Married my wife with a son

[LeiGuy]

Hi Sammybros,

I need some advises but cant bring it up in real life, hope some sammy bros here can shed some light.

1 year ago i married my gf who is currently my wife and she has a 1 yr plus old son (i'm not the biological father of this child). Recently, the bio father appear again and went to court to have his right at custody of the child. Me and my wife loves the child and is prepare to fight for custody. But many obstacles appear rightafter, when my wife give birth to the child, it is the bio father sign the papers, baby's cert bears bio father name, but bio father never provide for mother n son for a year plus until recently. What is his chances at custody n visitation?

Another question, once i married my wife, am i lawfully binded by singapore law to raise and provide for the child which bears bio father's surname?

Next question how can i change the child surname to mine without approval of bio father?

Any sammy bros have similar situation mind to share how you handle it?

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Bro this is very messy since the bio father is back. If I am you just stay out of the picture . This is between your wife and him . When you marry her be prepare for all these consequences . If I am you just let go the child . Have a baby together with your present wife . Dont go and be a idiot and take care of someone sons. You might sound noble but is not wise.

[LeiGuy]

Bro this is very messy since the bio father is back. If I am you just stay out of the picture . This is between your wife and him . When you marry her be prepare for all these consequences . If I am you just let go the child . Have a baby together with your present wife . Dont go and be a idiot and take care of someone sons. You might sound noble but is not wise.

Thanks bro for advise, thats why my 2nd question am i binded by law to raise the child if my wife wins custody. I cant just go and tell her to raise the child herself right? So i want to know am i binded by any law to raise my wife son if she win custody. And if so should i get the son to change his surname otherwise not fair to me right?

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Thanks bro for advise, thats why my 2nd question am i binded by law to raise the child if my wife wins custody. I cant just go and tell her to raise the child herself right? So i want to know am i binded by any law to raise my wife son if she win custody. And if so should i get the son to change his surname otherwise not fair to me right?

Why have to change surname? He is not your biological son . If I am you let the son go back to his dad , you are making a big sacrifice here for not raising up your own son . Trust me it will hinder the relationship with your wife. Dont be too noble nobody will praise you one. Your wife is very selfish too since she remarries should give back the son .........unless her ex husband is a real arsehole ...

[LeiGuy]

Why have to change surname? He is not your biological son . If I am you let the son go back to his dad , you are making a big sacrifice here for not raising up your own son . Trust me it will hinder the relationship with your wife. Dont be too noble nobody will praise you one. Your wife is very selfish too since she remarries should give back the son .........unless her ex husband is a real arsehole ...

They never marry, is the bio father walk out on her n child when they were courting, their relationship worsen and she decided to break after she suffered severe violence from the bio father and was hospitalised. Yes the bio father is an arsehole who beat up gf, came home late n drunk almost all nights.

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Then no choice you got to be the savior!!!!!!Since he is so shit ...Well done and I salute you. Good luck to you too.

[ah rat]

Why have to change surname? He is not your biological son .

Bro, Ts must consider his wife decision and feeling for her son :)

[newyorker88]

They never marry, is the bio father walk out on her n child when they were courting, their relationship worsen and she decided to break after she suffered severe violence from the bio father and was hospitalised. Yes the bio father is an arsehole who beat up gf, came home late n drunk almost all nights.

Bro, if you love your wife, n you are prepared to take the kid as your own. I salute you.

If go to court, chances are that the court may side your wife, if the bio father DID NOT pay for the expenses( not sure on that, only you know). During the hospitalisation, is a police report filed? Hopsital records? These will prove useful in challenging the ex boyfriend. Court see evidence, not arguments in courts, or black face. Stay calm during the process.

Changing the surname? That comes after this court case. Possible to change too... Since you are married to the mother legally, when give birth, the kid name should be under her name, according to law.

Hope more brothers can contribute more to advise.

[Andfan]

LeiGuy
if u really love the bio son and ur wife to love ur bio i think u try to fight for custody if u wanna to change ur son surname u can go to the court and change it...But 1 more thing if 1 day your son get older if he find out u not is real blood father what will he think about u ?? But i will tell u tat follow your heart if your heart tell u to fight for the child u just do it

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Just a piece of advice you will be liable for maintenance for the son if one day your marriage burst ....now u might not think so this will happen as you just got marry . I might sound selfish but future is unknown.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSf5QqLPZO4

[maxsee]

Wow it is not easy for a guy especially to accept another man's child...*salute you...but make sure the marriage works...coz in the event of a divorce, you will end up paying tons of maintenance for the kid....:D:D:D

[BiRd13]

Hi Sammybros,

I need some advises but cant bring it up in real life, hope some sammy bros here can shed some light.

1 year ago i married my gf who is currently my wife and she has a 1 yr plus old son (i'm not the biological father of this child). Recently, the bio father appear again and went to court to have his right at custody of the child. Me and my wife loves the child and is prepare to fight for custody. But many obstacles appear rightafter, when my wife give birth to the child, it is the bio father sign the papers, baby's cert bears bio father name, but bio father never provide for mother n son for a year plus until recently. What is his chances at custody n visitation?

Another question, once i married my wife, am i lawfully binded by singapore law to raise and provide for the child which bears bio father's surname?

Next question how can i change the child surname to mine without approval of bio father?

Any sammy bros have similar situation mind to share how you handle it?

Bro. Since you and your wife have married, by law the kids is yours already. Even the Original Father came back and fight for the kids, he will lose the case.

If you really want to change the surname of the child to yours, you can do so. I think need submit some form/particulars to the authority. Can't remember which though. It's known as some kind of 'adoption'. Maybe you can google for such.

[LeiGuy]

LeiGuy
if u really love the bio son and ur wife to love ur bio i think u try to fight for custody if u wanna to change ur son surname u can go to the court and change it...But 1 more thing if 1 day your son get older if he find out u not is real blood father what will he think about u ?? But i will tell u tat follow your heart if your heart tell u to fight for the child u just do it

The child when old enough i let him decide if he want back his bio surname instead of mine, more or less he stick to us because his bio father is really cmi. We will tell him the truth as well, not wanting him to know about it himself to avoid future misunderstanding.

[Kuan Aik Hong]

My salute to you ....I will never consider a single mum in the first place. As I will be a resources to her and her kids . Respect you and wish u all d best.

[baby hunter]

They never marry, is the bio father walk out on her n child when they were courting, their relationship worsen and she decided to break after she suffered severe violence from the bio father and was hospitalised. Yes the bio father is an arsehole who beat up gf, came home late n drunk almost all nights.

there're two type of custody, join custody & sole custody. If they're not officially married. it is very high chance that your wife will get the sole custody. (unless your wife wanna give up the right)
even though, the bio father will still have the responsible to provide support to the kid till they're 21 yo.

[LeiGuy]

Bro, if you love your wife, n you are prepared to take the kid as your own. I salute you.

If go to court, chances are that the court may side your wife, if the bio father DID NOT pay for the expenses( not sure on that, only you know). During the hospitalisation, is a police report filed? Hopsital records? These will prove useful in challenging the ex boyfriend. Court see evidence, not arguments in courts, or black face. Stay calm during the process.

Changing the surname? That comes after this court case. Possible to change too... Since you are married to the mother legally, when give birth, the kid name should be under her name, according to law.

Hope more brothers can contribute more to advise.

Yes police case was filed, bf was arrested and detain for 24hrs, my wife let him go bcoz he pleaded on his knees. But it happen nearly 2 years back, not sure if still can use against him.

[sadfa]

Hi Sammybros,

I need some advises but cant bring it up in real life, hope some sammy bros here can shed some light.

bio father never provide for mother n son for a year plus until recently. What is his chances at custody n visitation?

Another question, once i married my wife, am i lawfully binded by singapore law to raise and provide for the child which bears bio father's surname?

Next question how can i change the child surname to mine without approval of bio father?

Any sammy bros have similar situation mind to share how you handle it?

Biological father always got rights. Maybe nt sole custody, could b joint.

Think u have to provide for the child. Not 100% sure so u better check.

Don't think u can change now since its a birth cert.
Changing surname is stupid esp now when u know you're fighting with him over custody. The court won't b impressed

N when child gets older, he will see birth cert n can change back.

[ewei008]

jus pm you

[LeiGuy]

Biological father always got rights. Maybe nt sole custody, could b joint.

Think u have to provide for the child. Not 100% sure so u better check.

Don't think u can change now since its a birth cert.
Changing surname is stupid esp now when u know you're fighting with him over custody. The court won't b impressed

N when child gets older, he will see birth cert n can change back.

Thanks to all Sammybros for advice here and in pm, last night discuss with my wife and decided to fight for custody as chances of winning are pretty much cfm, atmost it be a joint custody as bio father has no chance at sole custody. Problem now is child can't go oversea unless both side approve... so family holidays are gone if bio father dont allow.. :(

I wonder if that bio father visits this forum :eek:

[atmos]

Friend, he wont stand a chance gaining custody of the child if ur wife had been taking care of the kid since birth and financially ok till now. Lets say even tou he is finanially stable or better well off than her, he had got noting to win too. about changing of surname to urs, its relatively easier, as you & her are legally married, change of surname will need appproval from her and i think the admin charges is 2k about there. Regarding the side Biological father of the kid i cant comment much as i had nvr encounter before.
cut short. change name = both or 3 parties agree = 2k = happy family.

[sky_liner2]

Hi Sammybros,

I need some advises but cant bring it up in real life, hope some sammy bros here can shed some light.

1 year ago i married my gf who is currently my wife and she has a 1 yr plus old son (i'm not the biological father of this child). Recently, the bio father appear again and went to court to have his right at custody of the child. Me and my wife loves the child and is prepare to fight for custody. But many obstacles appear rightafter, when my wife give birth to the child, it is the bio father sign the papers, baby's cert bears bio father name, but bio father never provide for mother n son for a year plus until recently. What is his chances at custody n visitation?

Another question, once i married my wife, am i lawfully binded by singapore law to raise and provide for the child which bears bio father's surname?

Next question how can i change the child surname to mine without approval of bio father?

Any sammy bros have similar situation mind to share how you handle it?

Bro, you luv your wife and married her, so you have to luv everything of her and stand by her side to support her, and you have to luv her son as your own child too.

[sadfa]

Thanks to all Sammybros for advice here and in pm, last night discuss with my wife and decided to fight for custody as chances of winning are pretty much cfm, atmost it be a joint custody as bio father has no chance at sole custody. Problem now is child can't go oversea unless both side approve... so family holidays are gone if bio father dont allow.. :(

I wonder if that bio father visits this forum :eek:

It's already court case meh?
If it is, ask court permission to go overseas Lo.
N show court you n wife are nt flight risk n u all got ties to community. It can b months to year plus till case settled.

[newyorker88]

Yes police case was filed, bf was arrested and detain for 24hrs, my wife let him go bcoz he pleaded on his knees. But it happen nearly 2 years back, not sure if still can use against him.

TS,


I think it is better to straighten all out once and for all. The longer you drag, the more problems it will arise in future. Everything can be use in court as long it is evidence.

Looks like chances you winning the rights to sole custody of kid is very given the police case, he did not pay for maintenance of kid, the kid under wife name and so on. From what you written, this BF may not be financially stable either, which is a big demerit to him also. Remember, the court see black n white documents as evidence n weigh accordingly. If you have proof that you paid for the schoolings, hospital bills, etc, take it all out, your chances are good.

After this legal case is over, you can proceed to change name if both of you agree.

Lastly, I hope you bring up this kid with love, and that's what he needs. Please don't mention about " u are like your father" comments, even he is naughty. Kids take after those who nuture him n love him.


all the best

[newyorker88]

Thanks to all Sammybros for advice here and in pm, last night discuss with my wife and decided to fight for custody as chances of winning are pretty much cfm, atmost it be a joint custody as bio father has no chance at sole custody. Problem now is child can't go oversea unless both side approve... so family holidays are gone if bio father dont allow..

I wonder if that bio father visits this forum :

That does not matter. His own actions warrant much anger among samsters here as well. From experience, samsters here are mostly quite supportive n can read on who is right or wrong.

No worries. Plus there is nothing much he can do here either. Most advice given here is to help u, hope u just proceed on and have a good life n have a happy family.

[BiRd13]

there're two type of custody, join custody & sole custody. If they're not officially married. it is very high chance that your wife will get the sole custody. (unless your wife wanna give up the right)
even though, the bio father will still have the responsible to provide support to the kid till they're 21 yo.

Not really true about this statement... As TS mentioned he and his wife is now married. As long as the mother is re-marry, the previous husband can don't pay for the alimony/maintainance to the kids. If he still have some 'conscience', maybe he will pay... But even he don't, he don't break the rules as well.


TS,

I think we have similar situation, or probably should say 'had'. I married my wife (now ex) whom is a Single mother of 2. Slightly different is that she and the father of the child, is not officially married. But their birth-cert indicate the guy as their father's name.

After I married with my wife, I went for adoption to have the 2 kids to change their surname under mine (Which in a way, quite regretted about this).

Due to some unforseen circumstance, my wife and I divorced... And well, I had to continue paying the alimony/maintainence to the kids till the youngest hit 21... Unless she re-marry again...

[Jessie]

My salute to you ....I will never consider a single mum in the first place. As I will be a resources to her and her kids . Respect you and wish u all d best.

Even if she is Kervyn Lim?

[maxman]

TS,

I think we have similar situation, or probably should say 'had'. I married my wife (now ex) whom is a Single mother of 2. Slightly different is that she and the father of the child, is not officially married. But their birth-cert indicate the guy as their father's name.

After I married with my wife, I went for adoption to have the 2 kids to change their surname under mine (Which in a way, quite regretted about this).

Due to some unforseen circumstance, my wife and I divorced... And well, I had to continue paying the alimony/maintainence to the kids till the youngest hit 21... Unless she re-marry again...

Ouch! This must be a painful financial burden to you now. She could deliberately remain single, or even if seeing another man but remain unmarried, to continue living on the alimony/maintenance until the youngest turns 21 (18 is the independent adult age in some/most western countries).

[VictorPharoah]

Thanks to all Sammybros for advice here and in pm, last night discuss with my wife and decided to fight for custody as chances of winning are pretty much cfm, atmost it be a joint custody as bio father has no chance at sole custody. Problem now is child can't go oversea unless both side approve... so family holidays are gone if bio father dont allow.. :(

I wonder if that bio father visits this forum :eek:

Good luck to you.

You need to engage a lawyer and all will be resolved. Anywhere, the court may allow bio father rights to visit son but this I am unsure.

[BiRd13]

Ouch! This must be a painful financial burden to you now. She could deliberately remain single, or even if seeing another man but remain unmarried, to continue living on the alimony/maintenance until the youngest turns 21 (18 is the independent adult age in some/most western countries).

Yes. But well, it's a choice I made.... I don't have any regrets over it though since it had happened.

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Even if she is Kervyn Lim?

No way I wont ever consider a single mum as I dont want to be a resources ..I only just wants her body thats all. I look at long term .

[Johnbass]

Tiagong fight for sole custody, depending on chances...
After win, request to change surname...
Bio father give up rights...
Then U happy family...
My divorcee fren says one...
:D

[topcook1]

Even if she is Kervyn Lim?

Too much emotional baggage to claim . Better avoid the KC trap by single mum , few of my friends kena jia latz liao . Be a hero and in the end becomes zero.

[baby hunter]

Not really true about this statement... As TS mentioned he and his wife is now married. As long as the mother is re-marry, the previous husband can don't pay for the alimony/maintainance to the kids. If he still have some 'conscience', maybe he will pay... But even he don't, he don't break the rules as well.


TS,

I think we have similar situation, or probably should say 'had'. I married my wife (now ex) whom is a Single mother of 2. Slightly different is that she and the father of the child, is not officially married. But their birth-cert indicate the guy as their father's name.

After I married with my wife, I went for adoption to have the 2 kids to change their surname under mine (Which in a way, quite regretted about this).

Due to some unforseen circumstance, my wife and I divorced... And well, I had to continue paying the alimony/maintainence to the kids till the youngest hit 21... Unless she re-marry again...

Under the family court order, maintainence for the kids is a must by the bio father, regardless the wife re-marry or not. it is only apply to the maintainence to the wife if she re-marry.