Should I tell him? Need a man's perspective [Archive]

jenni

05-09-2012, 06:58 AM

Big Sexy

05-09-2012, 09:30 AM

he should be informed of your pregnancy and also your decision to abort it before you do it. you are killing his baby and he has the rights to know that...

Hi all,
I'd like to know: If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
3.Why and why not?

I'll consider all your comments, so many thanks beforehand for any input!

<<totally>>

05-09-2012, 10:00 AM

So I'd really like to hear the perspective from a brother. I'd be very much interested to hear about your experience if your other half had an abortion. But in short, I'd like to know: If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
3.Why and why not?

I'll consider all your comments, so many thanks beforehand for any input!

TS, looks like is all decided so I will give you my comments for the qns below.

If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
Ans: Yes
Reason: 23 chromosomes of the little thing still belongs to me, if making it I play a part, finishing it I also need to be involved.

2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
Ans: Before

3.Why and why not?
Ans: I loved my gf/wife and will try to be by her side at all times and I know if I am there with her, it does not help much but still it can be comforting for her.

After the operation, due to loss of blood, she will be feeling weak and have problems going back home. What if she happened to faint while going up/down the stairs, things will be complicated.

Most importantly, the woman need a man to be there and the man has to be there regardless whatever reasons.

Sancus

05-09-2012, 10:11 AM

I feel bad about your predicament. Abortion is a very difficult and emotional decision and you need all the support you can get. He is party to it and should be involved in the decision making. The least he can do is keep you company throughout the ordeal.

If I am in his shoes, I would definitely want to know because I am part of the equation. I would also want to know before, not after. Informing after the fact would indicate a lack of respect for me.

Take care and be strong.

Sunshine_apple

05-09-2012, 10:15 AM

TS, looks like is all decided so I will give you my comments for the qns below.

If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
Ans: Yes
Reason: 23 chromosomes of the little thing still belongs to me, if making it I play a part, finishing it I also need to be involved.

2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
Ans: Before

3.Why and why not?
Ans: I loved my gf/wife and will try to be by her side at all times and I know if I am there with her, it does not help much but still it can be comforting for her.

After the operation, due to loss of blood, she will be feeling weak and have problems going back home. What if she happened to faint while going up/down the stairs, things will be complicated.

Most importantly, the woman need a man to be there and the man has to be there regardless whatever reasons.

Agreed with you, Totally
... Although Jenni dun wan to stress him since he is the child's dad, I think the 2 of u should go through together instead of you suffering without him knowing.
This is the time that u need him most.... let him know. As he is responsible for you and at least, he can hv more careful in future..

Hope it will be a smooth operation, take few days leaves and rest fully. :)

stylistics

05-09-2012, 10:20 AM

HereWithoutYou

05-09-2012, 10:30 AM

Hi TS,
From a guy perspective, and as well as a same predicament as yours a few years back, i think this issue must be treated fairly,let the guy know on the decision. Don't regret it a year or 2 down the road. that is what me and my girl is going through daily. Talk through things with your guy, see his reaction and decision. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BEAR THIS BURDEN YOURSELF! (sorry for caps) Just my 2 cents. Please be rational and fair to the unborn kid also.

Vertu

05-09-2012, 10:32 AM

Hi all,

I'm currently planning an abortion and I'm pretty much decided on it. This is an extremely difficult phase for me as I really want the baby, but due to personal circumstances it's impossible for me to keep it or have it up for adoption, so I'd appreciate if you could save the pro-life speech, thank you.

The only thing I'm not sure of is whether or not I should tell my boyfriend. Until now, I've not told anyone. On one hand, I don't want to tell him because he can be very emotional and I don't want him to be needlessly worried and distracted at work.

On the other hand, I do want to let him know because he is the father of the child, and so that he can understand what I'm going through and be prepared for any emotional/physical changes or damage that I may undergo.

We started off as FBs but then started developing real feelings for each other, we can't be a real couple as marriage is out of the question, but he made a lot of sacrifices just to be with me.

So I'd really like to hear the perspective from a brother. I'd be very much interested to hear about your experience if your other half had an abortion. But in short, I'd like to know: If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
3.Why and why not?

I'll consider all your comments, so many thanks beforehand for any input!

Hope to give some comments on my pov.

I presume , he is attach as you had said marriage is out of the question.

First , you guys started as FB , clearly meaning that there is no string attach ....Emotion kicks in later as maybe you guys enjoy eavh other companion. Since marriage is out of the question .... You should carry on with what you had decided secretly .

Being a single mother are not easy .... later parts of your life , your Mr right might come into your life , this child might be the biggest burden on your relationship .

1) GF/Wife going thru a abortion of cos we man wanted to be known and involved but i think your case are not even either .

2) Since you are not discussing these with him , keep it inside you , nv nv nv spills a words .

Hope everything went on smoothly for you , take more tonic before hand and pls do it at a specialist .

amatory

05-09-2012, 10:48 AM

You are the one that is going to carry the baby and since he is not your husband tgere is no need to tell him.

oppa

05-09-2012, 10:49 AM

Hi all,

I'm currently planning an abortion and I'm pretty much decided on it.

We started off as FBs but then started developing real feelings for each other, we can't be a real couple as marriage is out of the question, but he made a lot of sacrifices just to be with me.

So I'd really like to hear the perspective from a brother. I'd be very much interested to hear about your experience if your other half had an abortion. But in short, I'd like to know: If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
3.Why and why not?

I'll consider all your comments, so many thanks beforehand for any input!

If I am your bf, I would like to know prior to the abortion... and WILL accompany u to get one...(i believe there are reasons why marriage is out of the question) HOWEVER the main thing is if I were your bf, in the first place I WOULD NEVER EVER want u to hv the possibility of being preggy in the first place... knowing how damaging it is to a woman's body !!!!!!

2centsworth

05-09-2012, 10:49 AM

Sen5eS

05-09-2012, 10:58 AM

Well ... depending on circumstances ... probably you should "share" this information. He is part of this equation ... unless you're not intending on seeing him ever again ... no point telling him then.

Reoxy

05-09-2012, 11:06 AM

Hi all,
The only thing I'm not sure of is whether or not I should tell my boyfriend. Until now, I've not told anyone.

, we can't be a real couple as marriage is out of the question, but he made a lot of sacrifices just to be with me.

You should not tell him.

As you have said, he has made a lot of sacrifices yet there is no future for the both of you.

The truth will only complicate matters.

Since marriage is out of the question .... You should carry on with what you had decided secretly .
.

I agree with your statement.

lostbird

05-09-2012, 11:16 AM

Hi TS,

Try to avoid , by all means....cos you will feel f bad for the longest time.
trust me:(

Let him know abt it, maybe he might have bettler options..

Regards

agoodfellahk

05-09-2012, 11:18 AM

You should either:

1) Tell him and be prepared to deal with the outcome of that revelation

or

2) Don't tell him -- and never, ever tell him -- take it to the grave. Telling him after the fact serves no purpose but to relieve yourself of guilt and weigh him down with emotional baggage (I mean it's clearly not for the purpose of seeking his opinion or counsel on the matter after the fact). It's like telling your wife that you had an affair but that it's over -- it serves no purpose but to relieve yourself of some guilt but weighs down your partner with unnecessary emotional baggage.

Take it from someone who has been there before. It's not a pleasant feeling, and still think about it 10 years on...

Q for the OP: Why is marriage out of the question?

slutwen

05-09-2012, 11:40 AM

wtfuad

05-09-2012, 12:24 PM

If u two are in a relationship, u should tell him.... I rem if mine is not aborted, he would have been eight years old... Regret...but no choice... he should know so that he can be there for u. It is emotionally draining for myself... And I can't imagine how it will feel like for a girl...

If u two are not in a relationship, u still should... To make him rem to take precautions to prevent such sad instances to other women or yourself....

aldof.hilter

05-09-2012, 12:58 PM

ah rat

05-09-2012, 01:32 PM

Sis jenni, don't go for abortion,if abortion,is like having birth of 3 babies.Inform yours BF. :)

SexyStan

05-09-2012, 01:46 PM

... So I'd really like to hear the perspective from a brother. I'd be very much interested to hear about your experience if your other half had an abortion. But in short, I'd like to know: If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
Yes, I'd rather know.
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
Before really, but varies from person to person. I'd rather know before, not because I can attempt to change any decision or outcome, but because there really isn't any point in telling me after is there? Not that I'm a chauvinist, but respect goes both ways. I do have a share in the child after all.
3.Why and why not?
Like I've said, I do have a share in the child after all, and a responsibility to face whatever decisions and there repercussions thereoff with my gal.

I'll consider all your comments, so many thanks beforehand for any input!

I was gonna say of course you should tell him until I read your questions carefully. That's from a guy's perspective of course. But from your own female perspective, I believe its in your best interest to tell him; it makes things alot easier for you.

You mentioned both of you started as FBs but are now in a relationship. U also mentioned that despite being in a r/s, it'd be impossible for the child to be born from either of your perspectives and circumstances. I feel both of you should really come to a consensus if you both are indeed in a r/s, not just a sexual one. If the answer is yes, regardless of whether or not there will be an outcome in e r/s, both of u wld have agreed to face any problems arising as a result of e r/s until the end of it.

Tell him and take some burden of you. Your worries of affecting his work and emotions are not unfounded, but non-material nonetheless. Should you hide it from him, and he finds out after, it'd only serve to affect him even more then if you had told him.

zyspt

05-09-2012, 01:50 PM

you should have tell him about it ASAP.
things might have turn out to be like as u wish "an abortion"
or
the 2 of you might have come out with a better solution in keeping the baby (be it ending up with marriage or not)
having abortion is definitely harmful to the body, it might affect u in future of not having any more babies, and not to mention about the psychological factor u will be having
when both of you comes to a same decision, be it good or bad, both of you should continue on living without regret to this incident.
be responsible to each other and wrap the incident up nicely.

sexresearcher

05-09-2012, 02:03 PM

Any dick can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a father.

Go tell him as it is a joint responsibility. As a mother, its your nature to protect whats inside you living and growing.

Time to face the music whatever his and your decision may be.

littlepok

05-09-2012, 02:14 PM

Jenni,

My wife had our first child aborted because she was having an affair with her colleague before our marriage and after our marriage. It was a one and a half year afair. We did not have sex after we were married. One night, I forced on her and got her pregnant. This is our first child. Because she still love this fucking married man, she went to et it aborted with discussing with me. I was very hurt but I accompanied her to the hospital to do the procedures. Till today, I remember my first child anniversary. Tis has Ben like 20+ yrs.

Mine is a different circumstance as yours. Since you can't be together, I would suggest to inform him of your decision and go for abortion. Otherwise, the child will be the one suffering in the future.

I have since forgave my wife and now we have 2 children.... Happy or not, there will always be a thorn in my heart.

Can further discuss if you wish thru PM. Take care.

bro, u are a real man who has been through much. i believe most bros would have given up long before, especially when the wife want to abort your own child because of loving another man (seriously why marry in first place). ultimately, your love for your wife conquers all and your effort is reaping rewards now. u are good by forcing urself on her once and got her pregnant (marksman).

my advice to TS: the man has the right to know BEFORE the procedure. i believe u do not blame him for anything, not asking him to do anything or take responsibility. let him know all these prior to the abortion. u just need support from him, which he should be giving willingly. u cannot change the way he think (guilty blah blah) but let him know your stand. it is partly your responsibility that this happened so i know u do not blame him for it. nonetheless, he has the right to know.

if subsequently, your relationship takes a turn for worse, then just cut off where appropriate. it is time to move on with life and to me, the abortion is the best justification that u cannot live your life anymore in this way. u have sacrificed alot for him and he cannot do the same for u. u are not blaming him but u need to think of your own future. stay strong, stay healthy

Clubbinkaki

05-09-2012, 02:16 PM

Sis Jenni,

Abortion will cause a huge damage on your body as it will be harder for you to pregnent again in future time. It's better to let your BF know about it as he has the responsibility and has the rights to know that you are pregnent for his child. At least you can share your feeling to him as he is the father of the child. I would be hurt for your body if go for abortion, but for you and your child future, the abortion may be a better choice for you. If your financial wise not allow you to affort to have a child, it's better to go for abortion. Here is only my 20 cents opinion, hope you can select the right option and stay healthy and happy in future. Take care sis.

notti4u

05-09-2012, 02:26 PM

Agreed with you, Totally
... Although Jenni dun wan to stress him since he is the child's dad, I think the 2 of u should go through together instead of you suffering without him knowing.
This is the time that u need him most.... let him know. As he is responsible for you and at least, he can hv more careful in future..

Hope it will be a smooth operation, take few days leaves and rest fully. :)

Agreed with Sunshine. He is the child's dad and need to know your decision and what if he doesn't know and later he get to know and blame you for it? Well, if you both are not prepared to have kid, please do wear protection when making out. At least you won't kill another life in future.

BabyJane

05-09-2012, 02:41 PM

Fellow sis, I shall spare you the pro-life talk because you have obviously made up your mind. In my opinion, if you've already decided, then what is the point of telling him? I am sure you don't want him to feel guilty and to make you change your mind about the abortion. Since marriage is out of the question, then stick with your decision, though I am not one to condone it.

My advice to you, if you are going to continue to be in a relationship with him, for God's sake, please practise safe sex. A life is afterall a life, though circumstances may force you to take the other way out. I hope you will learn and reflect on this unfortunate incident. Take care of yourself and confide in your close friend, who will always be there for you I'm sure.

virtualpitan

05-09-2012, 03:23 PM

Basically:

If you tell him, he's probably going to feel guilty.
If you don't tell him, you are probably going to feel guilty.

Personally I think it depends on what kind of relationship you want to have with him in the future. If you are not going to see each much, I think you should keep it to yourself. If you are going to see him regularly, then I think he should know, otherwise you'll never be able to face him properly.

MultiOrgasGuy

05-09-2012, 03:39 PM

As a guy, I prefer to know about it before you go for abortion. Even as FBs, I want to know and give the necessary emotional support etc. Jenni, you should let him know asap, even if you have made your mind on the abortion. My preference is to keep the baby but your circumstance obviously doesn't allow that. I empathise with you on this ordeal. Be strong, and best wishes to you.

jenni

05-09-2012, 03:48 PM

Thank you everyone for all your thoughtful comments and kindness. A lot of brothers and sisters have made very valid points both for and against it from your different perspectives, i would like to say I'm immensely grateful for all your comments and will consider all your viewpoints carefully before making a final decision.

I'll try to answer questions and provide some context later as I'm currently at work and stuck in the bathroom waiting for my eyes to dry abit. It's becoming harder and harder to keep my emotions I'm check as the scheduled date of abortion looms..

BernardFrosty

05-09-2012, 04:04 PM

Hi ts,

Reading between the lines, i think that you also made the decision not to tell him and would want to know its consequences. I may be wrong and i am sorry for assuming. Like what other brothers here mentioned it would be better to let him know. Question is... Are you willing to change your mind incase he asks you to choose the other option?(continue the pregnancy)

Again we may tell you to do this and that but still we do not know the REAL scenario.

Very smart, pick up the real question behind TS's post.

Really boils down the guy's attitude towards abortion. I'll leave the FB, gf or wife if I ever find out she had an abortion behind my back. I'm totally against it.

exskk

05-09-2012, 06:34 PM

Hope to give some comments on my pov.

I presume , he is attach as you had said marriage is out of the question.

First , you guys started as FB , clearly meaning that there is no string attach ....Emotion kicks in later as maybe you guys enjoy eavh other companion. Since marriage is out of the question .... You should carry on with what you had decided secretly .

Being a single mother are not easy .... later parts of your life , your Mr right might come into your life , this child might be the biggest burden on your relationship .

1) GF/Wife going thru a abortion of cos we man wanted to be known and involved but i think your case are not even either .

2) Since you are not discussing these with him , keep it inside you , nv nv nv spills a words .

Hope everything went on smoothly for you , take more tonic before hand and pls do it at a specialist .

Totall agreed

mi.chi.eru

05-09-2012, 06:37 PM

If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
Prefer to be told.
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
Before as this should be a joint decision.

If you have decided then you know your partner better. If he is the responsible, pro-life, pro-baby type, then telling him would open the debate of keeping the baby vs abortion. Should you u-turn on your decision then be prepared for a rough road ahead as a single parent. It is a challenge raising a child single-handedly and having the child grow up with the stigma and peer comparison. Plus if your relationship goes south in the future, finding another soul mate will be another challenge. However if you being strong-willed and still decide on abortion, I suspect there could be some level of guilt and angst in the relationship between you and your partner. Whether it will put a strain on the relationship is anyone's guess.

Alternatively, you could just bring to the grave (metaphorically speaking).. If need be confide to your BFF or girlie pals for some emotional support. This way you wouldn't need to be put through the "should I go for abortion or not" thought process, and he wouldn't need to feel guilty because he didn't wear protection, that he can't give you a proper relation etc.

I hope that helps your thought process and please pray god that this is the first and last time you need to go through such an ordeal.

This shouldn't have any bearings on future pregnancies however multiple abortions tend to point to higher risk of prematurity, complications.

Good luck for the procedure and be strong, you'll be fine.

<<totally>>

05-09-2012, 06:51 PM

I have since forgave my wife and now we have 2 children.... Happy or not, there will always be a thorn in my heart.

You really si bei BIG HEARTla. I salute you!!!

丞相肚内能撑船你的肚子撑原谅:cool:

StillLearning

05-09-2012, 07:54 PM

Jenni,

I hope you still at least consider not to terminate your pregnancy. Call Pregnancy Crisis Centre @ 6339-9770 and tell them your problem. They would help you even if you still want to abort the baby.

As for your question, you definitely have to tell him about your plan. The baby is also his.

Almost ten years ago, we had to deal with a similar matter, because our third child was unplanned.

Granted that you and him are not married, and we are married, the issues to consider are somewhat relevant: to abort or not to abort, although you may have decided.

My wife went to the clinic, but I phoned the receptionist and persuaded her to return. Three years after our third child, we had a planned fourth child.

May you be strong physically, emotionally, and psychologically. God is amongst us. May He be generous with His Blessings upon you.

sammyjay

05-09-2012, 08:05 PM

Hi TS, please don't kill a life. I believe if you discuss with your BF, things would be solved. You may wish to PM me and I am glad to listen to your problems and guide you accordingly.

I am not God, but at least through my life experiences (I am married and have a kid), I may be able to advise..

Hope everything will be fine soon for you..God Bless..

<<totally>>

05-09-2012, 09:34 PM

Hi all,
I'm currently planning an abortion and I'm pretty much decided on it. This is an extremely difficult phase for me as I really want the baby, but due to personal circumstances it's impossible for me to keep it or have it up for adoption, so I'd appreciate if you could save the pro-life speech, thank you.

TS Stand is firm.

Hi TS, please don't kill a life. I believe if you discuss with your BF, things would be solved. You may wish to PM me and I am glad to listen to your problems and guide you accordingly.

I am not God, but at least through my life experiences (I am married and have a kid), I may be able to advise..

Hope everything will be fine soon for you..God Bless..

Bro, you got see what TS say? Dun tell her all that for things are not to her favor.

I dunno if anyone agree with me this, "If the abortion can save the kid from suffering later on, I will take the sin willing for it instead of letting it to suffer later."

The sufferings I referring to the social status of the child, ability of raising the child, mind and heart welfare of the kid with only parent and a lot more. If I can give birth to the child but unable to raise the child well. More harm than good is done, thus if there is anyone to blame, I will take the blame.:(

I just hoped TS and partner take birth control measures seriously in the future.

For the guy is not so much but for the woman the lost of a piece of meat is forever in your mind and physically weaker and chances of having miscarriage will increased after the abortion.

Thus do remember to be real careful when you are pregnant and wishes to keep it.

cocknloaded

05-09-2012, 09:36 PM

The only time i got involved with a girl going for abortion was few years back.. That bitch slept around with another man and claimed it was mine. At first i thought it was mine.. And i stupidly went to pay for everything first.. During the consultation with the gynae, then i realized it wasnt mine.. Why? Because the dates dont tally! The whole freaking 1 months before she told me the news, i was stuck in camp doing standby.. And i found out she was fucking around when i was in camp.. Bitch!!!

Superjam

05-09-2012, 09:48 PM

Definitely would choose to know before.

If he had made so many sacrifices, he should be prepared to stand by you. Abortion will carry not just physical changes but mental challenges as well. Im sure you want him by your side through all these.

Dont really know your full story, so cant advise further. But if its really possible to arrange for adoption, perhaps you may want to try.

Otherwise, good luck. I hope everything will turn out fine for you in the end.

spidey7

05-09-2012, 09:56 PM

Let him noe he is e father I ur child jenni. Work thgs out among urselves. Paper can't wrap fire.

GorDJilla

05-09-2012, 11:45 PM

Sis, he has the rights to know it. U cant abort the baby just like that. The baby is innocent! If it comes to the point whereby he doesn't want to acknowledge the baby, den no point wasting ur time on him cuz he doesn't deserve ur love! Im sure u can find someone who is able to accept u & the baby. Its a modern society nw, single parents are aplenty. :)

slutwen

06-09-2012, 12:21 AM

mi.chi.eru

06-09-2012, 12:32 AM

Hi,

not true if you are not regularly going for abotion. for one it is fine. just becareful in the future. When you go for abotion in govt hospital, they will counsel you before going for abotion.

I second that.
As long as the abortion has no complications, infections etc. It will be unlikely that there will be any potential difficulties in getting pregnant again.

However, multiple abortions have been known to increase risks of baby prematurity. Anyway for those who have no experience please don't scare TS.

takashi31400

06-09-2012, 12:34 AM

HI Sis,

All the bro and sister here already share with you their thinking .For me same as most of them ,you should share with him .But end of the day you are the one who decide what to do .You are the author of your life .Hope you will make a decision which you wont regreat for your life .Wish you best of luck and take good care.;

Alf1977

06-09-2012, 12:36 AM

If a guy can treat u as a fb, u think he really love u?? Even going into a relationship does not mean he love you truly, maybe he was too bored. Morale of the story, don't marry because of being pregnant (baby) such marriage is a forced one and it won't last long. It will be hurtful to know the guy marry you not because he loves you but because of the baby...

I think just go for abortion if you are still young.

But if you are 35-40, single and childless, maybe you can consider to give birth to this child by yourself, And on the baby's birth certificate don't indicate the father's name orelse when the child grows up, the father of the baby may fight with you over the baby.

Ladyrain

06-09-2012, 12:39 AM

partynostop

06-09-2012, 12:57 AM

mi.chi.eru

06-09-2012, 01:01 AM

I share a slightly different view. If I'm ever in your situation, I'll bring it to my grave, considering that it'll affect him badly too and that he's also someone I love alot and may get married to. I don't wish this to haunt the both of us.
Since I have decided very firmly not to keep the child even if he disagree, then to me, there isn't a point to let him know.

LR: if TS is in a proper relationship that could be developed further then I would support the "Tell Him" cause. A relationship is based on the fundamentals of trust, imagine the potential ramifications if the secret comes out.

However, since it's a complicated and most likely dead end relationship, then no point telling.

I just wanted to point out that when a couple starts having secrets, it's just the start of a never ending road.

<<totally>>

06-09-2012, 01:04 AM

PuErCha

06-09-2012, 03:40 AM

You are a very sick man.:mad: This poor woman is here seeking help and there you are taking the opportunity to capitalise on her situation to get close to her:mad: You make me sick:mad::mad:
Heard about a similar case recently. I suppose you don't want him to know because you want to spare him the anguish and bear the burden on your own. If you want to let him know, he will want a say in the final decision. If both of you agree to abort, the fb relationship will never be the same again. If you chose not to let him know, the period after the abortion will be very important for your recovery. During the emo recovery process, will there be a close friend there for you?

How old are you? Will an abortion result in you being unable to have a child in future? Find a close friend to confide in.

tiosnook

06-09-2012, 07:19 AM

Heard about a similar case recently. I suppose you don't want him to know because you want to spare him the anguish and bear the burden on your own. If you want to let him know, he will want a say in the final decision. If both of you agree to abort, the fb relationship will never be the same again. If you chose not to let him know, the period after the abortion will be very important for your recovery. During the emo recovery process, will there be a close friend there for you?
How old are you? Will an abortion result in you being unable to have a child in future? Find a close friend to confide in.

I read your other thread and found out you are Chee Hong kia!

Chee Hong Kia arh.. prey on the lady who is weak! KARMA...........
KNN, got hole teo a-sai sibo!:p

LOBANG PIJAK again.. hahaha..

LADY on the forum already know your true colours...
You better hide somewhere and do soul searching...

Lao Kui --- TIO SNOOK
:D:eek:

2centsworth

06-09-2012, 08:27 AM

You are a very sick man.:mad: This poor woman is here seeking help and there you are taking the opportunity to capitalise on her situation to get close to her:mad: You make me sick:mad::mad:

Your attempt to twist my words is an insult to our intelligence. Everyone here is trying to help her. It is very obvious that I am not her close friend and I am not be attempting to meet her.

I read your other thread and found out you are Chee Hong kia!

If you want to insult me, please go back to the original thread. Leave this TS alone. She doesn't need more stress at this point in time.

deludedgal

06-09-2012, 09:04 AM

tell him.. i think regardless of what actions you are going to take later he has a right to know

Wintermelontea

06-09-2012, 09:52 AM

The only thing I'm not sure of is whether or not I should tell my boyfriend. Until now, I've not told anyone. On one hand, I don't want to tell him because he can be very emotional and I don't want him to be needlessly worried and distracted at work.

On the other hand, I do want to let him know because he is the father of the child, and so that he can understand what I'm going through and be prepared for any emotional/physical changes or damage that I may undergo.

...but he made a lot of sacrifices just to be with me.

...like to know: If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
3.Why and why not?

1. If I am your FB, it doesn't matter. If I am your bf, Yes!

2. Before.

3. Because I have a part in this pregnancy whether the decision is to have a wash or keep it. Besides, it will be good for you, the pregnant lady to have a companion before, during and after the wash procedure. Someone that you are comfortable with and can pei ni (good that he is around this time or a great gal friend that can keep this hush hush) ....no matter how strong a person you are.

My thoughts...not an advice. Decision is still yours to make. Take great care and rest/eat well. Update us again, ya?

Wintermelontea

06-09-2012, 10:00 AM

:eek: 好一个性情中人。就是一个字【爱】，宁可自己承受所有的委屈，也不要让他有一丝的忧虑。女中豪杰:p

两个人的杰作，一个人的承受。爱就是那么的自私吗？希望ts早日康复。加油！

Ladyrain

06-09-2012, 11:44 AM

:eek: 好一个性情中人。就是一个字【爱】，宁可自己承受所有的委屈，也不要让他有一丝的忧虑。女中豪杰:p

I don't want him to be guilt by the decision I have made firmly. If there is a future with him, I will not want to burden him with such baggage that may ultimately force him to stay and marry me. I also don't want it to be a possible spark for any quarrels or fights to come. It's not something to be proud of, why make it double the pain? What he doesn't know won't hurt him and he can bring more carefree happiness for us without any emotional guilt. If I am the TS lah. :)

Sen5eS

06-09-2012, 11:50 AM

Ice2005

06-09-2012, 11:51 AM

Hi, guess your situation is quite choice less.

In my opinion, you should let him share the pain as you have shared the joy together. Beside it also highlight the risk of unprotected sex.

good luck to you.

:)

sean69

06-09-2012, 11:53 AM

Hi all,

I'm currently planning an abortion and I'm pretty much decided on it.
..

We started off as FBs but then started developing real feelings for each other, we can't be a real couple as marriage is out of the question

..

So I'd really like to hear the perspective from a brother. I'd be very much interested to hear about your experience if your other half had an abortion. But in short, I'd like to know: If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
3.Why and why not?

I'll consider all your comments, so many thanks beforehand for any input!

since you have already made your decision, however much we try to convince you to do otherwise will be a waste of time..

as you made the decision without consulting the father, to answer your questions,

1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not? --> No
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure? --> NA
3.Why and why not? --> i do not want to live with the guilt that i help terminate an innocent life

<<totally>>

06-09-2012, 12:29 PM

I don't want him to be guilt by the decision I have made firmly. If there is a future with him, I will not want to burden him with such baggage that may ultimately force him to stay and marry me. I also don't want it to be a possible spark for any quarrels or fights to come. It's not something to be proud of, why make it double the pain? What he doesn't know won't hurt him and he can bring more carefree happiness for us without any emotional guilt. If I am the TS lah. :)

Sis Ladyrain, IMO no matter what is the outcome, there is always a need to let the other person know what did you did. Letting him know do not mean he has be to responsible but to be fair for him as he has the right to know too.

If I do not know, there is not a single chance for me to show her what are my feelings for her and what I will do to prove my feeling and love for her. How do people judge how deep is the love? For most, I believed that they will base on the things that what the other party has done for them. Am I right?

Woman have been chiding that man are insensitive creatures. So all the more I see the need, to let the guy know and see what will he do to show that he is concerned and how deep he loved me.

Love is a two way traffic, if I did not see any traffic coming from another side, how long are you able to maintain in your direction on the highway.

Ladyrain

06-09-2012, 12:40 PM

Sis Ladyrain, IMO no matter what is the outcome, there is always a need to let the other person know what did you did. Letting him know do not mean he has be to responsible but to be fair for him as he has the right to know too.

If I do not know, there is not a single chance for me to show her what are my feelings for her and what I will do to prove my feeling and love for her. How do people judge how deep is the love? For most, I believed that they will base on the things that what the other party has done for them. Am I right?

Woman have been chiding that man are insensitive creatures. So all the more I see the need, to let the guy know and see what will he do to show that he is concerned and how deep he loved me.

Love is a two way traffic, if I did not see any traffic coming from another side, how long are you able to maintain in your direction on the highway.
Totally, I see where you are coming from but that's exactly what im doing at his best interests. Love is not about observing what he can do for me for telling him. I will be demanding for it for his love and concern and I believe this is a unnecessary pressure upon our relationship. Love is about what I can do for him too. As per TS stand, if there is no intention to stray from my decision no matter what may come, I'll rather bring this secret to the grave. If he ask, I'll say. But if he dont know and wont ask, I see no point in adding anything which isn't gonna be constructive not improves the relationship. But well, ultimately, it depends on what TS believes in. I can only share my views if this is my situation.

MountainTurtle

06-09-2012, 01:01 PM

Your attempt to twist my words is an insult to our intelligence. Everyone here is trying to help her. It is very obvious that I am not her close friend and I am not be attempting to meet her.
.

1) No one is twisting your words and further more I doubt your intelligence level. On the cyber space you must be responsible of what you post so now tell me why and explain why you asked During the emo recovery process, will there be a close friend there for you?

? Are you being suggestive to be there for her if she say she need someone.? Chee hong kia will normally reply I volunteer to be there for u :D,

I read your other thread and found out you are Chee Hong kia!

If you want to insult me, please go back to the original thread. Leave this TS alone. She doesn't need more stress at this point in time.

He did not insult you or accuse you wrongly. I would actually say tionsnook is very aware of what is going around the forum.

Secondly, I'm a guy in a sex forum. Why can't I be chee hong?

You even defended for yourself of being cheehong? Trying to cover up to get a good impression for this TS, so you can be there for her during the recovery stage after abortion? Hehe. Sorry I guess I spoil your chee hong thoughts and plans :D

<<totally>>

06-09-2012, 01:04 PM

两个人的杰作，一个人的承受。爱就是那么的自私吗？希望ts早日康复。加油！

两个人的杰作，一个人的承受
两个世界的人，一个共同理由
两个性别之分，一个共同床枕
两个不同想法，一个认同做法

爱是自私，无私，隐私，有私，中私. 就是因为他才会有私.

<<totally>>

06-09-2012, 01:24 PM

Totally, I see where you are coming from but that's exactly what im doing at his best interests. Love is not about observing what he can do for me for telling him. I will be demanding for it for his love and concern and I believe this is a unnecessary pressure upon our relationship. Love is about what I can do for him too. As per TS stand, if there is no intention to stray from my decision no matter what may come, I'll rather bring this secret to the grave. If he ask, I'll say. But if he dont know and wont ask, I see no point in adding anything which isn't gonna be constructive not improves the relationship. But well, ultimately, it depends on what TS believes in. I can only share my views if this is my situation.

Ya, to each on his own as every choice we make in life have a different outcome. We learned from the outcome and make choices again and learn again. TS just need to sit down, see what are the options available and which of them is more to her way of doing things. There is no right or wrong answers regardless of the decisions she has decided but the question of can she lived with regrets later part of her life based on her choice made.:cool:

DO_YOU_BJ

06-09-2012, 01:24 PM

Your attempt to twist my words is an insult to our intelligence.
Y is it tat when people reply to u, u must saw our or we when u revert leh?
Actually by using OUR, u mock everyone's intelligence, u think people cannot see thru ur plot now that it's already exposed:eek:

Everyone here is trying to help her.
Obvious la, even blind man oso can see, of cos, u excluded la, cos ur intentions, blind man oso can see

It is very obvious that I am not her close friend and I am not be attempting to meet her.
It's very obvious ur trying very hard to cover ur tracks, but too bad........it's all in black n white
Heard about a similar case recently. I suppose you don't want him to know because you want to spare him the anguish and bear the burden on your own. If you want to let him know, he will want a say in the final decision. If both of you agree to abort, the fb relationship will never be the same again. If you chose not to let him know, the period after the abortion will be very important for your recovery. During the emo recovery process, will there be a close friend there for you?
If ur trying to help, then explain wat has her age got to do wif anything and y bother to ask whether there'll be a close friend there for her?
How old are you? Will an abortion result in you being unable to have a child in future? Find a close friend to confide in.
U trying to tell everyone u got us fooled tat ur so damn smart or ur chee hongness impaired ur vision?

If you want to insult me, please go back to the original thread. Leave this TS alone. She doesn't need more stress at this point in time.
Pls do not use TS as a cover.
Sounds exactly like wat Ladyrain did in the other thread when she claimed TS is not happy of the arguments in his thread n was only to be exposed later by TS himself, tat in fact it was Ladyrain who PMed TS that there was a war in his thread that was actually STARTED BY HER!

She wud be stressed if this TS is YOUR FRIEND, but if she isn't, if u understand psychology, even if there was a WW3 now, nothing else wud bother her other than her own current situation:D

CHEEHONGKIA

06-09-2012, 01:36 PM

Hi 2centsworth looks like I found my cheehong mate, I HAS no friend cause I'm too wei chee mong kok. I'm cheehong.

DO_YOU_BJ

06-09-2012, 01:39 PM

Ya, to each on his own as every choice we make in life have a different outcome. We learned from the outcome and make choices again and learn again. TS just need to sit down, see what are the options available and which of them is more to her way of doing things. There is no right or wrong answers regardless of the decisions she has decided but the question of can she lived with regrets later part of her life based on her choice made.:cool:
Ah well said bro, read my signature.

Jenni in reading, since u mentioned tat this FB relationship has evolved into a GF/BF relationship without the possibility of marriage, I personally feel u r obligated to tell him based on the fact that he's ur BF.
Though not married, since u say u 2 truly care for each other, then it is only right for u to tell him.
Hv u ever tot of the implication n backlash shud u not tell him n somehow one day he finds out?
Since the 2 of u r an item, tell him.
Emotionally, shud he be affected, it'll also be good for him, for it will always be a subconscious reminder to him during XXX periods how not to make the same mistake twice.
If he doesn't show anything n gives a can't be the least bothered response, u also can see n tell immediately where u stand in his heart.

Sometimes, the most critical periods one is going thru, possesses great opportunities.
If a friend asked me this, I'd give the same advice.
But I wun ask for ur age or if there's anyone there for u to confide in, cos by tat, u too will immediately noe where u stand in my mind n heart:D

micheal3373

06-09-2012, 01:49 PM

my gf went for abortion before, but its our decision....

whatever it is, you need someone by ur side during abortion, so its better to let him know.....

DO_YOU_BJ

06-09-2012, 01:58 PM

my gf went for abortion before, but its our decision....

whatever it is, you need someone by ur side during abortion, so its better to let him know.....
Well said bro, the best person to give Jenni emotional n physical support, is non other than her man himself :D

SexyStan

06-09-2012, 02:08 PM

Well said bro, the best person to give Jenni emotional n physical support, is non other than her man himself :D

Agree completely. Incontestible and irrefutable.

Wintermelontea

06-09-2012, 02:09 PM

两个人的杰作，一个人的承受
两个世界的人，一个共同理由
两个性别之分，一个共同床枕
两个不同想法，一个认同做法

爱是自私，无私，隐私，有私，中私. 就是因为他才会有私.

谢谢你，我又学到了一些东西。

Wintermelontea

06-09-2012, 02:13 PM

Women and Men will always have different stand on this.TS should have enough of bros views...and a fair share of the sis's.

DO_YOU_BJ

06-09-2012, 02:23 PM

Should I tell him? Need... 06-09-2012 01:53 PM
I'm sad to hear your father and mother are dying soon. zap you two points only
Tks for ur deepest well wishes n advance notification but FYI they're both already dead long ago:eek::eek:

In return, I send u my most deepest condolences for u r a confirmed kill!:D:D
Should I tell him? Need... 06-09-2012 01:53 PM I'm sad to hear your father and mother are dying soon. zap you two points only
Pls reveal who it is tks
Funky-Kuku

PuErCha

06-09-2012, 02:59 PM

Chee Hong Gia already disgraced beyond redemption and can only do all these 小人 zaps at you.

PuErCha

06-09-2012, 03:00 PM

Be careful, later someone blame you for destroying his 幸福 then you know Agree completely. Incontestible and irrefutable.

dudenumber1

06-09-2012, 03:09 PM

Before you make any decision. I think you should let him know...
1. He is the father perharps there are some solution to your current set of problems. 2 heads are better than 1 of course he is the father.

2. If you choose to go through this procedure you will need support. I think you would prefer that he can be with you during and after the process. Physically and emotionally, it is wise to have support.

I have 2 kids and the thought of them not being a part of my life right now, would tear me apart.

I sincerely hope the best for you...

<<totally>>

06-09-2012, 03:09 PM

my gf went for abortion before, but its our decision....
whatever it is, you need someone by ur side during abortion, so its better to let him know.....

After the operation, due to loss of blood, she will be feeling weak and have problems going back home. What if she happened to faint while going up/down the stairs, things will be complicated.

Most importantly, the woman need a man to be there and the man has to be there regardless whatever reasons.

This is a common point which I and many bros do shared in common and thus attention is needed to address this issue.

Ah well said bro, read my signature.

Jenni in reading, since u mentioned tat this FB relationship has evolved into a GF/BF relationship without the possibility of marriage, I personally feel u r obligated to tell him based on the fact that he's ur BF.
Though not married, since u say u 2 truly care for each other, then it is only right for u to tell him.
Hv u ever tot of the implication n backlash shud u not tell him n somehow one day he finds out?
Since the 2 of u r an item, tell him.
Emotionally, shud he be affected, it'll also be good for him, for it will always be a subconscious reminder to him during XXX periods how not to make the same mistake twice.
If he doesn't show anything n gives a can't be the least bothered response, u also can see n tell immediately where u stand in his heart.

Sometimes, the most critical periods one is going thru, possesses great opportunities.
If a friend asked me this, I'd give the same advice.
But I wun ask for ur age or if there's anyone there for u to confide in, cos by tat, u too will immediately noe where u stand in my mind n heart:D

Okie, saw it. ;) Similar indeed! I a bit loh soh with my BTC ang mo while yours precise and straight to the point.

谢谢你，我又学到了一些东西。

没有你的点醒，我也没法领悟出这一段真理. 我们都是在学习当中，互相交换一些心得和经验. 我也不过是凡夫俗子，文笔一般，是大家不嫌弃吧了.

Coffeecans

06-09-2012, 03:15 PM

Jenni,

Please discuss everything with your bf and things may work out well for the both of you. Do tell him before you proceed to the next step.

Do not hide everything else you will hurt everyone in the end. The child is innocent. If time and the situation had permitted I would have asked to keep my child a long time ago (he would have been around 10 now?) but given the living standards and education now I honestly think it may be possible to raise your own and believe me, everything is really worthwhile to see your child smile.

I'm a father of 2 already and hope you do make the right decision.

Just my humble opinion.

jenni

06-09-2012, 04:47 PM

After considering all the brother and sister's opinions, I've decided to let him know. Through our prior conversations, I already knew his stance would be for abortion 100%, so it wasn't for the sake of involving him in any decision making.

My thoughts were similar to sis Ladyrain and as brother Stylistics has picked up, I wanted to spare him the worry/anguish as there really isn't any point to letting him know. However, I changed my mind because it would be impossible to keep this a secret. For one, we would not be able to have sex for at least two weeks afterwards, my attitude towards sex may change completely and I may not want to have sex with him ever again. Emotionally, I know for sure that this is the most traumatic experience I've ever gone through and it'll leave me scarred for life. My change from an outgoing, sex-positive person to a depressed, possibly phobic to sex would not make any sense to him, I don't want him to think of me as a 'crazy bitch'.

I don't think anyone who has never been in the situation will ever comprehend the magnitude of grief, self-loathing, stress and fear that I'm going through right now. At 4weeks conception, my so called baby, no matter how advanced, is just a bundle of tissue. Any sort of pain he may experience would be but for a few minutes. I'm a fully grown women who is acutely aware and overwhelmed by all these negative emotions every second of my waking live, and will forever carry the pain and shadow of this traumatic loss my whole life, not to mention the damage it will surely incur my body. I dont understand pro-life people who say don't fuck if you can't bear the consequence, referring to abortion as an easy way out. I will challenge them to make that statement again after having gone through an abortion for themselves.

Having had very painful and tedious recoveries from minor surgeries before and having a generally poor health currently, knowing the complications that may arise from the procedure I'm literally scared to death for my life. I'm worried that I'll die from excessive blood loss, from a perforated uterus, from fallopian tube ruptures from undetected ectopic pregnancy, from sepsis, so many so many unglamorous ways to die. Yes, the chances of these type of complications are low, but having had bad experiences when others had recovered smoothly, I no longer see myself immune from becoming one of the unlikely statistics. I'm worried about the shame and grief that my death will bring to my parents, losing a daughter who they've painstakingly brought up for so many years who have scarcely started to repay them.

Sitting alone in my room with all these fears in my mind, I begin to feel resentful, not only for how unfair it is that women have to bear the consequence alone even though men had an equal part to play, but more for how society always expect self-sacrifice from women and condition us to always consider themselves last.

Here I am, on the verge of an emotional breakdown and close to just slicing my wrist and ending it all, having to bear the physical and emotional ramification by myself, yet I'm still beating myself up about my bf's sensitive feelings, my bf who otherwise will not experience an ounce of any pain or distress. I ask myself: Where is the value of my life? What is the value of my fear?

So I told him, not because I want him to share my fear, but because I don't want myself to silently despise him and resent him for failing to be the man I want him to be, when I did not even give him the chance.

Btw, he's not married or attached. I'm in too much distress right now to give more detailed account of why we have no foreseeable future, so I'm really sorry for being secretive , I hope you understand. Thank you for putting up with my depressing rants, on a forum meant for pleasure. I hope you wish me luck.

DYBJ

06-09-2012, 05:54 PM

Take it easy.
Everything we do has a price.
Take everything in stride.
Cross bridges 1 by 1
U held each others hand into bed
Now, hold each others hand out from the clinic
Yes, fear we all as humans will hv, but dun let fear rule u, rule it.
All the best my dear, n pls, pls, n i mean pls, say a simple prayer for the unborn b4 the procedure for it to pass on smoothly.
Take care n god bless.
May the holy spirit be by ur side always :)

Coffeecans

06-09-2012, 06:20 PM

Hi Jenni,

After the abortion, you still need to be in 'confinement' stage for around two weeks. Try not to move around or do any physical activity. Drink more ginger water and make yourself warm but wear either long sleeves. Refrain from cold water. Meals should include things like sesame oil with ginger chix and stuff.

Know I sound like an old coot but its best for your body ok? Since you have made up your mind, the next thing you need to do is to take good care of your body. :)

Cheers

Ladyrain

06-09-2012, 06:25 PM

Dear Jenni. My heart goes to you. Please do not bear it upon your life, ok?
Nobody will blame you for wanting to keep certain things a secret. It's your rights, your choice in not wanting to reveal anything you don't feel comfortable in a forum.
And yes. You are doing just great, being able to speak calmly now and seeking some solace and help, step by step, allow your bf to help you along this tough process now that your decision is to let him know. Give it time to grieve, and then move on. .
Please come back here if you feel like venting or whenever no ones there to hear you out, ok?

Take care.

<<totally>>

06-09-2012, 06:30 PM

Here I am, on the verge of an emotional breakdown and close to just slicing my wrist and ending it all, having to bear the physical and emotional ramification by myself, yet I'm still beating myself up about my bf's sensitive feelings, my bf who otherwise will not experience an ounce of any pain or distress. I ask myself: Where is the value of my life? What is the value of my fear?
luck.

For I am not a professional in this area. I do believed that you can get help from Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)
http://www.samaritans.org.sg/contact.htm
This is the best independent solution without having you getting risks of further emotional sufferings. To keep things short, ending your life do not solved the problems you faced. Now you may think that you might have escaped from it but did you really escaped for i believed that there is after life in another dimension.

Ending the life of oneself is regretted as the most unforgivable sins by lots of religions around the world. So be wise and do make a correct choice.

Contact Us
To confide If you are feeling distressed, or know someone who is feeling suicidal, get help immediately. Talk to somebody.

Call our 24-hour hotline at: 1800-221 4444
Email [email protected]

Samaritans of Singapore
Block 10 Cantonment Close
#01-01 (HDB Multi-storey carpark)
Singapore 080010
Fax: +65 6220 7758

Natalieb

06-09-2012, 11:38 PM

After considering all the brother and sister's opinions, I've decided to let him know. Through our prior conversations, I already knew his stance would be for abortion 100%, so it wasn't for the sake of involving him in any decision making.

....

Thank you for putting up with my depressing rants, on a forum meant for pleasure. I hope you wish me luck.

Take care babe, I feel for you even though I have never gone through it. Please take good care of your health as well.. Hugs!

sensit32

07-09-2012, 03:25 AM

It's a life no matter Wat the new life hav no chance to chose jus bcos of u both adults r irresponsible.wat emo u afraid yr bf at work can't concentrate for murder own child.

If u both wan to hav pre martial sex un protected sex got baby mustn't abort.think abt it if yr parents abort u when u can't chose yr live?

If u hav problem there r those helplines or u can oso find "share" a grp of ppl tt helps ppl in bgr,abort problems ,family problems n more.giv yr child a chance n not murder.

Let's those helplines ppl organization grp giv u a more proper advise rather in Tis forum they r the better ones to seek for in here We r not .
http://www.ncss.org.sg/documents/Helplines%20June2009.doc try Tis site many helplines they r the people tt willingly face u face to face help u in here we only type words easy Wat
.find them first aft tt it's up to u to decide.pls call them for a proper advise n not let Tis matter haunt u whole life do it n call now.

scentbug

07-09-2012, 04:13 AM

Jenni, be brave and be strong. I wish you the best of luck and will pray for your recovery. Take care!

jenni

07-09-2012, 05:04 AM

Thank you brothers and sisters who have shown me so much kindness in this difficult time, I envy your friends/partners irl, they're extremely lucky to have you in their lives.

The BF has been most supportive, taking to me for hours to alleviate my fear and promising that he'll be there to take care of me. I think this incidence has strengthened my love for him, knowing that he is dependable when I need him.

For all the sisters in this thread/forum, I hope you never ever have to go through this. I'm in no situation to give any advice, but I just want you to know that while some form of contraception is more effective than others, no form of contraception is 100% reliable. I'm allergic to latex (see http://www.livestrong.com/article/95319-symptoms-latex-condom-allergy/ for symptoms) so we do not use condoms, but I'm on pills when I got pregnant.

“Like clockwork the abortion industry has responded with the only response they have left: ‘this is why we need more birth control,’” he said. “This response despite the fact that over half of women who obtain abortions admit to being on or using birth control the month they became pregnant”

....“Why do women who have sex keep getting pregnant, even when they use birth control?” he asks. “Three reasons: first, sex is designed to make babies (duh) and no matter how hard we try to avoid it – sex keeps making babies. Second, because the pill and barrier methods have a statistically-significant failure rate, over time, most women who habitually use birth control can expect at some point it will fail them and they will get pregnant. Third and finally, people don’t always use birth control correctly.”

....

For people who have used decided to use my distress as a chance to demonstrate their morality, I appreciate your comments, especially those who have the best intentions in mind (who's?). It is indeed easy to exercise judgment when the burden is not yours to bear.

I hope that one day you'll be mature enough to appreciate the complexity and nuances of the world and view it not as black and white but shades of grey. I also hope that you'll learn to not let your sense of moral ever get in the way of helping people in need or doing what is right.

My procedure is in 6hours time, I'm going to work now to occupy my mind. This experience has really changed my worldview on a lot of things and if I do survive this ordeal, I hope I'll be able to walk out from the shadow of grief one day and come out of this a stronger woman.

Matafleur

07-09-2012, 05:08 AM

All the best jenni.

As someone who is close to a girl who has gone through an abortion, I know how difficult it must be for you.

I hope your decision will lead to a positive outcome.

DessertsnWines

07-09-2012, 05:22 AM

From a man's opinion:
I ever asked a man tis suitation question before, not directly instead using an xcuse as it was my gf's suitation, she is preg, she n her lover cldn't commit to each other, blah blah blah.
He replied: *if she wants to carry on the relationship is better not to tell the other party.* :rolleyes:

From a woman's & which is my opinion:
Hmmm.... I was almost in ur suitation. @ the beginning, I was hestitating to discuss with him anot but after hearing his reply I told myself if I really gt preggy, I will definitely tell him, spilt half of every charges wif him, gt him to go thru all the shyt with me & den game over!
After all, the fun & thrills were enjoyed by the 2 of us so we shall end it together too!
I'm nt being mean but We're all adults, if he is nt prepare to move on further (which both of us ain't able to commit to each other) den in the 1st place he shldn't hv shoot inside. I was an idiot too, thinking 1st time was an accident shoot but who noes ,after tat he does it continuously all the time! & idiot me again din stop it either :rolleyes: *wat was I tinking tat time!!*
Anyway it's a blessing in disguise tat it was a fake call & Thks to his reply, it really slapped hard on my face to show me the real HIM!

IMHO, u shld try asking him like how I asked my *him* & frm there u shld noe the answers urself & how to handle it. Dun judge according to wat u tink he will think or react, the answers frm him directly shld b able to let u handle it well.

Take care.

<<totally>>

07-09-2012, 08:39 AM

Non-Latex Condoms
There's an alternative solution for those allergic to latex. Condoms made of polyurethane or polyisoprene are even thinner so they increase sensitivity.

I was in awe to see that LATEX CONDOM ALLERGY. TS did a great job in finding articles supporting her case. With the well written article and blah blah blah............wait smell a bit foul.....if TS can goggle for latex allergy? NBCC why I cannot goggle solution? TS never thought of that?

Here I am proudly to present an answer. I am not nasty on my fingers until this moment, do not try me. My replies to you are always answered to what I feel best to my ability. I do not like to wear big swimming trunk. Felt waste of time searching all the correct information.

The write up of the TS might not point to me but the way she is addressing somehow enraged me as a genuine passer by offering my knowledge. With her talking about slicing of wrist is damn bloody serious so I thought of using spiritual barrier to delay/stop her before big mistake done while she can get to call the help center.

Overseas
http://www.condomjungle.com/Non_Latex_Condoms_s/57.htm
Local
http://www.allaboutcondoms.com.sg/index.php?cPath=23
Non latex very well know brand almost can be found anywhere 003 okamoto

Raw for enjoyment??

I stopping for my last line of defense for you say 得饶人处且饶人，给别人一个机会就是给自己一个机会. 面子是人给你的，不是用讨得.
人家给我8分面, 我只收下2分面. 《理解得出来你还有救.

My thoughts were similar to sis Ladyrain and as brother Stylistics has picked up, I wanted to spare him the worry/anguish as there really isn't any point to letting him know.

So I told him, not because I want him to share my fear, but because I don't want myself to silently despise him and resent him for failing to be the man I want him to be, when I did not even give him the chance.

The BF has been most supportive, taking to me for hours to alleviate my fear and promising that he'll be there to take care of me. I think this incidence has strengthened my love for him, knowing that he is dependable when I need him.

Mine post came 3 after big sexy. One big round in the end still say.
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=7732327&postcount=3

I now wish to borrow wisdom words from a wise guy. < paiseh bro dybj need to quote you for that stylish ending

kiang jiu hor, mai geh kiang
人聪明就好，不要假聪明.
聪明反被聪明误结果赔了夫人又折兵

CSI lesson 1

jenni

07-09-2012, 11:25 AM

Bro totally, if u read through my post, I mentioned that while we're not using condoms, I was on pills. The articles I mentioned and quoted are not meant to be my excuse for anything, but to serve as a cautionary tale esp to all sis.

Going into op now..thanks for all the well wishes

PeaceWithin

07-09-2012, 11:50 AM

Jenni,

Chances are... you are having the procedure now...

A friend of mine had the same situation and made the same decision as you. How I knew about it was that she called me when she was on her way to the clinic for the procedure. Ya... she called me instead of her lover. Which says a lot about the situation...

I'm pro-life... but I also believe that everyone has the right to choose. And even though I do not agree, I will defend to the death your right to make it.

I'm just here to wish you luck (which you asked for). Other than that...
Be brave... Be determined...

DO_YOU_BJ

07-09-2012, 12:30 PM

I stopping for my last line of defense for you say 得饶人处且饶人，给别人一个机会就是给自己一个机会. 面子是人给你的，不是用讨得.
人家给我8分面, 我只收下2分面. 《理解得出来你还有救.
Bro u power deh
respect respect
Dun bother wif morals to such people la
Y waste ur effort
有些人值得你的同情帮助
可是
有些人根本不值得你的同情或帮助!

I now wish to borrow wisdom words from a wise guy. < paiseh bro dybj need to quote you for that stylish ending

kiang jiu hor, mai geh kiang
人聪明就好，不要假聪明.
聪明反被聪明误结果赔了夫人又折兵
CSI lesson 1
Dun anihow say leh, u nvr borrowed anything.
U infact just copyrighted it.
Urs the 1st teochew version i read after so many years here ;)
I add 1 more
读了军书，别以为就能做个军师!

Bro <<totally>>, i dio zap leh, remark as below n it's 1 little little point

Should I tell him? Need... 07-09-2012 08:08 AM DO NOT RUB SALT IN SUCH A SAD THREAD. WHO ARE YOU TO TALK SO MUCH RUBBISH HERE?

I wonder who? :rolleyes:
Soon i shall reciprocate, soon, but not yet, coz i having so much fun shitting on a pair of dumb arse's heads :D

royalblood

07-09-2012, 12:55 PM

if you want to keep it a secret, don't tell him.

MountainTurtle

07-09-2012, 12:55 PM

Going into op now..thanks for all the well wishes

Hehe you mean you can still go ONLINE surfing the forum while having the operation now :D which hospital uh? Need me buy some tonic for you later?? :D

http://imageshack.us/content_round.php?page=done&l=img338/3825/screen20120907130732.jpg

PM me the details of your wards ok? :D

MountainTurtle

07-09-2012, 01:32 PM

Hehe you mean you can still go ONLINE surfing the forum while having the operation now :D which hospital uh? Need me buy some tonic for you later?? :D

http://imageshack.us/content_round.php?page=done&l=img338/3825/screen20120907130732.jpg

PM me the details of your wards ok? :D

Hehe due to my inexperience of this matter I google up and know that after abortion you can be discharged after 2 hours. Sorry sorry mountainturtle very suan ku. Btw, mind if you tell me which hospital you are at I come pick you up later and send you home safely? :D

tommy1972

07-09-2012, 01:39 PM

you should tell him , Coz he is the want make it .

<<totally>>

07-09-2012, 03:12 PM

Bro u power deh
respect respect
Dun bother wif morals to such people la
Y waste ur effort
有些人值得你的同情帮助
可是
有些人根本不值得你的同情或帮助!

As what you said, leniency, sympathy and compassion will be definitely be revoked to the pair. Old habits die hard owing what the streets taught me for whom I am today. Give him face and he dun want face thus next time he confirmed no face.
当你是人，你当小人
看你人模人样，你装模作样
给你人权，你要花圈
人间美景你闲闷，黄泉路上莫要恨

My next engagement will be loaded with live rounds instead of blanks. Hee hee...!

Dun anihow say leh, u nvr borrowed anything.
U infact just copyrighted it.
Urs the 1st teochew version i read after so many years here ;)
I add 1 more
读了军书，别以为就能做个军师!

Fresh from oven
kiang jiu hor, mai geh kiang
人聪明就好，不要假聪明.
读了军书，别以为就能做个军师
聪明反被聪明误结果赔了夫人又折兵

有理走遍天下无理寸步难行
难道我是秀才遇到兵有理说不清
The temptation of discovering truth, after tasting it, is addictive I must admitted. When the smoke rings appeared across the clear horizon, be assured you are never alone.

Bro <<totally>>, i dio zap leh, remark as below n it's 1 little little point

Should I tell him? Need... 07-09-2012 08:08 AM DO NOT RUB SALT IN SUCH A SAD THREAD. WHO ARE YOU TO TALK SO MUCH RUBBISH HERE?
I wonder who? :rolleyes:
Soon i shall reciprocate, soon, but not yet, coz i having so much fun shitting on a pair of dumb arse's heads :D

Needless to say for whom we know. Naming those make us doze. Lost of a 1 pt is what he see. That's a tickle for strength and effect. The rage in him for rewarding a 1 pt is an acknowledgment that the direction is right. The thought of him biting the bait is more rewarding than number.

Hope what i see is what you feel. 人之所以快乐，不是因为得到的多、而是因为计较的少 Why does he not see the already stated? Hmm.....Sign! :(

<<totally>>

07-09-2012, 03:21 PM

Today, 05:04 AM
My procedure is in 6hours time, I'm going to work now to occupy my mind. This experience has really changed my worldview on a lot of things and if I do survive this ordeal, I hope I'll be able to walk out from the shadow of grief one day and come out of this a stronger woman.

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=7742184&postcount=86

A simple addition is 6 + 05.04= 11.04am

Today, 11:25 AM
Bro totally, if u read through my post, I mentioned that while we're not using condoms, I was on pills. The articles I mentioned and quoted are not meant to be my excuse for anything, but to serve as a cautionary tale esp to all sis.

Going into op now..thanks for all the well wishes

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=7743202&postcount=90

TS you are running late. Hope to see you soon.

Best wishes

2centsworth

07-09-2012, 03:22 PM

Going into op now..thanks for all the well wishes

Hope the procedure was without complications. Please take care.

jenni

07-09-2012, 05:10 PM

I'm out from the operation, it went very smoothly. The last update was sent from my phone while I was in the waiting room. I waited for about 1 and half hours after the scheduled time before the actual procedure ( by that time, I was really hungry and thirsty!!), which probably only took about a few minutes. The doctor took a blood test, administered the sedation, did an intrauterine ultrasound and I was in a peaceful slumber for about 1 hour.

I would like to put all these behind me. I found reading about other people's experience really helped me a lot, so I'll be sharing my experience as well as all the pertinent information ive researched over the past few months on abortion support groups like the experience project. Im also typing this post on my bed from my phone, but you're be able to find them easily on Google.

This is the last post I'll make on this thread. If any sisters ever are unfortunate enough to be in the same position as me, please do not hesitate to pm me. I would love to repay your kindness and answer any questions and concerns you may have about abortion and to lend you a listening ear.for the other bros who have pmed me with your kind words, I've read all your messages and I can't thank you so much for all your kindness.

MountainTurtle

07-09-2012, 05:47 PM

:D:D SammyNewbie aka 2centsworth, your post in that thread to disturb all the old timers in SBF got reply le.
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=7744566&postcount=3217
Many senior bros there waiting for your reply :D:D

Hope the procedure was without complications. Please take care.

<<totally>>

07-09-2012, 06:56 PM

Ladyrain

07-09-2012, 08:17 PM

This is the last post I'll make on this thread. If any sisters ever are unfortunate enough to be in the same position as me, please do not hesitate to pm me. I would love to repay your kindness and answer any questions and concerns you may have about abortion and to lend you a listening ear.for the other bros who have pmed me with your kind words, I've read all your messages and I can't thank you so much for all your kindness.

Dear Jenny, don't mention. Glad to have been of some comfort. :)
Please do a good diet for yourself for at least a month like a confinement, ok?
Rest well. Very sweet to know that your guy is there for you. Speedy recovery. :) Take care.

partynostop

08-09-2012, 12:52 AM

I'm out from the operation, it went very smoothly. The last update was sent from my phone while I was in the waiting room. I waited for about 1 and half hours after the scheduled time before the actual procedure ( by that time, I was really hungry and thirsty!!), which probably only took about a few minutes. The doctor took a blood test, administered the sedation, did an intrauterine ultrasound and I was in a peaceful slumber for about 1 hour.

I would like to put all these behind me. I found reading about other people's experience really helped me a lot, so I'll be sharing my experience as well as all the pertinent information ive researched over the past few months on abortion 6support groups like the experience project. Im also typing this post on my bed from my phone, but you're be able to find them easily on Google.

This is the last post I'll make on this thread. If any sisters ever are unfortunate enough to be in the same position as me, please do not hesitate to pm me. I would love to repay your kindness and answer any questions and concerns you may have about abortion and to lend you a listening ear.for the other bros who have pmed me with your kind words, I've read all your messages and I can't thank you so much for all your kindness.

Please come back soon. Remember, don't stop partying with your bf

2centsworth

08-09-2012, 07:43 AM

Whooh...!! Hmmm.....see show liao!!@@

Believe it or not, up to you. I am not sammynewbie.

DO_YOU_BJ

08-09-2012, 12:54 PM

Believe it or not, up to you.
Pls dun insult people's rite to self decision can or not.
U tink he dunno it's up to him meh?
Need u to tell him meh?
U mut kor li?

<<totally>>

08-09-2012, 09:58 PM

Believe it or not, up to you. I am not sammynewbie.

I SammyNewbie am like this,
You want think what go ahead think

I hate to inform you this, based on my observation there is 65 - 75% that you might be, highly possible, most likely, happened to be sammynewbie. Well u still got my 25%, as what I have in my speculation, hypothesis, supposition, guess and opinion.

Pls dun insult people's rite to self decision can or not.
U tink he dunno it's up to him meh?
Need u to tell him meh?
U mut kor li?

Bro, the road of debunking is filled with misleading clues and cunning setup. Because of his carefulness to dis associate himself with another nick. Such a simple, common remark or comment, it is most likely to have some part of the text to overlap. However, what I have is 2 different structured ways of saying with the same meaning.:D

Therefore here I am to present you my new finding.:cool:

TKee

08-09-2012, 10:37 PM

Hi all,

So I'd really like to hear the perspective from a brother. I'd be very much interested to hear about your experience if your other half had an abortion. But in short, I'd like to know: If your gf/wife has an abortion,
1. Would you rather be kept in the know or not?
2. If yes, would you rather know it before or after the procedure?
3.Why and why not?

I'll consider all your comments, so many thanks beforehand for any input!

If my FB or GF aborted my child w/o discussion, that will only shows I'm useless to her cos I believe the matter can be resolved in a better way after discussion. The child has his right/her to live and I believe he/she will understand your situation.

My Advise: Please let him know about it and decide later.

2centsworth

09-09-2012, 09:04 AM

Pls dun insult people's rite to self decision can or not.
U tink he dunno it's up to him meh?
Need u to tell him meh?
U mut kor li?

which part of up to you do you not understand? :cool:

Kiang Teo Ho, Mai Geh Kiang... :rolleyes:

spidey7

09-09-2012, 10:08 AM

Jenni is e guy married? Y go abortion unless u dun wan e child? Talk 2him n c wat he wans. I nor it is gg 2b diff.

Ladyrain

09-09-2012, 10:51 AM

If my FB or GF aborted my child w/o discussion, that will only shows I'm useless to her cos I believe the matter can be resolved in a better way after discussion. The child has his right/her to live and I believe he/she will understand your situation.

My Advise: Please let him know about it and decide later.

Jenni is e guy married? Y go abortion unless u dun wan e child? Talk 2him n c wat he wans. I nor it is gg 2b diff.

All done Liao lah. Read TS latest post leh. :o

DO_YOU_BJ

09-09-2012, 01:48 PM

Therefore here I am to present you my new finding.:cool:
Dage <<totally>> pls do not do that, I shy shy but in return, I also here to present u my findings hehehe:D
1) For people who r not short of women getting a pussy that's a public toilet, fuck liao also no glory aka lao kui
2) For people who cant get pussy easily n where scoring is a rare occurrence, it's a victory lol:p
3) Yet those proudly parade around like they've struck gold wahahahahahaha oblivious to the meaning of lao ui sia suay
4) Wonder if those in mention truly understands the meaning of kiang teo ho mai geh kiang to even apply it hor dage <<totally>> :rolleyes:

Alf1977

09-09-2012, 01:52 PM

Happy to hear that TS went for abortion, at least she won't be tied down with a fatherless child for the rest of her life. She just made the right decision .. The pain that she suffered in the operating theatre for 1 hour cannot compared to the responsibility, loss of freedom, despice and embarrassment that she going to go through should she have given birth to the baby whom the father don't want.

Take care TS .. And recover well!!

And I saw a bro asked u to "don't stop partying with your bf" I think he left out a few words.. "don't stop partying with your bf but remember to do him wear protection or you start taking Birth control pills (diane & Yasmin)"

Anyway, this bf of yours can only treat him like a toy, pls don't put too much real feelings in him. Cause you will be the one suffering, should you found out he has other fbs outside.

Girls/ladies/women must learn to protect Themselves and not be the toys of most men.. But anyway girls are borned to be fucked n guys are borned to fuck girls/ladies/women .. Play smart TS!

MountainTurtle

09-09-2012, 02:02 PM

Dage <<totally>> pls do not do that, I shy shy but in return, I also here to present u my findings hehehe:D
1) For people who r not short of women getting a pussy that's a public toilet, fuck liao also no glory aka lao kui
2) For people who cant get pussy easily n where scoring is a rare occurrence, it's a victory lol
3) Yet those proudly parade around like they've struck gold wahahahahahaha oblivious to the meaning of lao ui sia suay
4) Wonder if those in mention truly understands the meaning of kiang teo ho mai geh kiang to even apply it hor dage <<totally>> :rolleyes:

which part of up to you do you not understand?
Kiang Teo Ho, Mai Geh Kiang...

Uh when I read 2centsworth post I don't understand but after your fast summarize post then I understand he is nothing but a cheehongkia and an insincere liar that twist the sincere intention from the bro here to his own advantage of getting pussy. Wei chee mong kok.Very very despicable . Tsk.