Money Matter Btw BF/GF & Hubby/wife

[leungccsg]

Hi Bro and sis

need your comments.

Does your GF / wife assume the man should pay for everything ?
from everyday makan to dating expenses . and family expenses and big ticket purchase ?

my GF think that man should pay for everything during and after courtship. even after married.

Man's pay is to be used for GF/wife , but GF/wife salary is for her own's keep. reason being for her own security and woman stuff.

can i know what's the general rule between guy and GF/wife?

[Tomb]

Don think there is general rule.
It all depends on how much u love the gal.. or how much the gal loves u..

If the gal loves u, i am pretty sure she will be willingly to share the expenses with you.
If not, i am sure she loves herself so much more and in future, i foresee u will pretty much need to listen and give in to all her needs and demands..

[nayuko]

my GF think that man should pay for everything during and after courtship. even after married.



I would F&^%$ her... Dump her. I believe SG woman are strong and independent.. the GF that you mentioned is neither.

[Lancerlord75]

When my OC and i first started dating, i layed my cards straight on the table to her.
Told her i am neither rich nor earning big bucks. Just an average joe working to make ends meet.
She understood & also shared with me her views...saying that she believes in equality.
So right now, after we are married, we almost split everything half half.

So bro, unless you make it clear to your GF/wife about how you feel....or can afford it.....u won't be happy in this relationship as it will cause a strain. Except unless you are earning super big bucks.....then i rest my case.
Cheers!

[funseCker]

Its an issue for me too.. how do bros tell their dates to split the cost of dinner and other entertainment? Some friends would say.. just dont pay for her. So should I just put my share of the tab on the table? Not that nice right?

Anyway, most gals I dated may initially agree gals should share with the guys.. blah blah blah. Then after a while, they naturally expect you to pay. Sigh. Nice to them, they take advantage.. not nice to them, they say you dont care.

[BiRd13]

I think expenses wise such as movies and dining, its fine for guy to pay...
For my OC, usually food I will pay... Movies wise... If she book online, then she will pay... and maybe those popcorns or drinks I will pay... and vice versa...

For stuff she's buying, she will pay her own... (ie: cosmetics, clothings)

[naturegreen]

Basically what I think is, as most bros here say. There is no such thing as free fuck in this world. So I remembered seeing 1 bro's signature stating FOC = Fuck on Credit.

In general, for local girls, not all think that guys must pay though there are some who thinks this way. If they are such girls, I would suggest you dump them as soon as possible. Think of the long term. It takes 2 hands to clap to make a relationship work and not just 1 party who is always giving while the other keeps receiving.

As for me, I don't mind paying provided they don't take me for granted. Once or twice is ok after which, she must put on her energizer batteries and be auto. If their batteries are weak and think I am a walking ATM, then I'll just have to bid them byebye and move on with life. Remember, give and take is important in a relationship.

What I think in general - most Malaysian girls I know have this habit that guys must pay for them when going out with them. Well that's my experience.

[For_fun]

Hi Bro and sis

need your comments.

Does your GF / wife assume the man should pay for everything ?
from everyday makan to dating expenses . and family expenses and big ticket purchase ?

my GF think that man should pay for everything during and after courtship. even after married.

Man's pay is to be used for GF/wife , but GF/wife salary is for her own's keep. reason being for her own security and woman stuff.

can i know what's the general rule between guy and GF/wife?

Interesting question.

After my last Fxx session with my PRC gf, she complained that I have not been treating her "right", like her PRC bf. When I probed deeper, she said I have not been paying for everything she needs - her hp bill, shopping.

I "fxxx-ed" her good and proper - I said that PRCs treat their gf like that. I am not PRC. In Singapore, it is an easy give-and-take situation. I am no ATM!!

[secreta]

well i think most guys when first dating will pay the "bigger share" of dates but not everything. After marriage, each party should contribute proportionately based on income for "common expenses". These are some general "guidelines". but after marriage should give and take. I was out of job for a year and my wife said that she would take care of everything. the whole year never complain. this is marriage

[big wood]

I think during courtship guys pay is quite alright as long is not too much but if planning to get marry better play the cards right if not if anything happen will has a big hole to fill.:D

[pro.d.igy]

There is never such a thing called "paying for bigger things" or "paying if I am rich" or " paying most of the time is alright". All these in my opinion are utter rubbish. :rolleyes:

If your GF takes you as a ATM machine, and expects you to pay most of the time, sometime, all the time, whatever time, you can be sure that this relationship will not last long. Time to ask yourself if she really loves you, or just loves the times spent with you.

If you thinks that paying for most of the time, sometime, all the time, whatever time, you can be sure that you will spoil a relationship which may be going well between you and your GF.

When dealing with the SG girl, you have to show your alpha-male side. Push the concept to them that you are not a money tree, shove it down their throat, and make them follow your lead.

Of course, when it comes to springing surprises, that's fine. Which human being doesn't like good surprises, be it male or female? :D

[AAdam]

"Money" is a very sensitive topics in a relationship.
My belief is that it depends on which stage are you in a relationship, broadly, it can be split into the dating phase & the marriage phase.
During the dating phase, like what some bros mentioned, it is fine to pay for the Dating expenses. Like movies, meals, drinks & the occasional gift that you bought out of goodwill or special occasion. It is because I believe that most of your dates are earning an oncome, so they are in their right frame of mind to know that they themselves should pay for their own neccsary expenses, like handphone bills, make-up, clothing etc etc. But the issue here will be which part of the world does your date come from? Personally from my experience, most PRC gals have the assumption that once you are her lover or boyfriend, you MUST provide for them in every aspect of their lives...In other words, ALL their expenses MUST be bore by you. To a certain extent, even their extended families are also under your care....Whether you buy their argument or not, it is to each his own.
I am a strong believer that after marriage, ALL income & expenses should be traeted as a Whole, as a family. There is no such thing as this is mine or that is yours. Everything is OURS. If not, what for get married?
Just my humble view.

[damienadam]

there is no such rule that man should pay for everything be it during courtship or married. there should be a mutual understanding when comes to spending power. sometimes i ask my oc to pay for my food :):)

[leungccsg]

Yup Bro, you are right. My GF is a malaysian.

she expects me to pay for everything. whenever she goes out with me , either she never bring out her wallet , or she will just assume that i should pay . she just play dumb when the bill comes.

even when she suggest going on a holiday , she would assume that everything will be paid forth including expenses and tour package etc. that really pissed me off until the stage i never want to go for any tour at all ( i usually go holiday min 2 times a year ).

when she talk abt getting married she also assume everything must be from the man's pocket. i was out of job for a while , even during that period , she also no auto until one fine day , i blasted out abt her being the most stingy GF i ever had. she changed for a while ( 2-3 days ) then back to her old self again.

when i ask to open joint acct to save part of our income , she also very reluctant. when we go house viewing , i thought we would buy a house together. little did i realised that she wants a new house for us , but not willing to pay for it as joint name. she just wanted a house by her own an rent out .

i was damp unhappy though i still think that she is serious abt this relationship.Just that she is just overly stingy and protective on her own cash.

how to manage this kind of situtation >

[d4eth]

hey bro i think this kinda of situition even before marriage already like this....

i think better move on la.... :)

[damienadam]

i felt you should lay things down on the table and have a good talk. its not worth having headaches over money for the rest of your life, assuming you two will be getting married.

[mentosmint]

Not sure if u welcome a girl's view.... Or rather my view.. Hehe

Me n my Bf has been together for a Yr plus...
usually for food movies etc, he will pay.
But if we were to go hotel, depends on the day of the month. Haha see whose payday just over or who feels richer. Lol. We usually will buy drinks up to have some crazy wild session. Lol. Quite Siong on the pocket.

If he feels very tight, he will tell me very upfront like , pocket very tight, have to tighten belt till payday. Or when I know his funds running low, I will pay for our expenses.

Of course personal shopping like clothes or other whims I have, I pay it myself. And I will buy him gifts like clothings, laptop etc.

[RealEstateGuy]

Brother, the guy should pay for dates and special gifts of love. This does not mean you are her ATM. If you cant lay that down in the beginning then you are a fool. A gal who doesnt agree with that is just using you and if you cant do that then you are not ready to date. Once married everthing is pooled and shared though you may each specify an amount that you retain. I cant think of a more equitable arrangement. If your gal cant agree to this and its likely to be in her favor monetarily asuming you have more earning power than her then you are dating either a whore or someone who will scam you after marriage.

[leungccsg]

hi fellow sbf sis,

appreciate a girl's comment.
well , if my GF does that , i will have no complaints.
at least it is more of give and take.

i would like to hear from any married bro. do u have a joint acount with wife for daily expenses ? or u put all your income together with hers ?

how's our money management ?

[Frankiestine]

Bro u soon learn that when it comes to finance, secrecy is the best policy. Thou my oc and I are not particular about who pays what, some times in fact most of the time she pays for the big meal item while I normally take care of things at home.

[nbaccb]

Hmmmm... It's best to lay your cards on the table at the start. Of course, it is a societal norm to expect the Man to pay but in this day and age, Equality being a "Catch phase".

Your prospective other half, should be cognizant enough to know that it would be quite difficult to survive on a single income.

It's better to move on, if your expectations do not match. Rather than hang on and suffer in the long run.

[damienadam]

Bro u soon learn that when it comes to finance, secrecy is the best policy. Thou my oc and I are not particular about who pays what, some times in fact most of the time she pays for the big meal item while I normally take care of things at home.

totally agreed. it should be shared resourced rather than one paying everything.

[file69]

For me and OC, money is shared. We work as a unit. Pull the finances together and see what can afford lah.

For me better i give her my share of the money and let her manage. That way if not enough money, not my fault, - she dont know how to manage.

Of course dont give all, cheong money keep myself!

[muscle]

During my courtship days wif my OC we didnt split d bills but its more like next time its my turn to pay.. Its a mutual understanding dat we had.. But for hotels, she die die will nt fork out coz her prinsip was, u wanna fuck u pay.. So whenever we go hotel i will be d one forking out d cash.. :p

[alan0338]

my comments, change another gal, if before marriage already like tis,cant imagine wat will happen if get married liao :rolleyes: :confused: :eek::p

[Sex4Love]

Dear Leungccsg,

Some girls at times will pay a bit at dating, but quite rare in Singapore context. After marriage, most women will pretend pretend and not to pay anything if the husband keeps quiet that the husband has to open his mouth! In women's mind, her husband money is her money and her money remains her own money. If living costs are high and wife is working, I think wife should contribute a bit. If wife is not working, then can't be help lah!

The point about women need to keep her money out of her own safety, which to me is bullshit ! Women in Singapore enjoy lots of security and spoil by the government. Just look at those divorce news and the amount of alimony the court ask their ex-husbands to pay them, you see even if their marriages are over, they still get so much money, tell me, why in the hell they need to keep so much money for their so-called security, when the Singapore court is so generous in awarding separation money (alimony) to them.

I find this practice of generous awarding of alimony encourages marriage breakups, but sad to say, government always sides men ! Women always like to portray themselves as weak sex (which is no longer true) in order to squeeze more money out of men.

You know if old people feel their children no good, sometimes reduce the amount of money pass to their kids after they die or maybe not a single cent. But for men, after the women is no longer their wives, guys still have to pay and pay and pay as long as their ex-wives do not remarry and even if they cohabit with another guy or screw around with other guys. Tell me what kind of logic is it? Tell me, why women still feel unsecured ?

Must make myself clear. I do not need to pay any alimony, but I feel strongly this kind of stupid law which punish men, needs to be revised.

Women is no longer the weaker sex, why still have to give them special treatment and protection and why the society always like to portray men as the bad guy when things don't work up?

Make love more, don't make more enemies (http://sextisfaction.wordpress.com)

[wishfulking]

Tell her man also need to keep some money for security. In case she start playing games by not giving you sex, you can use those reserve fund for someone else!!! :D

I will dump such woman without thinking twice for her being too calculative. :cool:

[MoralEpitome]

MY OC pays for her own personal expenses but I pay for all shared expenses like household, dates, meals, etc, plus a few presents a year....she knows how much I have unfortunately but fortunuately it's not much and definitely it's under my single name and no way in hell would I give her access to it...and under declare everything....hahahaha....i think it's about give and take la...if you love her just pay as long as she is a good gf or wife...besides if you earn more than your wife than pay more lor...

[tiger2009]

my wife and i have 2 shared accounts. i put in some money into both accounts every month. the first account is for the house - electricity, internet, ntuc. the second account is for old age savings. also, i give my mom money every month and keep the rest for myself - happy times. i use cpf to pay for the flat but she does pay anything.

25% households
25% old age savings
25% mom
25% myself

she contributes 25% of her income to old age savings and that's it. of course, I make 3 times what she makes.

Do you think it's fair. we have been married for 2.5 years with no kids.

[Liquid]

Very fair. tiger your method is actually one of the best. But some people wives earn 3 times more then they themselves!! Then how? Cannot be reverse what you should know girls.

[mamamiakuku]

I guess it is better you pay for the FB :) and dump your GF

[garlic]

Hi Bro and sis

need your comments.

Does your GF / wife assume the man should pay for everything ?
from everyday makan to dating expenses . and family expenses and big ticket purchase ?

my GF think that man should pay for everything during and after courtship. even after married.

Man's pay is to be used for GF/wife , but GF/wife salary is for her own's keep. reason being for her own security and woman stuff.

can i know what's the general rule between guy and GF/wife?

Bro, you are fucked.. your wife/gf does not love you. And certainly do not think/ look at things from your perspective. Her own satisfaction and gratification comes above yours. There is no need to lay the cards or say everything out before getting together. She most certainly knows how much u earn and how much savings u have, all these no need to say one. If she loves you and feels the pinch for you when u spend too much on her, she wont expect or demand u pay for everything. GL!

[lihoblyde]

Hi, is your gf financially independent?

If she is then is is not fair to you at all. Traditionally, even though guys pay for the everything, the ladies do all the chores like clean toilet boil and stuff... further more, there was no women's chater.

If you pay for everything while she saves all her money, if you 2 divorce and you give her half the flat somemore, it would be ultra unfair for you.

I find that if you reason out with her she would be able to see in your shoes. If she can't then this relationship seems to be a little unfair to begin with since she is self centred.

[MoralEpitome]

my wife and i have 2 shared accounts. i put in some money into both accounts every month. the first account is for the house - electricity, internet, ntuc. the second account is for old age savings. also, i give my mom money every month and keep the rest for myself - happy times. i use cpf to pay for the flat but she does pay anything.

25% households
25% old age savings
25% mom
25% myself

she contributes 25% of her income to old age savings and that's it. of course, I make 3 times what she makes.

Do you think it's fair. we have been married for 2.5 years with no kids.

Sounds good!...but when kids come how?

[dummy364]

when i ask to open joint acct to save part of our income , she also very reluctant. when we go house viewing , i thought we would buy a house together. little did i realised that she wants a new house for us , but not willing to pay for it as joint name. she just wanted a house by her own an rent out .

i was damp unhappy though i still think that she is serious abt this relationship.Just that she is just overly stingy and protective on her own cash.

how to manage this kind of situtation >

It's obvious that the adage "Man should TAKE CARE OF YOU" has been drilled into her head since a young age. Might be an over-protective mother, pendantic asian soap operas or the like.

Zebras don't change their stripes. Dump her now. Cheaper than divorce later.

[leungccsg]

is it a malaysia thingie or what ?

i feel that singapore woman are more auto.

[gotcraft30]

i think should at least talk it out lah. If she really thinks that you must pay for everything then you must decide if that's what you want with your life. Most of the time, it's not the man or woman who is cheating that results in divorce. It starts from money. So better to be clear about things even if it sounds like you are damn anal and stingy.

I know of friends who buy their wives bmws etc etc just to keep them by their side. I find that seriously pointless... BUT if that's what you want in your life then so be it. It's not wrong, it's just how you choose to live your life.