The Friend Zone

[firerock1]

Hey Dudes and ladies,

Many men that i had met in my life experienced something called the friend zone. Basically, if those of you who are new to this term, it simply means that the person of the opposite sex had placed you in the zone where both of you are not able to engage in any sexual or romantic relationship. Well the purpose of this post is i would i like hear some tips and opinions regarding this topic? May some of you could cite some examples of how a person could get out of this dreadful zone. I am definitely very eager to hear some of your perspectives and opinions on this issue.

My opinion on this topic is : I feel that if a man is in the friend zone, it's almost 80 percent impossible for him to get out of that zone if he did created any sexual tension or made any flirtatious remarks on the female in the first place. However i do heard of some rare cases which the man is able to have a breakthrough which he is placed in the friend zone.

Cheers,
Don

[ChrisColumbus]

Difficult man, personally i don't think men and women can be just friends. If you're pretty close I think at some point one party must have had some feelings. I've been in "the friend zone" and it's not a good place to be.

That's why I hate trying to woo chicks, especially locals. Locals all expect you to be their friend first and come under a banner of friendship. Which can end up in this situation. At least for other chicks they are more open for a date straight away, noting serious just a cup of coffee and to get to know each other, but the intentions are clear from the start. Do that to an SG girl and they will label you despo or a perv.

edit: damn wanted to come here browse some porn but not that you've brought this up I super turn off :/

[MasterBates]

If they meet very often, its only a matter of time before they end up in bed. Just like in " When Harry Met Sally".

[innuendo]

The friend zone is a figment of male imagination, not a social/sexual gaol constructed by women. Humans are slaves to order, and we love to classify/compartmentalise/categorise things. 'Friends' are one of those things.

But that doesn't mean a friend zone exists. Just because she's called you a friend (or sees you as one) doesn't mean your chances of a relationship are severed. Look at this forum, for example, there are plenty of stories about casual sex with friends. And I'm sure many more go unreported owing to the discreet nature of that particular relationship. Besides, flirting is an everyday form of interaction, and that happens ordinarily amongst friends too. Knowing her as a friend is good too, because you'll know what makes her tick and what she likes in a guy.

Even if you're looking for a 'proper' relationship, being friends is a great way to start. Knowing each other on different levels beats just being the boyfriend/girlfriend. You get to do so many more things together, be included in her social circles and there is a far deeper emotional connection. Yes, there are pros and cons to this route, but I'm just saying that it's possible and very viable.

The point I'm trying to make is that there isn't such a thing as a friend zone. Regardless of how you've been classed, if you can find a way to hint at a relationship (sexual or otherwise) and do it in a charming enough manner, you'll find that the woman will see you differently, and hopefully entertain the possibility of something more. She'll bring in defences like 'oh but I don't want to ruin this friendship', but we all know that's bullshit and a mere formality. But of course, don't be that creepy guy who follows her everywhere just to hold her shopping, gives her lifts to her dates and pays for stuff.

Make your intentions clearly known and see where it takes you.

[ck1961]

delete post

[xiaopang25]

I think there is no escape from this zone.

I have a female fren in this zone who is a v chio air stewerdess.
We went to gl and booked a hotel when we were tired and we meet up on every sat and sun. We went to look for FL together even. But till now there is no sex and we are still very good friends.

And i am happy we are friends. =D

[BiRd13]

I have this friend who's really close to me too. She will share any of her happiness/unhappiness with me. We even went holiday together, sleep in same room/bed, and never had any sexual activities incurred before. So far for now, I'm still happy with her as a Best Friend =)

[PeaceWithin]

I have this friend who's really close to me too. She will share any of her happiness/unhappiness with me. We even went holiday together, sleep in same room/bed, and never had any sexual activities incurred before. So far for now, I'm still happy with her as a Best Friend =)

But never had any sexual tension (note: different from activities)? I find that very hard to believe... maybe I'm also in the camp where I feel there is no such thing as platonic friendship between men and women...

[BiRd13]

But never had any sexual tension (note: different from activities)? I find that very hard to believe... maybe I'm also in the camp where I feel there is no such thing as platonic friendship between men and women...

Have la... If don't have sexual tension/thoughts towards her, I'm not a guy liao... But still, respecting is one of my principle. If she's not comfortable or into it, forcing on her also won't enjoy =)

[sean69]

I have this friend who's really close to me too. She will share any of her happiness/unhappiness with me. We even went holiday together, sleep in same room/bed, and never had any sexual activities incurred before. So far for now, I'm still happy with her as a Best Friend =)

Salute!!!.. i dun think i can tahan with a girl beside me in bed especially if i wake up with a stiffy and find myself poking her butt !! :D

then again.. i'm a dirty old man!!! hahaaha

[BiRd13]

Salute!!!.. i dun think i can tahan with a girl beside me in bed especially if i wake up with a stiffy and find myself poking her butt !! :D

then again.. i'm a dirty old man!!! hahaaha

Bro..sometime it's better to maintain as friend than lover/fb/fling... =)

[assster]

the solution to the fren zone is called 'ALCOHOL'

tried and tested :P

[Krazzie]

Change your percentage to 99%, so far never heard of anyone succeeding in pushing past the wall.

One advice if you are in the friend zone... Give up and move on. You will either suffer badly or get taken advantage of.

[RealEstateGuy]

Brother, this one is not hard to decipher. If a woman considers you a friend only it means she doesnt think you are man enough (sexually, financially, communication wise, familywise, alpha factor etc.) to take on the role of a lover who could be her man ie husband. If you cant get to BF status, its really doubtful you will get to husband status with her so you might as well use your energy elsewhere. Of course you could play a game and show her you have taken a romantic interest in someone else. She may then change but this is temporary.

[avantas]

Brother, this one is not hard to decipher. If a woman considers you a friend only it means she doesnt think you are man enough (sexually, financially, communication wise, familywise, alpha factor etc.) to take on the role of a lover who could be her man ie husband. If you cant get to BF status, its really doubtful you will get to husband status with her so you might as well use your energy elsewhere. Of course you could play a game and show her you have taken a romantic interest in someone else. She may then change but this is temporary.

What most men in Singapore dont understand about the friend zone is linked to their lack of understanding of how women even came to this particular state of mind and how women actually views friendships.

Women's view of friendship

It is easy for men to understand how other men have NEW REAL friends. Most of the time the men would need to agree with the other person on some major principle they hold in life at that particular period of time. May it be the same passion for a particular hobby, social status, life style or character, there must be something inheritly similar in the thought process in order for them to be good friends. Which pretty much explains why an engineer most of the time would have difficulty being a good friend to a professional musician. A useful measure of how good the friendship is would be to look at the time spent together and the frequency. I do understand there is an additional layer called networking where some men would attempt to be on good terms with someone they dont agree with as they find it useful but that is out of scope here.

For women, the need for them to agree with the other person dont exist. They only need someone who GETS ALONG with them. Someone who basically accept them based on what they THINK they are. If a women thinks that she is a 9/10 in terms of social status, they will find it hard to be on good terms with a common man. They can be friends but in terms of time spent she would spend more time with others that can continue to substain the illusion that she is 9/10. That is why you can find women who called each other best friends when they totally dont agree with each others character becos they have been accepting each other for long periods of times, enhancing each others viewpoint of themselves.

The reason why a man hardly crosses the friend zone is becos a friend and a lover is dramatically different in a women's point of view. Men would naturally assume that since our character or beliefs converge at some points, it shouldnt be far fetched to believe that it is possible for the synergy to grow to the state of love. However Women almost never think that way, most of them probably already decided what their lovers look like, feel like, taste like before even meeting them. Their choice may change due to some severe backlash but even if it was the case, not by much. So if you meet a girl and she is not instantly interested in you in less than 30 second after meeting up (even if she is across the room), then you can pretty much know you have a uphill battle in the following 5 minutes you talk to her and an even greater battle in the 1-2 hour you spend on the first date (if any).

Some may ask if that was the case, why bother to even talk to you or go out with you. It's becos the simple effect of quantity of choice and human error. It is hard to understand how quantity of choice would come into the equation, but most women do understand that some of their 'friends' are quite eligible but tend to never consider them as long as the possibility of other guys or new guys exist. In other words, as long as she believes there are other guys or other stuff she can do, she would never 'downgrade' herself to accept someone she already discounted. That's when you eventually hear stories of some guys breaking the barrier, upgrading himself to her expectations. What most guys dont know is that she probably got tired of playing the field (due to personal failures, more choice doesnt equate better choices or just being disillusioned) and went back to her pool of friends and hook up a spare tyre. The human error is easy to understand, she may just be wrong about her impression like all humans would be so it's a safe bet to at least go out once.

So how do you change the situation? Is it always the case that some alpha guys get the chicks? What I can say is that some guys will NEVER get the chicks easily. It is a superficial world at the moment. A self respecting hot chick would not be interested in a fat man that looks like an old uncle with no money and a character as bland as tap water. I would not go into details on what would probably make a guy more appealing as it is too generic and doesnt always work but I would like to share my viewpoint.

If you realise a woman has placed you in a friend zone, then it is time for you to find new targets cos the ability to realise means you are interested in the woman as more than a friend. Investing too much time in such a relationship may not lead to any desirable outcome other than a compromise that at least you 2 are friends. Dont do it unless you have not much better choices or that the amount of time you spend with her is entertaining and rewarding enough.

In fact, if you seriously want to have a shot at her, you would need to be able to move on without her. Due to you liking her, you would naturally be very nice to her in the beginning. The key thing here is to recognise the situation, move on to other friends after accompanying her for a period of time and pray that she realises what she is missing. Most men are unable to do that as it is so unpredictable and contrary to our beliefs that we should fight for our love. However after seeing the number of guy friends who bang their heads bloody to cross the wall of the friend zone, and my own minor success with this advice, I recommend it for all the guys in Singapore.

Cheers

[basejumper]

<long post snipped>

In fact, if you seriously want to have a shot at her, you would need to be able to move on without her. Due to you liking her, you would naturally be very nice to her in the beginning. The key thing here is to recognise the situation, move on to other friends after accompanying her for a period of time and pray that she realises what she is missing. Most men are unable to do that as it is so unpredictable and contrary to our beliefs that we should fight for our love. However after seeing the number of guy friends who bang their heads bloody to cross the wall of the friend zone, and my own minor success with this advice, I recommend it for all the guys in Singapore.

Cheers

Good analysis. Enlightening! :)

[Darina]

Hey Dudes and ladies,

Many men that i had met in my life experienced something called the friend zone. Basically, if those of you who are new to this term, it simply means that the person of the opposite sex had placed you in the zone where both of you are not able to engage in any sexual or romantic relationship. Well the purpose of this post is i would i like hear some tips and opinions regarding this topic? May some of you could cite some examples of how a person could get out of this dreadful zone. I am definitely very eager to hear some of your perspectives and opinions on this issue.

My opinion on this topic is : I feel that if a man is in the friend zone, it's almost 80 percent impossible for him to get out of that zone if he did created any sexual tension or made any flirtatious remarks on the female in the first place. However i do heard of some rare cases which the man is able to have a breakthrough which he is placed in the friend zone.

Cheers,
Don

From a female pt of view, it is still possible to get out of the friend zone but if you're in the "brother zone" good luck to the guy.

[RealEstateGuy]

What most men in Singapore dont understand about the friend zone is linked to their lack of understanding of how women even came to this particular state of mind and how women actually views friendships.

Women's view of friendship

It is easy for men to understand how other men have NEW REAL friends. Most of the time the men would need to agree with the other person on some major principle they hold in life at that particular period of time. May it be the same passion for a particular hobby, social status, life style or character, there must be something inheritly similar in the thought process in order for them to be good friends. Which pretty much explains why an engineer most of the time would have difficulty being a good friend to a professional musician. A useful measure of how good the friendship is would be to look at the time spent together and the frequency. I do understand there is an additional layer called networking where some men would attempt to be on good terms with someone they dont agree with as they find it useful but that is out of scope here.

For women, the need for them to agree with the other person dont exist. They only need someone who GETS ALONG with them. Someone who basically accept them based on what they THINK they are. If a women thinks that she is a 9/10 in terms of social status, they will find it hard to be on good terms with a common man. They can be friends but in terms of time spent she would spend more time with others that can continue to substain the illusion that she is 9/10. That is why you can find women who called each other best friends when they totally dont agree with each others character becos they have been accepting each other for long periods of times, enhancing each others viewpoint of themselves.

The reason why a man hardly crosses the friend zone is becos a friend and a lover is dramatically different in a women's point of view. Men would naturally assume that since our character or beliefs converge at some points, it shouldnt be far fetched to believe that it is possible for the synergy to grow to the state of love. However Women almost never think that way, most of them probably already decided what their lovers look like, feel like, taste like before even meeting them. Their choice may change due to some severe backlash but even if it was the case, not by much. So if you meet a girl and she is not instantly interested in you in less than 30 second after meeting up (even if she is across the room), then you can pretty much know you have a uphill battle in the following 5 minutes you talk to her and an even greater battle in the 1-2 hour you spend on the first date (if any).

Some may ask if that was the case, why bother to even talk to you or go out with you. It's becos the simple effect of quantity of choice and human error. It is hard to understand how quantity of choice would come into the equation, but most women do understand that some of their 'friends' are quite eligible but tend to never consider them as long as the possibility of other guys or new guys exist. In other words, as long as she believes there are other guys or other stuff she can do, she would never 'downgrade' herself to accept someone she already discounted. That's when you eventually hear stories of some guys breaking the barrier, upgrading himself to her expectations. What most guys dont know is that she probably got tired of playing the field (due to personal failures, more choice doesnt equate better choices or just being disillusioned) and went back to her pool of friends and hook up a spare tyre. The human error is easy to understand, she may just be wrong about her impression like all humans would be so it's a safe bet to at least go out once.

So how do you change the situation? Is it always the case that some alpha guys get the chicks? What I can say is that some guys will NEVER get the chicks easily. It is a superficial world at the moment. A self respecting hot chick would not be interested in a fat man that looks like an old uncle with no money and a character as bland as tap water. I would not go into details on what would probably make a guy more appealing as it is too generic and doesnt always work but I would like to share my viewpoint.

If you realise a woman has placed you in a friend zone, then it is time for you to find new targets cos the ability to realise means you are interested in the woman as more than a friend. Investing too much time in such a relationship may not lead to any desirable outcome other than a compromise that at least you 2 are friends. Dont do it unless you have not much better choices or that the amount of time you spend with her is entertaining and rewarding enough.

In fact, if you seriously want to have a shot at her, you would need to be able to move on without her. Due to you liking her, you would naturally be very nice to her in the beginning. The key thing here is to recognise the situation, move on to other friends after accompanying her for a period of time and pray that she realises what she is missing. Most men are unable to do that as it is so unpredictable and contrary to our beliefs that we should fight for our love. However after seeing the number of guy friends who bang their heads bloody to cross the wall of the friend zone, and my own minor success with this advice, I recommend it for all the guys in Singapore.

Cheers

Braddah, well written. One of the best contributions to SBF I've read.