yet. Just take it as what it is and move on, who knows what's next. Now a day love affair is not so easy to predict any more as the society has become more open.

It will certainly take a while for you to get back to your own self.

Do Take Care.

Hey bro,
Big thanks for the reply. Beginning to realize I've been immature and probably childish when i didnt know it was a one sided affair. I should wish her all the best, and move on.
Ive reached the "acceptance phase" of recovery, lol.
Thanks again!

[sammyboyfor]

Hey bro,
Big thanks for the reply. Beginning to realize I've been immature and probably childish when i didnt know it was a one sided affair. I should wish her all the best, and move on.
Ive reached the "acceptance phase" of recovery, lol.
Thanks again!

Just move on to your next target.

[cocky1234]

TS.. you are not bad enough. .. too kind heart and girl dont appreciate d.

i noticed all girl is like that..when you treat her and cherish her.. she dont appreciate at all. instead when you treat her like trash, girl will ask why we treat her like that and she will do the work to make the relationship stay afloat.

honestly is not worth it to put 100% trust on girl. just put about 50% will do.

why she go back to her cheating ex? because the guy treat her like trash and she wont let go.. thats why. so you also dont treat girl soo good

[zarniz]

TS.. you are not bad enough. .. too kind heart and girl dont appreciate d.

i noticed all girl is like that..when you treat her and cherish her.. she dont appreciate at all. instead when you treat her like trash, girl will ask why we treat her like that and she will do the work to make the relationship stay afloat.

honestly is not worth it to put 100% trust on girl. just put about 50% will do.

why she go back to her cheating ex? because the guy treat her like trash and she wont let go.. thats why. so you also dont treat girl soo good

Bro cocky, you are right.
Cannot be too predictable else she will be bored of you.
Hope you didnt have any bad experiences before, and hope you wont in the future too!

[Magdalen]

Long time relationships are unstable
though u can say communications thru online chats, web chats
but the feeling is totally different from the face to face
physical meet ups and chats
so just take it as lesson learnt
next one will definitely be a better one

[larue]

Your happiness is always in your own hands, never in what other people do for you or to you, or how other people feel about you.

[zarniz]

Your happiness is always in your own hands, never in what other people do for you or to you, or how other people feel about you.

Haha, true. I really learnt a lot. Lesson is not to get too obsessive with anyone who's just recently broken up with somebody, as you'll just only be the temporary stop gap solution to their problems and loneliness.
Thank you for the kind words.

[zarniz]

Long time relationships are unstable
though u can say communications thru online chats, web chats
but the feeling is totally different from the face to face
physical meet ups and chats
so just take it as lesson learnt
next one will definitely be a better one

Noted, very tough Lesson learnt. Long distance sucks.

[Acemann]

At least you learn the truth early. Time to move on.

[coolmanspooky]

Comments deleted.

[demonhunter]

Maintain friendship .

once that guy cheats on her again , she will be knocking at your door .

Just make her your Fuck Buddy . nothing else .

:D

[Hurricane88]

There is a forest of flowers. Dun pick one but you can pick 2 or more.

[zarniz]

At least you learn the truth early. Time to move on.

Yes. I guess it wouldve hurt more if it became more serious. Thanks. Will move on. 😁

[zarniz]

Maintain friendship .

once that guy cheats on her again , she will be knocking at your door .

Just make her your Fuck Buddy . nothing else .

:D
Lol, they sound serious for now. Sure. Will take your advice.

[porscheclub]

Good riddance. This is part of growing up buddy, she's just a bus stop so look for the terminal or interchange :D

[agentorange24]

Sorry to read your story, dude.
Here's my 2 cents worth based on my own personal experiences...
Somehow, it's not suprising that she did what she did. Some might say she's bad, or she doesn't deserve you, or that you are "too nice", but everything you are going through is very natural and, also, very common.
Think of it this way...
Every person has three spaces to fill:
1. Emotional (feelings, shared experiences, excitement, etc)
2. Physical (holding hands, kissing, sex, etc)
3. Communication (having common interests, being able to share secrets, etc)
All three would need to be fulfilled in order to have a balanced and meaningful relationship.
It is human nature in all of us to constantly go out and try to fill whichever of the 3 missing spaces in our lives or relationships to feel complete. In a friendship or even a marriage, whichever of the three is missing in their partner, you can be 100% sure, they will either try to "modify" their existing relationship or find someone else who can fill that space. Nobody can hide or avoid this, and anyone who says this isn't true is lying.
In your situation, you were looking for her companionship to fill one or even all three of those spaces. On the other side of the coin, she was also using you to do the same thing.
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong or bad about you or the things you did, or even the way you did it. She headed back to her cheating ex simply because to her, he covers all three areas and the guy has the added advantage of having been with her for 4 years.
You shouldn't feel down or sad. The fact that you came here and reached out for advice already shows everyone reading that you've got a good head on your shoulders and you're not the type to make impulsive choices.
When being with someone as a partner or a friend, always remember that it's not the destination, but the journey that adds meaning to your life.
That being said, you seem like a great guy and keep in mind that you will find someone to make you feel complete and content, and likewise, that person will need you to make them complete as well.

Have a great week ahead.

[zarniz]

Sorry to read your story, dude.
Here's my 2 cents worth based on my own personal experiences...
Somehow, it's not suprising that she did what she did. Some might say she's bad, or she doesn't deserve you, or that you are "too nice", but everything you are going through is very natural and, also, very common.
Think of it this way...
Every person has three spaces to fill:
1. Emotional (feelings, shared experiences, excitement, etc)
2. Physical (holding hands, kissing, sex, etc)
3. Communication (having common interests, being able to share secrets, etc)
All three would need to be fulfilled in order to have a balanced and meaningful relationship.
It is human nature in all of us to constantly go out and try to fill whichever of the 3 missing spaces in our lives or relationships to feel complete. In a friendship or even a marriage, whichever of the three is missing in their partner, you can be 100% sure, they will either try to "modify" their existing relationship or find someone else who can fill that space. Nobody can hide or avoid this, and anyone who says this isn't true is lying.
In your situation, you were looking for her companionship to fill one or even all three of those spaces. On the other side of the coin, she was also using you to do the same thing.
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong or bad about you or the things you did, or even the way you did it. She headed back to her cheating ex simply because to her, he covers all three areas and the guy has the added advantage of having been with her for 4 years.
You shouldn't feel down or sad. The fact that you came here and reached out for advice already shows everyone reading that you've got a good head on your shoulders and you're not the type to make impulsive choices.
When being with someone as a partner or a friend, always remember that it's not the destination, but the journey that adds meaning to your life.
That being said, you seem like a great guy and keep in mind that you will find someone to make you feel complete and content, and likewise, that person will need you to make them complete as well.

Have a great week ahead.

Hi agentorange,
Your words are worth more than 2 cents! :D thinking back,what you said about her is actually true. I didnt really have the chance nor time to help fill up / satisfy the 3 needs of her side as it was long distance and my work issues. I had hoped and wished that she wouldve waited, instead of jumping back to her cheating ex the very moment he returned and apologized. But it didnt happen.
(I sound like a pussy :D ) thank you for the advice and kind words too.

[middleofnowhere]

Long distance relationships almost never work. And not all relationships work out even with maximum effort put in.

Just accept that you two are not meant to be, and move on. To look on the bright side of things, you have not sacrificed much for this eventual lost cause. You got out early, and are not burdened much by this memory.

Cheers to you, bro.

[jameschong1]

Good riddance. This is part of growing up buddy, she's just a bus stop so look for the terminal or interchange :D

1. she confirm is a gong cb.
2. confirm she not only bus INTERchange but also pubic toilet
so u just splash all your sperm in her toilet bowl, NO need to flush
next guy will com & flush yours!

[SureWinnner]

You win already lor:mad:

1. she confirm is a gong cb.
2. confirm she not only bus INTERchange but also pubic toilet
so u just splash all your sperm in her toilet bowl, NO need to flush
next guy will com & flush yours!

[zarniz]

Long distance relationships almost never work. And not all relationships work out even with maximum effort put in.

Just accept that you two are not meant to be, and move on. To look on the bright side of things, you have not sacrificed much for this eventual lost cause. You got out early, and are not burdened much by this memory.

Cheers to you, bro.

True bro. Initial stage was tough. But now i am gradually getting over it and back on my feet.
Thanks for the kind words.

[Mr_Oreh]

TS be a Man step up & forget about her so that you can find another new girl who's worth your time & commitments! She made her choice to be back with past. Why don't you move on & look ahead for a new future!

[cowlek]

Dear TS,

Move on bro get a new life. U deserve better~!:)