A sudden realization why Men "Eat" Outside

[pitabooom]

Although I am not married yet (process in the planning, unfortunately, one too many snags makes me wonder if everything will go through smoothly and the future), I came to a realization why the husband who appears the most devoted, most caring, most faithful and most importantly.... MOST submissive and loving to their wives will 'eat' outside eventually.

I won't say one party is to blame and neither will I turn it into a woman bashing thread. But there are just one too many reasons why a seemingly 'good' marriage all ends up crumbling.

As this is a guy's dominated forum, "Ladies First" so to speak:

Ladies
1) Ladies would like to think that, "I'd given him everything." but what does 'everything' seriously mean? Money? Time? Emotions you had vented in the relationship?

What a man truly wants out of his wife, is not really time, money or vented emotions. A man wants a woman that is independent but supportive of her husband. A strong woman, but is as flexible as water. Someone who would empathise, respect, sympathise and LISTEN.

2) Ladies would like to be treated like a Princess/Queen. Well who doesn't want to be treated like royalty? But it has all its limits. Men treat you like princess because they want you to be happy. But be circumspect and don't treat that sort of treatment like its god-given and you are entitled to it. It may be exclusive to you (since you are the man's spouse), but do not treat him like dirt and give him a "My Way or The Highway" option in serious matters.

He loves you, but that does not mean he can be abused.

3) Ladies, what is it with remembering all the little details about the one person you hate and hating the person down to his/her grave? Hatred does not solve everything. Consistent negative thinking does not help as well. It will only serve to worsen the problem.

Men say things amongst themselves and crack dumb jokes to remove nervous tension. That's just how Men do things. If you as the spouse wants to dictate and control how your Man behaves in HIS SOCIAL CIRCLE, don't blame him when he decides to eat out because when he paid the whore, he controls the setup and the whore recognises this basic fact that he dictates how he wants to do things and the spouse doesn't seem to understand this basic thought that a Man does things the way he does at work or in his social circle. He doesn't need another woman to teach him how things works as it had worked for him.

3) Do not run him on a leash on his life, his family, his colleagues, his beer friends and his hobbies. Men are humans as well, not your pets. If he wants to be funny, he will be funny even if you are in the house. That's all I can say.

4) Listen to your Man. There is nothing worse than a Man coming home after a hard day of work to face your nagging. Just as you expect him to listen to you about her lousy employer, he's facing the same shit as you at work. If he vents, just listen. You don't have to offer your opinions or suggestions. Just sit there, listen (even if he may be in the wrong) and give him a simple hug, a kiss or just get up to make his favourite food. That's all a Man asks for.

Men
1) Don't treat your woman like a sex object. A real man does not ASK for sex (even though he may feel horny) from his spouse. Your spouse may refuse sex for several reasons, but that does not give you the excuse of eating out! There's always your left or right hand and Uncle Sam's usual forums if you are feeling hot and bothered in your pants.

2) Listen to your woman. Just as in point 4 above, your wife is having a bad day as well. Just sit by her side and listen. Do not talk, do not offer suggestions, do not offer opinions. Just listen. A hug and a kiss at the end of it would be good enough.

3) Spoiling your woman. Yes, its good and cute to buy her gifts. But do not be too overly quick to side her all the time. Whilst it may sound contradictory to point 2, there are times when extremely serious affairs needs to be settled seriously and not a time to throw stupid little princessy tantrums.

4) Respecting your in-laws as you would respect your parents. Ah yes, the classic in-law problem. Of course, there is no room to talk if your in-laws are ABUSIVE towards you. But if they are neutral or great, just treat them like you would towards your own parents. If you are treating them like outsiders, they WILL treat you like an outsider.

P/S: SAME GOES FOR WOMEN ABOVE!

[cup112fu]

Totally respect .

[muscleboi]

you should post that write up on a female dominated forum. we males know perfectly why we eat out :D dont really need a reminder..

[Intltuk]

Good write up sis....but just to clarify ur statement under Men category....item 1. `Real man does not ask for sex......'??
My 1/2 cent on bedroom scene....as like every other matter outside the bedroom...it's about compromise, be it frequency, being adventurous or simply catering to ur spouse immediate needs. Remember he/she would like to `do it' with u..and not another.....the other half should give in......unless the sexual needs are very far apart...then there is a need to sit down and discuss.
Think about this...if u want...and he rejects....how would u feel?

[sheridan]

Double post

[sheridan]

Here's sum up men and women:)
男人的一生: 一时的冲动, 三分钟的快乐, 一辈子的责任
女人的一生: 一天的公主, 十个月的王后, 一辈子的操劳 就是那一时的冲动

[ddog]

Good advice :)

[sluttymistress]

you should post that write up on a female dominated forum. we males know perfectly why we eat out :D dont really need a reminder..

is there even a female dominated forum? :)

good advice TS. i think i'm heading in the right direction! ;)

[Blast88]

Simple logic, every day eat rice you also feel 'sian', sometime also need to eat noodle :p

[pitabooom]

Simple logic, every day eat rice you also feel 'sian', sometime also need to eat noodle :p
You sound like a Man who is determined to eat 'out' regardless what happens. lolz~

[see see only]

After reading your post .... WILL YOU MARRY ME ? :D

(man or woman I dont mind :D)

[pitabooom]

Sorry. I don't screw another man's asshole. :D

Its just my train of thoughts I had came to after I'd ran into problems of my own and tried to curb my temptations of heading straight out to go like a wild animal.

Its surprising what couple quarrels and some quiet time with oneself can come to.

[Summerhillt]

Good job on the post threadstarter.. very detalied and well written!

[see see only]

Sorry. I don't screw another man's asshole. :D
.

Hahahaha ... What make you think that's going to be the case .... Anyway just a different way to show my appreciation of this well-started thread :p:D

Upz upz ;)

[NRider]

Life today is too unpredictable to dictate, so enjoy life to its fullest..
Leaving with no other choices but to "dine out", do it safely & responsibly, IMHO..;)

[AirAngelz]

Fulfil the varieties of JOY... and enjoy life to the FULLEST!

YOLO! :)

[KonKam]

Sorry. I don't screw another man's asshole. :D

Its just my train of thoughts I had came to after I'd ran into problems of my own and tried to curb my temptations of heading straight out to go like a wild animal.

Its surprising what couple quarrels and some quiet time with oneself can come to.

From that RED bolded statement of yours,
i could have swore you are a guy or ladyboy.

it reminded me of a movie "HangOver 2"
where a lady told a straightguy "we cum together"
straightguy: what you mean,cum together?
ladyboy: well, i f**k your ass and both of us come together, revealing his/her p***s at the same time.

;)

[thewildone]

Interesting thoughts, TS.

But from what I've seen and experienced, before you sign on the dotted line you'd better ask yourself

1) WHY am I getting married?
2) WHY this person?

If you find yourself struggling to answer or have the slightest hint of denial, then don't even think of getting a ring until you're 200% sure.

And, getting hitched to buy a HDB has gotta be the silliest idea.

[nuclearkid]

Your 8 points of wisdom are logical but in my opinion, it is the same for just about any relationship, modify a bit here and there. But until you are married, these are just from a vantage point of outside looking in. It seems easy when reading them from some successful marriage self-help books lying on the discount shelf of a store but in reality, all human relationships are complex, more so for a person you'll be living with and is more or less your equal in status.

Distilling the secrets of a successful marriage to a few short points is a good start but in practice, the list is endless. Even if one marries a simple partner living a simple life with simple kids and a simple job, you won't have the energy to maintain it day in and day out 'till death do us part' even if you know exactly what you need to do. Just ask those who have been down this road. Its a path littered with the deaths of thousands of marriages each year. My last impression from the papers is about 7000+ the past year. The real figure as far as marital bliss is concerned, if you consider many who stay in dead marriages for the sake of their children, is much higher.

Interesting thoughts, TS.

But from what I've seen and experienced, before you sign on the dotted line you'd better ask yourself

1) WHY am I getting married?
2) WHY this person?

If you find yourself struggling to answer or have the slightest hint of denial, then don't even think of getting a ring until you're 200% sure.

And, getting hitched to buy a HDB has gotta be the silliest idea.

The sad fact of life is that many times, you don't know what you want until you eliminate what you do not want. Like a job, a hobby, a pet, etc. Same for marriage. It is often after a divorce that many know what kind of partner they will avoid in their next attempt to find lifelong happiness.

[oldnewbie]

TS

IMHO...the process usually goes like this, whether you female ,male or in between

1. want to be together all the time...
you like each other(feels sweet)

2. you want to chope each other....
you love each other ,yes go steady...thats the honeymood period(feels like king/queen of the world...who doesn't)

3. you want the other legally to yourself, and stay together (SG)
... that's when you want to get married..get hdb...etc(everything can)

4. Then you start staying together
... that's when it becomes a test of endurance(you start to learn too much about the other)

5. You start getting irritated by habits of your other
....you start getting the other to change(old habits die hard)

6. Bills Bills Bills
...nothing is free in SG(it's a miracle to cope)

7. You get tired from 4. 5. 6.
...You want time out...now you know what it means being married
(maybe you start eating out)

8. You do your best effort and don't get caught
...you want your marriage to work...who doesn't

9. unable to forecast...hopefully till death do us part
(WAIT...ALL you only wanted was 1. and 2....
you didn't ask for the rest of the package)
also, where are the feelings from 1. now?

IN SHORT... marriage is a commitment of body, soul and effort
not a contract to chope feelings

sori for this long winded post..had to add my experience

[chenchen]

You just wrote my story out.. LOL

[Blast88]

You sound like a Man who is determined to eat 'out' regardless what happens. lolz~

These is also a way to prolong relationship with your wife as after 'eating out' you will most likely feel guilty & treat her better, eg. like buying expensive stuff for her, most importantly remember your way home after 'eating out'. If you happen to watch Jack neo movie 'that one not enough' many years ago, it will answer to your thread title:D

[blurfire]

TS brought up many valid points. Many serve as reminders and checks. I would like to add the factor of communication for both parties. Many times it is the lack of communication that brings about dissatisfaction and the idea of looking for alternatives. If spouses' relationship can reach the level of open communication to discuss needs and wants at a mature level appropriate communication of purpose and objective in the discussion, the bond would be strengthened.

[justdifferent]

TS

IMHO...the process usually goes like this, whether you female ,male or in between

1. want to be together all the time...
you like each other(feels sweet)

2. you want to chope each other....
you love each other ,yes go steady...thats the honeymood period(feels like king/queen of the world...who doesn't)

3. you want the other legally to yourself, and stay together (SG)
... that's when you want to get married..get hdb...etc(everything can)

4. Then you start staying together
... that's when it becomes a test of endurance(you start to learn too much about the other)

5. You start getting irritated by habits of your other
....you start getting the other to change(old habits die hard)

6. Bills Bills Bills
...nothing is free in SG(it's a miracle to cope)

7. You get tired from 4. 5. 6.
...You want time out...now you know what it means being married
(maybe you start eating out)

8. You do your best effort and don't get caught
...you want your marriage to work...who doesn't

9. unable to forecast...hopefully till death do us part
(WAIT...ALL you only wanted was 1. and 2....
you didn't ask for the rest of the package)
also, where are the feelings from 1. now?

IN SHORT... marriage is a commitment of body, soul and effort
not a contract to chope feelings

sori for this long winded post..had to add my experience

change number 3 to number 10.

if you can go through everything in the list, and still have 1 & 2,
then you can think about number 10.

[HCKing]

you should post that write up on a female dominated forum. we males know perfectly why we eat out :D dont really need a reminder..

Lol. good post here.:D

[jasonzzz]

Good write up sis....but just to clarify ur statement under Men category....item 1. `Real man does not ask for sex......'??
My 1/2 cent on bedroom scene....as like every other matter outside the bedroom...it's about compromise, be it frequency, being adventurous or simply catering to ur spouse immediate needs. Remember he/she would like to `do it' with u..and not another.....the other half should give in......unless the sexual needs are very far apart...then there is a need to sit down and discuss.
Think about this...if u want...and he rejects....how would u feel?

Agreed on your compromise portion... To add on, I believe another important aspect is respect... I felt a lot of time, ppl are just self driven...

[chisanaHana]

I think it has something to do with the male gender as with all male gender in the animal kingdom on this planet earth... read some stuff like that... mainly from a biological perspective and in purely evolutionary terms...

but of course u could argue that after all this millennial of civilization, that the excuse that men are "programmed biologically to cheat" could no longer be valid given the rise of social institutions like family units, marriage and such...

for me it has always boils down to personal discipline and control...

[jazzinho]

If u take a step back... cheating, polygamy, monogamy... monogamy is the new invention/ societal norm, largely reinforced by Christian religion and state's practices and policies...now entering to our lives as A NORM. Nuclear family yadayada.

Now, there are polynesian soceties with a wife and multiple husbands. In the Indian Hindu story of Drapadi, she is a woman shared by 5 brothers. The fire-walking festival is derived from one of her stories.

Hence... morality or "eating outside" is based on societal norms. But going against the norm is impossible, how to find a wife who lets you cheat??

[picco]

Seriously I am not sure whether I am only one, but I think TS is talking crap.
I had a gf which I am dumping.

When we just knew each other, I thought she needed time to warm up.
Our initial stages only sex once every 2 weeks. So I knew she is anti-sex. After confirmation from her, she ask me why do guys must have sex? She said she broke up with all her boyfriends because they wanted sex.

DO you know how much I ask from her? Not even once per week.
She even said that after marriage can we have like once every 6 months.

Hello bro, if I marry a girl and I have to use left and right hand, i think i better stay single. So i thought maybe sit down and have a conversation on this. I explained to her, why guys have to eat out.
I told her I ate out before, I even told her that having a relationship and sex is a part of it. I even used love-making instead of the big word SEX.
So I asked her can we compromise? Even before marriage she will say not in mood, don't like, all kinds of excuses. It came to a stage where I felt like beggar. I explained to her why men eat out is because main reason they are hungry and nothing to eat at home.
I am in that situation and I told her if I cannot have home-cooked food, I have to go out and eat. She even went to ask her friends whether giving your boyfriend sex once every 2months, can the guy take it? None of them agreed with her.
So I won the battle in theory, but in practical terms I lost. Sex is non existent before marriage. Maybe she good mood, take it like give it to me like I am a beggar.

What I do is I go out and play. I eat out. I am going let her know, and I am going to dump her. If you are in my situation and you still marry such a girl, I am not going to salute you, I am going to laugh at you.

[Beasty]

That's why i'm afraid to settle down. Knowing my sexual appetite, if my wife is not lin chi ling standard, i'm bound to eat outside and betray her. Can any bro still continue to face a loving wife and treat nothing happened after eating out?

[oldnewbie]

I think it has something to do with the male gender as with all male gender in the animal kingdom on this planet earth... read some stuff like that... mainly from a biological perspective and in purely evolutionary terms...

but of course u could argue that after all this millennial of civilization, that the excuse that men are "programmed biologically to cheat" could no longer be valid given the rise of social institutions like family units, marriage and such...

for me it has always boils down to personal discipline and control...

IMHO,
social institutes define social norms to follow, it depends on what you accepted

There is no change to the biological programming, which is in our genes

Will your sex drive change because you are married ?..i don't think so

The drive is the same...the change happening is "mentally restricting yourself to your chosen partner "

therefore i believe men are "programmed biologically to cheat" is not an excuse

[thewildone]

When we just knew each other, I thought she needed time to warm up.
Our initial stages only sex once every 2 weeks. So I knew she is anti-sex. After confirmation from her, she ask me why do guys must have sex? She said she broke up with all her boyfriends because they wanted sex.

DO you know how much I ask from her? Not even once per week.
She even said that after marriage can we have like once every 6 months

Such girls are living in a world on their own. I'm glad you found the strength to leave this crap. One day she'll cry when her womb goes dry.

[newstart]

A friend shared this with me:

When I'm with my wife, I love her.
When I'm with the other woman, I can finally bring myself to love me.

I think I messed the phrasing. :rolleyes:

[centvin]

man get married becos they wanna share their food, space, emotion, aspiration and life with their other half. When the wife r not supportive or conflicts occur in these areas, man will eat out

[leakypipes]

I eat out less now. The other day go ktv, i nearly pao the girl. Cos during session, she listen, show affection and intimacy.

Pay also i don't mind. My own wife don't seem interested in listening to me, or accepting/receiving my affection and intimacy.

And that is why i will probably eat out once in awhile.

[Beasty]

I eat out less now. The other day go ktv, i nearly pao the girl. Cos during session, she listen, show affection and intimacy.

Pay also i don't mind. My own wife don't seem interested in listening to me, or accepting/receiving my affection and intimacy.

And that is why i will probably eat out once in awhile.

Everything pay for these kind of counselling fees also quite expensive... Honestly bro, would you question your wife faithfulness since she has lost interest in you?

[apboi]

IMHO,
social institutes define social norms to follow, it depends on what you accepted

There is no change to the biological programming, which is in our genes

Will your sex drive change because you are married ?..i don't think so

The drive is the same...the change happening is "mentally restricting yourself to your chosen partner "

therefore i believe men are "programmed biologically to cheat" is not an excuse

totally agree with you!

[leakypipes]

Everything pay for these kind of counselling fees also quite expensive... Honestly bro, would you question your wife faithfulness since she has lost interest in you?

No la bro I don't doubt her faithful ness to me. It's just her personality. A bit mismatch to me ut doesn't mean we need to split.

[Beasty]

No la bro I don't doubt her faithful ness to me. It's just her personality. A bit mismatch to me ut doesn't mean we need to split.

Good for you bro. Steer the marriage to safety while still early.

[leakypipes]

I used to be quite conflicted.

But then i realise that life not so simple - doesn't mean you marry the one you love that all will be perfect and hunky dory. But doesn't mean u quit on it.

So why cheong? Occasionally some needs can only be addressed outside..

[Angle k]

[QUOTE=pitabooom;9186035]You sound like a Man who is determined to eat 'out' regardless what happens. lolz~[/

best is you can eat both rice and noodle and many more at home......
if only she knew what to cook..:D

[Beasty]

[QUOTE=pitabooom;9186035]You sound like a Man who is determined to eat 'out' regardless what happens. lolz~[/

best is you can eat both rice and noodle and many more at home......
if only she knew what to cook..:D

Knowing what a man wants is the most valuable talent a woman can have.