Both me and wife working. Should I still give her monthly allowance?

[TheArtist]

Hi guys, I am a traditional person with a not so traditional hobby - chionging. Despite chionging stables here, I still give monthly allowance of 1k to wife monthly. She is working too and we are both earning about the same salary.

Recently she started complaining 1k not enough, Im like wtf? Ive heard of guys not even giving allowances to working wives, and you say 1k not enough. How much is enough then?

Just asking for opinion, now, in modern society, both spouses working, is it still understood that husband must give wife allowances? With rising costs and bills, I have been paying them off and reducing my hobby to almost non existence already. No mood.

Thanks guys

[sane]

I dunno about others but what is common now is to share a mutual savings account and each to contribute equally for household expenses/kids and what's left to goes towards into savings.

Unless she's a full time housewife, that's when a husband contribute fully.

Perhaps she's already smell fish on your extra activities so she's taking the chance to squeeze more out of u to cut it off ;) or to prepare for the day to walk out of the marriage.

What u contribute could be taken into account to ask for more maintenance too. I see it as a form of insecurity.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

I dunno about others but what is common now is to share a mutual savings account

Really? Says who? Or u speaking from experience :D

[stillgottheblue]

Giving money is a way of showing your love and taking up responsibility for the family.

[frozenbehemoth]

I think you should as a form of support. Amount is negligible.

[Oysterpay]

Of course it's not enough when she have to go high tea makan with friend.manicure/padicure.Hairsalon for silky smooth hair and spa treatment.excluding branded bag and cloths to compete with thier bitching gf.

When we guys chiong how long can the 1k last?share a couple of bottle with friends,ld drinks.ktv outing,tip the girls to sit.go for 1 or 2 fl 1k gone soon.

In this current society when female are earning as much as the husband or even higher but still expecting the male to play the traditional sole bread winner head of the house role.electric water bill,house installment,all the ki ki cok cok things then still must give allowance to wifey.

U guys ever felt unfair and where the hell wife own $$ go?

[sane]

Really? Says who? Or u speaking from experience :D

I dunno about others but my friends around me are all practising this, If me ..... what is his goes to me :D

[singmarine]

There is no rule u should or not give despite both of u working or even she earn a higher salary than you. Depends on your financial committment and your willingness. For me, no.

[Beachsea]

Both are sharing a life ba...

If so one sided , no money give her , will she start to give you nonsensical shits to bear?

Luckily the girls aI know truly understand equality and willing to work hand in hand. * of cos in turn I am more willing to take care of them la.
just like *Sane* mentioned , I don't even mind giving all to the someone who is worth.

those who abuse the word equality on the other hand expect everything/something from the guy to take care of them......lazy just say lazy lo...haha

TS good luck!!! :D
Ultimately she is your wife...You should understand her more than any of us here ba.....Cheers ..

[justl00king]

I probably have a traditional mindset, with the husband being the one taking care of all financial issues and the wife with the home chores.

If she works as well, her income would be hers to keep for her own indulgences.

Once married will be good to have less chiong, taking care of the family first should be priority. :)

[DO_YOU_BJ]

It is not a myth or taboo that THE MAN provides for the household via his income. This I feel is a norm.
It is also not unusual for the wife to keep her own earnings for her own indulgence.
It is also not uncommon for a wife not to take a single cent from her hubby but also AUTOMATICALLY chips in i.e groceries, toiletries etc
But I feel this thread has strayed way off topic from TS's initial post.
TS's question was, he & his wife earning the almost the same amount & that lately his wife is complaining that his 1k contribution to her is not enough?

My question to TS is:
The 1k that you've been giving your wife, is it purely for her to spend as she wishes or it's for paying household bills etc or is it an additional top up after paying all the household monthly bills?
The answer will cast a very clear light on the entire situation

If me ..... what is his goes to me :D

No wonder you're not married LOL

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Deleted post

[owl888]

My question to TS is:
The 1k that you've been giving your wife, is it purely for her to spend as she wishes or it's for paying household bills etc or is it an additional top up after paying all the household monthly bills?
The answer will cast a very clear light on the entire situation


Agree, else we will be blindly commenting....:D

[TheArtist]

Agree, else we will be blindly commenting....:D

Purely for her, all other bills I pay. But the 1k she will use to apply tuition for kid also lah. Then the rest maybe other expenses? I ask her, dun want to say. What to do...

[hamsapkwai]

blahder dont say i no tell you ah , whatever allowance u give her now will be

taken into context if one day u two fight becos she cant get enuff allowances out of you.

should that day come and u both go separate ways, the amount she is accustomed to having will be the quantum the court will rule in her favor in maintenance.

me no lawyer hor but... but... but i have heard that u will have to maintain her lifestyle that she was accustomed to having while she was married

so u mati mati will have to keep it in check cos for all u know she might be seeing further ahead than u

:p

[Blast88]

TS,

There will always 1 important statement in almost all wifey mentality ' my money is my own money, hubby money is everyone money':D

[Greendevil]

Bro, your family matter onli u know best. We can't give u the solution cos end of the day, we are outsiders. Not even yr patent can tell u how u goin run yr little family.

Best u sit down and have a heart to heart talk. All boils down to both your income and commitment.

[weetek]

bro, i think that your monetary matters can only be assessed by you. in mine, we have our personal accounts and joint accounts. whatever goes in the joint account, either one can get from. that is like our shared money, and something that we are willing to let go. which means, that if the other decides to get every last dollar, you should be fine by it. and it gets filled monthly by equal amount coming from one another. that is our "allowance".

[Beasty]

If no give wife money, the husband voice not loud enough in the house. But if give too much money, next time suay suay divorce, wife will use it as an excuse to demand more maintenance money. Got to work out the sum yourself.

[hardworking48]

Husband and wife should have their own private bank account. Husband should pay some of the bills of the family and wife pays some of the bills. No need to say how much u pay total each month and start comparing wif each other. Like this is no team work liao.

Normally if arrangement is like this, then no need to give separate allowance. If go out makan, sometime you pay, sometimes she pays...no fixed rules but you must zhi dong (自动)....something like when u go out wif yr buddies.

If you do give yr wife some extra money, let her know that its because u love her and wan to show yr love by this sum of money...I think she will be v happy. Got bonus, keep some for yourself but the rest give to yr wife to keep...she will feel secure and happy wif you.

Money very sensitive issue...need to work out a system between the two of you. Good luck.

[justdifferent]

in this age and time, i think there are very few couples using a joint account.

perhaps my parents' generation would be one of the last batches with a fairly large number of them having such an arrangement.

nowadays, how many families do you see with only 1 working parent?

the common arrangement i see nowadays is both parties having their own bank accounts, with them taking turns paying for entertainment and eating expenses. bills are shared more or less equally.

i'm not at the age where my married friends have children old enough to warrant an allowance, so i don't know how that goes.

personally, i feel that your wife either

a. expects you to contribute to the household, while her money is hers for her to squirrel away - materialistic

b. knows about your chionging activities and wants to take away your spending power so you won't be able to chiong

if you're asking for advice here, then you're probably considering of not giving her the 1k so that you can chiong more.

my advice is: do not do anything first, and find out if it's option a or b. if she just wants more money because she expects you to spend all your money to take care of the house while she squirrels away her income or splurges it on extravagance, then definitely stop giving her an allowance.

if it's the latter, find out how much she knows, and what's her stand on it before proceeding with any action.

[valkyrierune]

base on my past experience, giving money to wife is not the solution for everything.

Or maybe its just me. If the hubby is paying so many things and both of them are getting same pay or so and the wife is not contributing something is very wrong.

Unless you are not paying for anything maybe housing via CPF only, giving allowance is fine. If not i guess both should share the burden.

My ex did confront me about the allowance issue and i straight away write down what i paid for the whole family and what had she paid for.

From that day onwards she did not even dare to mention anything about money issue even till after divorce

The money should be an additional income for them to save or spend on their free will or leisure since its really your hard earned money.

We do deserve a life and so did they. Be accountable on how much you spend and save.
Its not how much you earn but how much you save so if the wife treat your allowance as an income its not really right

[tipspecialist]

Hi guys, I am a traditional person with a not so traditional hobby - chionging. Despite chionging stables here, I still give monthly allowance of 1k to wife monthly. She is working too and we are both earning about the same salary.

Recently she started complaining 1k not enough, Im like wtf? Ive heard of guys not even giving allowances to working wives, and you say 1k not enough. How much is enough then?

Just asking for opinion, now, in modern society, both spouses working, is it still understood that husband must give wife allowances? With rising costs and bills, I have been paying them off and reducing my hobby to almost non existence already. No mood.

Thanks guys

ultimately it depends on how much are you earning. if you are earning like 10k a month of course giving another grand is of no issue to you. but earning 5k a month and giving her another additional one grand seem stupid to me. I will ask her what expenses she is spending on. i believe in showering my spouse with love and not just money so a gift or a travel is a good way to expressing that too. hope this helps.

[Thai Rak Thai]

its a personal choice. my brother give his wife mum money although she earns more than him.

[mevius]

since both working . i think monthly allowance of 1 k is not bad liao , if me i will try to suggest to split bills half half each , use the extra allowance to go on holiday , like this than teamwork than love ma .. whahah

[Takashino]

Maybe just for home expenses.

[cmelater]

Just my side of the story.

I make over 10k per month. Wife makes 1/2 of what I bring home. We stay in a flat with no kids. I do not literally give monetary allowance because our household spendings is really negligible, as a percentage of take home pay. The most significant item is groceries, but that is.... how often and how much.

However, wife do ask for some reimbursement for household expenses. Its quite reasonable. The thing I don't like is "you have to pay more because you make more than me". Once I forgot to reimburse her and she kept barking for money..... I was like wtf.... wife not small income... still kpkp for money.

My simple approach to this is, don't let them see your financials and allow them an opportunity to budget their spendings based on your savings account balance. Its retarded.... And, this leads to further assumptions from wife like "you got the money what" and etc etc.

Asking for money isn't scary enough.... whats really scary is when you have a kid or more. The amount of allowance will be significant and going to be more scary than spending at ktv/ spa/ brothels/ fl. Go ktv/ spa/ brothels/ fl is still after all.... an avoidable expense. A kid's expense is never quite avoidable. Anyway, I think those bros with kids will appreciate this quite well.

Aside from wife's occasional nonsense about money, I feel somewhat heng not kid at the moment. Now still can just go holiday anytime or go ktv/ spa. Kids will be "game changing"....:( never assume they will grow smart and filial enough to take care of you. Make sure bank account got money retire first.

[nihabaashi]

Just give her a bit more...else she may start to quibble n ask how you spend your money?

Then the monitoring may affect your cheonging activities.

[wantanabee]

if mathematically 1k is really not enough, then perhaps to replan the expenditure on the family, might need to increase then.
However, if your family is unable to justify the 1k being put into good use then fishy.
she might have new spending on herself which u never know.
but end of the day, marriage is never fair. so u can feel the imbalance but don't get carrot.

[Summerhillt]

just thinking bro.. you give your wife $1k a month.. how much you give your parents and set aside how much to charity a month? :confused:

[adonis]

... Then the rest maybe other expenses? I ask her, dun want to say. What to do...

She appears fishy. Try to find out what or who she spends the money u give to her on.

[BBBJOK]

Bro TS

If you are are paying all the bill, it is not unreasonable that you collect S$1000\- monthly from her to relief yourself financially.

Happy weekend

[Intltuk]

TS,
Only u and ur wife can work it out. If u take advice from here and ur wife is not happy...what then??? Sit down and hve a talk with ur wife....it's about compromise.

[MrSeahLK]

Good day TS

Since you are paying the bill and she has income, up to you how much you want give her . Don't give also make sense since you also need to spend on yourself.

Regards

[faiwahnrt]

Good day TS,

My wife and I earns similar amount and we split household expenses including for our kids 50/50. Whenever she needs to buy something for extra for the house or kids, she automatically will split the cost to 2....no more asking me to pay for everything......


It took awhile (probably close to a year) and lots of argument to get to this point.

You can start by listing down all your house hold expenses including for kids.....then tell her 50/50.....and standfast for the fireworks!!!

[faiwahnrt]

Good day TS,

My wife and I earns similar amount and we split household expenses including for our kids 50/50. Whenever she needs to buy something for extra for the house or kids, she automatically will split the cost to 2....no more asking me to pay for everything......


It took awhile (probably close to a year) and lots of argument to get to this point.

You can start by listing down all your house hold expenses including for kids.....then tell her 50/50.....and standfast for the fireworks!!!

[hippiehippy]

I think 1k is reasonable.

[MrSeahLK]

Bro

Did you split the housing loan into 50/50 ie deduct half from your CPF account and half from her CPF account?

Thanks in advance

Good day TS,

My wife and I earns similar amount and we split household expenses including for our kids 50/50. Whenever she needs to buy something for extra for the house or kids, she automatically will split the cost to 2....no more asking me to pay for everything......


It took awhile (probably close to a year) and lots of argument to get to this point.

You can start by listing down all your house hold expenses including for kids.....then tell her 50/50.....and standfast for the fireworks!!!

[faiwahnrt]

HDB housing loan is also 50/50 from CPF deduction......

[SaveMoney]

It is good to share the household expenses equally. Both party have equal allowance for personal hobby. :)

[Fornicators]

I like the idea of 50/50 sharing.

HDB housing loan is also 50/50 from CPF deduction......

[faiwahnrt]

It is good to share the household expenses equally. Both party have equal allowance for personal hobby. :)

Good to have this setup....but i can tell it was very difficult reaching to this point.....we actually have a couple of huge fight to the extend that i was ready to walk out....

It all depends on on how far you are willing to take it......

At that time i was frustrated and feels like a water fish even though we have been married for more than 10 years.....everything were from my side.....she knows how much i earn and yet wants me to pay and pay. Even to the extend ask me to take up credit card zero interest loan to buy aircon, furniture when we got our HDB......i told her no loan, no money, no buy....then give me crap that salary not stagnant sure will get yearly increase...so no problem in getting loan.....really KNN!!

This is all water under the bridge....now everything is 50/50...just got to give her shock therapy that the marriage is going bye bye if she does not change...

Are you willing to go that far?

[hornie]

Enough or not enough is really depending on the financial situation of the person. If you are earning $10,000 then $1k is barely a dent into your finances. Sure your wife knows that you are earning a lot and wants to lead a more comfortable lifestyle.

If you are earning about the same as her, or less, then I do not see why you should give her. A mutual combined fund is better for all parties for long run. My wife makes about the same as me and we both share burden to pay all expenses in house.