Which thing 1st for marriage??

[tellmiwhy]

hi to all bros here.

hope i'm not being irrelevant discussing this in here. i've finally decided to end my single life and join the 'family man' by nxt yr end. Was discussing wif my "wife" regarding wat to prepare 1st. to buy our house and make sure everything is okie b4 we hold our wedding ceremony or vise versa (alot of $$ involved so cannot do tis two things at the same time.) :o my friends ard me all used abt 3 yrs to complete this two things but all tried the both ways. so dunno which is better.

can any bros being thru this advice me on this? ;)

[whiskynaam]

get a house first... that is necesary... n mind blowing banquet will just blow ur bank anyway.... do the practical first lah... many people also do this... imagine... 3 years to pay for a wedding... thats ridiculous.... but then again... thats the norm.... hiazzzzzz.....

[PegasusGirl]

hi to all bros here.

hope i'm not being irrelevant discussing this in here. i've finally decided to end my single life and join the 'family man' by nxt yr end. Was discussing wif my "wife" regarding wat to prepare 1st. to buy our house and make sure everything is okie b4 we hold our wedding ceremony or vise versa (alot of $$ involved so cannot do tis two things at the same time.) :o my friends ard me all used abt 3 yrs to complete this two things but all tried the both ways. so dunno which is better.

can any bros being thru this advice me on this?
My advice is Marriage 1st, I have seen and heard lot of such cases. If u get a house 1st without going thru customory marriage. As day passes, it become not 'so necessary' to get married. End up quite high percent of them divorce. Just my observation. ;)

[zhivago]

Do accordingly to your budget and wat is needed...

cheers and congratz.

[tittyhawk]

Getting a house after ROM is the norm practice here. But while waiting for the hse to be ready, some people may hold the customary and then move to the hse after that. Timing has to be arranged and worked out in the beginning.

Buying a hse is not gona cost u alot of cold hard cash. But dressing it up, yes it will. Bear in mind, before holding customary, there will be a wedding photo shoot session and it aint cheap either.

And it all depends on planning.

:)

[zhivago]

Buying a hse is not gona cost u alot of cold hard cash. But dressing it up, yes it will. Bear in mind, before holding customary, there will be a wedding photo shoot session and it aint cheap either.

:)
cross the causway and travel 2xxkm to Melaka and have the photo session. That would save u some $$. :D

[big dick]

buy a house first.. and make sure it come with a bed now... :p

[bart]

You forgot most important thing. Have sex first. Try eveything compatable. BBBG, CIM, Anal all meet standard, then get house or ROM. Up to you.:)

[RenMinBi]

You forgot most important thing. Have sex first. Try eveything compatable. BBBG, CIM, Anal all meet standard, then get house or ROM. Up to you
Should be have a girl 1st :D

[dt3305]

after ROM, apply for house and work together on the budget to do up the house,,,make sure it is within your means and not to do better than your friends or her friends...end up you are the one paying the bill...

go JB to do your photo shoot and you will save alot of money...around S$2000will cover all...for the wedding dinner, plan within your means...know who you going to invite and not the whole world...some wedding dinner you will actually get back a profit but I have seen some friends who are heavily in debt after that...they book table at $888 a table and get 100 tables....most of them give $80 ang pow and only about 70 tables full...

so plan well and dont let the stress spoil the fun...marriage is supposed to be the best time of your life(both of you that is)...

[Bayleaf]

My opinion is different. I feel majority of Singaporean oftn throw their hard earn money into their house throughout their whole life. Anyone remember the OCBC radio advetisement:

Man saying: Ohooooo, i got my own house!
Old man saying: Finnnaaallllly......, its mine ..... ooowwwooow (coughing)
Little gal saying: Granpa, are you ok?

See, not asking you to go OCBC. But if your parents house is available, and if they hope you can stay with them, stay with your parents lah.., make your money useful in other areas first. But by all means, this is a sex forum, don't forget to bonk your wife first before other things happen. We will be happy to hear your first bonk with her.

[tellmiwhy]

Buying a hse is not gona cost u alot of cold hard cash. But dressing it up, yes it will. Bear in mind, before holding customary, there will be a wedding photo shoot session and it aint cheap either.

yeah...tats the thing bro. having headache as in to spend the money on dressing the house 1st then after that save for the wedding customary. calculated gotta spend quite a huge sum of money in doing up the house and i dun intend to loan from the bank or take from parents. (tats the bad part.) so onli between me and my 'wife' savings surely not enuff to do the two things together. we were like planning to buy the hse 1st and dress it up but wun stay together 1st coz like the other bro say. 'get used to it' not gd, then we try to save abt 2 yrs and then hold the customary. in the mean time we can have all the photo sessions done during the period.

is tat a gd option? havent tell our parents yet abt our plans...dunno wil kena scolding anot. :o

[tittyhawk]

yeah...tats the thing bro. having headache as in to spend ......

is tat a gd option? havent tell our parents yet abt our plans...dunno wil kena scolding anot. :o
Well, seems that u n ur wife is gona to dress up the house within ur own limits...tats a damn good start for a couple...tats planning. Your parents would be more than happy if they know u have this intentions but then again, they may offer to assist.

Plan well ahead and spend within one's own limits is a good start....

On a lighter note, judging from ur remarks, u probably found a financially responsible wife and congrats on ur big day...

:)

[interested]

Hi Bro,

After reading this, I am somewhere just over that hurdle.

I have ballot for a home. Costing around 283K. As much as possible not to use cash but CPF to pay. I have also discuss with my wife to be. She also agreed. Although we haven ROM yet. My House will only be ready around 2008/09.

So in the mean time save up loh. I am not very sure my maths is right or not.
Bros here, who went through do help me on it.

Doing up a house with the basic.. overall OK lets say 20K at least, Toilet, kitchen, masterbedroom do up. with maybe those necessity appliances, fridge, washing machine, stove, heater, A/C, maybe TV.

Then wedding will be around another 20K , i think will be more. Not sure. Bros here do help.

I do hope 40K will be enuff., but I am planning for the worst. As there are many hidden cost. Ang Bao, last min additional tables by mother-in-law. Somemore got honeymoon.

If you can do open a joint acct with your wife to be so everything revolves around the house will be using that account to pay and make it a commitment to save every month.

Then make the matter known loh and compromise on some expectatin if possible.

Congrats and good luck planning

[tellmiwhy]

Your parents would be more than happy if they know u have this intentions but then again, they may offer to assist.

On a lighter note, judging from ur remarks, u probably found a financially responsible wife and congrats on ur big day...

yeah...i m also glad that my wife is that mature and responsible enuff. :D
thanks for the congrats bors!! dunno if any bro here feel like what i m feeling now? (i actualli cant wait for that day when me and my 'wife' going thru the customary.) me nw type also feeling excited as in nt that sort of excited lar. :p

[tellmiwhy]

Hi Bro,
Doing up a house with the basic.. overall OK lets say 20K at least, Toilet, kitchen, masterbedroom do up. with maybe those necessity appliances, fridge, washing machine, stove, heater, A/C, maybe TV.

Then wedding will be around another 20K , i think will be more. Not sure. Bros here do help.


bro...i was thinking of buying those showflats where everything is already in there liao. just nid to buy some xtras personal stuffs. if not i did a calculation, just the appliances and equipments alone cost ard 20k plus le. that was y i couldnt hold the customary and buy house together. broke. actualli we planned that we nid at least abt 40k for each thing so no choice gotta do one thing at a time 1st. financially not that strong yet. :o

[JPimp]

get the flat first mate. You will want to avoid having your wife live with your parents. There can only be one adult woman in any one roof. Mum and Wife cannot live together....never.

Don't even think your GF and your mum get along fine, it changes after marriage......trust me....

[madix]

Hi bros,

Here's a breakdown for those intending to get married but no money. Let's work it out:

1. HDB (~250k, 5% in cash min): 13k
2. renovation: 25k
3. appliances and furniture:(aircon, tv, fridge, sofa, bed, comp for surfing sammyboy) 12k min
4. wedding banquet: (can break even if invite wisely, plus stuff like wedding invites, else...) 8k
5. photos: (lower end sg price, plus gowns)5k
6. engagement and wedding bands: (if she doesn't demand tiffany or cartier rings) 4k
7. honeymoon: (europe 2 weeks plus shopping) 6k
8. wedding necessities (eg angpows, dowry if any plus gifts): 3k

Grand Total: 63k

If both of you are saving combined 1k a month, then it'll take you 5 years 3 mths to get this amt and have nothing left in the bank.

Guys here, wanna add anything else to the list?:o

[asdfghjkl]

bro.. the first thing you should do is to stop coming to this forum.. :o

[George28_1976]

nice breakdown there by bro madix, but for furnishing seems like the quote too low or I have been taken for a ride....furnishing alone cost me 25k....:eek:

[LeDivorcee]

My personal preference:

1. Buy condoms first.

2. Fuck future wife to be to see if she is good in bed.

3. If she is good or responsive, then time to meet the future parents-in-law to get approval.

4. Buy house first (Biggest money spender item)

5. Furnished the house.

6. Plan for wedding

7. Moved into the new house (Can fuck with freedom and in as many rooms as you have)

8. Get married and hold wedding dinner.

All in all, my past experience, I got my condo for less than $800K. Furnishing costs another $40K, wedding cost $40K. So you do the maths...

[tellmiwhy]

bro.. the first thing you should do is to stop coming to this forum.. :o

haha....how can. nw everyday i m coming into the forum during my office time (onli me in the room) to kip myself update on everything and anything. :D

cheers!

[tellmiwhy]

thanks bro madix for breaking down how the money are spend. but certain things we are also trying to cut dwn the cost so we could hold our wedding sooner like photo sessions will be going across the causeway. (my friends all say there alot cheaper and the quality also similar.)

our target after using up our current saving for house was to hold the wedding within 2 yrs. is tat very long? we calculated that we nid abt 30k plus for the customary. (tis is excluding amt collected from the ang baos we receive.) :o

[newyorker88]

PLANNING!

Photo shoot and big party are the last thing in your mind.

Dont spent lavishly on very nice new wedding glowns. You tend to pay more for new ones then to rent a used one. It will save up a lot. Like manyt friends says, go JB for a photo shoot, or Melaka, much cheaper.

As for the customy wedding, maybe can try a buffet, much cheaper. If not try not to go hotels. They are much more expensive. Try to go to resturants, can get half the price.

Of course, you need to have a room of your own first, if you do not plan to have a house so fast. At least a room of your own, even if you stay with your family.

Next is to plan properly, what you want to do after marriage? Have kids? Calculate within your means. If you can afford, then buy a bigger house. If not save up and wait for a better deal.

Working couples. Both of you work, what are your going to do if a kid is coming? Accidents do happen.

Remember, choosing a house is not up to you. If you have the "yuan", the house is yours, no need to die die must have a house. Can always wait.


Most importantly, love is the most important thing.

[tellmiwhy]

Most importantly, love is the most important thing.

totali agree bro! thanks for the advice too. Cheers!!! :D

[Deluxe8]

get the flat first mate. You will want to avoid having your wife live with your parents. There can only be one adult woman in any one roof. Mum and Wife cannot live together....never.

Don't even think your GF and your mum get along fine, it changes after marriage......trust me....

Ya ...I put up 2 hand 2 feet to support JPimp...never do that..Hey tellmewhy got see this thread bo?? This is serious business man...O man don't ever try it... After so many years, I just happen to settle my domestic affairs and mother is shifting soon...

[tellmiwhy]

got ah bro deluxe. seems like my "wife" gets along fine wif my mummy leh. somemre she reali does 'xian qi liang mu' type. :D

pnt noted, tis will seriously take into consideration for my planning.

[fat29]

Bro Tellmiwhy,

Registering for marriage is only $21. You can rent a room to save cost and spend a few days in a neigbouring country such as Bangkok for your honeymoon.

I think $3000 should be enough if you are on a tight budget and if you want to have a rental place of your own.

The first and most important thing is whether your wife and you are compatible and suitable for each other. If you are, then go ahead to get married. If you aren't, don't marry each other.

hi to all bros here.

hope i'm not being irrelevant discussing this in here. i've finally decided to end my single life and join the 'family man' by nxt yr end. Was discussing wif my "wife" regarding wat to prepare 1st. to buy our house and make sure everything is okie b4 we hold our wedding ceremony or vise versa (alot of $$ involved so cannot do tis two things at the same time.) :o my friends ard me all used abt 3 yrs to complete this two things but all tried the both ways. so dunno which is better.

can any bros being thru this advice me on this? ;)

[Deluxe8]

got ah bro deluxe. seems like my "wife" gets along fine wif my mummy leh. somemre she reali does 'xian qi liang mu' type. :D

pnt noted, tis will seriously take into consideration for my planning.

ya.. bro please take note..BTW Congrats!!!
Get flat first. cheers

[dreamdream]

Personally, I don't suggest leaving a house empty for 2 years.

Get a house first and probably wedding about 1/2 - 1 year later.

Also check with parents what are their expectations for the banquet. Because if they are going to invite all the relatives and friends, be prepared for a loss if you are going to have dinner at hotels. Size of the party will affect the magnitude of your deficit/gain.

Proper planning of the guest lists as well as proper rsvp of guests will help to reduce your pain for banquet. For me, I actually had a decent positive variance from my party.

I am not encouraging undertaking credit here but sometimes, it is no harm taking calculated financing. For that, I mean manageable financing. One good example is to tap on some of the credit card interest free financing for some of your furnishing. That will help to shorten the time lag between getting house and actual wedding.

Hope I am making positive contribution.

Lastly, congrats. Suggest going for a marriage prep course to prepare for the big change of sharing your life with someone for the rest of your life!

Cheers!

[tellmiwhy]

bor fat29, thanks for the advice. me and her had already discuss and think it over and agreed by both b4 we decided to get married.

our budget is not tat tight but we cant fork out 100k to do the house and customary at the same time as we also have other commitments like cars and sch fees (part time) etc. but we stil can afford either to settle for the house or the customary for the start. thanks for ur advice though. :)

[ah rat]

Bro tellmiwhy,

Talk to your wife to be,don't because of money issue and quarrel :D

[STK01]

Bro tellmiwhy,

Talk to your wife to be,don't because of money issue and quarrel :D


I think some couples do really quarrel and get upset with each other in midst of preparation for marriage...often over $$ problems..

Come to think of it, it's best to spend within limits and 1 bro here actually mentioned gg JB for photoshoot. Hehe, I actually have frends doing that, can save, save lor...:D

[tellmiwhy]

bro ah rat...thanks for the advice. tat one nt an issue liao. we always discuss especially regarding financial problems and must both agree then we go ahead with the plans. so not a problem lar so far. (hopefulli all the way shui shui. :D )

[ONEON]

totali agree bro! thanks for the advice too. Cheers!!! :D

Me too 100% agree bro, love making first andr satisfaction on daily sex life very important .

[Kyser Soze]

After reading so many, MONEY is definitely a must!!!:o

[tellmiwhy]

After reading so many, MONEY is definitely a must!!!:o

agree thats y every week spend a small amt hoping to hit the jackpot. but so far all 'kang gui' :p

[asdfghjkl]

how come must spend so much money ah? best to live frugally.. :)

[YELLOW]

i think the most impt thing is to rom first........have a proper proposal to ur gf aka future wife........get down on ur knees kind of ting........sign the papers and then go for a house...........
veri often we guys keep thinking hdb first then becos need to give wedding papers in six mths then quick quick get married........
so meaningless like get married cos of house....should be other way mah

[interested]

Bro yellow

I agree too, but in sillypore when the good mature estate comes out for sale, then its hard to get liao leh.. somemore its hdb offering.

cheaper than the retail market by close to 100K leh. The hse i get from Toa payoh... resale here is 350K and upwards. I got my new HDB flat there almost 70K down. ok lah. so to speak.

Anyway in SG get married Money is a must loh. the more the better.

I only worry is for new couples who are going to get married and when thot everything plann nice nice, last min. bomb from either your own mum or mum-in-law. i.e. "Can we put up another XX nos. of tables?'

[ok69]

imho i think nowadays youngster don want to hold banquet and etc .. is really waste of $
but there are cases that couple do earn some $ out of the banquet tat becos u invited the correct pple who gives u big angbao.
a table at a 5* hotel will cost at least min of $700++ so u can go and do the calculation.

my take will be ROM, a small buffet to invite some close buddies at a yacht club + honeymoon , apply for flat and rent 2 rooms out to generate income (b4 a child), work hard and save enough before having a baby.

and also invest for your retirement

[madix]

talk abt retirement, sg pals often work v hard but clueless. only wan money in bank accts. scared to invest. I work in finance so I know one thing or two. All rich ppl invest, either in their own businesses or in shares and stuff.

After paying for wedding, they pay for housing. After housing, they pay for new car, then for babies, then for children's edn, then for old folks medical bills, then ouch, they reach retirement. And CPF not enough to reach minimum withdrawal sum.

Marriage is a lifelong thing. Not a one time event. So don't get fooled by wedding planners who tell you "yi shen yi ci, yao long zong yi dian".(once in a lifetime, need to be grand). Always work within means, and let your spouse agree with you. Else one hand you can't clap.

[fat29]

Agree with you Madix. One has to be careful with finances as marriage is a costly affair and there is no need to make it even more expensive.

Instead of spending the money on a lavish wedding dinner, photo shoot, honeymoon, etc... I think the money will be better spent by saving it up for your parents/ in laws for their retirement or your unborn baby if you plan to have one.

I know of a number of young couples being put in a tight corner because of the investment they had made in their wedding. If housing is an issue, young couples can consider renting a room first or staying with in laws or parents. One may not realise it, the amount of money paid for the flat/ house plus interest over a 10 year or longer period is a lot of money. That's why couples find that they don't have enough savings during their retirement, though the monthly compulsory CPF contributions seem quite large.

I hope less or no couples need to go through the financial strain of getting married.

Marriage is a lifelong thing. Not a one time event. So don't get fooled by wedding planners who tell you "yi shen yi ci, yao long zong yi dian".(once in a lifetime, need to be grand). Always work within means, and let your spouse agree with you. Else one hand you can't clap.

[BitchWitch]

I'm intending to settle down wif my so ard next yr too.

1st is of coz the house, He said wanna get a hse near my parent so dat i can drop by anytime BUT i insist on getting one near his parent coz my parent got my bro & sil to take care of. While his parent leave only him coz his bro are not in sg... GOin bk to my parent's hse is veri near... drove less den 30min will reach... After discussing wif my parent, we intend to get one near his parent.

Follow by the dinner.... In fact both of us don't wan any dinner... maybe a recpt or a garden party BUT u noe.. elder ppl like to let the whole clan & their frdsz noe... so we gave in to having simple dinner with just closed relatives and friends...

Follow by foto shoot... to me... i won't wan an expensive package with lotsa of photo taken. Cause in the end, it only end up in the storeroom. Rather save the $$$ 1st. Maybe next time when have kids and took another one wif my kids...

[jng1103]

Marriage is a lifelong thing. Not a one time event. So don't get fooled by wedding planners who tell you "yi shen yi ci, yao long zong yi dian".(once in a lifetime, need to be grand). Always work within means, and let your spouse agree with you. Else one hand you can't clap.

agree with Madix. It's foolish to spend lavishly on the so called BIG DAY yet ended up in debts for few yrs. That's really a no brainer. I always tell my CO (we'll ROM this Nov) that it's just a ceremony and nothing more. we should focus our limited resources (money) on our retirement and kids educations. glad that she agreed. well, if her in-laws requested a big splash party, i'll just walk away and see who is crying :rolleyes:

jimbo

[tellmiwhy]

well, if her in-laws requested a big splash party, i'll just walk away and see who is crying :rolleyes:
jimbo

wah...bro u are good. just like my friend who recently got married. he not on reali good terms wif his in-laws bcoz of similar stuff. but i think this can onli applies if ur CO is not those kind who always listen to their parents especialli mother. (my 'wife' is this sort of person. mum sure win me if she has a decision. :( ) therefore, i m praying hard that they will not make a 'big hole' out of our pockets.

[interested]

I dun really like big party also. My going to be wife's in-laws are in business type. Traditional chinese business. So rather hard to say no. Hope they will assist esp. for the business partners side while we only handle relatives and close friends.

They 'face' rather hard to say no. If I have the option, those money can go for a better honeymoon and our home which is coming.

Still got spare to save up for our children in the future. If can invest also can. Currently, the only thing is if only you invest smartly then go chance.

[jng1103]

therefore, i m praying hard that they will not make a 'big hole' out of our pockets.

the theory is very simple: who has the upper hand. Not sure about ur case, but i hv the upper hand as far as she is concerned. So, if her parents asking for sky and moon, i'll tell them to F.off and let's see who has the final laugh.

Remember, you are marrying a nice lady, NOT BUYING. Therefore, i rather spend those 'ang pao' money on investment or honeymoon.

jimbo

[tellmiwhy]

the theory is very simple: who has the upper hand. Not sure about ur case, but i hv the upper hand as far as she is concerned. So, if her parents asking for sky and moon, i'll tell them to F.off and let's see who has the final laugh.

Remember, you are marrying a nice lady, NOT BUYING. Therefore, i rather spend those 'ang pao' money on investment or honeymoon.

jimbo

agree wif u bro. but mine her mther has the upper hand. :( but so far so good. hopefuli nothng happens. my friend also tell me, if her mther demand too much jus go straight to her and ask "auntie, r u selling ur daughter to me or is ur daughter marrying me?" :p