Heartache and Agony

[doremond]

To all bros/sis, it's 3am in the morning, and my mind is in turmoil. I've this pain and heartache in me that I can't relate to anyone. Thus I finally muster my courage to pen it down on this platform or I will surely go mad.

I'm in my mid 30s. I was a high flyer in a MNC after years of hardwork and preserverance. I was earning $300-400k a year. I've everything except a family life. I got married in my early 20s. My eldest is already 13yrs old. My first marriage was in ruins. My first wife was demanding and abusive. I put up with her for the children for the first 10 years and focus only on work. The last straw was when she repeatly raise her hand on me 3 years back. I move out. But I did not get a divorce because of the kids.
3 years ago, I happen to know this divorcee. We click right at the start and I thought I found my ONE! To cut the story short, to be with her, I decided the to formally divorce my first wife. I thought I could have a fresh start. My first wife did not agree to it despite I agreed to gave in to her condition even gave up the custody of the children. Thus I file for separation.

I then officially move in with my 2nd wife(XW) and her kids. I bought them a condo and gave her a car. I supported her for the next 2 years. I thought I was finally living a life. All went well until early this year, XW has a run in with the law and I took the blame for her. Admitting to her charges because I love her more than anything in this world. I lost my job, my account got frozen by the bloody authority. I've a large amt of cash sized by them too. Everything turns upside down within a day. But I thought I will survived, I will walk back to my feet as I'm with my loved ones.
But for the past 6 months, things took a huge dive in our relationship, she started to pick quarrels, she told me that she cannot stand being a no2 unless I officially divorce. I was like wtf, my whole seperation procedure was transparent to her, I did not lie or conceal anything. This was the beginning of a nightmare.

Because of this court case, I can't travel, and thus I've difficulty finding a new job. I went for numerous interviews but was often quoted as over qualified. Nevertheless, I keep on trying. XW then took on a job and started working again to help supplement the family. My savings are slowly depleted as I'm supporting first wife and children, XW and her children and my parents. I thought she was at least helping out. But things went worse just after 2 months into her job, she started having late night clients dinners, many other events with her colleagues.

The last straw came in 2hrs ago, her phone rang and I pick up the call as she was asleep. A man ask for her and I ask who is he? He ask me who am I and I reply that I'm the husband. He immediately hang up the phone. Bad thoughts starts to raise in my head and I did the unthinkable, I check her what's app and was reading through her msg.

I saw that she was constantly texting one of her client but was talking nothing about work. She was talking about meeting him during one of her out station few weeks later and was even talking about trips to Thailand. Basically it's flirting on the phone. I don't know how to react or think. Tears was flowing down uncontrollably and there's a mixture of heartache and agony!
The worst thing was that the timing of these SMS, it was in the morning when after I drop her to work at the mrt. I was texting her too at the same time telling her how much I miss her and how appreciative I felt that she is working. But I receive no single reply! Because she is busy telling the other guy how fanscinated of his travels and works.

At this point, I'm lying in bed with her sleeping by the side typing this on my phone. I'm at a lost and there's no much emotion in me. I still love her to the extend that I do not want to disrupt her sleep and is bearing this pain in me than confronting her.

Brothers and sisters out there, can any of you tell me what to do? How to move on my life? I gave up everything for her, took on the role as a step father to care for her kids. And truth be told, gave up my 2 precious baby just to be with her. What did I do to deserve all these!!

Apologies on the bad English and typo error, I'm not in the right mindset now.

[HappyOwl]

Apologies on the bad English and typo error, I'm not in the right mindset now.

Bro. doremond, regardless of whoever you are, even left with the last penny, I urge you to not do anything as of now. Whatever you are going to do next, may blows up the whole matter.

Would you just calm yourself down first, before your next logical decision making? :)

[doremond]

I'm lying quietly in bed, with tears into eyes that I can't control. I'm looking at my phone seeking solace from anyone now. Don't worry, I will not do anything silly or abusive to her. I love her too much to hurt her.

But why is she hurting me so so deep?

[doremond]

I don't know how to face her in the morning.

Happy owl, can you tell me what to do?

[HappyOwl]

I don't know how to face her in the morning.

Happy owl, can you tell me what to do?

Please do nothing for now. Matters of the heart will reveal itself soon.

The man who hung up the phone few hours ago may confronts her if he doesn't knows about your existence.

You must be calm. You are still not too sure about what exactly is going on. Right? :)

[doremond]

It's the msg that scares me, the message reminds me of our early days when I started with her. What is she doing? Why is she opening her doors to others? What am I to her? I fall from grace, gave up my life, my career, my everything to love and protect her.

[doremond]

Happy owl, thanks for the time and effort to reply this thread. I apologize fory emotion. Do have a good night and good sleep. The night is long for me now

[HappyOwl]

It's the msg that scares me, the message reminds me of our early days when I started with her. What is she doing? Why is she opening her doors to others? What am I to her? I fall from grace, gave up my life, my career, my everything to love and protect her.

We have only 24 hours a day. It will be real tough to think back 2400 hours ago as well as 2400 hours ahead.

Is the paranoid at plays now. Tackle that first alright? :)

[HappyOwl]

Happy owl, thanks for the time and effort to reply this thread. I apologize fory emotion. Do have a good night and good sleep. The night is long for me now

Do feel at ease. There is a reason why you are the TS. :p

At any point of time, when the tension is rising up to a limit within your control, just take deep breathes & walk away first.

Communication is key in this instances. :)

[jnudes]

It's the msg that scares me, the message reminds me of our early days when I started with her. What is she doing? Why is she opening her doors to others? What am I to her? I fall from grace, gave up my life, my career, my everything to love and protect her.

bro, I am in mid thirties just like you. However, I am still single. If you ask me I would say is the 'current technology' thing that is influencing the marriage. I also know many people are using this technology in their daily lives to keep in touch with their beloved ones. Some are truly addicted and can online as much as 12 hours per day, for example, Facebook.

It can help as well as destroying one relationship, depending on how one people using it. I have quitted Facebook, never have Whatapps, Wechat, etc and currently satisfied with a simple handphone with sms service only. I meet and talk with family members and friends face to face and sometimes by land phone.

This kind of current technology not only enable families and friends to keep in touch long distance but also meet new people, clients, strangers, foreign friends and even ex-lover!

Do you want to know what she is really doing? Ok I gotta be firm with you. She is just using you as a spare tyre (lean behind your shoulder for temporary comfort and security) and dump you when it is the right time after she found a new man.

I had met this kind of woman before and got hurt and scared with relationship after that. Although I am still single and never married before, I am contented with my current life. Your story only make me more pessimistic about marriage. Therefore better be single than regret later on.

[maxsee]

You are her ATM machine...And now that you have broken down, she has to look for new a ATM machine la.....It is a pity that you have dated so few times, that you are unable to discern real love from fake love....:D:D:D

[doremond]

To all bros, thanks for your concern. Truth be told, I was a player. Due to my first broken marriage, I've at least 2 dozen of 小三 previously. When I met her, the initial reaction was just F and go. But things took a turn and my emotion floodgates open. I thought I found my one.
But like what bro Maxsee said, love blinds me to differentiate what is real?
And I may not allow myself to see what is reality now.

[fion.18]

To all bros, thanks for your concern. Truth be told, I was a player. Due to my first broken marriage, I've at least 2 dozen of 小三 previously. When I met her, the initial reaction was just F and go. But things took a turn and my emotion floodgates open. I thought I found my one.
But like what bro Maxsee said, love blinds me to differentiate what is real?
And I may not allow myself to see what is reality now.

Well the old saying goes, if someone can't love you at your worst then they don't deserve you at your best. Sometimes a downfall helps us see what's real and what not. And who were the ones who stood by us and who chose to leave.

At this stage you love so much that you can forgive time and again. You can just give & give but there will come a day, your heart will turn cold and you will realize there is no point staying. It's still too early to tell how things will turn out for you but in the meanwhile, hang in there. Xx

[MIFAcafe]

Married once is more than enough; please don't get married again.....:confused:

Just remember when you felt you love someone; just back off a bit after sex with her..... and go on with your life.

You do not need a married cert to prove that you love someone.

Human emotion shift up and down..... and when it is bad it can be real bad..... just read Murphy Law.

http://performancemanagementcompanyblog.files.wordpress.c om/2013/08/sws-one-murphys-law-words.png

To all bros, thanks for your concern. Truth be told, I was a player. Due to my first broken marriage, I've at least 2 dozen of 小三 previously. When I met her, the initial reaction was just F and go. But things took a turn and my emotion floodgates open. I thought I found my one.
But like what bro Maxsee said, love blinds me to differentiate what is real?
And I may not allow myself to see what is reality now.

[doremond]

I thought I was heartless, I thought I was a player. But when the emotion came pouring out. You can't just plug it and plug it.
I'm a process person, I'm driven by facts throughout my life. But this time when there are so much signs laid in front of me. I choose to be blind or choose not to see, I really don't know.

I'm a simple person, in hokkien, I only look forward to Kia kio, bo jio. Meaning, when you are home, your kids called you, when your wife sees you, she smile at you. I failed miserably once. I thought I found it again. But it seems to slip through my fingers again.

Is wanting a place called home a myth to people like me?

[jnudes]

To all bros, thanks for your concern. Truth be told, I was a player. Due to my first broken marriage, I've at least 2 dozen of 小三 previously. When I met her, the initial reaction was just F and go. But things took a turn and my emotion floodgates open. I thought I found my one.
But like what bro Maxsee said, love blinds me to differentiate what is real?
And I may not allow myself to see what is reality now.

bro I hate to say this to you but no choice since you greatly need some advice here. You cheated so many womens' feeling before. You must be the sweet talker and the handsome type, correct?

Either you believe or not you are now facing your own retribution or karma from your past action. Cheat the opposite sex feeling and now you get cheated back. And the person who cheated you is the person you loved the most.

Please think twice if you want to play with a woman's feeling next time. The outcome can be really horrible in the end. Some even committed suicide for a failed relationship and luckily you are not on that path.

[jnudes]

I thought I was heartless, I thought I was a player. But when the emotion came pouring out. You can't just plug it and plug it.
I'm a process person, I'm driven by facts throughout my life. But this time when there are so much signs laid in front of me. I choose to be blind or choose not to see, I really don't know.

I'm a simple person, in hokkien, I only look forward to Kia kio, bo jio. Meaning, when you are home, your kids called you, when your wife sees you, she smile at you. I failed miserably once. I thought I found it again. But it seems to slip through my fingers again.

Is wanting a place called home a myth to people like me?

Today you are a victim. From wise player to a victim. I guess you are blinded by this woman's beauty or wealth, correct?

I realized you wanted to settle down in a happy home and family. But since you confessed of your past looks like the karma is coming after you.

Since you love her real deep well you should leave her before she started to hurt you even deeper. It will be a slow and painful recovery which could take years to heal.

I had been in that stage after broke up with my ex more than 10 years ago.

[urgg]

Hi Bro,

I sympatise with you. I understand the situation that you are in. I can't help but think this is karma... I know alol of pple must be thinking i must be crazy to talk all this.. We come out and enjoy behind our GF/wife, be it paid or both willing parties(FB), there is bound to be something bad that will fall on u. at least that is what i believe. There is one hokkien saying: Ai hiong siu, tu ai chiap siu. To enjoy, you need to accept.

To be very frank with you, i think you should sit down with her to talk about it. i think you are more sad den angry now.. it is better to thrash it out rather than you suffer in silence. you will go crazy, trust me.

It will lead to depression.. Cry when you need to.. it is a great way to relieve your stress.. Good Luck to you my fren.

[sunhuan-con]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USC5MJVZLy8


Let go everything....try to dump it into garbage bin. Think positively . Everything are illusion . Whatever things we want , we are creating more stress to ourselves .

[sammyboyfor]

Woman can shower a woman with love but NEVER give any woman your LIFE.

Apart from my mother, there is not a single woman in the world that I would trust 100%. I always keep something in reserve so that if things turn pear shaped, my money and other assets are safe.

Women see men primarily as providers. When your ability to provide for them in manner to which they are accustomed is compromised, 90% of them will move on to someone who can.

10% may stick with you through thick and thin but that is because they are either exceptionally devoted and loyal wives or they are physically so unattractive that their options of finding a new mate are severely limited.

Lastly if you get involved in a divorcee, alarm bells should be ringing loudly as a wife who has walked away from one marriage will have no qualms about doing it again and again.

The odds were therefore stacked against you from the start and once you lost your big fat income, you became a liability in the relationship.

My advice is to walk away immediately. She's not going to change. If you want to punish her new man, the best thing you can do is let him have her.

[sunhuan-con]

Woman can shower a woman with love but NEVER give any woman your LIFE.

Apart from my mother, there is not a single woman in the world that I would trust 100%. I always keep something in reserve so that if things turn pear shaped, my money and other assets are safe.

Women see men primarily as providers. When your ability to provide for them in manner to which they are accustomed is compromised, 90% of them will move on to someone who can.

10% may stick with you through thick and thin but that is because they are either exceptionally devoted and loyal wives or they are physically so unattractive that their options of finding a new mate are severely limited.

Lastly if you get involved in a divorcee, alarm bells should be ringing loudly as a wife who has walked away from one marriage will have no qualms about doing it again and again.

The odds were therefore stacked against you from the start and once you lost your big fat income, you became a liability in the relationship.

My advice is to walk away immediately. She's not going to change. If you want to punish her new man, the best thing you can do is let him have her.

Thats very true..Mother love is 100 per cent unconditional. Anyway let the man have her and take over your old shoes.

[urgg]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-k68n50iYY

[sammyboyfor]

Thats very true..Mother love is 100 per cent unconditional. Anyway let the man have her and take over your old shoes.

The shoes are very worn. It's about time they were put in the garbage heap.

[demonhunter]

I thought I was heartless, I thought I was a player. But when the emotion came pouring out. You can't just plug it and plug it.


Is wanting a place called home a myth to people like me?

Bro , first of all you have to learn and separate your divorce and your current bitch .

separate the fact that divorce means freedom , doesn't mean you will get married to her . Why get married when you are earning 300k - 400k annually ?
Go out there and enjoy your life . Women are at their best behaviour at the Girlfriend status . They turn when u r married or confirm marriage (womens charter)

When you lost your job , it means you lost income , which means you lose your pleasure hole .

This equation is universal but in her situation is even worse . Not only she has to provide for her 2 kids , she has to feed u now ?

Money talks and bullshit walks .

Why would you wanna be with somebody with extra baggage ?

You already have your own kids ... In a couple of yrs time , the will reach 21 yrs old and then whats the importance of "care and control"

They would be old enough to know that mummy practised BDSM on daddy and daddy waved the white flag and left ...

They would be your kids eventually (still)

So , Kick that bitch out with the evidence you found . (I hope the condo is in your name)

Get your 300k job back .

start to slam the bitches out there !!!!

ps: im slightly older than you , never married and having the best time of my life .

Good luck !
:D

[topcook1]

Married once is more than enough; please don't get married again.....:confused:

Just remember when you felt you love someone; just back off a bit after sex with her..... and go on with your life.

You do not need a married cert to prove that you love someone.

Human emotion shift up and down..... and when it is bad it can be real bad..... just read Murphy Law.

http://performancemanagementcompanyblog.files.wordpress.c om/2013/08/sws-one-murphys-law-words.png


I am 41 and divorced for more than 3 years and I told myself that I wont get marry again as I had gained my freedom. Why guys will always make the same mistake of getting attached and marry again is because of loneliness. Loneliness is just a disease and can be cured . The 21st century woman are no longer the same like olden days woman. They have more choices and temptations. My experience had shows me that money and parents are still the most reliable. Anyway my advice is just let go and concentrate in your career and your biological children.

[doremond]

A big thanks to all bros and and boss for your advice and comments. And yes, Karma's a bitch. And like what bro Urgg said, you want to enjoy, you have to accept.

There are too many details and knots tying me to her now, other than my love, there are also assets that are in her name. It's a bad move on my part. But that's water under the bridge.

I've 2 set of voices inside me, the rational one shouting to leave and start anew, the other telling me about the love for her.

I really do not know how to pull myself out of this slumber. It really hurt so bad inside now.

[sammyboyfor]

the other telling me about the love for her.



Love is nothing more than brain chemistry. In order to break the bond, all you have to do is re program your brain and you can do that the same way people quit alcohol or smoking. However, you need to make a clean break.. the sooner the better.

http://chemistry.about.com/od/valentinesdaychemistry/a/Love-Chemicals.htm

[topcook1]

A big thanks to all bros and and boss for your advice and comments. And yes, Karma's a bitch. And like what bro Urgg said, you want to enjoy, you have to accept.

There are too many details and knots tying me to her now, other than my love, there are also assets that are in her name. It's a bad move on my part. But that's water under the bridge.

I've 2 set of voices inside me, the rational one shouting to leave and start anew, the other telling me about the love for her.

I really do not know how to pull myself out of this slumber. It really hurt so bad inside now.

I understand your emotional stress now. Try to find your friends and family to talk to. It will take times to heal the wound. Your mind must be firm and control your heart and emotion. You can try religious way of healing too by going church or temple. Is not easy bro but you will be a happy man after the storm is over.

[sammyboyfor]

There are too many details and knots tying me to her now, other than my love, there are also assets that are in her name.

Big mistake. I put all my assets in a trust fund. Don't make the same mistake the next time round.

If you put something in a someone else's name, it must be an entity that you can afford to write off without major consequence.

[barcanary]

No amount of words or advises will be useful to you.Bottomline is what do you really want to do about it?Can you turn a blind eye to this matter and pretend nothing happens and carry on your false pretence of a happy co habitation?If you cant then it time to take drastic action of ending this relationship cos so called "LOVE" once betrayed has become a useless emotion.

Dont think you can talk about" love" since you can ditched your lovely own blood and flesh.It more of you giving in to your lust and you mistaken it for your love for this other woman.Just imagine the number of times you betrayed your ex wife by being a player like what you say.You didnt even think of what it meant to your ex wife at that time when you were happily bonking others people wives,girlfriends,daughters right as it only served to satisfy your lust.

You had make some mistakes in the past,namely sacrificing your career all because of your lust towards this woman and ditching your family for her.Main thing is that last time you got this woman to turn to for your comfort zone hence you dare to make changes to your life by ditching your family.Your cries for help now is because you dont have a "greener pasture" to turn to right now else I am sure you will walk away from this relationship.

So ultimately it is still your choice on what you decide to do cos a suspicious relationship will never endure through times and what follows will be constant worries and quarrels.Do you want such a relationship?

You are only in your 30s,the prime of your life.You must also be highly educated.Get on with your life and start afresh by building up your career again.When you are successful,there will be plenty of other relationship to satisfy your lust.

I may sound harsh but search deeply inside your heart to find the right answer and dare to face it.People make mistake over and over again but few seldom learns from it as they dare not admit it is their own fault or shortcomings that ruined the relationship cos it always easier to blame the other party.
Trust me once you rebuild your career,your life will start blooming again and you will get all your self confidence back and become another player again as bottomline "MONEY" make the world go round and not the so called "LOVE".

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Just posted this vid on another thread & after reading TS's post, i feel this vid is also very applicable here.
TS, look at how ur old marriage was handled & look at ur current. By reading ur posts, i already see similarities in ur decision process tat leads to the same conclusion. Gd luck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SzRS3a48ec

[demonhunter]

I really do not know how to pull myself out of this slumber. It really hurt so bad inside now.

Ask yourself , is it because of the "love ones that you will be losing" or is it the "feeling of losing" ?

[jj_jj]

Have you considered legal advice as in admitting to perjury?
Perhaps get a hefty slap on the wrist but funds get released?

Btw, leave xw.. she's just playing you
You should recognise the signs..

Cry if you must, but once that's done, tear no more. Life goes on.

[doremond]

Thanks to all for your advice. As per bro demon hunter, am I afraid of losing her or just losing. This question has been ringing in my head.

I know what I want, I know what I can do. But knowing is one thing. Doing is another. 我不甘心！

Frankly, falling down from grace does not do me in, losing my effort for the last decade does not impact me. I know what I can do.
I'm a fighter! I learn from mistakes, I know what does not kills me makes me stronger.
But the deadly blow to me is the emotional side. As per one of the bro say, it started with lust. I agreed. But this lust develop into a longing for a home. For a new life.

[july3rd]

Thanks to all for your advice. As per bro demon hunter, am I afraid of losing her or just losing. This question has been ringing in my head. I know what I want, I know what I can do. But knowing is one thing. Doing is another. 我不甘心！ Frankly, falling down from grace does not do me in, losing my effort for the last decade does not impact me. I know what I can do. I'm a fighter! I learn from mistakes, I know what does not kills me makes me stronger. But the deadly blow to me is the emotional side. As per one of the bro say, it started with lust. I agreed. But this lust develop into a longing for a home. For a new life.

Find a decent woman if you longing for a home. Open your eye bigger! Good luck dude :)
不甘心你有和苦呢？ 你的不干心会让你很痛苦。

[discordpiggy]

Thanks to all for your advice. As per bro demon hunter, am I afraid of losing her or just losing. This question has been ringing in my head.

I know what I want, I know what I can do. But knowing is one thing. Doing is another. 我不甘心！

Frankly, falling down from grace does not do me in, losing my effort for the last decade does not impact me. I know what I can do.
I'm a fighter! I learn from mistakes, I know what does not kills me makes me stronger.
But the deadly blow to me is the emotional side. As per one of the bro say, it started with lust. I agreed. But this lust develop into a longing for a home. For a new life.

bro, there are too many 不甘心 things in life. let it go now and you still have time to take back what you lost.

I got burnt 16 years ago and still licking my wounds as of now and then wasted 10 years of my life switching off to too many great things and regretted not making full use of it properly, just because of 不甘心... so don't 不甘心. get back your life. you can still build a home later. treat this as a test of your will power to bounce back in full armour!

as for the assets being tied, I suggest you speak to a lawyer about it. Never ever put your assets in another person's name. do not also take a rap just because you love her when you are not even legally binded to her. even you are legally binded too... don't take raps for anyone out of love.

in this century, love is too fragile. within a couple of hours, things can change and turn against you.

sorry I may be a woman but it is really not a logical move on your part, bro. logic thinking and analysis should kick in first instead of "hweelings" at all cost!

cliché but JUST DO IT! cut the emotions part!

best of luck! :D

[Captainoceania77]

Just posted this vid on another thread & after reading TS's post, i feel this vid is also very applicable here.
TS, look at how ur old marriage was handled & look at ur current. By reading ur posts, i already see similarities in ur decision process tat leads to the same conclusion. Gd luck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SzRS3a48ec

Nice video. I believe in Karma too.

[audreyrhi]

Time to wake up.

Grief is what we add on to the loss; Happiness is in letting go.

[doremond]

Thanks to all the bro and sis who have given me the much needed support, advice and wake up call. I do truly appreciate all your kind thoughts.

It has been a tedious and tiring week for me, I do know what is the right decision or actions to be taken, but knowing is one thing, doing is really another. I'm trying, really trying.

[hugs]

Thanks to all the bro and sis who have given me the much needed support, advice and wake up call. I do truly appreciate all your kind thoughts.

It has been a tedious and tiring week for me, I do know what is the right decision or actions to be taken, but knowing is one thing, doing is really another. I'm trying, really trying.


reading your thread reminded me of myself many years ago. good luck. 明天会更好。

[korean]

Bro, sorry to hear your story. Have u tried to find out from Xw what she is not happy with u? She may drag u here n there and not telling the truth but it is ur part to find out if u really try to patch back, or know the root cause.

[clevic]

I know exactly how you feel for I just experienced a similar thing not too long ago.

Today... right at this moment, I truly believe that money is a very powerful tool. If you have it, love can be triggered. When you don't have it, or when someone else is able to give more... you will be powerless.

As someone here said, women are naturally tuned to look for provider. If you can provide, they will stick with you. Once that is gone, their survival instinct will come in and look for the next best available option.

Of course, we are human and there will be times when our emotions will drive us towards something real. But trust me, it won't last. Because when reality strikes (and it will), we will realise selfishness will take priority.

[CheeKohPeh]

Have u tried to find out from Xw what she is not happy with u?

Agree with this

[happywoody]

TS, walk away from XW and things will be clearer to you.

[Rickey]

TS, walk away from XW and things will be clearer to you.
Returning favour to you wif my +6, bro happywoody :)...boosting ur pts UP frm 66 to 72 !! :) ..T.Q. for upping me 1st !...Cheers !

[Intltuk]

TS,

U snag her while u were a high flyer and gave her all the material needs in life, hence she look up to u. Now u took the blame on her behalf and lost ur fortune/living and u're no longer the provider of the family. What is ur status in her eyes now? U're probably equal or less in her eyes.

Is it all lost? Is she looking for another roost? Reading what u've written, There is no firm evidence that is happening.....yet.

Don't jump to conclusions and make what has not come to be to become true. If u love her, find out what's troubling her and see how both of u can improve on the relationship.

Best of luck.

[ThunderMonkey]

I so feel you bro.
Every word,every feeling,every thing you have been through.
Karma bro.
It is a dangerous thing.
will never know when or how it arrives.
But it will come to your doorstep.
As a brother who lost many many things,
The negative feeling will stay for a long time.
and eat into you.
I suggest turning your mind to God perhaps.
Often we have neglected the higher powers in time of goodness.
Only to turn when in despair.
I am not a religious person.
But i believe these problems exist to remind us.
Gotta wake up bro.
Step by step.
Lessons learned.
time to wake up and walk.
For you.
For your future.
For your kids.
The future sees dark.
You maybe scared.
But if you don't help yourself,no one will.
You never know what rainbow may shine on your path.
Before that,you must be whole again.

[Forza458]

Maybe she's just a typical gold digger? Stick w one when he is successful but leaves when he is nothing. Just sharing my opinion

[porscheclub]

Looks like all the masters have arrived :)

Dear TS, I feel very sore & sad for you cos I'm in a similar situation which is still in it's honeymoon stage. Only a downfall will let us wake up from the fantasy so please grab hold of yourself now & walk out of it like a business deal gone sour.

You're lucky that this happened to you in your 30s, had you been a decade older then the odds will really bottom you.

Freeze your heart now, the soul can be repaired with time but you need to quickly check on your brush with the law & find a way to untie the knot immediately. I'm sure you know the words, "No $ no honey" so the first step is to sever all love, gain back your financial freedom then we talk again.

Karma came after you early so don't cry. A player must be prepared to lose all. Good luck & hang on.

[Plaedes]

Dear doremond,

What I'm going through now, is peanuts compared to yours.

Thank you for sharing your feelings, I know it is not an easy time and a lot of things are easier said than done. You gave up everything for her and you were betrayed.

I do understand exactly how u feel.

Why do you say you gave up your precious babies? You will always be their father. You have the rest of your life to make it up to them!

If I were you, I would focus on starting from scratch, finding a business I'm interested in, good at, with contacts that know who I am. Put all my heart and energy into it, and let there be no space for over thinking. Put women aside first, trust me, they are not attracted to emotionally unstable guys. and you may tend to cling on too much in fear of loneliness.

But career minded men with a focus, the most charming. Like a guy who cooks, plays the piano. MAKES THEM WET AR.

It will still hurt, for years to come. You will never, ever, forget this image in your head for the rest of your life. I ask that you forgive her, forgive yourself. Seek forgiveness and empathy, and you will feel way better than bearing hatred.

Do you want a person who does not appreciate you after everything you have been through together? What kind of human being will do that? Is she worth the pain? Choose. Choose happy regardless. We are very fortunate no matter the circumstances may be.

What are the things you like doing in your free time? Focus on that!

cheers!

[dgprince72]

Bro,

I think it is time to take a step back and think what u need to do. I totally agreed with many brothers out there that no money no honey.

If she is flirting with other guys when you are down and out, imagine what she can do when you are at your bottom.

I too was a high flyer, dated a divorcee with 2 kids (nearly forced into marriage) but luckily for me I found out too much things about her past. She even wanted me to add her name to my business which I strive hard over the past 5 years. We have just parted when I told her that I do not have money for the next 6 months.

Wake up and work hard on your career and when the money is coming in again, the ladies and love will come again. Please also take care of your 2 kids as they are your true kids.

When you are successful again, love will come and you can then take your time and choose what you want.

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Bro career and money is the most important for a man. Since u gone through all these woman, is better stay put as single . Enjoy your life . Without woman life still goes on. As for me I will never trust any woman as they are like a bank...will helps u on sunny day and run away during rainy days.....

[Edyta]

Hi TS put aside feelings first.

U have work to do - give yourself a clean name again, yes see your lawyer about that. U dont want to be accused of some crime u never committed. That affects your future employability. With a clean name again your frozen assets would eventually be released back to u. You can look for new job to start afresh.

Focus on your 2 kids. One is already 13 he/she is fast growing up. Its only this few years u can try to build memories before he/she flies out of the nest to college n a new adult life.

There is so much more important things to do. Dont waste time with this woman. She is not worth it. Not becos of the suspected unfaithfulness but from the fact that she let you take the rap for her n suffered. A woman who truly loves a man will never allow this. I can say this because i am a woman. Take care n i hope u could really be strong n do the neccesary. U dont wana live in regrets having lost the time with the kids n career.

[ElvisRocks]

Bro career and money is the most important for a man. Since u gone through all these woman, is better stay put as single . Enjoy your life . Without woman life still goes on. As for me I will never trust any woman as they are like a bank...will helps u on sunny day and run away during rainy days.....

Very well said

[MIFAcafe]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBSj3DUI2to

Clint feel the same.:rolleyes:

Bro career and money is the most important for a man. Since u gone through all these woman, is better stay put as single . Enjoy your life . Without woman life still goes on. As for me I will never trust any woman as they are like a bank...will helps u on sunny day and run away during rainy days.....

[topcook1]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBSj3DUI2to

Clint feel the same.:rolleyes:

Nice one..I agrees on this video...Modern Woman nowadays is just like a fair weather friend. Hard to see those who can walks through a stormy weather. Guess 10 per cent can only walk through all kind of storm and turbulence . It applies to most nationality.

[jng1103]

TS, I really feel for U... I've gone through it (though not at the pinnacle of my career), and I think it's time for some soul searching aka self reflection. Take time off to focus on something else (ie religious work), and heal your soul and mind. Join cell group (if U r a christian), and make new friends (preferably from religious group).

I do agree with most bros here that money and career are the two most important elements for men, and love does have a price to pay. Not everyone can mess around with love (ie flirting around), and karma does exist.

It will be too heavy if I say your karma has come, but I will be lying to U if U think U dun deserve it. Whatever it is, stay strong, get a strong pillar of clean friends, and start afresh. Time will heal the pain, and yes, 一切都会过去的...

[sunhuan-con]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBSj3DUI2to

Clint feel the same.:rolleyes:

In clint eastwood real life, he has divorced few times liaoz. If not mistaken he got married again at age 70s or 80s.

[Xyberduke]

If she causes misery, dump her straight away!

I'm not rubbing in, I lost everything few years ago and was almost bankrupt.
I sat at a bench, had 20 sticks of cigarettes, thought through my life and asked myself what had went wrong.

I went home later that day and deleted the contacts of those that directly or indirectly led to my misery, wrote down a few things that would change tomorrow, and started a new life. It wasn't easy to start from zero in your thirties, zero bank account, zero CPF, zero life. I made it, and I believe you can.

[Summerhillt]

If she causes misery, dump her straight away!

I'm not rubbing in, I lost everything few years ago and was almost bankrupt.
I sat at a bench, had 20 sticks of cigarettes, thought through my life and asked myself what had went wrong.

I went home later that day and deleted the contacts of those that directly or indirectly led to my misery, wrote down a few things that would change tomorrow, and started a new life. It wasn't easy to start from zero in your thirties, zero bank account, zero CPF, zero life. I made it, and I believe you can.

Sorry TS .. off topic abit.. but bro xyberduke what you do until so jialat sia?

TS.. i hope you do realise karma's a bitch but hey.. just leave her ba. you can keep her body cannot keep her heart

[MoJoe313]

TS,
I am late on this. Its some serious shit you are going through.

Many kind bros have given your advice and encouragement. I will just tell it as it is from another angle. Forgive me if it hurts.

Have you thought about your kids? For you, you screwed up. You are hurt. You lost everything. You are still an adult. With full capabilities of managing emotional shocks. You had a choice in this.

Your kids are innocent. They did nothing wrong to deserve a broken family. They are not old enough to handle emotional shocks. You are their only family. They can't divorce you for another father. Have you considered how much you hurt them?

Yes, you may have realized it now. But greater was your desire to escape your prison than your desire for them to have a happy family.

Sorry, I know I should not harp on it. My father left me at 12. I never saw him till he was inside his coffin at 58. Because of the traumatic nature of his divorce, I swore to kill him when I got older. It was a pity I didn't have my go at him. So I now champion kids from broken families. I understand what they go through and express what they can't express.

I don't know how you can unwind your mess. Whatever you do, I hope you can put in more effort on your kids. I am hoping they do not harbour an inner desire to kill you.

I will tell you what my research shows. For girls, when they lack fatherly love, a good percentage of them will seek love outside. Teenage pregnancy, multiple boyfriends and sex partners, exchanging their bodies for love. For boys, anger, hate, rebellion, going astray, porno addiction. I wish you all the best.

[Gambit7]

TS, sorry abt ur plight.

But you know what, let's get some facts right first:

1. You are married before and you r divorced. So there must be something wrong with ur previous relationship that is not just down to the gal's fault. I believe any gal is human beings afterall. What did you do that make the whole relationship goes wrong?

2. You admitted that you are a wild player and have dozens and dozens of 小三. After u r married with her, do you still have those dozens 小三？my gut feeling is that you still do have them, maybe less but not completely gone. So you expect that you can play outside and your wife not?

Ur story is too one sided.

I had a friend, who is divorced. He said til the wife is an evil person. But soon I realised, he is worse than the wife.

[Ladyrain]

TS,
I am late on this. Its some serious shit you are going through.

Many kind bros have given your advice and encouragement. I will just tell it as it is from another angle. Forgive me if it hurts.

Have you thought about your kids? For you, you screwed up. You are hurt. You lost everything. You are still an adult. With full capabilities of managing emotional shocks. You had a choice in this.

Your kids are innocent. They did nothing wrong to deserve a broken family. They are not old enough to handle emotional shocks. You are their only family. They can't divorce you for another father. Have you considered how much you hurt them?

Yes, you may have realized it now. But greater was your desire to escape your prison than your desire for them to have a happy family.

Sorry, I know I should not harp on it. My father left me at 12. I never saw him till he was inside his coffin at 58. Because of the traumatic nature of his divorce, I swore to kill him when I got older. It was a pity I didn't have my go at him. So I now champion kids from broken families. I understand what they go through and express what they can't express.

I don't know how you can unwind your mess. Whatever you do, I hope you can put in more effort on your kids. I am hoping they do not harbour an inner desire to kill you.

I will tell you what my research shows. For girls, when they lack fatherly love, a good percentage of them will seek love outside. Teenage pregnancy, multiple boyfriends and sex partners, exchanging their bodies for love. For boys, anger, hate, rebellion, going astray, porno addiction. I wish you all the best.

Threadstarter, the above is very real. But I can also say when my father chose to leave the family, I gave him full support. Because I saw how much happier he became after he met his 2nd wife. My mum was extremely angry with me for this and refuse to speak to me since.

Growing up, I see how my dad was ignored both emotionally and physically.
I can't wait for them to split. Because even though I was really young, I absolutely hated the abuse me and my younger sibling get everytime they were unhappy with each other.
When they fight, we have no choice but to witness those horrible fights and become involved.
I remember wondering if therell ever be peace and family happiness for all of us.

When my dad left the family, I got the worst from mum. But I always remind myself as long as my dad is truly happy, everything is worth it. :)

But things turn downhill very quickly. Dad have a baby with that wife and chose to abandon us. Abandon me. This is what I couldn't accept. It is like he disappeared from the face of earth.