Before & After Marriage

[machoman]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/545774_205883959526409_100003144203234_354168_1041 068216_n.jpg


以前提到结婚，想到【天长地久】
现在提到结婚，想到【能撑多久】

当初会结婚，说是【看上眼】
后来会离婚，说是【看走眼】

...

婚前，爱情是【神话】
婚后，爱情是【笑话】

恋爱时【情话绵绵】
结婚后【谎话连连】

恋爱时的男人, 喜欢【毛手毛脚】
结婚后的男人，变成【没手没脚】

婚前的男人，大都很【幽默】
婚后的男人，大都很【沉默】

恋爱时一见面就【亲嘴】
结婚后一见面就【斗嘴】

恋爱时，总想许下辈子【再依赖结良缘】
结婚后，怀疑是上辈子【造作孽缘】

[machoman]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/545774_205883959526409_100003144203234_354168_1041 068216_n.jpg


English Translation by Goggle Translate:


Mentioned before, married think permanence]
Mentioned marriage, think [how long it can sustain]

Had to be married, said to be [a fancy eye]
Would later divorce, saying it was wrong horse]

...

Marriage, love is Mythology
In marriage, love [joke]

The situation, then rain, fall in love []
After marriage lie again and again]

Love the man, like [all hands]
Married man, to become [without limbs]

Premarital men are [humor]
Married men, are [silence]

Love when a meeting [kiss]
Married a meet [bicker]

Love always want the next life HUI [no longer rely on the knot happy match]
After they married, suspected to be the last generation [artificial Nie Yuan]

[songest]

結婚前:

他:萬歲!終于到來了!我都等不及了!
她:我可以離開嗎?
他:不,你甚至想都別想!
她:你愛我嗎?
他:當然!
她:你會背叛我嗎?
他:不會,你怎麼會有這樣想法?
她:你會吻我嗎?
他:會。
她:你會打我嗎?
他:無論如何都不!
她:我能相信你嗎?

結婚后: :confused::confused:
Hint: Just read backwards :rolleyes:

[cuntarow]

TS, Good joke for laughter la up :D

[ironman73]

結婚前:

他:萬歲!終于到來了!我都等不及了!
她:我可以離開嗎?
他:不,你甚至想都別想!
她:你愛我嗎?
他:當然!
她:你會背叛我嗎?
他:不會,你怎麼會有這樣想法?
她:你會吻我嗎?
他:會。
她:你會打我嗎?
他:無論如何都不!
她:我能相信你嗎?

結婚后: :confused::confused:
Hint: Just read backwards :rolleyes:

Well said. Very creative..just up your points.

[LaoNui]

結婚前:

他:萬歲!終于到來了!我都等不及了!
她:我可以離開嗎?
他:不,你甚至想都別想!
她:你愛我嗎?
他:當然!
她:你會背叛我嗎?
他:不會,你怎麼會有這樣想法?
她:你會吻我嗎?
他:會。
她:你會打我嗎?
他:無論如何都不!
她:我能相信你嗎?

結婚后: :confused::confused:
Hint: Just read backwards :rolleyes:

This is a good one.

[2centsworth]

Don't mind me joining in the fun and giving my 2 cents worth of poems ok? I wrote this poem myself for my thread some time back.

What does ‘I Do’ really mean?

Friday night go meet guy friend
He is married, ring in hand
Ask him so how married life?
Poor guy start to complain wife
Last time he says he no clue
What it means to say ‘I do’
Now that he is married too
‘I do’ now means cannot do

All his income joint account
What he spend she sure will count
He go for beer, she raise hell
She buys Birkin never tell
What he spend now need license
Even his mum’s allowance
Last time massage rub the gun
Now no money, can’t have fun

Boyfriend Girlfriend Sex Life More
Now wife thinks that sex is chore
She says his cock is not clean
But he really scrub till glean
Before marriage, she suck cock
After marriage, she talk cock
More sex part of marriage plan?
‘I do’ now means use more hand

When we dating, walk IKEA
After marriage, ka ki kia (own self walk in hokkien)
I feel my mum lost a son
All she control, how I run?
Have you seen Lord of the Ring?
Evil plans all start with ring
How we spend time she decide
No way can I over-ride

Bro, my bonus keep with you
Let this money be fun tool
Sometimes I need C C A
Use this money for those day
You not scared that I will run?
If keep with wife, he gets none
Don’t ask me to keep in shoe
Trust you my friend, Yes I Do

Think now outside wife got man
I think that guy’s name is Ben
They are colleagues, flirt at work
If we divorce, I’ll be hurt
Marriage vow says she obey
Where got such thing in this day?
Vow says till death do we part
You go die lah, break my heart!!!

[2centsworth]

What the wives think

You guys think girls no complain
Live with you guys go insane
Wedding when we say ‘I do’
You think only you no clue?
Before marriage, know you plumb
How I know you live in slum
Now that I am married too
‘I do’ now means you don’t do

Weekends, I must do house chore
You don’t help me out somemore
When I rest, still hear you snore
Ask you ‘Tired’. Say Ya Loh!!
You say baby, shall we fuck
Oh my god, don’t push your luck
I clean the house round the clock
At night still must please your cock!

When you force me suck your cock
Bitter taste like something rot
You don’t wash behind the skin
How does cock then become clean?
If my privates got urine
You smell, will whine and then scream
Basic hygiene you don’t know?
Wash with soap between the fold!

Our sex now no foreplay
Fuck one style, on bed I lay
Foreplay to you, finger rough
How to get high? I think tough
You still ask me why so dry
I say because I’m not high
Dry cos you have outside flings?
Slap you ah! Why say such things

You want kids but never plan
I just joined firm, so how can?
You just fuck and inside cummed
Then I pregnant, career harmed
When boss knows she ask me leave
Small firm can’t pay 4 months leave
Baby born on sole income
You still ask me ‘Hey how come?’

Baby born and I breast feed
Milk not enough, duct impede
Pump used daily for compress
Thirty M L, so depress
Worry about baby starve
You still suck milk! (http://http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=252108&highlight=milk) Make life tough
Nipples so black why not pink?
We have 2 kids, what you think?

You go drink beer I raise hell
Mask Five One (http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=79560&highlight=jazzy) think I can’t tell?
That place full of Vietnam girl
You write report in thread here
I don’t raise hell, how you stop??
Jazzy (http://http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=44816&highlight=jazzy) to Mask, you will hop
You rub their breast is clean fun
I let guys rub, do you want?

When you busy, no miss me?
Only miss me when you free
Call and call the whole day long
If I’m busy, is that wrong?
Pick up phone to hear you scream
Where the hell ah have you been?
I just hate to hear that tone
Wife must stand by for your phone?

Cook for you is no mean feat
Many hours stand on feet
You just wait and do your thing
I will chop, boil, fry and steam
Eat the food while it is hot
Come and join me, you will not
Call and call but you won’t come
Food turned cold, you say don’t want

Still say your mum cook better
Better is divorce letter!
I did try hard, Yes I know
I can’t always go with flow
What’s the price of don’t love wife?
Women Charter pay with life
Vow says till death do we part
You want marriage, do your part!

[esssinine]

haha good one :)

[machoman]

Don't mind me joining in the fun and giving my 2 cents worth of poems ok? I wrote this poem myself for my thread some time back.

Thanks for sharing, bro.

I also wrote a short poem.

现在我有幽默

你投诉是折磨

结果变成什么

以后总是沉默

[machoman]

That was my 1st Chinese poem; now, writing my 2nd.

为什么？

为什么？ 唉！为什么？

爱情到底是什么？

为什么？ 唉！为什么？

爱情能变成冷漠？

为什么？为什么？唉！

当初恋爱深深爱！

结婚后发生战争！

是女人心海底针？

为什么？为什么？唉！

后悔来不及！悲哀！

[see see only]

Hahahahaa :D

I guess most of us, men .... even most women


USED up all their love for each other before marriage ... so after marriage no more love for each other liao :p :rolleyes:

[machoman]

http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/582813_10150748263894812_1351969517_n.jpg

[machoman]

http://www.funnyhumors.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Man-and-Woman-at-Barber-shop-.jpg

[machoman]

http://mcrapu.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/difference_between_man_and_woman.jpg

[machoman]

http://edge.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/524127/1052306.jpg

[machoman]

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web03/2011/1/15/13/the-difference-between-some-men-and-women-9890-1295117519-2.jpg

[songest]

Here's a compilation for your weekend reading

恋爱时,「情话绵绵」;
结婚后,「谎话连连」。
恋爱时, 生活「妙不可言」;
结婚后, 日子「苦不堪言」。

婚前, 爱情是「神话」;
婚后, 爱情是「笑话」。
婚前, 男人在「餐厅」等女人;
婚后, 女人在「客厅」等男人。
婚前, 男人经常找女人「讨论」;
婚后, 男人只告诉女人「结论」。
婚前, 男人对她「悄悄」讲话;
婚后, 男人对她「大声」讲话。
婚前, 情侣做什么都是「浪漫」;
婚后, 夫妻做什么都是「浪费」。

婚前, 男人常给女人「空白支票」;
婚后, 男人常给女人「空头支票」。
婚前, 男人天天盯着女人;
婚后, 女人天天盯着男人。
婚前,「谎话」都是「情话」;
婚后,「情话」都是「废话」。
婚前,「靠近」一点;
婚后,「闪开」一点。
婚前,「没话找话说」;
婚后,「有话也不说」。

女人的记性,吵架时「最好」;
男人的耐性,结婚后「最差」。
男人有钱就变坏;
女人变坏就有钱。
男人花钱,是为了让女人「高兴」;
女人花钱,是因为男人让她「不高兴」。
男人没有女人,「耳根清净」;
女人没有男人,「家居干净」。
男人「入错行」, 上班会很痛苦;
女人「嫁错郎」, 下班会很痛苦。

好女人,养坏男人的胃口;
坏女人,吊足男人的胃口。
想结婚,是「自己」已能独立;
想离婚,是「子女」已独立。
嫁入「豪门」,要懂得理财;
嫁入「寒门」,要懂得生财。

总而言之:
以前的人, 视婚姻生活为「一辈子」;
现代的人, 视婚姻生活为「一阵子」。

对婚姻, 人们有:
太多的憧憬、太少的准备
太多的猜疑、太少的学习
太多的失望、太少的勇气
太多的索求、太少的承担

[pary]

http://www.funnyhumors.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Man-and-Woman-at-Barber-shop-.jpg

Lol..this is so true..
reminds me of when the wife starts complaining you didn't even notice I did my hair..

[pary]

結婚前:

他:萬歲!終于到來了!我都等不及了!
她:我可以離開嗎?
他:不,你甚至想都別想!
她:你愛我嗎?
他:當然!
她:你會背叛我嗎?
他:不會,你怎麼會有這樣想法?
她:你會吻我嗎?
他:會。
她:你會打我嗎?
他:無論如何都不!
她:我能相信你嗎?

結婚后: :confused::confused:
Hint: Just read backwards :rolleyes:

I've recently seen the English version of this in a published book too. :D

Before marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage:
Simply read from bottom to top.

[synyster]

nice thread TS hahaha. made my morning.

[smallbaron]

Very cute thread :)

[songest]

女人,
订婚前,象燕子,爱怎么飞就怎么飞
订婚后,象鸽子,能飞,却不敢飞远
结婚后,象鸭子,想飞,却飞不起来

男人,
订婚前,象孙子,百依百顺
定婚后,象儿子,学会顶嘴
结婚后,象老子,发号师令

[ArseAnal]

Nice thread, some pics made me laff :D