Should I seek an answer to my questions?

[snowyheart]

I found out a few weeks back that I am a third party in the relationship. I have already told him that I will leave and tried to arrange for a meeting to clear the questions that I have. But it seemed so difficult to meet.

At first when I just found out, I tried to ask him out but he was too busy to set time aside to settle this i guess as I did not hear from him after a week.
During that week, a lot of stuff went thru my mind. Finally, I made up my mind to leave him. As I got frustrated from waiting, I text him and told him my decision.

Since this is my first time getting into this kind of situation, it really broke my heart. I realized I have to get the questions in me answered before I could put a closure to this issue. I wanted to arrange for another meeting and it failed again because we couldn't agree on a date.

I don't know why is it that deep down in my heart I hoped that he will ask me to stay. I know I am silly and also stupid to have this thinking.

Needless to say, the third try was also unsuccessful as he claimed to have work lined up. I'm not sure how true this is but I'm getting a feeling that he is trying to avoid me or this issue. I'm not sure. Is he really that busy to the extent that he is unable to meet for a short while?

Doubts about his words start to arise. I actually believed him when he said he was serious about me. However, his attitude and actions does not seem so. Should I just end everything here and leave my questions unanswered and let this burning desire to know fade with time or continue to arrange for a meetup? Pardon me for not being able to reveal too much info.

[juststray]

Dear Sis,

I believe deep down you know that he is just toying you, for his own enjoyment, since you had discovered the truth, you are now just a broken toy to him. So I do not know what other unanswered question you have.

You may be deceived but it is no doubt a mistake to start having a relationship with him. Never, never because of pride or whatever reason, fall in love with your mistake.

Difficult but chin up, smile on. The globe does not stop rotating because of anybody. You are the only one obligated to make yourself happy. So go and fulfil your obligation, be happy

[hugs]

Men should read what ts has suffered recently and stop playing with girl's emotion. It hurts. Why play so big? Using her heart to satisfy your ego. See what she is going through now? She waited and waited. Her heart got no closure. Haiz.

[Ngengheng]

Woman eventually falls for a bad guys and shun away good guys......

[hugs]

Woman eventually falls for a bad guys and shun away good guys......

Or hurt herself again with another bad guy. Haiz. Like karma.

Ts cheer up.

[a2014]

TS, it is the inner self that you have to fight. If the guy doesn't want to meet it means that he doesn't want to continue with that relationship but don't know how to bring it forward to you, therefore avoiding it is his only option.

Again he has to fight his inner self as to he really can let go. In short term, I guess the answer for both of you is NO. However time will be there to proof the answer.

It time is ripe maybe both of you may meet again but a different kind of relationship.

[hugs]

TS, it is the inner self that you have to fight. If the guy doesn't want to meet it means that he doesn't want to continue with that relationship but don't know how to bring it forward to you, therefore avoiding it is his only option.

Again he has to fight his inner self as to he really can let go. In short term, I guess the answer for both of you is NO. However time will be there to proof the answer.

It time is ripe maybe both of you may meet again but a different kind of relationship.

true true. nothing is absolute sometimes. wishing ts all the best.

[kgbkgb]

I found out a few weeks back that I am a third party in the relationship. I have already told him that I will leave and tried to arrange for a meeting to clear the questions that I have. But it seemed so difficult to meet.

At first when I just found out, I tried to ask him out but he was too busy to set time aside to settle this i guess as I did not hear from him after a week.
During that week, a lot of stuff went thru my mind. Finally, I made up my mind to leave him. As I got frustrated from waiting, I text him and told him my decision.

Since this is my first time getting into this kind of situation, it really broke my heart. I realized I have to get the questions in me answered before I could put a closure to this issue. I wanted to arrange for another meeting and it failed again because we couldn't agree on a date.

I don't know why is it that deep down in my heart I hoped that he will ask me to stay. I know I am silly and also stupid to have this thinking.

Needless to say, the third try was also unsuccessful as he claimed to have work lined up. I'm not sure how true this is but I'm getting a feeling that he is trying to avoid me or this issue. I'm not sure. Is he really that busy to the extent that he is unable to meet for a short while?

Doubts about his words start to arise. I actually believed him when he said he was serious about me. However, his attitude and actions does not seem so. Should I just end everything here and leave my questions unanswered and let this burning desire to know fade with time or continue to arrange for a meetup? Pardon me for not being able to reveal too much info.

I'm sorry to say this but this is where you have to decisively put a stop to this relationship. It will get you nowhere. Both men and women who play with their partners' heart just to get what they want are not only selfish but also inconsiderate. They don't care about the hurt they bring to their partners. He had already kept you in the dark about his other relationship so it shouldn't be a surprise he also kept you in the dark about his true intentions. It will be painful but I'm afraid you have to go through this. Be strong, forget him, forget your past with him, just move on .. it will hurt, it will be painful but time will heal. Good luck

[Harvest]

...

I don't know why is it that deep down in my heart I hoped that he will ask me to stay. I know I am silly and also stupid to have this thinking.
....

That's because emotions are more powerful than rationale at this stage of the crossroad. Move on, sis. It will take time to heal so do give yourself time.

[demonhunter]

you need to meet someone like me to cheer u up .....

;)

[Jevv]

TS i think u shld move, mayb wat u can do now is to delete him from ur contacts & cease to hv any forms of communication with him. I knw its quite hard for now, but once it has become ur habit (of not contacting him)...it will b ur long-term habit moving forward.

once u hv adopted tis habit...u will find the itch to contact him will cease as well;)

When a guy is no longer keen in a girl, he will find thousands of excuse not to meet/contact/see her. If a guy is keen in a girl, he will find thousand of reason to meet her😀

i hope u can faster get rid of him in ur life...good riddance to bad rubbish

[snowyheart]

Thanks to all the bros and sis who have given me your kind advice. I will definitely remember it.

Men should read what ts has suffered recently and stop playing with girl's emotion. It hurts. Why play so big? Using her heart to satisfy your ego. See what she is going through now? She waited and waited. Her heart got no closure. Haiz.

I wish he is reading this. There were many instances where he could have told me the truth but unfortunately he didn't.

TS, it is the inner self that you have to fight. If the guy doesn't want to meet it means that he doesn't want to continue with that relationship but don't know how to bring it forward to you, therefore avoiding it is his only option.

Again he has to fight his inner self as to he really can let go. In short term, I guess the answer for both of you is NO. However time will be there to proof the answer.

It time is ripe maybe both of you may meet again but a different kind of relationship.

He did tell me the day that he is available but unfortunately I'm not. If this final attempt to fix a date fails, I will give up and move on from there.

I'm sorry to say this but this is where you have to decisively put a stop to this relationship. It will get you nowhere. Both men and women who play with their partners' heart just to get what they want are not only selfish but also inconsiderate. They don't care about the hurt they bring to their partners. He had already kept you in the dark about his other relationship so it shouldn't be a surprise he also kept you in the dark about his true intentions. It will be painful but I'm afraid you have to go through this. Be strong, forget him, forget your past with him, just move on .. it will hurt, it will be painful but time will heal. Good luck

Yes it is really painful and he knows that too. I really cannot understand why did he do this to me when he is well aware of the hurt that this will cause me when the truth is revealed.

What pissed me off the most is his attitude after he realizes I have discovered the truth.

TS i think u shld move, mayb wat u can do now is to delete him from ur contacts & cease to hv any forms of communication with him. I knw its quite hard for now, but once it has become ur habit (of not contacting him)...it will b ur long-term habit moving forward.

once u hv adopted tis habit...u will find the itch to contact him will cease as well;)

When a guy is no longer keen in a girl, he will find thousands of excuse not to meet/contact/see her. If a guy is keen in a girl, he will find thousand of reason to meet her😀

i hope u can faster get rid of him in ur life...good riddance to bad rubbish

Whenever I thought I have put this behind me, I find myself breaking down again and I am back at the start. Hopefully time helps to heal the pain.

[squiggle]

Block everything, don't ever see and talk about him again.

[groo]

Time doesn't help you to heal the pain. As time goes by, you actually get used to the pain, or as some put it, numb to the pain. So the earlier you let go, the faster you will get use to it and be at peace with yourself. It actually takes a brave decision to let go... ;)
...Whenever I thought I have put this behind me, I find myself breaking down again and I am back at the start. Hopefully time helps to heal the pain.

[snowyheart]

Looking back, I was silly
to make up excuses to deceive myself whenever something amiss happened,
to think that you have changed your ways (how can I forget the saying 江山已改，本性难移），
to have believed your words (but I would still choose to believe that you weren't fooling and were indeed serious about me otherwise there's no reason for you to tell me so much about yourself),
in hoping that you will ask me to stay,
in thinking that we could have remained as friends after this has happened.
Didn't know what caused me to have the last 2 thoughts at that point of time. Maybe I was not prepared to accept the reality.

I guess old habits die hard. Probably I'm really too innocent like what you said.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the few months with you although we didn't see each other that often and appreciated the advice that you have given me whenever I was stressed out. Thanks for making my first love a really memorable one too (sarcasm intended).

No matter what, I'm glad to have found out the truth early and get out of this shit. As what bro(i guess? Correct me if I'm wrong) juststray mentioned "The globe does not stop rotating because of anybody", I'll take this as a lesson learnt and move on. I have more important stuff to do in my life than to mull over this.

To quote my friend's advice 缘分还没到，下个会更好 and I hope it's true. Haha:)

In case you guys are wondering, at the end of the day, I did not arrange for a final meeting. I have come to realize that it doesn't help in knowing anything more.

[hugs]

I will remember to do the same when it happens