sudden lost.... need advice,.

[candypuss]

Bros/sisters

First of all, I m married with a kid going in Pri one in three months' time.

Husband affair exposed two months ago n i am still distressed. Hubby did not walk out on me although he did not show any remorses. Quarrelled over the gal many times but it did not stop the on going affair. reason is revenge.

What shall i do now plus feelings for him is flying out of the window at a fast pace n last couple weeks ago, feelings had stopped already but he still carried on as if nothing is wrong plus he n i still on talking terms , more like normal frenz instead of man/wife.

[sammyboyfor]

What shall i do now plus feelings for him is flying out of the window at a fast pace n last couple weeks ago, feelings had stopped already but he still carried on as if nothing is wrong plus he n i still on talking terms , more like normal frenz instead of man/wife.

There's nothing unique about your situation. Millions of relationships around the world end up in a similar state on a regular basis.

You have two choices :

1) End the marriage and move on.

2) Carry on for the sake of the kids and have your own little flings on the side.

At the end of the day, life's choices are very simple. It's indecision that complicates matters.

[alan0338]

u should disable the pm function since many buaya are beoing u liao :p

[candypuss]

u should disable the pm function since many buaya are beoing u liao :p


no worries, no PM coming in yet

[goodpartner]

reason is revenge.
What do you mean by this phrase?

What shall i do now...
Since you guys are still on talking terms, quickly set up some sex... I mean sessions for marriage counselling where both will attend one after another, and then possibly together. That's your BEST move now.

Tell him, for the sake of the kid, to do this together. His reaction from agreeint to go, or not, will already tell you something.

[Big Sexy]

what did u do??? you betrayed his trust??

reason is revenge.

[joscklee]

Bros/sisters

First of all, I m married with a kid going in Pri one in three months' time.

Husband affair exposed two months ago n i am still distressed. Hubby did not walk out on me although he did not show any remorses. Quarrelled over the gal many times but it did not stop the on going affair. reason is revenge.

What shall i do now plus feelings for him is flying out of the window at a fast pace n last couple weeks ago, feelings had stopped already but he still carried on as if nothing is wrong plus he n i still on talking terms , more like normal frenz instead of man/wife.

How long u did not f**k or get f**k by husband? Ask if any bro interested but can u upload ur face first?

[sgjoey]

Bros/sisters

First of all, I m married with a kid going in Pri one in three months' time.

Husband affair exposed two months ago n i am still distressed. Hubby did not walk out on me although he did not show any remorses. Quarrelled over the gal many times but it did not stop the on going affair. reason is revenge.

What shall i do now plus feelings for him is flying out of the window at a fast pace n last couple weeks ago, feelings had stopped already but he still carried on as if nothing is wrong plus he n i still on talking terms , more like normal frenz instead of man/wife.

You wronged him in some way? Did you sleep with someone else?

Perhaps a change in perspective would help. Both of you should just come to terms with the fact that humans are non-monogamous. So a marriage can still remain intact though both of you have other sex partners. But both of you need to come to an understanding about such an arrangement.

Support for such a stance is from the latest research from books such as Sex At Dawn by C Ryan and C Jetha. The book is available at the National Library. You could also take a look at this site (http://sexatdawn.com).

Seems to be counter-intuitive, but may be worth a try. After all, what more have you got to lose?

[RealEstateGuy]

Bros/sisters

First of all, I m married with a kid going in Pri one in three months' time.

Husband affair exposed two months ago n i am still distressed. Hubby did not walk out on me although he did not show any remorses. Quarrelled over the gal many times but it did not stop the on going affair. reason is revenge.

What shall i do now plus feelings for him is flying out of the window at a fast pace n last couple weeks ago, feelings had stopped already but he still carried on as if nothing is wrong plus he n i still on talking terms , more like normal frenz instead of man/wife. So sistah, sounds like he is having revenge sex with a woman because you did the unthinkable first?

[LehmanBrothers]

revenge sex with a woman

Looks like it unless i am wrong :confused:

[uboat2000]

i feel eveyrone should try safe the marriage. ask for her from help groups. dont give up with out a fight, get all family members to help out. at the end of the day if u win u will get a stronger ties.

[sammyboyfor]

i feel eveyrone should try safe the marriage.

That's a really old fashioned attitude. It's no longer appropriate in this day and age.

[sgjoey]

That's a really old fashioned attitude. It's no longer appropriate in this day and age.

Boss, I am very surprised. Do you only specialise in distinguishing between "advise" and "advice"? What about "save" and "safe"?

[LauYewTee]

What do you mean by talking terms?
eg, Hi - Bye? or how was your day?

You mention revenge, could you elaborate..?

In any case, I dont think you came here to get advice but to let it out yea?

Just my 2 cents worth. :)

[flcult]

For the sake of yr kid, dun get a divorce. If u can, talk to yr hubby in a calm n collected manner. Call me a dinosaur but you n yr hubby owe it to yr kid to have a family in his growing years. At least tahan until he's older n can understand matters.

[joew2005]

revenge should never be a course of action 2 be taken in a marriage,even if 1 party hv strayed.
wat do 1 actually gain by taking revenge in a marriage ?
wat do the children gain ? more harm.

[sammyboyfor]

Boss, I am very surprised. Do you only specialise in distinguishing between "advise" and "advice"? What about "save" and "safe"?

I can't correct ALL the mistakes I come across. I concentrate only on a handful of the most common ones.

[candypuss]

revenge should never be a course of action 2 be taken in a marriage,even if 1 party hv strayed.
wat do 1 actually gain by taking revenge in a marriage ?
wat do the children gain ? more harm.

Of cos it is nt me. It is the husband who wanted revenge on the other woman who played him out n then refused to let him go.

And in this marriage I din stray until last year I got into a brief fling ard august. On the other hand he had an on going affair since 2009. So I can't blame anyone except myself as I had a quick temper that pushed him away due to my post natal depression.

[candypuss]

what did u do??? you betrayed his trust??

No. He betrayed me n he was playing ard behind my back for years until I confronted him. He admitted it but insisted he stopped all this after we got together. Of cse I din believe anymore as he is a horny n perverted bastard.

[MonteCristo]

2 wrongs don't make 1 right.

[goodpartner]

And in this marriage I din stray until last year I got into a brief fling ard august. On the other hand he had an on going affair since 2009.

Why did you seek for adviCe only more than one year later after your fling?


Husband affair exposed two months ago...
So... you exposed him 2 months ago and discovered his affair (dated since 2009), but then you had a fling last August 2010, before you expose him? :rolleyes:

Are you saying that you knew about his affair long time ago (when? b4 or after Aug'10?), but only chose to "expose" him 2 months back? Or do you mean you only knew about his affair 2 months ago? In any case, why did you name this thread "sudden lost..."? Why sudden? ;)

[Texas-5]

Bros/sisters


What shall i do now plus feelings for him is flying out of the window at a fast pace n last couple weeks ago, feelings had stopped already but he still carried on as if nothing is wrong plus he n i still on talking terms , more like normal frenz instead of man/wife.


feelings had stopped
he cheated on you
you cheated on him too
what other advice you need?

i feel for your kid more than anything else in this situation,but it's time to move on

[Raveforfun]

Hi, when u need a shoulder to rely on. Come to me. Will be glad to help you.

[joew2005]

god help those tat help themselve ...

[RobinH00d]

Why did you seek for adviCe only more than one year later after your fling?


So... you exposed him 2 months ago and discovered his affair (dated since 2009), but then you had a fling last August 2010, before you expose him? :rolleyes:

Are you saying that you knew about his affair long time ago (when? b4 or after Aug'10?), but only chose to "expose" him 2 months back? Or do you mean you only knew about his affair 2 months ago? In any case, why did you name this thread "sudden lost..."? Why sudden? ;)

Ya ihave the same doubts and questions as bro goodpartner .... just din make sense leh TS.

[raftime68]

sis calm down jump from window doesnt solve ur problem . think about kids, don think for urself. i suggestion is to meet that girl and tell her off or ask advice from woman charter wat the next step to help solve ur problem

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

sis calm down jump from window doesnt solve ur problem [/B]. think about kids, don think for urself.

Where you gotten this idea that TS is gonna jump? You posted in wrond thread, is it? :D

From what I've read all of TS posts in this thread and her postings in other threads, she is not those "Suicidal Type" type la. She's an eye for an eye type. The only form of suicide that she committed is her marriage with her partner-in-crime fling/friend(s) :p

i suggestion is to meet that girl and tell her off

You really anyhow post. Didn't you read that her hubby partner in crime is her best friend and she don't wanna back-off? :rolleyes:

ask advice from woman charter wat the next step to help solve ur problem

This thread is already kinda confusing and not making much sense, please la, leave woman charter out of this discussion la. :(

[capteiji]

Hi candypuss,

This thing not only happened to you. Me, as a man, too. we have 2 kids now and u know what, my wife recently keep on finding excuses to go back her hometown.

I found out from her sms in her phone that she is always meeting up with her ex and if i am no wrong, she is having sex with him always.

Here i am trying my best to fullfill my duty as husband and father and yet there she is doing this.

I never ever question her as i do not want to hurt both my kids who is now at 5 & 7 years old.

I never even cheated her before until a month ago, i look for FL to relieve my urge. (she never have sex wih me for more than a year)

I have to keep quiet for the time being until both my kid grow older and then i shall see if i should so my separate way with her.

But i must said that until the very last encounter with a FL, I have never ever been unfaithful to her, well i am not now.

[goodpartner]

I have to keep quiet for the time being until both my kid grow older and then i shall see if i should so my separate way with her.


Side-track a bit. I don't understand why so many parents "sacrifice" their own happiness for the sake of "bringing up the kids"?

Heard so much of these; couple keep their marriage because of their children or face or relative's views, etc.

Aren't there ways to still bring the children up responsibly even though you split with your spouse? If the r/s has already broken down to such things like infidelity where one or neither party wants to redeem, why stay in marriage till "kids grow up" and give up seeking for another more fulfiling r/s with another partner OR remain single?? :confused:

[Sam's] Asian Values? :rolleyes:

IMHO, it's better for the kids to be happy with one parent, then to be unhappy with two. Talk to your wife, see if she wants the full custody of the kids or shared, then work out something man.

Yes, you should be a responsible father, but you only got one life yourself too. Your kids WILL grow up to be adult themselves, and will have their own life's problems, but by then you'll be an old man without love from your partner, sitting at coffeeshop with other old uncles, regreting your life and blaming on your partner, etc.

[zacarie]

Side-track a bit. I don't understand why so many parents "sacrifice" their own happiness for the sake of "bringing up the kids"?

Heard so much of these; couple keep their marriage because of their children or face or relative's views, etc.

Aren't there ways to still bring the children up responsibly even though you split with your spouse? If the r/s has already broken down to such things like infidelity where one or neither party wants to redeem, why stay in marriage till "kids grow up" and give up seeking for another more fulfiling r/s with another partner OR remain single??

i used to have tt thinking too. stayed on for the sake of the kids. try to work things out. but it wasnt going anywhere. he still continued his ways. and it got worse. he'll be on the phone chatting or msging tt woman even with me ard. i cant live with a man like tt. n so took the courage to walk out of it and i'm much more happier now.

yes. facing difficulties w the kids. getting them adjusted. having to still deal w the irresponsible man. trying to get a lawyer to settle the divorce. but in the long run it'll all be worth it. i think tt when a parent is sad. the kids can feel it too. n it's not healthy for them to not have happy parents. they should be enjoying their childhood. i feel that a single parent can bring up their child just as well as a child with both parent.

if u think it's end of the road for both of u. get out of it then. dont ruin ur own life n happiness. as the kids grow older. they'll understand.
face wise. if they really are ur family, they'll support u. they will not be bothered bout face. cause ur happiness is more important. they will rather u be happy than suffer just for them to look good.

[goodmassage]

What others think is irrelevant.
If u bother pple's opinion, that means they r impt to u.

Try borrowing some $ from them...wait a while...& borrow again.

U will then see how impt u r to them.

[cookiemonsta]

there isn't anything that shouldn't be said which others have already replied
life is short and your kids will understand
i know, because i'm one of them
rather you live a happy, single life with your kids than stay in an unhappy marriage
kids are not stupid, we can see what's happening
sure, there my be short comings and will face obstacles along the way
but that's life, over come them and become stronger for your kids
they will love you for your strength
i will always love, support and respect my mums decision
at least do it for your happiness and sanity, call it quits, part ways and start fresh

good luck!

[see see only]

Hey sis ....

If you knew how to vent your sorrow here, I strongly believe you knew actually what you’ve intended to do … :cool: just that you are hoping for an endorsement on your possible decision.

Others' opinion is not important to you, my sis. It’s your life and is how you’ve intended to move on with it that’s most important. Make the decision and no regret, you will be able and learn to take control of the situation when time comes.

Good luck to you :)

[earnesty]

Of cse I din believe anymore as he is a horny n perverted bastard.

IMHO I see you cannot forgive nor forget . You are just holding on for one reason and one reason only REVENGE .

[Greendevil]

Sis my advice to you is search yr own happiness. Kid will one day grow up and eventually understand what you are doing thou they may or may not agree to it. But bear in mind they will grown and hv their own family, so who will walk down the last few years of yr life with you then?

[V|ernar]

Let talk about basic stuff , you cheat , he cheat , end .

He cheat on you , he is a bastard .

You cheat on him , you ain't saint too .

It either both of you talk things out or go different way .

[candypuss]

Let talk about basic stuff , you cheat , he cheat , end .

He cheat on you , he is a bastard .

You cheat on him , you ain't saint too .

It either both of you talk things out or go different way .

well i did cheat during my previous marriage. And now i got cheated by my husband which is the 2nd marriage.

Now i calmed down n see a clearer picture thus i am trying to working things out with the husband so as to settle the flat and kid issues.

[Istrike4D]

Boss, I am very surprised. Do you only specialise in distinguishing between "advise" and "advice"? What about "save" and "safe"?

Hahahahaha, buahahahaha, this post really funny, made my day!

[RealEstateGuy]

well i did cheat during my previous marriage. And now i got cheated by my husband which is the 2nd marriage.

Now i calmed down n see a clearer picture thus i am trying to working things out with the husband so as to settle the flat and kid issues.
Sistah, oh so now it's revealed you cheated on your first husband. Sistah absolutely terrible. Why offer candy to other man like that sistah? Sistah I know they are mutually exclusive events in your mind but can you share why if you dun mind?

[SaintArc]

Who love e kid more
U or him ?
If he doesnt den dnt waste time
Jz get maintenance fee from him
If u hang on only get to see is facing four walls
N staying at a hm taking care Yr kid no different from div him rite
Staying a home w no love or leave him to open another love outside who reallys cares !
Hv a tot

[Mr_don_juan]

Bros/sisters

First of all, I m married with a kid going in Pri one in three months' time.

Husband affair exposed two months ago n i am still distressed. Hubby did not walk out on me although he did not show any remorses. Quarrelled over the gal many times but it did not stop the on going affair. reason is revenge.

What shall i do now plus feelings for him is flying out of the window at a fast pace n last couple weeks ago, feelings had stopped already but he still carried on as if nothing is wrong plus he n i still on talking terms , more like normal frenz instead of man/wife.

Just divorce lah, in any case if you have evidence of his affair then the Singapore courts will be on your side. NO feelings already, then get a PI to take photos evidence and a lawyer to fight for your cause as you still need to feed your kid.

[drunken]

sis, is your name Candy also?

[arsenal_84]

pity the kid the most :(
what's done is done.
in fact, most ppl never believe in the circle of karma until it hits them.

[Iemanishere]

Hi all, candy puss, may be in a bit of problem now but I am sure she would know how to hander it as this is the 2nd marriage, pls pls don't let her to look. Up to the woman charter as for what I see it's always take 2 hands to clap thus going to woman charter is just the chicken way of doing things and all well the guy would loss in all case.. The law in Singapore don't protect the guys at any cost... We should hear from the guys point as well..

I am sure there is more to it...

I have deal with many of this type of case before and there is always more to it that both party will not share, thus the court will rule to the woman's side 9 out of 10 times.. Regards what is the diff....

That is why many male lawyers are calling for the law in the charter to be change..


My advice to all bros, make as much money as possible, yes money may not be everything but trust it alway help in many family problem.. It is just how the world is..

Am a catholic but I tell you it no good seeing this happen, all leave it to the man upstairs..

[wally888]

Divorce is one solution, but dunn make it a habit.........

[hamsapkwai]

Boss, I am very surprised. Do you only specialise in distinguishing between "advise" and "advice"? What about "save" and "safe"?

yah man Boss you getting tunnel vision or what ? :p

[ckyo]

I was brought up by a family(father-affair), mother sad etc.
If u want to married/divorce don get the kid involve between decision making its between the adult.

Point
1- In the event if u change job/retrench etc what will future employer look upon old divorcee(problem maker? family problem?)
2- Supposing if u divorce cant get a job, live on alimony is it enuff ? whats the condition of alimony lifetime? (sometime male pay/dun pay/default go court etc)
3- Divorce is not the end of story it could be the beginning of another problem for yourself

Opinion
Will a divorce give u a better financial life? If not whats the alternative ? Negotiation ? Let it be ?

[Mich0088]

hi Sis Candy
Well you can also play the game, just act normal wear klnky wear for like 2 weeks , go shop wif children , do use his cards if have then use it under children acct. not urs. then see his reaction.

[deep6161]

sister, most men cheat .. atleast whoever in this forum :P.. thats y we are here ..

You are not saint as well... but having a particular partner as gf is worse case.. means there might be something other than sex btw them..

In your case , I suggest to meet a professional counseller and I am sure your issue will be solved and can leave a happier life...

also not a wise thing to be single parent , cos it affects the child's happiness..

let divorce be the last option

[Raybo]

Hi Sister,


To err is human, likewise you have cheated in your previous marriage.

The fact is that you have went through 2 marriages and I definitely believe you won't want to go through the third which may not be better.

Since the repercussion involve children and flat, it would be a very painful experience to go through as it meant rebuilding new family and resources but maintaining more responsibilities.

Ask yourself if you have the time, resources, stamina, courage and responsibilities to face the consequence.

My advice is to calm down,THINK carefully, do some self reflection, judge your partner's worthiness based on personality,strength and weakness and decide unemotionally.

If it is environmental factors , I think you shouldn't jump to decision yet...

"Revenge is not the solution as it would only bring further hurt.."
"It is a matter of Forgive which is not easy but necessary.."

[tinycork]

Um..what goes around, comes around. When you do something, be ready to face the consequences, simple.

[LouisVuiitton]

I see many of u advised her to stay in the marriage for the sake of kids! LMAO on this lah !! We are all entitled to our own point of view so there's no right and wrong ! But I must first ask u, how strong is your love for him now? Are u prepared to endure all these and at the same time talk sense to him that all is being unfair on u? Wake up your idea man! If u have to, bring him together and talk to the marriage counsellor and see what the heck is wrong!
Sister ah.... Never EVER use revenge on a r/s because that is plainly retarded for me lah... That will only make your marriage beyond repair and ultimately unable to salvage anything. Since u guys are on talking term, ask him what he really want now that u guys already got kids. He is not responsible lah for me. At least should know how to wipe mouth mah.. If he can continue openly in front of u then fuck it I should say. U deserved better. Anyway like I said, if u ever wish to take revenge now on him, u better think twice lor...

I rather u spread your golden legs only after u divorced him. Fight for the custody of your kids or kid? Yeah.. Good luck to you !!!