Relationship

[Freebap]

I am in my late 20s and like many of the young couples, I have already BTO with my gf of around 3yrs.

Perhaps the application of BTO was abit hasty. And now, our quarrel is like bigger than before and it seemed that the BTO is the only thing that is holding us back. She keep saying that everything is tying her down financially, and sad to say, her thinking isnt that broad/mature yet. She tend to gets angry easily even over slightest thing(didn pick up her phone), and I am always the one to calm her down and apologize. And the cancellation of the BTO idea keep coming out whenever we quarrel.

I am really confused.. Should I just suck it up and just endure all of these for the rest of my life, and hope that things will get better? Or just cancel the BTO? Btw the down payment is already made, so it is morally right to return that 5% back to the other party in cash should anything happen?

What are your opinions bros?

[Triple70]

The issue is not abt the BTO. This type of woman is not suited to be a companion, and from my experience, they will unlikely mature.

Imagine next time u become a successful person, and u hv to babysit a spouse who is constantly putting you down, eyeing your wealth and uses it for value destruction.

Find a better companion at all cost

[ColdBlood99]

I am in my late 20s and like many of the young couples, I have already BTO with my gf of around 3yrs.

Perhaps the application of BTO was abit hasty. And now, our quarrel is like bigger than before and it seemed that the BTO is the only thing that is holding us back. She keep saying that everything is tying her down financially, and sad to say, her thinking isnt that broad/mature yet. She tend to gets angry easily even over slightest thing(didn pick up her phone), and I am always the one to calm her down and apologize. And the cancellation of the BTO idea keep coming out whenever we quarrel.

I am really confused.. Should I just suck it up and just endure all of these for the rest of my life, and hope that things will get better? Or just cancel the BTO? Btw the down payment is already made, so it is morally right to return that 5% back to the other party in cash should anything happen?

What are your opinions bros?



You don't need cancel the BTO now unless you are taking key soon.

If you give up the bto, both will lost 5%, if you intend to get the house U will required to return back her 5%. But subjected for approval.

[Captainoceania77]

If u willing to endure for until end of your life , just continue and marry her. If not just end it , you will be the one suffering . I can foresee more problems lies ahead after marriage and after giving birth. Good luck to you....Life is short just be happy.

[hijav]

She keep saying that everything is tying her down financially, and sad to say, her thinking isnt that broad/mature yet. She tend to gets angry easily even over slightest thing(didn pick up her phone), and I am always the one to calm her down and apologize. And the cancellation of the BTO idea keep coming out whenever we quarrel.

I am really confused.. Should I just suck it up and just endure all of these for the rest of my life, and hope that things will get better? Or just cancel the BTO? Btw the down payment is already made, so it is morally right to return that 5% back to the other party in cash should anything happen?

Do you want this type of woman to be your life partner? Do not be delusional, its better to dump her and pay back that 5% to her than gpoing through an expensive divorce later.

By her saying that she is being tied down by the BTO, you can already see her immature character. That is just an excuse used by her and if she gets angry over every little thing, you are practically going to have to tiptoe around her for the rest of your life!

Im a guy and Im going to tell you that you should be a man and stand up for yourself. You are practically giving her permission to treat you badly because she KNOWS she CAN get away with it EVERYTIME. The fact that you know her bad character and still willing to endure it only makes me wonder either you are dumb or you have a fetish for SM

[topcook1]

Why need to buy such a cow back home?? It will cost more than drinking milk outside.

[heartkorr]

got to think carefully. dont apply flat for the sake of applying...

my advise is... communicate with her honestly... let her know your honest thoughts.. and if it is indeed the bto flat that is holding the relationship, then i would suggest you guys to withdraw the application and go your separate ways instead...

because it is not worth getting your life ruined for a few thousand dollars if the gal doesnt suit you... think of it this way... married life unhappy, u makan outside, get caught, file for divorce, flat still have to sell, and you have to pay alimony... even worse...

[sianar]

no one can endure forever . we all think we can but only like 1 in a million man can .

Take care

[Greendevil]

what is losing 5% compare to having a divorce later where u stand to lose all. if she not marriage material, and you are looking for one, then move on. as for the refund if any goes to who, my suggestion is, take what is yours and those not meant for you, dont touch. if she want to take yours, then that another thread liao

[ANowhereMan]

Oh no, sorry brother, sad to hear that... There is one guy here, mojoe he offers good advice. Maybe can PM him?

aside from that, I think the most important thing is, do you see yourself having kids and starting a family with her.

Regards

[oxeso]

Should I just suck it up and just endure all of these for the rest of my life, and hope that things will get better? What are your opinions bros?

Yes..only if u want to play Master n Servant, u d servant..or if u believe in miracles.
Excuse me if u think i'm too opinionated, i'm not..it's my personal experience.

Gd luck, bro.

[porscheclub]

Settle your happiness first & foremost.

All other possessions can sacrifice & never ever let a property hold you back, it's like putting two fighting cocks in a ring now. Bail out!

On the other hand. Understand her worries as it sounds like she is not ready to settle down yet. If there is still love from both parties then work around it, if not learn to let it go. Good luck.

[Wintermelontea]

You need not suck it up and endure. Certain things, yes, and not for long term as well because if it is for the long term, you will grow resentment inside of you too. Then what will happen will happen eventually.

Talking openly and mutually is perhaps one of the better choices? You can always try. Never try never know.

Like one of the bro said, "if one day you are successful...babysit...", provided you can be successful and babysit her at the same time. Please don't get me wrong to think you cannot be successful but it is very difficult to babysit anyone and be successful at the same time. And she is not a real baby that you just put a pacifier into her mouth and she will shut up.

You need to make an informed choice.

[autoroam]

Bro

Both of you should grow up......
Been together for 3 years and quarrel/breakup just because of a BTO flat:confused:
You guys might want to cut down on luxury expenses like car/handbag/clubbing/holiday etc instead

[a2014]

Relationship don't sour up overnight. Furthermore apply for BTO for three years already and apparently knew each other for another 1 - 2 years.

There are a lot of missing links here which nobody can help because it only center around BTO and argument.

Something has changed be it someone's heart or feeling. Looks like it's not only a BTO affair.

Take care and act wisely.

[topcook1]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-9eTTEz-MQ

[zan888]

I am in my late 20s and like many of the young couples, I have already BTO with my gf of around 3yrs.

Perhaps the application of BTO was abit hasty. And now, our quarrel is like bigger than before and it seemed that the BTO is the only thing that is holding us back. She keep saying that everything is tying her down financially, and sad to say, her thinking isnt that broad/mature yet. She tend to gets angry easily even over slightest thing(didn pick up her phone), and I am always the one to calm her down and apologize. And the cancellation of the BTO idea keep coming out whenever we quarrel.

I am really confused.. Should I just suck it up and just endure all of these for the rest of my life, and hope that things will get better? Or just cancel the BTO? Btw the down payment is already made, so it is morally right to return that 5% back to the other party in cash should anything happen?

What are your opinions bros?


Things only gets worst after marriage, not better.

I have known such spoiled brats before and the best thing to do is walk away.

Why do you need to put up with unreasonable behavior? BTO is a small issue, later bigger issues will arise. To be in marriage imagine the person next to you can kill you at anytime they want. If you dont trust the person with your life, then you shouldnt marry them. Dont make a fucked up situation more fucked up is my advice.

[topcook1]

Guess eventually TS will be soft hearted and marry her. I had seen few example of such relationship. TS has not marry before he might think there is hope marriage will be better off....

[urgg]

TS, why ur gf sound so familiar?

I 100% feel you. Reasons u dun want to part with her:

1) Already together so long already.. can't bear to let her go.. Let me remind u, it is not love already. It is used to being with her.

2) Family pressure.. worried part with her liao.. parents will ask this and that.. dun wan parents to worried so much.. Must take in mind that if u marry her, ur parents will suffer more in future

3) you worried about how she will be when u leave her.. she is going to enjoy cuz she is not happy with you now!

Bro, Im not trying to be a farker.. I just dun want to see another me.. :(

[Ho-Lee]

TS, why ur gf sound so familiar?

I 100% feel you. Reasons u dun want to part with her:

1) Already together so long already.. can't bear to let her go.. Let me remind u, it is not love already. It is used to being with her.

2) Family pressure.. worried part with her liao.. parents will ask this and that.. dun wan parents to worried so much.. Must take in mind that if u marry her, ur parents will suffer more in future

3) you worried about how she will be when u leave her.. she is going to enjoy cuz she is not happy with you now!

Bro, Im not trying to be a farker.. I just dun want to see another me.. :(


You are right bro. However is not easy for TS to call it quit . It takes to be hard hearted and needs lots of courage since he is at the marriage stage . We as an outsider has a clearer picture what future lies ahead for him . The rest is up to him , most guys will be soft hearted and jump into the grave eventually . Is better to be alone than be with a wrong partner .

[harddisk]

过来人will give you genuine advice. But most of the time, we don't learn or listen until we fully experience it ourselves (and learn it the hardway). I was probably one of those who had it hard but I've come to terms that the toughest lessons are the best lessons.

TS, you sound like the soft hearted type. But if you ever cancel the bto, you do not have to pay her the 5%. Both sides need to contribute to make or break up a family,

[urgg]

You are right bro. However is not easy for TS to call it quit . It takes to be hard hearted and needs lots of courage since he is at the marriage stage . We as an outsider has a clearer picture what future lies ahead for him . The rest is up to him , most guys will be soft hearted and jump into the grave eventually . Is better to be alone than be with a wrong partner .

yeah bro... why are man so soft-hearted? cheesepie... :mad:

TS. good luck and all the best to you!

[Hurricane88]

There are a lot of missing links here which nobody can help because it only center around BTO and argument.


agreed lah...so many info missing...listen to one side story...cannot tell the full picture...:)

[furrybird]

Bro leave the bto issue aside. Your marriage to your life partner is the vital issue here. I can only leave you some points to think over but the rationale is that you need to analyse it and decide if you could live with this for life.

1) don expect your partner to change, if they do it's a bonus, it they don't, that's the deal you are getting on the day you sign the dotted line.

2) have a bare truth talk, everyone have some fine line that canot be cross, you got to find out if there is anything that both of you can't stand each other about, you canot leave this to feel, you two must be able to physically quantify it, eg, go out with your frens, she canot tahan. That's the line, don't hope she will accept, you need to ask yourself, can you don go out with your fren, refer to rule 1.

3) do not be guilty about making choices to decide on marriage, 3-5% of couples eventually break up after going for marriage counselling, know yourself and her, if you went through this process, then no matter what decision ultimately will benefit her in future.

4) be objective, go through rule 2 with her in all aspect of your life, if you need a guide, then u can refer to the below 1) financial, how u two going to manage money for your house together. Who pay for what..utilities, water, groceries etc 2) work, what goals do they two of you shared, she may want to be a career woman, while u a ah sia, that a warning sign, u might clash in future. 3) sex, baby plans and family plans.. Yes, you need to face this, you want by, she don't want, can be a big issue in future and really small now. 4) your in laws, stay together or not? This very typical, don think you can run away, it's not their issue, you marry her, you take over the parent, vice versa for her too. 5) your and her social life, your circle of frens and her, can you mix ard? Do she wana you to mix ard?

Bro, we can go on for days on whether to enter a marriage, ultimately, yes or no is not for us to say, I just lay some objective pointers for you to think through, marriage is tough, very tough, but marriage there's also joy, every coin have two side, I don want you to ponder over this in a manner if you should get married, but rather after understanding this gf is she the right person you can live with for life.

Pm me if you got more questions, hope the above helps.

Furrybird

[Intltuk]

TS, why so hung up about BTO? It should be the least of ur worries. If both of u cannot see a future together and u get married bec of BTO.......it will cost u even more....mentally as well as monetary wise.

Go and work on ur relationship with her; if things work out, great...u've a BTO to look forward to; if things don't turn out, well, ea of u lose 5%...take it as lesson learn and move forward.

[damong777]

Other than BTO issue, you really need to consider whether you want to marry her or not;

If the relationship is of one sided where you are always giving in, one day you would blow and what may happen end up in divorce ranks...lose more

So my advise is to sit down and think it through properly. And have a good heart to heart talk to trash out the issues before deciding; try to find or understand why is she acting this way? (could be work, family or worst change of heart)...A wrong decision now would cost more than BTO.

[damong777]

You are right bro. However is not easy for TS to call it quit . It takes to be hard hearted and needs lots of courage since he is at the marriage stage . We as an outsider has a clearer picture what future lies ahead for him . The rest is up to him , most guys will be soft hearted and jump into the grave eventually . Is better to be alone than be with a wrong partner .

Many of us went through what TS is going through now; in the end decision lies with him and what he wants.

Breaking up for some people also takes courage similar to starting a marriage.

Hope TS can work things out and decide what is best for himself.

[cmelater]

Many of us went through what TS is going through now; in the end decision lies with him and what he wants.

Breaking up for some people also takes courage similar to starting a marriage.

Hope TS can work things out and decide what is best for himself.

The courage to break is surely not very easy to muster.

Losing the house and the money is not a big problem. Money can earn back. But marrying the wrong partner is very hard to fix. The time lost (and not just wasted) cannot earn back. Money is just a paper.

Remember peter lim and him going thru divorce. He lost part of his wealth due to the divorce but he still can own a whole condominium. Money is just one part of life.

[damong777]

The courage to break is surely not very easy to muster.

Losing the house and the money is not a big problem. Money can earn back. But marrying the wrong partner is very hard to fix. The time lost (and not just wasted) cannot earn back. Money is just a paper.

Remember peter lim and him going thru divorce. He lost part of his wealth due to the divorce but he still can own a whole condominium. Money is just one part of life.

been there and done that already...so just sharing about it.

Money may be earned back; but depending on how u settle the d if you married wrongly

[Freebap]

Hey guys, you all really gave awesome replies.

Been talking to her few days ago. She said she was sorry in the end. For now, I would like to improve on what we are lacking, instead of just cancel everything immediately.

I guess it is really good to hear from experienced bros here.

Btw, is it normal to have 'withdrawal' symptoms when you move into a new house? e.g missing ur mum's cooking, freedom of being alone at home. I am afraid I will have all these 'withdrawal' symptoms though..

[heartkorr]

Hey guys, you all really gave awesome replies.

Been talking to her few days ago. She said she was sorry in the end. For now, I would like to improve on what we are lacking, instead of just cancel everything immediately.

I guess it is really good to hear from experienced bros here.

Btw, is it normal to have 'withdrawal' symptoms when you move into a new house? e.g missing ur mum's cooking, freedom of being alone at home. I am afraid I will have all these 'withdrawal' symptoms though..


lol... i hope she keeps to her side of the deal... woman ar... one moment sorry.. when they get angry, they forget everything and go back to their old self

[youre]

You are right bro. However is not easy for TS to call it quit . It takes to be hard hearted and needs lots of courage since he is at the marriage stage . We as an outsider has a clearer picture what future lies ahead for him . The rest is up to him , most guys will be soft hearted and jump into the grave eventually . Is better to be alone than be with a wrong partner .

Hahaha. Very funny.. Really is guys soft hearted and jump into the grave ah? Haha. How come I feel like women are also soft hearted and in the marriage and infant and childcare grave too. Haha. I think is not about the gender.. Is both parties need to understand how to be a good and lovely partner.. Anyway if ts really married her. And regrets it. Maybe next time he will be cheating on her like the other guys here? Then like that very bad liao.
Love takes hard work bah..

To ts. Yup. Work on your rs bah. Being used to somebody is a nice feeling. After the exciting love sparks tone down and you're getting old and wringkly , it's the nice warm homely familiarity that brings comfort.. If u and your gf willing to work things out den ok. if only 1 person den forget it. It will be so hard.

[hugs]

TS,
Nice to hear that you are getting married, you are moving out and you miss your mum's cooking? Have you talked with her about this issue in your relationship? The whole truth of how you feel deep down inside your heart? She probably knows the situation better than you think she knows. Anyway from 3rd party point of view, this looks bad. Woman usually takes a long time to agree on BTO. If she hasn't thoroughly sure about being with you for the rest of her life, she will say lets cancel this and come up with more complaints and quarrels. If you mean something, she will say sorry on her own. Not after you talks with her. Woman usually says sorry on their own. If you have to talk to her to hear it, oh no, these signs mean You Should Listen to the advices from bros here.

Hey guys, you all really gave awesome replies.

Been talking to her few days ago. She said she was sorry in the end. For now, I would like to improve on what we are lacking, instead of just cancel everything immediately.

I guess it is really good to hear from experienced bros here.

Btw, is it normal to have 'withdrawal' symptoms when you move into a new house? e.g missing ur mum's cooking, freedom of being alone at home. I am afraid I will have all these 'withdrawal' symptoms though..

[Intltuk]

TS,
..................If you mean something, she will say sorry on her own. Not after you talks with her. Woman usually says sorry on their own. If you have to talk to her to hear it, oh no, these signs mean You Should Listen to the advices from bros here.

Nice caution sis.

TS, sis hugs has given u some food for thought from a woman's POV. Be sure of ur rs with ur wife to be....or u will end up regretting.

[melonmilk]

can see the ts is the type of guy who scared of women.

this kind of woman, u better watch out. now she threatens you by using bto.

next time, she threatens u by any means, cuz she knows you are weak.

if i were u, i wouldn't be in such a rush to downpayment a bto after knowing 3 yrs.

[Edyta]

Hi TS,
Before marriage should be the honeymoon time as both of u are not staying together yet n have not face stressful situation of pregnancy, kids, family setbacks etc. If u both are already "doing the talks", "trying to apologise n reconcile" I honestly cannot imagine how it would be like after marriage. By then would be living together,loans to pay, in laws to deal with etc. U might want to assess if u both are compatible? If u are far more mature in thinking, u would bear the burden of doing everything for the family n having her would feel like having a kid to look after than having a companion to go thru thick n thin in life. btw I am female n have been thru all these. just hope u make a sensible decision. bto can just let go, money can always earn back.

[urgg]

can see the ts is the type of guy who scared of women.

this kind of woman, u better watch out. now she threatens you by using bto.

next time, she threatens u by any means, cuz she knows you are weak.

if i were u, i wouldn't be in such a rush to downpayment a bto after knowing 3 yrs.

Mr Melon, I differ to what you say regarding TS is scare of women.

Remember this, men is not scared of women.. men is clever enough not to invite trouble by agitating women.. another word, women is scary! :eek:

[hijav]

Mr Melon, I differ to what you say regarding TS is scare of women.

Remember this, men is not scared of women

I also beg to differ because I personally have known of ex school mates, ex classmates as well as 2 uncles who are very afraid of their wives!

[urgg]

I also beg to differ because I personally have known of ex school mates, ex classmates as well as 2 uncles who are very afraid of their wives!

Hi Mr Hi, sounds sad thou by using the word scare/afraid of wives.. care to elaborate? or maybe u can invite the 2 uncles to this forum and share their experience? it will be great! :)

[melonmilk]

Mr Melon, I differ to what you say regarding TS is scare of women.

Remember this, men is not scared of women.. men is clever enough not to invite trouble by agitating women.. another word, women is scary! :eek:

the way ts describing his bto and fiance situation made him sound like he is kind of scare of the woman..

i felt that this kind of woman doesn't worth keeping. using bto as ultimatum. if i were ts, i would just kick her ass and return the rightful amount for bto back to her.

[urgg]

Hey guys, you all really gave awesome replies.

Been talking to her few days ago. She said she was sorry in the end. For now, I would like to improve on what we are lacking, instead of just cancel everything immediately.

I guess it is really good to hear from experienced bros here.

Btw, is it normal to have 'withdrawal' symptoms when you move into a new house? e.g missing ur mum's cooking, freedom of being alone at home. I am afraid I will have all these 'withdrawal' symptoms though..

My fren,u can still go back to your mum's place to have dinner unless ur wife to be stop you from going home :eek:

I can assure you things will be not the same anymore when u live together. Arguement will be more.. peace will be lesser.. im not trying to scare u.. but this is marriage life..

[urgg]

the way ts describing his bto and fiance situation made him sound like he is kind of scare of the woman..

i felt that this kind of woman doesn't worth keeping. using bto as ultimatum. if i were ts, i would just kick her ass and return the rightful amount for bto back to her.

3 yrs of relationship say long not long.. but say short oso not short.. I look in a way that TS still care for his gf and worried about her well being if he is to break off with her. Alot of things to consider before breaking off with a ger whom u have somehow portray to ur family tat she is the wife to be..

[archer69]

Think while it's still early.
Why need to stay with such girl.
A lot of girls who can please you every time.