Married but in love with colleague

[xands2001]

Dear all bro.. would like to seek an opinion and advise from any bros who had been in my shoes before.
Jus a little background. Im married for abput 2 years in my 30s. My wife is a homemaker. No kids but trying for 2 years and now trying ivf.
All of these events happened only less than a month.
I have a colleague whom i will call T. She is my closest working partner at work anf she is 7 years younger than me. We work on many projects together and usually stay late for OT and i wil send her back. V platonic and nothing hanky panky ever goes on. This goes on for about 4 years.
There were times when i fantasize or think about her as my extramarital affair partner but she do not seem the sort although we were v close at work. Sometimes i even wonder if im in love with her. Nah.. was my thought as i suppresed the feelings and thot that its impossible. 1st was that she is nt my type and im nt her type. 2nd she is on good terms with my wife. It was approx 3 weeks ago she told me that she gathered a lot of courage and took months of consideration to tell me that she is in love with me. My 1st thought was wow.. seriously? Do u treat me as a brother kind of love? She said no.. and that feelings were getting stronger. She said that she know im a married man and she just got engaged to her bf and that its wrong, she still decide to tell me. I was feeling flattered. I said ok.. give me a few days to digest and think over what should be done next. I thought for about 3 days and i reciprocated. I found that i too had feelings for her. Its no wonder why i always had an empty feeling whenever she was on leave for holiday or worried when she was on MC.
I told her that i had feelings for her too on the 4th day and she was so happy. We held hands and kissed for the 1st time. The feeling was magical. 3 weeks on, we tried hard to hide our feelings during work and it was tough. I k ow.. i should not reciprocate but i let my heart took o er instead of my head. I am also thinking about our future as we cannot continue like this forever. She said its ez for her to let go but i have a marriage. It will not be ez... i have contemplated to divorce and leave my house and savings to my wife as a form of compensation.
What would you bros have done?
I am earnestly seeking enlightenment and advise from sincere bros here.. those who do not have constructive comments pls do not disturb thanks in advance.

[HelloAngel]

Are you sure it's love and not cos you feel this way cos you spend a lot of time together at work, thus feel the attachment to each other? What you are experiencing is just human nature and it's not the first case I know.

Main question: Do you still love your wife? You said you are trying for child but if you don't love her anymore, why try IVF? What if she really gets pregnant? Would you sacrifice your child for this colleague? That's not fair to both mother and child.

My advise is to consider your feelings and options carefully. 4 families are involved here so it's complicated.

[Archerguard]

i have contemplated to divorce and leave my house and savings to my wife as a form of compensation.
What would you bros have done?
I am earnestly seeking enlightenment and advise from sincere bros here.. those who do not have constructive comments pls do not disturb thanks in advance.

if she is the woman i chosen to settle down with.. she will be the woman i settled down with.. there is no exception..

how many more houses are you going to leave and how much more savings can you afford to give to your new found infatuated colleague after divorcing her again? many a time, this is just gonna be a repeating cycle.. if you get what i mean?

HelloAngel stated the ultimate cause for the two of you to fall in love and that is because two lonely souls, empty souls, lost souls spend a lot of time together at work.. and they even tried so hard to convince themselves they had fallen in love..

just a few lines of wordings here but it is more than sufficient to summarize what you actually gotten yourself into.. what is going to turn out to.. what you can expect in time to come..

i'm certain you are a smart guy.. make the smart decision will you? :)

[orangeproud]

TS, really better dun b so reckless n impulsive by making this decision of divorcing ur wife so to b wif this colleague.;) Dun mistaken infatuation as love, u both r working, colleagues n partners, long time working tgt, ri jiu sheng qing is inevitable. U both share the same topics, goals, both encourage each other throughout the project, care for each other. Whereas, ur wife is housewife, no child, maybe now ur marriage life is very boring n stale as no common topics can share among u.

Sometimes, she can b a great colleague, great lover, but can she b ur loyal lifetime partner?? If she become ur wife liao, u sure u can get along wif her so lovely like now??:rolleyes: All these u nvr know, now seems like u still in a passionate moments wif her, will it last how long? When the passion diminished, will u like now still so deeply in love wif her n wan to marry her??

Bie rang ai chong hun le tou. Think carefully, marriage is a big stake especially if u r gg for second marriage. Can b ur great lover doesn't means she can b a gd wife to u. ;)

[orangeproud]

After Our Passionate Encounter

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=279rEQ5RCqE

[fictionman]

Bro...Just be frens la...U aldy married...U say give everything aft divorce...U will regret it later...She has a bf yet she can throw him away to be wz u...Wat if karma strikes later n she dump u for another guy!!!

[Edisonchan]

Bro..... I have the same scenario before..... the qn is will you be able to trust her when she leave the co and start working with other male co-worker? This might happen again to her.....

As a responsible man I have to tell you to consider carefully with your big head so that you will not hurt an innocent woman (Your wife), when a woman is willing to have your baby she is very very in love with you.

As a normal horny man I have to tell you to screw her as many times as you can and enjoy the moment, that is what "LUST" or "CRUSH" make of...... lots of sparks and sex, then you have live YOUR MOMENT.

[xands2001]

Are you sure it's love and not cos you feel this way cos you spend a lot of time together at work, thus feel the attachment to each other? What you are experiencing is just human nature and it's not the first case I know.

Main question: Do you still love your wife? You said you are trying for child but if you don't love her anymore, why try IVF? What if she really gets pregnant? Would you sacrifice your child for this colleague? That's not fair to both mother and child.

My advise is to consider your feelings and options carefully. 4 families are involved here so it's complicated.

Yes bro.. i understand and tried to fathom whether if its really love or jus infatuation or its just in the heat of moment where 2 persons just got together, the feeling was v sweet. I had imagined how will life be like after 2nd marriage. Will i be able to let go of my wife? She had no idea all these are going on and i am really in a struggle. On the other hand i really don wish to lose T as well and if she will treat me like hw she treat her bf now? There were like a million questions in my mind and what i should do and i need to do it fast as we are almost on the 2nd stage of ivf which is to go for ultrasound to check the ovaries. What i do know is that i somehow love T more than my wife but im also certain tat is becos of the honeymoon period. I also certainly do not wish to make any decision which i might regret in the future.

[xands2001]

Bro..... I have the same scenario before..... the qn is will you be able to trust her when she leave the co and start working with other male co-worker? This might happen again to her.....

As a responsible man I have to tell you to consider carefully with your big head so that you will not hurt an innocent woman (Your wife), when a woman is willing to have your baby she is very very in love with you.

As a normal horny man I have to tell you to screw her as many times as you can and enjoy the moment, that is what "LUST" or "CRUSH" make of...... lots of sparks and sex, then you have live YOUR MOMENT.

Bro.. wat was your decision at that point of time?

[demonhunter]

Wow TS , you have hit the jackpot .

She knows you are married and still wants to get fucked by you .

just fcuk her as much as u can and still be with your wife !

:D

[joncheong]

this is scary and i would say you are threading on dangerous grounds....i have fucked many colleagues before....even made one pregnant...but at no time am myself or them deeply in love ...just pure lust...:D

[HelloAngel]

TS, I am a sis, not bro. ;)

Don't hurt your wife by divorcing her cos of this colleague. The only wrong thing she did was to marry you and go through IVF to have a child with you, yet you wanna leave her for a colleague. Love cannot be measured so how can you say you love your wife lesser? You probably feel this way cos you have a "work spouse" aka your colleague and neglected your legal spouse at home. Infactuation will pass if you choose to refocus your love back to your wife. I don't think the bros here will support your decision to divorce your wife cos there is no real valid reason.

Throughout your working life, you will meet many female colleagues and some gonna be working really closely with you. Are you gonna fall in love at every instance and div each time?

[Uncle2015]

TS, let us see from another angle.

For whatever reason, your wife is staying at home, hence losing touch with the society, losing her financial freedom, losing her job competitiveness, losing her presentation skill in both oral and fashion senses, and losing the desire to dress nicely and the need to put on flaw-covering make-up. I supposed your colleague does the opposite. I wonder who looks more attractive if wife also dresses in office wear ? I wonder who speaks more convincingly if wife also working ?

IVF is a stressful process as it not just inject your sperm into her but also inject hormones that affects her emotion. The success rate is not high. So she has to put up with the expectation from herself, you and your family, though she might not reveal. She endures because of you, your ego, your face and your family line. I wonder would your colleague subject herself to the emotion challenge, not just the medical procedure ?

It may be unfair to compare your feeling now towards your colleague vs towards your wife. Try this : How strong are you now attached to your colleague ? Can you recall, during your courtship, wedding, etc., how strong were you attached to your wife ? This would make a fairer comparison.

Falling for your colleague is normal and just prove that you're still in your active manhood. Cool mind warm heart, tell yourself, you just want to fuck her, at the end of the day, still go home to your wife. Of course, if you have the courage, tell her this is the rule of the games. Take it or leave it. No both ways.

To let you exit the affair gracefully, I have this to suggest. Tell your colleague or yourself, bcos making love with your wife now is like a chore, producing baby, hence, you miss the excitement of a lush or an intimate sex. So you have been fantasizing about your colleague. Going Geylang may not be your style, (who knows you might have already done it, but we don't care), you prefer sex with someone you are comfortable with, someone you know, someone assumed to be cleaner than hookers.

TS, you didn't give your wedding vow for nothing. What you need is a listening ear, relief from stress of having a baby, time to adjust. Your colleague appeared at the right place and right time. Seek a professional counsellor's help, if you need. I can sense you're a kind of guy who doesn't give up easily. Give your marriage a 2nd chance, that's what we called manhood, man enough to hold your family.


TS, I am a sis, not bro. ;)

Don't hurt your wife by divorcing her cos of this colleague. The only wrong thing she did was to marry you and go through IVF to have a child with you, yet you wanna leave her for a colleague. Love cannot be measured so how can you say you love your wife lesser? You probably feel this way cos you have a "work spouse" aka your colleague and neglected your legal spouse at home. Infactuation will pass if you choose to refocus your love back to your wife. I don't think the bros here will support your decision to divorce your wife cos there is no real valid reason.

Throughout your working life, you will meet many female colleagues and some gonna be working really closely with you. Are you gonna fall in love at every instance and div each time?

[xands2001]

TS, I am a sis, not bro. ;)

Don't hurt your wife by divorcing her cos of this colleague. The only wrong thing she did was to marry you and go through IVF to have a child with you, yet you wanna leave her for a colleague. Love cannot be measured so how can you say you love your wife lesser? You probably feel this way cos you have a "work spouse" aka your colleague and neglected your legal spouse at home. Infactuation will pass if you choose to refocus your love back to your wife. I don't think the bros here will support your decision to divorce your wife cos there is no real valid reason.

Throughout your working life, you will meet many female colleagues and some gonna be working really closely with you. Are you gonna fall in love at every instance and div each time?

Hi sis.. apologies..
I do not want to make the wrong move and hurt all parties which is my intention of posting as well as to gather feedback on what i should do next. Many thanks.
Yes, i agree.. love cannot be measured.. but i can be sure whom the heart is longing for more.. so i also wan to ensure that any decision i make or T makes will cause minimum collateral damage. I also agree with u tat while i acknowledge T as a great working partner, i can also cfm tat my feelings for her at tis point of time is real. I cant control when tis feeling comes or goes.. it just occurs naturally..

Ivf was a last resort as a result of us not having any success during the 2 years of trying to conceive. I also acknowlege the fact that my wife has to go thru injections everyday which i administer myself and i can feel her determination which touched me also..
I also acknowlege the fact tat what did is wrong but i do not tink tat the feelings i felt for T is wrong and i also do not want her to be treated unfairly.
By measurement, my wife sacrificed herself more becos of baby so i also cannot ignore tis fact in my consideration for a well rounded solution.
I have spoken to some close frens whom also suggested the same such as my wife nv did anything wrong.. y give her tis penalty. Bt is it really? If so, y do i have feelings for others as its one of the questions i ask myself which till now i have no answer. I also have to admit tat my wife is great. Still i am missing T at night when i slp next to my wife.. sighzz...

[xands2001]

TS, let us see from another angle.

For whatever reason, your wife is staying at home, hence losing touch with the society, losing her financial freedom, losing her job competitiveness, losing her presentation skill in both oral and fashion senses, and losing the desire to dress nicely and the need to put on flaw-covering make-up. I supposed your colleague does the opposite. I wonder who looks more attractive if wife also dresses in office wear ? I wonder who speaks more convincingly if wife also working ?

IVF is a stressful process as it not just inject your sperm into her but also inject hormones that affects her emotion. The success rate is not high. So she has to put up with the expectation from herself, you and your family, though she might not reveal. She endures because of you, your ego, your face and your family line. I wonder would your colleague subject herself to the emotion challenge, not just the medical procedure ?

It may be unfair to compare your feeling now towards your colleague vs towards your wife. Try this : How strong are you now attached to your colleague ? Can you recall, during your courtship, wedding, etc., how strong were you attached to your wife ? This would make a fairer comparison.

Falling for your colleague is normal and just prove that you're still in your active manhood. Cool mind warm heart, tell yourself, you just want to fuck her, at the end of the day, still go home to your wife. Of course, if you have the courage, tell her this is the rule of the games. Take it or leave it. No both ways.

To let you exit the affair gracefully, I have this to suggest. Tell your colleague or yourself, bcos making love with your wife now is like a chore, producing baby, hence, you miss the excitement of a lush or an intimate sex. So you have been fantasizing about your colleague. Going Geylang may not be your style, (who knows you might have already done it, but we don't care), you prefer sex with someone you are comfortable with, someone you know, someone assumed to be cleaner than hookers.

TS, you didn't give your wedding vow for nothing. What you need is a listening ear, relief from stress of having a baby, time to adjust. Your colleague appeared at the right place and right time. Seek a professional counsellor's help, if you need. I can sense you're a kind of guy who doesn't give up easily. Give your marriage a 2nd chance, that's what we called manhood, man enough to hold your family.

Hi bro.. thx for ur invaluable advise. Appreciated. I had told my wife to stay home after she gt bullied by her new manager. Since we are trying to conceive, might as well stay home and less stress and can make baby easier.. right? I knew my wife since she was in poly. Her love for cars and track sessions coincides with mine and we were able to click v well on that context. I still find her attractive and even if she were at home now i don find her any less attractive than T. Its however thw feelings and love that is somehow missing between us and i can find it in T. Was it just a simple case of misplacement and i can focus on replacing with new feeling and love in my wife or are they unrecoverable already? I have been asking myself repeatedly. I told my staff that i do not condone office relationships but i fall into one myself which is v ironic and v unexpected with T. In my mind, i wan to tell T that we shuld end it and its jus not right bt my heart tells me otherwise and if nt.. it gets stronger everyday..
Yes i agree sex with wife is like a chore.. we are both tired from the constant trying and disappointments even from numerous gynae to numerous TCM, the disappointment is just too great..
I also definitely do not wish to nake the wrong step and want to put things right while i still can.. bt every night.. i will miss T and all those thoughts will disappear. Im having an internal tug of war where i don wan to do the wrong thing but at the same time i wan to do the wrong thing to satisfy the feeling towards T. Help me...

[Botakhead]

1. Married, why in the first place are you married?
Because you loved your wife? Your wife loved you?
2. In love?
Define love? Was it lust? Was it concern/care?
3. Younger colleague, who knows your wife and you worked together before you got married?
Work and play are 2 very different things? Mutual respect as colleagues and friends?
4. She engaged and can let go of feelings for you? You are married with family, more troublesome?
Why so easily can get involved and can let go so easily? Married more difficult to settle problem?
5. Openly declared feelings of love to you and you also declared after consideration that you also loved her?
Love and platonic relationships or maybe just to fill in the empty spaces during certain parts of life?
6. You divorce and leave house and money to ex-wife?
If you can do that to your legally married wife, wouldn't you also can do it to your colleague?

Nothing is free in this world, there is always a price to pay for whatever you had done, or are going to do. Stop and think before more people get involved and hurt.

Having flings outside marriage and enjoy is one thing, people whom you have loved are being betrayed. Have you considered your wife's feelings for your infidelity? Are you sure this new found confirmed love relationship will work out? Considering your pros and cons, your cons are going to upset you more.

Your options are purely to just enjoy each others company during work and feelings should not be thrown into it, draw the line. If you both want, keep it discreet and not hurt both party's loved ones.

For every action, there will always be a consequences to bear, weigh it and see out of the box before it is too late.

[orangeproud]

She said that she know im a married man and she just got engaged to her bf and that its wrong, she still decide to tell me.

I am also thinking about our future as we cannot continue like this forever. She said its ez for her to let go but i have a marriage. It will not be ez... i have contemplated to divorce and leave my house and savings to my wife as a form of compensation.



TS, to make it simple......u hv mentioned tat u r thinking abt your future wif her as u knw tat u both can't like it forever, but is it all these r ur one way thinking? Does she oso like u willing or desire to hv a future wif u??:rolleyes: Hv u ever told her ur decision of divorcing ur wife n hv a future wif her?? Wat is her reaction?? Feel shocked? Does she stop u to make this decision?? Does she willing to break her engagement wif her bf so tat can hv a future wif u?? Hv u ever thought tat mayb she juz treat this r/s as a short fling, she doesn't really so serious like u. Better to get it clear b4 u putting more emotion in this r/s which later might hurt u much n making such an important decision of divorcing ur wife.

Pardon me for saying this can u sure tat she is really so serious like u in this r/s? Does she really desire to hv a future wif u?? Make it clear b4 rushing to divorce ur wife which might let u regret n guilty later. Usually, the hurt n pain u hv caused can't b compensate in monetary way, the scar will forever in ur wife heart.:(

[sanuuk]

You are in love? Do u mean u r not in love with your wife when you got married? Early thirties better have a good wife at home and concentrate on carrer la! With these mess that you have created, maybe holding on to your current job is also an issue! 三思而后行呀， 兄弟！

[MaraGuru]

Think too much TV drama, set to become real life.

Is good to fantasy but putting into real actions can be a disaster. Unless, your wifey doesn't mind sharing you. But again, do you mind your wifey being shared with another cock?

[ShaTauKokDog]

Think too much TV drama, set to become real life.

Is good to fantasy but putting into real actions can be a disaster. Unless, your wifey doesn't mind sharing you. But again, do you mind your wifey being shared with another cock?

Well said! Up up for good post!:)

[Uncle2015]

TS, I want to help me. But this place is not the perfect place, a professional counsellor is still a better way. I can only give you layman method.

It's very hard to convince or restrain you at this moment about stop "fantasing" T. You are at the beginning stage of a courtship, the best part of the love life cycle where all weaknesses are overlooked and daydreaming about fun being together is the flavour of the day. This is why falling in love is so wonderful.

Why are you on IVF path ? Do you feel stressed along this journey ? Would you be able to repeat this journey ? You need T to balance your mental pleasure during this period to "de-stress" ?

I asked these questions because I hope, seriously, I hope you are the one that caused the sub-productivity. Because this will make thing easier. Why ? The outcome of an affair, with an end in mind, is setting up another family. Assumed both you and T want to have a happy ending with own children. But if the sub-productivity problem is on you, then history will repeat itself, and you will go thru IVF again, and the stress that led you to look for something pleasuring again. Worst, we are not sure whether T will agree to go that far to conceive a baby for you. If she knew you betray your wife during IVF process, the more she won't want to follow the footstep, due to guilt conscious and worry of karma.

The only thing that will save you is a successful IVF procedure and the arrival of a baby. This will turn you around and upside down, but for a great purpose.

You are 7 years elder than T, and on IVF, so I guess you are not that young. There is a slim risk that you might be dumped by a younger girl.

Suggest you take a week leave or 2, go on a lazy tour with your wife, somewhere nice weather, outskirt, and less challenging itinerary, for teambuilding with your wife. The purpose is to re-ignite the love feeling with your wife. No contact with T during the trip. Handphone switched off. I can even plan a DIY trip for you, for you and your wife hor, not with T.


Hi bro.. thx for ur invaluable advise. Appreciated. I had told my wife to stay home after she gt bullied by her new manager. Since we are trying to conceive, might as well stay home and less stress and can make baby easier.. right? I knew my wife since she was in poly. Her love for cars and track sessions coincides with mine and we were able to click v well on that context. I still find her attractive and even if she were at home now i don find her any less attractive than T. Its however thw feelings and love that is somehow missing between us and i can find it in T. Was it just a simple case of misplacement and i can focus on replacing with new feeling and love in my wife or are they unrecoverable already? I have been asking myself repeatedly. I told my staff that i do not condone office relationships but i fall into one myself which is v ironic and v unexpected with T. In my mind, i wan to tell T that we shuld end it and its jus not right bt my heart tells me otherwise and if nt.. it gets stronger everyday..
Yes i agree sex with wife is like a chore.. we are both tired from the constant trying and disappointments even from numerous gynae to numerous TCM, the disappointment is just too great..
I also definitely do not wish to nake the wrong step and want to put things right while i still can.. bt every night.. i will miss T and all those thoughts will disappear. Im having an internal tug of war where i don wan to do the wrong thing but at the same time i wan to do the wrong thing to satisfy the feeling towards T. Help me...

[Heyue]

Dear all bro.. would like to seek an opinion and advise from any bros who had been in my shoes before.
Jus a little background. Im married for abput 2 years in my 30s. My wife is a homemaker. No kids but trying for 2 years and now trying ivf.
All of these events happened only less than a month.
I have a colleague whom i will call T. She is my closest working partner at work anf she is 7 years younger than me. We work on many projects together and usually stay late for OT and i wil send her back. V platonic and nothing hanky panky ever goes on. This goes on for about 4 years.
There were times when i fantasize or think about her as my extramarital affair partner but she do not seem the sort although we were v close at work. Sometimes i even wonder if im in love with her. Nah.. was my thought as i suppresed the feelings and thot that its impossible. 1st was that she is nt my type and im nt her type. 2nd she is on good terms with my wife. It was approx 3 weeks ago she told me that she gathered a lot of courage and took months of consideration to tell me that she is in love with me. My 1st thought was wow.. seriously? Do u treat me as a brother kind of love? She said no.. and that feelings were getting stronger. She said that she know im a married man and she just got engaged to her bf and that its wrong, she still decide to tell me. I was feeling flattered. I said ok.. give me a few days to digest and think over what should be done next. I thought for about 3 days and i reciprocated. I found that i too had feelings for her. Its no wonder why i always had an empty feeling whenever she was on leave for holiday or worried when she was on MC.
I told her that i had feelings for her too on the 4th day and she was so happy. We held hands and kissed for the 1st time. The feeling was magical. 3 weeks on, we tried hard to hide our feelings during work and it was tough. I k ow.. i should not reciprocate but i let my heart took o er instead of my head. I am also thinking about our future as we cannot continue like this forever. She said its ez for her to let go but i have a marriage. It will not be ez... i have contemplated to divorce and leave my house and savings to my wife as a form of compensation.
What would you bros have done?
I am earnestly seeking enlightenment and advise from sincere bros here.. those who do not have constructive comments pls do not disturb thanks in advance.

She will eventually dump you for someone in the future. Or perhaps sleep around.

[orangeproud]

She will eventually dump you for someone in the future. Or perhaps sleep around.

Agree.
TS, pls dun b so serious until wan to divorce ur wife thinking of sharing a future wif this T.
How much u knw abt her? Her background, character, flaws, moral value n etc?
Does she like u so serious in this r/s or she juz treat it as a fling? She nvr think of sharing any future wif u? This is juz ur one side thinking?:rolleyes:
Hv u ever break the news abt u intend to divorce ur wife to b wif her? Wat is her reaction? Speechless?
Think twice b4 making any major decision.
Get it clear if this T oso so serious in this r/s like u n hoping to hv a future wif u first b4 any action.;)

[EtherC]

TS, marriage is more about commitment, compromise & companionship. Love is just a part of the starter pack. You may want to rethink your approach & ideas on love. There's no destined one to be with and in its raw essence love is just Nature's chemical cocktail to make living together initially palatable. Lovey dovey feelings dun last that long, your brain won't be able to sustain that biochemical shitstorm for so long. Thats why when passion/love fades commitment, compromise & companionship takes over.

Take the good advice dispensed earlier by the other forummers, a short break from your love interest would help. It'll help you clear off that cocktail of hormones and neurotransmitters running wild in your head.

Remember the oath you took at your wedding,its not meant to be broken lightly.
Being a real man is about honoring your word in deed.

[singmarine]

I also faced the same issue. Married for about 4 years with a 2 year old son. But in love with an existing colleague & ex-colleague.

Dare not cross the line. :(

[xands2001]

Dear all many thanks for the advices.. T and i are giving ourselves time to think over. Whether if we can survive the future if we take the unforseen route ahead of us or just continue the way it is before anything actually happened. We are having big headaches where we each have our own committments yet we long for each other with a blur future. At the moment, everything remain status quo. I have hinted to my wife previously but she din take it seriously so i cannot guess her next course of action. I also appreciate her taking the sacrifice of ivf and im somehow actually letting fate take its course such as if the ivf was unsuccessful i may take it as a sign. If its successful, i will take up the responsibility and end the r/s with T. However another part of me feel its v unfair to my wife where she nv did anything wrong to me and i will feel guilty towards her. Tats how i feel now. Im sure many who face similar situation have many internal struggles and pls kindly share with me so i can take in as much references as part of consideration. Thank you.

[korean]

TS,

It is difficult to give any advice based on your situation as on one hand, you mentioned nothing wrong to your wife and on the other hand, you love someone more than your wife and even u end the r/s with T, you may encounter more affairs in future which may eventually divorce ur wife with child! btw, do u have sex with T? seems it is not mentioned

Maybe u can ask urself these few questions.

- can T stop u from having other affairs in future?
- if u or T have 2 years (for example, plus or minus, u got the idea) life span remaining, what will u want to do?
- what is the most regret things in life if u dont do it.

[ShittyAss]

Im sure many who face similar situation have many internal struggles and pls kindly share with me so i can take in as much references as part of consideration. Thank you.

Hmm.. Take others experience as a point of reference as part of consideration?

I don't mean to be rude TS, but wtf are u doing? What has other folks experience going to affect or influence your marriage and situation that u have to take it as a point of reference?

So many comments as I read through your thread. All giving u their comments n opinions which are similar. And what's your call?

Are u looking for someone to concur with your thoughts? That is to divorce your wife straight?

My view? U are simply playing with fire as u are too bored with your wife who is a home maker which u told her to be. If u need an alternative, SBF has plenty. But if u are thinking of a FB, she maybe the one to fit the bill for now.

I don't know whats your rank in your office, life will not be easy after that. N worst it may lead to either one leaving the company if rumors spreads across the entire company. Or even worst, stomp like what happen to our ex MP.

Seriously, it's your marriage. U don't go into any forum to post your situation hoping for an answer. Visit a counsellor if u need to.

[Megatronzombie]

Bro TS don't use the IVF result to determine everyone's faith. There is no such thing as a sign from a higher power. Just consider the following facts:
- your wife did you no wrong and you married her
- question yourself: are you having an ego high with a new mistress 7 years younger than you?
- will you be jealous when your mistress have new guy fren her age nd they click really well?

[hugs]

no kid, married for 2 years and in love with somebody else you have known for 4 yrs. im just saying if this happens to me, i will divorce now rather than when there is a kid and ruin more lives. Dont need to think so much what is your type or her type. We always get infatuated with the type we want but we love the type we need. you already said she is not your type and she told you that you are also not her type, yet despite that both of you love each other. What are you waiting for?


Dear all bro.. would like to seek an opinion and advise from any bros who had been in my shoes before.
Jus a little background. Im married for abput 2 years in my 30s. My wife is a homemaker. No kids but trying for 2 years and now trying ivf.
All of these events happened only less than a month.
I have a colleague whom i will call T. She is my closest working partner at work anf she is 7 years younger than me. We work on many projects together and usually stay late for OT and i wil send her back. V platonic and nothing hanky panky ever goes on. This goes on for about 4 years.
There were times when i fantasize or think about her as my extramarital affair partner but she do not seem the sort although we were v close at work. Sometimes i even wonder if im in love with her. Nah.. was my thought as i suppresed the feelings and thot that its impossible. 1st was that she is nt my type and im nt her type. 2nd she is on good terms with my wife. It was approx 3 weeks ago she told me that she gathered a lot of courage and took months of consideration to tell me that she is in love with me. My 1st thought was wow.. seriously? Do u treat me as a brother kind of love? She said no.. and that feelings were getting stronger. She said that she know im a married man and she just got engaged to her bf and that its wrong, she still decide to tell me. I was feeling flattered. I said ok.. give me a few days to digest and think over what should be done next. I thought for about 3 days and i reciprocated. I found that i too had feelings for her. Its no wonder why i always had an empty feeling whenever she was on leave for holiday or worried when she was on MC.
I told her that i had feelings for her too on the 4th day and she was so happy. We held hands and kissed for the 1st time. The feeling was magical. 3 weeks on, we tried hard to hide our feelings during work and it was tough. I k ow.. i should not reciprocate but i let my heart took o er instead of my head. I am also thinking about our future as we cannot continue like this forever. She said its ez for her to let go but i have a marriage. It will not be ez... i have contemplated to divorce and leave my house and savings to my wife as a form of compensation.
What would you bros have done?
I am earnestly seeking enlightenment and advise from sincere bros here.. those who do not have constructive comments pls do not disturb thanks in advance.

[Taisho75]

I kinda agree with what most ppl says here. You can ask for all the advice you want, ppl can give u advise, but u still need to do the final decicion yourself.

Ask yourself what you want, is it worth it? Make a decision that you wont regret later in life. You can't blame anyone except yourself if anything goes differently.

[porscheclub]

TS, I was in your situation few times over :D and now settled with 4 kids & going for a 5th. It has been messy so don't do it.

I know exactly how you feel with that new found love, one of my ex was 14yrs junior. How's the sex with T so far? We'll talk about her later.

Your kid problem. Is the issue with your wife or you? I know a very good IVF professor from UK who's working in our area that I can recommend so PM me if you wish. My friend who was childless for 10yrs just had their first baby girl after seeing this doc but I cannot guarantee you magic as this is a blessing other than science.

One more victim in your scenario is Miss T's fiance. I don't know about others but never mess with another man's love especially when you know it. This will cause your downfall, reputation & worst, fatal. We don't touch another man's woman. I suggest that you stop this relationship right now before your cover is blown. I'm sure you know how to settle her so admit your fault, file guilty and STOP all communications with this girl. Let her go.

We're human; always looking for love with that fluffy butterfly feeling that is so romantic and sweet but remember to face the consequences.

One more issue which some guys experienced. Your new found love can become sticky and spiral into an ultimate nightmare. Oh yes she knows you're married but a women's love will develop into jealousy and one day she'll confront your wife. How can you deal with that?

FYI, I was hospitalised in a fight with my ex then she went mad & tried to jump from the condo!! :D

If what you're looking for is cheers for this illicit affair then have a nice screw but pay back will be bitter. If you feel she IS the ONE then divorce your wife now and marry Ms T but let me assure you that if you don't manage your relationship then even marrying Miss Universe will turn sour & you're back at staring your secretary. Good luck.

[korean]

TS, I was in your situation few times over :D and now settled with 4 kids & going for a 5th. It has been messy so don't do it.

I know exactly how you feel with that new found love, one of my ex was 14yrs junior. How's the sex with T so far? We'll talk about her later.

Your kid problem. Is the issue with your wife or you? I know a very good IVF professor from UK who's working in our area that I can recommend so PM me if you wish. My friend who was childless for 10yrs just had their first baby girl after seeing this doc but I cannot guarantee you magic as this is a blessing other than science.

One more victim in your scenario is Miss T's fiance. I don't know about others but never mess with another man's love especially when you know it. This will cause your downfall, reputation & worst, fatal. We don't touch another man's woman. I suggest that you stop this relationship right now before your cover is blown. I'm sure you know how to settle her so admit your fault, file guilty and STOP all communications with this girl. Let her go.

We're human; always looking for love with that fluffy butterfly feeling that is so romantic and sweet but remember to face the consequences.

One more issue which some guys experienced. Your new found love can become sticky and spiral into an ultimate nightmare. Oh yes she knows you're married but a women's love will develop into jealousy and one day she'll confront your wife. How can you deal with that?

FYI, I was hospitalised in a fight with my ex then she went mad & tried to jump from the condo!! :D

If what you're looking for is cheers for this illicit affair then have a nice screw but pay back will be bitter. If you feel she IS the ONE then divorce your wife now and marry Ms T but let me assure you that if you don't manage your relationship then even marrying Miss Universe will turn sour & you're back at staring your secretary. Good luck.

Bro,
5th kids and how many mother all together lol

[a2014]

TS, how you get married in the first case, just to get a passport to have SEX ? Looks like you are in a illusion state, if you meet one, work with it for a while and get head over heel with it.

So what happen if you divorce you current wife and marry her, then you meet another one and she said she love you so what are you going to do. Repeat the history ?

No kids is not an excuse, what did you promise when you first sign on the dotted line at ROM ? At that time because of the license to SEX you say "I DO" so later you find something else you say "I UNDO" so how ?

If you don't love that woman at home, then why marry her. If this new woman love you knowing you are married what makes you think that she will not approach another one in future.

It takes two hands to clap, you must have show some advance otherwise she may not have reciprocated except you did not elaborate over here.

Take care bro and act wisely.

[Superfluid]

Pardon me for joining the fray, but i have my piece of advice for you too.

My brother was in a similar situation as you. He fell in love with someone younger than him by 7 years despite being married to his wife for 7 years.

The girl, however, was not someone who dresses up or looks more attractive. My sis in law can win her in looks or figure, but the problem is that her attitude changed slightly after marriage. Afterall, my SIL is a malaysian and she is far from home. Feeling constantly pressured to have children and yet nothing she done is working, her attitude towards life seems nonchalant.

The girl, which i met personally to persuade her to leave my bro, is a really sweet filipina girl. A nurse I think. They met on social networking apps and normal photography outings turned into an affair as that pinay is really adorable and friendly. Somehow, i can understand why my brother can't leave that charismatic and natural lady

How i managed to get the girl to leave my bro is another story. But in the end, i told my bro that this girl cannot be trusted since my bro was the one that sent me to test her. I'm divorced by the way. In the end, what I want to say is this: I think my bro chose the right path because there are so many factors to consider. If he never loved my SIL, why did he marry her?

People change over time, i think bro Uncle and bro a2014 is right. TS is in an illusion state. The part of finding someone that appreciates you after such a long time of silence and blandness in love life certainly makes you want to commit to a new relationship because you are enticed to this new deal.

To add on, sex and chemistry was great, right? But TS, have you ever thought that you learned all these through experience and it was just the reluctance to practice this gained experience it on your wife that may have somewhat caused the decline in your love life?

I speak through hardship, TS. I divorced but in the end, i never get the other girl. It's too much baggage and emotional turmoil you will have to put the other woman through. Your parents and family will never really like that girl. How are you going to explain to your friends. Yeah, it's not their business, but are you going to live a hermit life?

Secondly, the stigma that follows her whenever people ask you about your ex wife.Have you thought of that? Then what will people address her?

Lastly, the turmoil of divorce and how it affects your life... lucky you have no kids but you are not young anymore. I see my friends having kids and and I really adore children. With all the financial burden on my hand and a stress constantly incoming from the legal matters, kids are the last thing in my mind.

Think about it, TS. I know when you look at the girl, you can't see anything else but her, but you have to close your eyes and think of your future too, not the imaginary future of waking up and seeing her beside you only

[Uncle2015]

Unfortunately, TS hasn't checked in SBF since 1st June. But I supposed the advice we give here are equally good for others who might be in the similar situation.

[JacqueMerlin]

Unfortunately, TS hasn't checked in SBF since 1st June. But I supposed the advice we give here are equally good for others who might be in the similar situation.

His question was a no brainer. His wife faithfully chooses to get pregnant for him. Loves him. Yet he contemplates another woman?

[deludedgal]

Obviously just infatuation? Something fresh something new.. when u fuck her over and over again.. same feeling back to no passion. In this case i worry how many times u need to divorce and get married again. Infatuation wont last.

[xands2001]

Dear all bros and sis for ur valuable insights, advise and experiences. My life with T is still causing emotional stress. My wife is pregnant. My brain says stop, let her resign. My hearts say no, let her stay. T is also experiencing a difficult time now especially when we see each other on a daily basis due to work. She wans to stop when she learned tat my wife is pregnant bt she cant let go yet. My wife and i were almost divorced bt T says i should not esp when she is preg. My wife still doesnt know abt T as they knew each other and she wans to avoid confrontation at all costs. Bt as with any decisions made, it has to be tat i stay with my wife. Right.?

[lustysinner]

Dear all bros and sis for ur valuable insights, advise and experiences. My life with T is still causing emotional stress. My wife is pregnant. My brain says stop, let her resign. My hearts say no, let her stay. T is also experiencing a difficult time now especially when we see each other on a daily basis due to work. She wans to stop when she learned tat my wife is pregnant bt she cant let go yet. My wife and i were almost divorced bt T says i should not esp when she is preg. My wife still doesnt know abt T as they knew each other and she wans to avoid confrontation at all costs. Bt as with any decisions made, it has to be tat i stay with my wife. Right.?

Of course lah , u bloody idiot! Wife already pregnant leh. Must behave like a man and be responsible!

Don't behave like a Chao Ang Mo, we are Asians leh, not like them suka suka marry suka suka divorce.

Just go have a few more tryst with T , remember in your heart and break up.

Very simple only. No need keep on whining and asking.

[korean]

What will u do if T pregnant? :D

[hugs]

TS,

(#1)A real girl in love with you would be selfish and jealous. She is too nice. My wife and i were almost divorced bt T says i should not esp when she is preg. Are you going to say that she is a really nice girl?

(#2)In that case, why this?-->She wants to stop when she learned tat my wife is pregnant bt she cant let go yet. Are you going to say she is in love with you so she cant let you go? Then go back to my first point.

(#3)She is a cunning girl. My wife still doesnt know abt T as they knew each other and she wans to avoid confrontation at all costs.Would you fuck you friend's wife when they are planning to have kids and still be respected by other men?

Dear all bros and sis for ur valuable insights, advise and experiences. My life with T is still causing emotional stress. My wife is pregnant. My brain says stop, let her resign. My hearts say no, let her stay. T is also experiencing a difficult time now especially when we see each other on a daily basis due to work. She wans to stop when she learned tat my wife is pregnant bt she cant let go yet. My wife and i were almost divorced bt T says i should not esp when she is preg. My wife still doesnt know abt T as they knew each other and she wans to avoid confrontation at all costs. Bt as with any decisions made, it has to be tat i stay with my wife. Right.?

[jameschong1]

all u losers complaining machiam big time lovers.
the real question is : u got $$$ onot to support 2 wives?
if not shut the fuck up!

[Uncle2015]

Would you fuck you friend's wife when they are planning to have kids and still be respected by other men?

Sis Hugs really pissed off.

[Uncle2015]

What will u do if T pregnant? :D

Bro Korean, TS is already facing so much difficulty, adding your this question, is as good as sentencing him to death. Lol

[Uncle2015]

Dear all bros and sis for ur valuable insights, advise and experiences. My life with T is still causing emotional stress. My wife is pregnant. My brain says stop, let her resign. My hearts say no, let her stay. T is also experiencing a difficult time now especially when we see each other on a daily basis due to work. She wans to stop when she learned tat my wife is pregnant bt she cant let go yet. My wife and i were almost divorced bt T says i should not esp when she is preg. My wife still doesnt know abt T as they knew each other and she wans to avoid confrontation at all costs. Bt as with any decisions made, it has to be tat i stay with my wife. Right.?

Welcome back !? Good as in you have good news. Bad as in you are still indecisive.

Congratulations Xands2001. Both you and wife have succeeded on your first hurdle. That was a great efforts and teamwork to overcome the odd and struggle. They say 经得起考验才会长久. I hope this IVF journey has further cushioned your husband and wife relationship thru thick and thin.

One part I don't understand : you and your wife almost divorced but she still doesn't know about T. You mean, "you almost divorce your wife, unilaterally" or "your wife knew you are having an affair but doesn't know with who" ?

Let me keep my memory aside for the time being :
... I also appreciate her taking the sacrifice of ivf and im somehow actually letting fate take its course such as if the ivf was unsuccessful i may take it as a sign. If its successful, i will take up the responsibility and end the r/s with T. However another part of me feel its v unfair to my wife where she nv did anything wrong to me and i will feel guilty towards her. Tats how i feel now...

[korean]

Bro Korean, TS is already facing so much difficulty, adding your this question, is as good as sentencing him to death. Lol
Lol, i dunno what to advice him

[a2014]

My life with T is still causing emotional stress. My wife is pregnant. My brain says stop, let her resign. My hearts say no, let her stay. T is also experiencing a difficult time now especially when we see each other on a daily basis due to work.
TS, certain very stressful, you know you can't have both but you choose to because you enjoy those goodies that come in between. You seems the have rule all decision making using a different head. It goods to have different options as it seems both of them give you different feeling and you love it.

She wans to stop when she learned tat my wife is pregnant bt she cant let go yet.
Did you ask her why stop and why let go and see her reply. I am sure she will give you a crap load of answers that even you bring it up here nobody will agree to her answer.

My wife and i were almost divorced bt T says i should not esp when she is preg. My wife still doesnt know abt T as they knew each other and she wans to avoid confrontation at all costs.
Why divorce, because of T because T's service is better. So she knew your wife and still insist to carry on, what do she achieve at the end. Snatch something that don't actually belongs to her. What make her so sure that you wouldn't do the same to her a few years later when you find another Ms F.

Bt as with any decisions made, it has to be tat i stay with my wife. Right.?
You are just trying to do is to follow with the flow of everyone's thought here, actually you just want to wait and see and enjoy the benefit of having two woman.

This is dangerous, you may loose both at the end. What makes you think that she will let go, NO, until you wife let go then eventually she will also let go. Try to understand more of her background trace back to her childhood if she will ever want to tell you. If am sure you will get another crap load of answers that if you were to address here in future will amuse all of us.

I guess she has mixed up like and love, so long as you show some care be it colleague or friendly terms she will come to you as love and you have take the advantage over it. One of you have to leave the company and you will see what will happen.

Tell her, this is not possible, she is too late, you are already married, both of you can be friends, can communicate anything under the sun by not really possible at least up till now and several years after. See what she reply.

Take Care, act wisely.

[sunkingdonut]

TS is in an affair fog. The excitement of no commitment with T - no housework, no argument, no in laws, no stress of loans etc etc while the other side is just, real life. If T somehow becomes TS's wife, it'll be real life..

Failure to see and feel's wife suffering and feelings is just another classic affair's symptom. Enjoying the stability of marriage while having excitement/ high of an affair.

Hope TS snap out of it early. Be a man.

[Jevv]

What will happen if T is also pregnant with ur baby too? :D I ever heard b4 sth similar to TS's story..the wife & mistress both got preggy at the same time:o

Anyway, TS now tat ur wife is pregnant...u hv the next few mths b4 the baby is out...to think wat u r gg to do with T. Choose & think wisely:)

[xands2001]

Bro uncle and all here who provided valuable expertise and experience. U have my thanks. Why i say we almost divorced is tat i have treated my wife v coldly and she as a woman definitely felt it and asked me about it. I told her nothing is wrong and thru a few weeks, she had had enough of it and brought out the divorce herself. I was almost happy about it but then something in me made me feel that i must nv be tis kinda person who would turn his back on wife and kids. I mamaged to coax her and now she is happy. I am happy as i managed to coax T to maintain our working relationship. However i am clear that such a road with T is very unstable and that we have both come to a compromise that we will just remaim as colleagues. It was happy ending in the end. And i hope to nv come across such a crossroad again. Omg. It was very hectic and stressful. Feel v relieved now. Many thanks to all the nice people here who was willing to spend time advising. Really appreciated it. Thank you all.

[arsenal_84]

glad that TS made the right decision in the end.
think more with the logical brain instead of the smaller head below and your life will be less messy.

[cumball]

Bro u have alot to lose, notably half of all yr shit n monthly maintenance payments! Try to understand if u lust or love her, i see it as lust.

Just go outside n release can already, then have her reassigned so she dont have to work with u.

Men who wanna fuck women is normal, i have serious doubts when women tink the same way. Women want commitment, so if she is engaged snd still love u then u should think why? Perhaps u more successful then her bf?

Dear all bro.. would like to seek an opinion and advise from any bros who had been in my shoes before.
Jus a little background. Im married for abput 2 years in my 30s. My wife is a homemaker. No kids but trying for 2 years and now trying ivf.
All of these events happened only less than a month.
I have a colleague whom i will call T. She is my closest working partner at work anf she is 7 years younger than me. We work on many projects together and usually stay late for OT and i wil send her back. V platonic and nothing hanky panky ever goes on. This goes on for about 4 years.
There were times when i fantasize or think about her as my extramarital affair partner but she do not seem the sort although we were v close at work. Sometimes i even wonder if im in love with her. Nah.. was my thought as i suppresed the feelings and thot that its impossible. 1st was that she is nt my type and im nt her type. 2nd she is on good terms with my wife. It was approx 3 weeks ago she told me that she gathered a lot of courage and took months of consideration to tell me that she is in love with me. My 1st thought was wow.. seriously? Do u treat me as a brother kind of love? She said no.. and that feelings were getting stronger. She said that she know im a married man and she just got engaged to her bf and that its wrong, she still decide to tell me. I was feeling flattered. I said ok.. give me a few days to digest and think over what should be done next. I thought for about 3 days and i reciprocated. I found that i too had feelings for her. Its no wonder why i always had an empty feeling whenever she was on leave for holiday or worried when she was on MC.
I told her that i had feelings for her too on the 4th day and she was so happy. We held hands and kissed for the 1st time. The feeling was magical. 3 weeks on, we tried hard to hide our feelings during work and it was tough. I k ow.. i should not reciprocate but i let my heart took o er instead of my head. I am also thinking about our future as we cannot continue like this forever. She said its ez for her to let go but i have a marriage. It will not be ez... i have contemplated to divorce and leave my house and savings to my wife as a form of compensation.
What would you bros have done?
I am earnestly seeking enlightenment and advise from sincere bros here.. those who do not have constructive comments pls do not disturb thanks in advance.

[BowBow]

TS, personally I had similar experience as you and I am the one like most bros mentioned, 两头不到岸。 grass is greener on the other side....

Sometimes feeling does grows where both of your spend most time together .... Definitely do contain some romance but not all...

Just my 2 cents worth of thought ....

[Uncle2015]

TS, very glad that you're making good progress and closed the chapter with a happy ending. I know I'm a bit bias thru out hoping you would stay with your wife.

Really feel happy for your wife and your twins. They got their daddy back.


Bro uncle and all here who provided valuable expertise and experience. U have my thanks. Why i say we almost divorced is tat i have treated my wife v coldly and she as a woman definitely felt it and asked me about it. I told her nothing is wrong and thru a few weeks, she had had enough of it and brought out the divorce herself. I was almost happy about it but then something in me made me feel that i must nv be tis kinda person who would turn his back on wife and kids. I mamaged to coax her and now she is happy. I am happy as i managed to coax T to maintain our working relationship. However i am clear that such a road with T is very unstable and that we have both come to a compromise that we will just remaim as colleagues. It was happy ending in the end. And i hope to nv come across such a crossroad again. Omg. It was very hectic and stressful. Feel v relieved now. Many thanks to all the nice people here who was willing to spend time advising. Really appreciated it. Thank you all.

[gjlow]

Glad that you have come to a decision. Now you can focus on your upcoming child. All the best.

Bro uncle and all here who provided valuable expertise and experience. U have my thanks. Why i say we almost divorced is tat i have treated my wife v coldly and she as a woman definitely felt it and asked me about it. I told her nothing is wrong and thru a few weeks, she had had enough of it and brought out the divorce herself. I was almost happy about it but then something in me made me feel that i must nv be tis kinda person who would turn his back on wife and kids. I mamaged to coax her and now she is happy. I am happy as i managed to coax T to maintain our working relationship. However i am clear that such a road with T is very unstable and that we have both come to a compromise that we will just remaim as colleagues. It was happy ending in the end. And i hope to nv come across such a crossroad again. Omg. It was very hectic and stressful. Feel v relieved now. Many thanks to all the nice people here who was willing to spend time advising. Really appreciated it. Thank you all.

[Xyberduke]

married and in love with a colleague?
You are so screwed.... Please wake up now...
When married, colleague can be FBs, but never fall in love.
If you are a guy, you lose everything! literally everything!

[xands2001]

Yeah.. i tink so too.. so gotta end it and move on in life with family. I will always keep tos in mind b4 falling into anymore relationships. It is too tired to upkeep

[HelloAngel]

I am happy for you TS. Your unborn kids will grow up knowing their daddy is always there for them in the family and that's something priceless. :)!