Confused

[flamenomore]

My friend who is 20 years old went through a bad break up and had about 5 different sex partners after that. These partners are like her good guy friends and even this ex-boyfriend's older brother.

I know at this age and time, sex is not as conservation as in the 90s. Our culture is getting more westernized and having multiple sex partners, or sex without emotion, is perfectly normal. But... I just couldn't accept it. I can accept sex before marriage, with your boyfriend etc but I can't accept having multiple partners cos sex feels good. (ONS or FB)

Am I just uptight about sex?

[sgjoey]

Yes.

Replies needs to be at least 10 characters.... so this is the irrelevant part.

[scamper]

You are not. Guys and gals think differently.

[Frederick]

You are not. Guys and gals think differently.

True. Guys can fuck without emotions. Gals generally don't.

[AmeShin]

U are still.normal dont worry

[barneyksc]

My friend who is 20 years old went through a bad break up and had about 5 different sex partners after that. These partners are like her good guy friends and even this ex-boyfriend's older brother.

I know at this age and time, sex is not as conservation as in the 90s. Our culture is getting more westernized and having multiple sex partners, or sex without emotion, is perfectly normal. But... I just couldn't accept it. I can accept sex before marriage, with your boyfriend etc but I can't accept having multiple partners cos sex feels good. (ONS or FB)

Am I just uptight about sex?

hmm.. ts i think what u meant is having sex with ur partner must have that kind of chem.. and not just any tom dick harry...

i felt that ur just normal... maybe ur friend is more open minded

[kyoukai]

well the thing is, the reason for her breakup might be cos her bf was cheating on her? might be her way of exacting revenge. these are just individual differences, your not uptight. relax.

though i'm sure she'll regret her actions. if not, she just took a turn at the crossroads of her life.

[alan0338]

5 sex partners is nothing la, ... :D

[Brainstorm]

My friend who is 20 years old went through a bad break up and had about 5 different sex partners after that. These partners are like her good guy friends and even this ex-boyfriend's older brother.

The bad break up scarred her emotionally. She felt unwanted and unattractive. So to feel desired and wanted, she used her body to trade for guys's attention. The more guys desire her, the higher her self-worth. Saying she likes sex is just an excuse. If she really likes sex, she just needs 1 penis and not 5 different cocks.

I think she is going to hate herself more when she wakes up and see how she was used by her close guy friends. If you want to help her, please remind her that she is an intelligent and attractive lady and she doesn't need to have sex with anyone for her intelligence and beauty to be shown to the rest of the world. You can't force her to wake up but you can create the conditions most conducive for her to move on if she chooses to.

[muscleboi]

by having sex with other people cos her boyfriend cheated on her is not exacting revenge on him but rather, it's exacting revenge on herself.

think about it, her boyfriend cheats cos he feels good having sex with another girl.
and the primary reason your friend have sex with other men is not cos she feels good. it's cos she wants revenge..but on who? they are not even married so saying that she's trying to cukold him is out of point.

[tambi8]

It is common to have multiple partners in this age and time as long as you are aware of what u are in for. Guys and girls view sex very differently.
For a girl with such reputation is to her disadvantage when come to finding a suitor.

Sound like your friend is doing with multiple partners to spite her ex then she is

[flamenomore]

Woah... you guys are so right about the revenge and spite part, even though I didn't mention how they broke up. But the reason they broke up isn't because one of them cheated in the relationship. Which is why I don't understand why my friend would have 5 sex partners within 3 months. She justified saying "cos sex feels good so why can't I do it?"

So I guess, despite sex being so liberal now, it's still normal to be a bit conservative about it.

Thanks everyone for the reply!! :)

To those who thinks I'm "uptight", you guys are the devil in my head!! :mad::mad:

[Constable]

I find my neighbour's wife very desirable. Can I just go next door and carry her home so that I can have sex with her every time I want to? Your friend's reasoning is obviously flawed. And you should have enough sense to see it.

[flamenomore]

I find my neighbour's wife very desirable. Can I just go next door and carry her home so that I can have sex with her every time I want to? Your friend's reasoning is obviously flawed. And you should have enough sense to see it.

You are right. But the thing is that it's a mutual agreement between she and her partners. Because everyone is very casual about sex, moralities is no longer a factor in judging whether the act is right or wrong. As long as both party agrees, to her, it seems right. Cos "it's just sex" what.

That's the gray area I'm trying to understand.

[Virginhere]

She just out to ruin herself due to the bad relationship..Don't wait bro, go take some advantage too..

[cocobun]

My friend who is 20 years old went through a bad break up and had about 5 different sex partners after that. These partners are like her good guy friends and even this ex-boyfriend's older brother.

I know at this age and time, sex is not as conservation as in the 90s. Our culture is getting more westernized and having multiple sex partners, or sex without emotion, is perfectly normal. But... I just couldn't accept it. I can accept sex before marriage, with your boyfriend etc but I can't accept having multiple partners cos sex feels good. (ONS or FB)

Am I just uptight about sex?

uptight or not, you just have to be yourself and let natural run its course...maybe next time you will, maybe not, it really depends on your views in different stage of your life.

I wasn't what i am 10 years ago compare to now, this tells me nothing is for sure, just live happy and fullest everyday.

however, whatever you want to do in future, just remember to be safe..

[danknn]

haiz...she's probably trying to drown her sorrow with sex...

oh well...

[muscleboi]

Woah... you guys are so right about the revenge and spite part, even though I didn't mention how they broke up. But the reason they broke up isn't because one of them cheated in the relationship. Which is why I don't understand why my friend would have 5 sex partners within 3 months. She justified saying "cos sex feels good so why can't I do it?"

So I guess, despite sex being so liberal now, it's still normal to be a bit conservative about it.

Thanks everyone for the reply!! :)

To those who thinks I'm "uptight", you guys are the devil in my head!! :mad::mad:

ohhh my bad...talking about collective unconscious..anyway, take care of her and prevent her from doing anything silly.

[arsenal_84]

if she's not getting any payment for her part then she's just making herself free and easy.

[justwanadoit]

I find my neighbour's wife very desirable. Can I just go next door and carry her home so that I can have sex with her every time I want to? Your friend's reasoning is obviously flawed. And you should have enough sense to see it.


Actually u can, nobody stopping u

[goodpartner]

My friend who is 20 years old went through a bad break up and had about 5 different sex partners after that. These partners are like her good guy friends and even this ex-boyfriend's older brother.

I know at this age and time, sex is not as conservation as in the 90s. Our culture is getting more westernized and having multiple sex partners, or sex without emotion, is perfectly normal. But... I just couldn't accept it. I can accept sex before marriage, with your boyfriend etc but I can't accept having multiple partners cos sex feels good. (ONS or FB)

Am I just uptight about sex?

Actually, it's WHO she is having sex with that's worrisome, I think that's what made you uptight about it. If she has never behaving this way before the breakup, then she's either going through a big transformation (personality-wise) or she's doing something she'll regret later.

Are you one of them or was given the opportunity?

[owl888]

If given the opportunity why not?:D But after that make sure she dunn anyhow sleep around since u care about her so much...........

[NomoneyNohoney]

oop wrong post

[flamenomore]

Hey bro... Im her girl friend k. Won't be hitting on her or taking advantage of her. Just concerned about her as a close friend.

[sgjoey]

Latest science research -- humans -- male and female -- are naturally prone to non-monogamous behaviour.

[flamenomore]

if she's not getting any payment for her part then she's just making herself free and easy.

I agree. But the guys of cos will buy her dinner and nice things what. So to her it's a win win situation.

[goodpartner]

Hey bro... Im her girl friend k. Won't be hitting on her or taking advantage of her. Just concerned about her as a close friend.

Ok, your concern is found.
Good luck in helping your friend!

[Brainstorm]

Hey bro... Im her girl friend k. Won't be hitting on her or taking advantage of her. Just concerned about her as a close friend.

It's her life to live and she can choose how she wants to live her life. I guess you can only try to be ready to catch her if she should fall, be ready to offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on etc.

[rosepetals]

Dont think you're uptight, as alot of guys&girls probably share the same sentiments as you.

Btw I find the discussion here alot more 'intellectual' than the other threads out there. -.-

[flamenomore]

Dont think you're uptight, as alot of guys&girls probably share the same sentiments as you.

Btw I find the discussion here alot more 'intellectual' than the other threads out there. -.-

Hahaha, I realize that too! Maybe I've posted this at the wrong "channel". Should post this at "Love Corner"?

[Sporty]

I tink it's very common for such things to happen. ESP for gals. Cos, to lay a man is definitely much easier than vice versa.
U will b surprise.
Changes In human r most fearful!!! ESP huge dramatic changes.

[cheersMike]

To me it a matter of how each individual view sex.Whether are you looking for sex or making love.

If you are just looking for sex, then whoever you do it with doesn't really matter. It a form of release, be it for male or female.

The main different b/w sex and making love is, making love involve more emotion, which from the name, obviously have to be either ur bf/gf or hub/wife.

[sgjoey]

To me it a matter of how each individual view sex.Whether are you looking for sex or making love.

If you are just looking for sex, then whoever you do it with doesn't really matter. It a form of release, be it for male or female.

The main different b/w sex and making love is, making love involve more emotion, which from the name, obviously have to be either ur bf/gf or hub/wife.

The relationship between lust and love is actually a very complicated one.

In the ideal situation, the one you love is also the one you lust after. This is the situation most commonly found in newly weds. Unfortunately, in most cases, if not all, it doesn't last. After three to five years, the love may grow (or it may not), but the lust for your partner flags.

Before meeting one's significant other, one experiences lust for many prospective partners. But love for any one of them is absent. However sometimes after having sex with a partner, one can begin to fall in love with them. This is a natural reaction because of the hormones given off during intercourse. Lust, in other words, can lead to love.

For many married couples who have been together for more than five years and are still happy to remain together, the love between them is a feeling of emotional attachment. But they could still be lusting after others around them. Conceivably then, one can love, but not lust for, one's partner.

[Brainstorm]

I know at this age and time, sex is not as conservation as in the 90s. Our culture is getting more westernized and having multiple sex partners, or sex without emotion, is perfectly normal. But... I just couldn't accept it. I can accept sex before marriage, with your boyfriend etc but I can't accept having multiple partners cos sex feels good. (ONS or FB)

Am I just uptight about sex?

But the thing is that it's a mutual agreement between she and her partners. Because everyone is very casual about sex, moralities is no longer a factor in judging whether the act is right or wrong. As long as both party agrees, to her, it seems right. Cos "it's just sex" what.

That's the gray area I'm trying to understand.

So I guess, despite sex being so liberal now, it's still normal to be a bit conservative about it.

As the thread progress, more facts emerge. We know now you are a girl for sure. I'm wondering, did you start this thread because you wish to help your friend and get her to stop having casual sex? Or are you using her as an example to reflect on your internal views towards sex?

Actually, if you were to look at your posts here, your internal position is very clear and consistent. Pre-marital sex with bf is fine but any other forms of sex is beyond you. That's actually very fine. You aren't conservative in my opinion. Conservative girls won't even have sex before marriage. You are a very normal girl really.

Sex with every new partner can feel pretty awkward. I've my share of flings and my personal opinion is that the best sex I had is with the people I loved and having a consistent partner really relaxes me more. I'm sure many here will agree to the benefits of a consistent partner rather than to keep switching here and there. By the way, I'm not trying to entice you to be a FB or what. Just a frank discussion.

[flamenomore]

As the thread progress, more facts emerge. We know now you are a girl for sure. I'm wondering, did you start this thread because you wish to help your friend and get her to stop having casual sex? Or are you using her as an example to reflect on your internal views towards sex?

Actually, if you were to look at your posts here, your internal position is very clear and consistent. Pre-marital sex with bf is fine but any other forms of sex is beyond you. That's actually very fine. You aren't conservative in my opinion. Conservative girls won't even have sex before marriage. You are a very normal girl really.

Sex with every new partner can feel pretty awkward. I've my share of flings and my personal opinion is that the best sex I had is with the people I loved and having a consistent partner really relaxes me more. I'm sure many here will agree to the benefits of a consistent partner rather than to keep switching here and there. By the way, I'm not trying to entice you to be a FB or what. Just a frank discussion.

Well, I would really like to think myself as a saint and that I could help my friends in many ways. But as I grow older, I realize I can't "save" anyone much as I like to. I can't stop them from doing what they want in their life, the only way I could deal with it is to understand and accept it. So... This post is started like what you said, using an example to reflect what's my internal view towards casual sex.

Maybe it's because of peer pressure... I'm surrounded by friends who thinks that casual sex is nothing and I'm the only one who shakes head in horror. So I came to this forum to understand more. Am I just uptight and freaking too much over sex? or are my friends too open minded?

But the replies cleared up my mind, they are all very mature and their reasonings are all logical. I'm really thankful and my conclusion here is despite sex being liberal now, one should still have some values. If you value yourself, you'll take care of yourself. If you can live for the rest of your life without regretting what you chose to do, no matter what reasons, I gues that's the way it is then.

:) thank you for your well thought out reply! Really appreciates that!

[flamenomore]

The thing about having FBs is this: it's mutual consent, both parties know they're in it more for the physical part of sex and the intimacy of it in the bedroom than it is about relationships and feelings for each other. Some people just happen to be lucky to find a partner who is faithful to them in life, and thus their FB is their BF/GF, best of both worlds.
But as for your friend, I would agree with what bros said here that she has been badly scarred by her ex cheating on her. Perhaps to the point that sex has been desensitised for her since "if guys never keep themselves to one girl, why should I do the same if I can get the same enjoyment and happiness that he gets from playing around?" That's why she is comfortable spreading her legs for so many individuals in her life now, because she either really feels nothing anymore, or she's just repressing her inner scars from the failed relationship. Sex is like a release valve for her, both literally for her hormones as well as for her mental state.
Personally speaking, I'd think the guy was a bastard to get into a relationship with her only to play her off with some other girl behind her back. If a guy knows he's in no state to handle a relationship because he is super promiscuous and enjoys sex more than he enjoys a relationship, he should just stick to having FBs instead of ruining a girl's emotional and relationship life by cheating on her. I'm an example. I found my ex through here. She was one innocent girl who had no business in this forum other than the fact that "she felt bored" and "she was curious". Initially I got into a BF/GF relationship with her half because she was willing to experiment with sex, which was more than fine for me since it also allowed me to get some release for myself, and half also to get her out of the forum and prevent her from being overly corrupted. Stupid reasoning I know. And the facts bore out for themselves. After a month I realised I saw her more as a sex partner while she already threw her heart and soul into me and the relationship. Eight times out of ten I saw her, I would be only thinking of the things we would be doing afterwards in bed. So I chose to break up with her, so as not to ruin her life as badly as I would have possibly done. Thankfully she's fine now after that break-up period, and as for me I openly admit that I'm not seeking relationships now but more of seeking sexual partners to get release with from time to time. I make a good lover in bed, but I'd make a horrible boyfriend.
You're normal to be conservative about sex insofar that one should only do it with a single partner at any one time, but well I guess sometimes some of us just have an appetite for sex that's bigger than what one normal person can satisfy. Keep it that way for yourself flamenomore, and make sure you choose your future guy wisely, both for his endearing character as well as for his sexual appetite that suits you.

Ahhh good points. But unfortunately, the guy did not break up with my friend over sex or have another girl. The cause is totally non sexual which is why I couldn't understand why she's doing that.

Most of your got it right, I guess she's seeking for revenge and being spiteful & like what you reasoned, she felt so emotionally worthless that she's having causal sex. As both a form of release and a way to "destroy" herself.

Thank you for your advise nonetheless! (:

[flamenomore]

Haha, it's "ADVICE" my dear. and no problem, glad to have helped you out there.

Hahaha! Thanks ah!

[diputs1269]

Ahhh good points. But unfortunately, the guy did not break up with my friend over sex or have another girl. The cause is totally non sexual which is why I couldn't understand why she's doing that.

Most of your got it right, I guess she's seeking for revenge and being spiteful & like what you reasoned, she felt so emotionally worthless that she's having causal sex. As both a form of release and a way to "destroy" herself.

Thank you for your advise nonetheless! (:

Glad to hear that you are more enlightened after reading so many replies from very experienced bros. Initially you are too emotional to view your friend's predicament objectively. Your friend would be glad if she knows of what you are doing. You have good and kind intention which must be commendable. We must bear in mind that different people have different values so need not to be alarmed:)

[4am'rs]

My friend who is 20 years old went through a bad break up and had about 5 different sex partners after that. These partners are like her good guy friends and even this ex-boyfriend's older brother.

I know at this age and time, sex is not as conservation as in the 90s. Our culture is getting more westernized and having multiple sex partners, or sex without emotion, is perfectly normal. But... I just couldn't accept it. I can accept sex before marriage, with your boyfriend etc but I can't accept having multiple partners cos sex feels good. (ONS or FB)

Am I just uptight about sex?

You can pass her contact and let us "console" her if you don't mind. :D

[ch33zy]

Ultimately, it boils down to each individual's perspective on sex and no one is right or wrong on this or their views.. The important thing is to treasure yourself.. If you do not treasure yourself or your life, then what do you want for your life then.. Who will give you the respect that you might be looking for..

[flamenomore]

Glad to hear that you are more enlightened after reading so many replies from very experienced bros. Initially you are too emotional to view your friend's predicament objectively. Your friend would be glad if she knows of what you are doing. You have good and kind intention which must be commendable. We must bear in mind that different people have different values so need not to be alarmed:)

Hahah, hopefully my friend won't think I'm trying to "control" her by telling her what I think she shouldn't do cos I feel it's wrong.

You can pass her contact and let us "console" her if you don't mind. :D

HAHA! I can't control my friend's action, but I can control mine! So, not a chance bro! Anyway, don't you have a hot colleague to be with? (: love your story, by the way!

Ultimately, it boils down to each individual's perspective on sex and no one is right or wrong on this or their views.. The important thing is to treasure yourself.. If you do not treasure yourself or your life, then what do you want for your life then.. Who will give you the respect that you might be looking for..

Yupp, I agree!! :)

[freezetheDB]

even though the sex might be casual, to some girls its some sort of punishment or emotional crap they are exerting onto themselves.

if you are lucky (to be somewhat inbetween the queue) you might miss the shit when she one day explode. Got a friend who thought wow he got a wonderful fuck buddy (his colleague), play until sibei song then one day she became possessive, want him to divorce his wife if not she will ruin his work life.