Am i being too straight forward???

[longwinter]

just wanna share something

recently i go to ask a prc student for her contact. Got liao, den i try to persuade her to go out makan and see show. i have free tickets afterall...Managed to ask her out, but than she ask if she can ask 2 more friends to tag along..i am alright with that....so end up we are discussing about where to meet and etc..

Than she ask me this whether i am really giving a treat? i was a bit stunned lo. For me, i ask her out, i am sure i will treat her, but definitely not her other friends lo. If i have to fork out for all her other friends, it will make me feel and look like a carrothead.

so i try to explain to her that my intention is to ask her out only..and i only want to treat her, and not her other friends...

so after clarifyin the situation with her, she told me that we cancel the date bah, other days than go out lo.

i can have a date with her but i choose not to, cos i feel it is a bit unreasonable that i have to pay for her friends as well...

So Guys, do u think i play the wrong game, am i being too straight forward ??? Any opinions or feedbacks? :D

[naturegreen]

Bro nothing wrong. You direct in this case better if not she will assume you don't mind paying for her friends and in future, it'll become a habit. Make clear your stand earlier is better.

[ah rat]

Bro, I think she don't u well or she shy,so need friends to accompany.
First time,let her bring her friend.After she know u than u can call her out without her friend.:D

[longwinter]

Bro nothing wrong. You direct in this case better if not she will assume you don't mind paying for her friends and in future, it'll become a habit. Make clear your stand earlier is better.

ya lo, i also feel this way, i told myself also, i dont have to compromise sumtinz unreasonable and not agreeable, just becos i wan to go out a date with her. Afterall outside still got so many flowers...:o

[longwinter]

Bro, I think she don't u well or she shy,so need friends to accompany.
First time,let her bring her friend.After she know u than u can call her out without her friend.:D

i can understand also, in fact i am alright with her bringin her friends, she even ask me whether is it okay for me. For me, it is no problem. But to treat them all, i dont think it is appropriate lo. Actually i dont mind treatin her friends to the movies as i have free tickets, but than even meals, i have to fork for them...a bit unreasonable leh.

[hotdeal4u]

TS, first time I think let it be. Unless she makes it to be a habitual kind of routine. I used to go out with PRC girls in 1 large group and they also expect us to pay everytime but some are more auto, they will volunteer to pay back. So it depends really.

[Swagelock]

Try other days to ask her out again as she request.

[Clarke]

It's really quite hard to say in this case.

The way girls are, she may feel that first time with you better bring friends just in case. Her friends want to know if as "bodyguards", at least are they getting free meals and so on and so the girl asked you about it.

If you had agreed and the group of you had a good time, a second outing may not still have her friends as she is familiar with you already. If she still intends to bring friends along on, I would just say to her I wish to spend time with her only. If still cannot, then give one more chance. By the third outing still want to bring friends, then too bad...

It's just to give her the benefit of the doubt, her being a girl.

[Gentle Beast]

My opinion is it is not about whether your action was right or wrong because it has nothing to do with that.

Feel comfortable about what you think is right. It is pointless to agree to treat her friends as you feel you will be taken for a ride and why put on a 'face' to impress, right? It is better to be clear and honest about yourself when it comes to spending money. Her friends might be using this tactic to get her to 'test your generousity' but if she is the kind of girl you think is worth the chase, don't give up asking for another date. A simple date like having a simple meal or movie together. You can then test her if she is truly a simple girl or a gold digger. :D

[Cerberus]

I apologise for being crude.....do you intend to bonk her or want to get serious about her (i.e. marriage)?

I support your position on making it clear you ONLY want to date her out.

Another method is.....you tell her if she asks her 2 other friends out, you also would want to ask your 2 other Bros out.....
I'm on standy here...:) And I'm sure there are other helpful Bros here.
I promise I won't tackle your gal as I adhered to SBF ethics. :cool:

But do check out for me how her other 2 friends look like...if like piglet,......then forget it. Maybe other Bros will like.

Of course, most importantly, I will help you split the bill.....:D Steady boh???

[Xgenre]

First time,let her bring her friend.After she know u than u can call her out without her friend.:D

I agree with ah rat. She's interested in going out with you. That's why she gave you her number and agreed to go out with you. However, she's also afraid that's why she asks if 2 of her friends can tag along. Her fear is quite reasonable and understandable even that she's in a foreign country.

What I will do if I were you is to meet her with her 2 friends in a cost-controlled environment. Plan something that can be controlled within your budget and doesn't allow for much deviation. Say after movies, bring them to ubin for cycling. Or a BBQ ($100 buys enough food for 4). Even if they want to spend money, it's quite difficult. Use your imagination for more possibilities. If I were you, I'll pack them for a day trip to Malacca to eat and sight-see. Spend in ringgit. :p

TS, what happens if the other 2 friends are chiobus too? ;) Wasted that you didn't get to know them right? Anyway, even if you are a carrothead, take the risk of being a carrothead for 1 time. No risk, no venture, no gain.

[alan0338]

sighs...brother got lobang never tell me :p

if i am you, i will just go for it on the 1st date, then budget myself and tell them also that it wont be an expensive outing cos you are not those high spender( bro, u bonk lesser 1 or 2 times should be enough to cover for this date :p) but whats done is done, no point talking about that anymore, :D

now you can concentrate on getting her to go for the next date, good luck bro, if you happen to know that her friends also pretty, pls remember to inform me,my pm box not full, thanks very much...:D

[longwinter]

sighs...brother got lobang never tell me :p

if i am you, i will just go for it on the 1st date, then budget myself and tell them also that it wont be an expensive outing cos you are not those high spender( bro, u bonk lesser 1 or 2 times should be enough to cover for this date) but whats done is done, no point talking about that anymore, :D

now you can concentrate on getting her to go for the next date, good luck bro, if you happen to know that her friends also pretty, pls remember to inform me,my pm box not full, thanks very much...:D

haha, me just call her liao, ask her whether today free anot? she say got sumtinz on, so not free, tml also not free, but next week she mayb will be free...tink i have to wait for the next date liao lo.

bro sure anot, tot u also alot of prc babes on hand liao...ok, if i see her frenz pretty, can intro i just intro... but what if average, u eh sai bo??? :p

btw just to highlite she is not those kind of really chio... she is just average looking, maybe a bit of sweet looking.

[longwinter]

I agree with ah rat. She's interested in going out with you. That's why she gave you her number and agreed to go out with you. However, she's also afraid that's why she asks if 2 of her friends can tag along. Her fear is quite reasonable and understandable even that she's in a foreign country.

What I will do if I were you is to meet her with her 2 friends in a cost-controlled environment. Plan something that can be controlled within your budget and doesn't allow for much deviation. Say after movies, bring them to ubin for cycling. Or a BBQ ($100 buys enough food for 4). Even if they want to spend money, it's quite difficult. Use your imagination for more possibilities. If I were you, I'll pack them for a day trip to Malacca to eat and sight-see. Spend in ringgit. :p

TS, what happens if the other 2 friends are chiobus too? ;) Wasted that you didn't get to know them right? Anyway, even if you are a carrothead, take the risk of being a carrothead for 1 time. No risk, no venture, no gain.

hmm what u say make sense also...maybe what i am afraid initially was, i scare later spent $ liao, but bo gain back anything...machiam like classical carrot head.

as u can see, if treat her one person, i only spend how much nia, but to treat her n her friends altogether, damage can be quite chor also.

[longwinter]

My opinion is it is not about whether your action was right or wrong because it has nothing to do with that.

Feel comfortable about what you think is right. It is pointless to agree to treat her friends as you feel you will be taken for a ride and why put on a 'face' to impress, right? It is better to be clear and honest about yourself when it comes to spending money. Her friends might be using this tactic to get her to 'test your generousity' but if she is the kind of girl you think is worth the chase, don't give up asking for another date. A simple date like having a simple meal or movie together. You can then test her if she is truly a simple girl or a gold digger. :D

yea, agreed, that is why nowadays i dont bother to impress or put on a strong front, what i have and what i had in mind, i just say...If the girl is turn off or feel disgusted, nvm lo, at least see thru her colors...not a bad thing afterall

i also did tell her, me not say very rich, earning just to pass by only.

[longwinter]

TS, first time I think let it be. Unless she makes it to be a habitual kind of routine. I used to go out with PRC girls in 1 large group and they also expect us to pay everytime but some are more auto, they will volunteer to pay back. So it depends really.

haha, that is what i am afraid. sometime u treat the girls liao, they take it for granted...they will think that it is right and lawful for u to treat them and attend to their needs.

just like my ex gf, when i 1st know her, she quite auto de, never expect me to treat or what....but i action, wan to be gentleman, tell her keep the $$$, and i just pay. pay n pay until she get so used to it, and she take it for granted...she can even go out with me without takin her purse...that is how bad it is...zzzz

[bennywalker]

maybe you ended bonking all 3?

you will never know what you get. :D

cheers bro.http://www.sammyboyforum.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[hoho99]

So Guys, do u think i play the wrong game, am i being too straight forward ??? Any opinions or feedbacks?

Ts i guess you are playing it very nice already. One friend ever invite a Malaysian girl out for a drink, end up she jio her few more friends to go along and wanting to do this and that, asking him to bao at the same time. He sibei tulan, immediately go out buy a few char siew bao for them and goes off:D

if i am you, i will just go for it on the 1st date, then budget myself and tell them also that it wont be an expensive outing cos you are not those high spender( bro, u bonk lesser 1 or 2 times should be enough to cover for this date :p) but whats done is done, no point talking about that anymore,

Agree, less bonking can come up wif budget. But i tot you prefer bonking than outing one:p

[longwinter]

maybe you ended bonking all 3?

you will never know what you get. :D

cheers bro.http://www.sammyboyforum.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

score 1, i happy liao lo, where got think until so much :o

[longwinter]

Ts i guess you are playing it very nice already. One friend ever invite a Malaysian girl out for a drink, end up she jio her few more friends to go along and wanting to do this and that, asking him to bao at the same time. He sibei tulan, immediately go out buy a few char siew bao for them and goes off:D



Agree, less bonking can come up wif budget. But i tot you prefer bonking than outing one:p

cos i dont wan her to have the impression that i am loaded and can spend $$$ freely..:D

[Luxy]

Hi bro you are making your intentions too obvious, she will view you as a sucker. And from her actions she is not attracted to you at all so you cannot gain anything.

[longwinter]

I apologise for being crude.....do you intend to bonk her or want to get serious about her (i.e. marriage)?

I support your position on making it clear you ONLY want to date her out.

Another method is.....you tell her if she asks her 2 other friends out, you also would want to ask your 2 other Bros out.....
I'm on standy here...:) And I'm sure there are other helpful Bros here.
I promise I won't tackle your gal as I adhered to SBF ethics. :cool:

But do check out for me how her other 2 friends look like...if like piglet,......then forget it. Maybe other Bros will like.

Of course, most importantly, I will help you split the bill.....:D Steady boh???

actually was thinkin of just befriendin her n see how it goes. :o

[longwinter]

Hi bro you are making your intentions too obvious, she will view you as a sucker. And from her actions she is not attracted to you at all so you cannot gain anything.

wah, den what u suggest???

[Pelagius]

If I was in your situation then, I may have said the thing cos on the spot answer, so no time to think too much, only give the most practical answer. Only hindsight is 20/20.

TS, next time you try again and say if she wants, can also bring friends. As long as you control budget, don't go any fancy restaurant or go tourist exploring, your wallet should not suffer too much.

If after that you ask her out and she wants to bring friends again, maybe you want to re-evaluate whether worth it ?

[NikonCamera]

I would suggest try to ask her again. Be yourself and it's okay to set certain things upfront. You can try your luck again and see how it develop but drop her if she keep telling you she is busy.

[picador]

You did the right thing. Her request to bring her friends and further confirmation if you are giving them a treat is clear evidence of her intention to treat you as some Robert.

[Matthews]

She said some other time, so maybe wait a while and try again ? If bring friend, then bo pian, better than nothing.

[Owen7]

TS, is the girl from Fujian ? Sometimes they like to show-off to their frens that they have got a very generous guy who is able to treat frens or pay for food/makan/movies.

[longwinter]

TS, is the girl from Fujian ? Sometimes they like to show-off to their frens that they have got a very generous guy who is able to treat frens or pay for food/makan/movies.

i not sure which part of china she came from, never ask. :o

[RayNix]

u did the rite thing man. just try askin her out again. see how was it.

[pseudonym]

actually was thinkin of just befriendin her n see how it goes. :o

you did the right thing bro. personally i do not believe in spending unnecessarily just to befriend someone. if she is sincere then she will give you a chance :)

[longwinter]

appreciate everyone replies here :o

[venery]

It's obvious that she wants to rip you off. Even if you used generosity to win her you will still lose her in the long run. Better you cast your net elsewhere.

[tatata21]

prc student? how you get her number, classmates?

if classmates then easier to build rapport and relationship before jumping into a straight date.

if just random get 1, met a few times, barely talk before... then you can listen to the other bros on planning an outing of more than just her alone. it'll be great if you get call 1-2 buddy along too, that way will be less awkward. but best at least know the buddy a bit first, lol... maciam all stranger meet v.funny. a group of 4-6 is fine.

prc shouldn't visit a lot of places yet ba? if got car can sightseeing, pub/club, park w/ games/bbq, beach etc?

[stairway]

I think first time outing can allow her to bring maybe 1 or a few friends so she feel safer this way since u have just known her. But go somewhere no need spend too much or the food not so expensive. After that outing let her know that in future u just want to go out with her alone.

[Taisho75]

From the start and your subsequence reply, I think you may have blown your chance to ask her out again. :rolleyes:

Usually the first date is for her to see if she can go out again with you again. Even if she bring friends along, its ok, but you can also bring friends along on pretex of introducing PRC girls to them. Take it as a get to know session for all of you and the chance for your bro to split the cost.

BUT BE WARNED there are some black sheep among the PRC students. They take you as carrots and ask you to pay for everything for her and her friends, even though they are not interested at all.

If you really interested in her, ask her out a few more times, but dun ask her out immediately after she pick up the phone, talk about others stuff before going to the main subject. If she still tell you not free, maybe next week, tell her actually you are not really free too and will call her again when you are more free. Dun let them know you are really desperate. :) Some times the reverse works, and you will know they are just trying to play hard to get.

Good luck.

[alan0338]

Agree, less bonking can come up wif budget. But i tot you prefer bonking than outing one:p

dont like that say me, i shy to go out. :D

actually was thinkin of just befriendin her n see how it goes. :o

bro, sure or not just friends. :p

anyway, will be waiting for your update if you can date her out successfully again....

[Massy]

....
so i try to explain to her that my intention is to ask her out only..and i only want to treat her, and not her other friends...

so after clarifyin the situation with her, she told me that we cancel the date bah, other days than go out lo.
.....

bro longwinter, IMHO, I think you did correctly, by clarifying with her. My personal opinion she is ok with as she reply saying other days go out. However you may need to be strategy the next time, maybe select a decent place for meet up to further ensure your intention is to further enhance the relations not for s.. gain etc. Perhaps it may be her plan to test you out. So be caution and plan well you should be olright.

[walle]

haha...one time treat them all mah, then ask for 4P, then u earn back liao loh....one meal/date can on ppl, next time i also must try, where u ask for nos har? must go the place racky:D

[cheongsterjon]

I may go ahead with the meeting with the 2 extra friends tagging along, treating them but in a cost-controlled environment. I may choose to visit some place with shopping as well, to test her personality. If she is buying something and expects me to pay for her, on our first meeting, I will know she is not right for me. She is taking me as a carrothead.

[sammyhunk]

Wah biang, wanna sian girls why so "giam siap". The fact that when she say she wanna bring 2 friends along and you immediately think of the cost involved makes me feel that you're a miser.

It's only the first date and she may be shy to meet you alone and yet you blew it by showing your miser attributes. If i'm the girl, i'll straight away delete you from my list. It just makes me think in future you'll be a very calculative guy.

Bro, my advice to you. If you continue to behave like this, please don't sian girls and waste your time. Girls don't like calculative guys for a start.

[longwinter]

Wah biang, wanna sian girls why so "giam siap". The fact that when she say she wanna bring 2 friends along and you immediately think of the cost involved makes me feel that you're a miser.

It's only the first date and she may be shy to meet you alone and yet you blew it by showing your miser attributes. If i'm the girl, i'll straight away delete you from my list. It just makes me think in future you'll be a very calculative guy.

Bro, my advice to you. If you continue to behave like this, please don't sian girls and waste your time. Girls don't like calculative guys for a start.

it is not the issue of being giam siap anot. Some guys like to be treated as a carrot, for me, i dont.

i rather forsake the date than going out with them feelin sore and unhappy abt it, and perhaps gettin chop.

If the girls are not going to go out with me becos of this incident, be it. This shows the character they had.

[yangguo]

it is not the issue of being giam siap anot. Some guys like to be treated as a carrot, for me, i dont.

i rather forsake the date than going out with them feelin sore and unhappy abt it, and perhaps gettin chop.

If the girls are not going to go out with me becos of this incident, be it. This shows the character they had.

She may be uncomfortable with single date in the beginning that's why she intends to bring along some friends with her. If she suggests to bring some friends along on tha first date, you may also do so. In that way, the costs incurred by each guy can be lesser as it is spilt among you guys.

Yes, no one like to be treated as a "carrot head" but you are too early to jump into conclusion at this stage. If she and her friends do not mind eating at some "not-so-expensive" dining places and did not ask you to buy her expensive gifts, do you consider being a "carrot head" in this case???

[too_hot]

it is not the issue of being giam siap anot. Some guys like to be treated as a carrot, for me, i dont.

i rather forsake the date than going out with them feelin sore and unhappy abt it, and perhaps gettin chop.

If the girls are not going to go out with me becos of this incident, be it. This shows the character they had.

Even if u spend money on her and her frens, doesn't automatically mean u carrot head. Could show to her u re generous and when she likes u, she may then start to date u slowly. afterall why share ur generosity with others when she can have it all herself right? Put it another way, she see u so "giam siap"/"cautious"/calculative (only want to treat her cos only interested in her) she will wonder next time in relationship with u, will everything be about giving something to get something? In local scene, normally want to go after a gal, u need to make urself liked by her frens too. once the frens support u, u will find going after ur gal easier, though i m not sure if this applies to PRC gals.

Anyway, as other bros said, the first date bring frens is just for security. As another bro said, go to cost controlled environment which could also include a nice zhi char place where 4 or 5 dishes can share, or those bugis steamboat buffet restaurants which is fixed price.

If second date still want to bring frens also maybe ok. But when u ask her out for third date u can tell her when her frens around, hard to talk so u hope she can date u alone so dat can really get to know each other better.

Btw, i tink u ought to be honest with urself on wat are ur true intentions with this gal.

Good luck!

[Tripster]

Allo TS,

Chase Girls 101....you know or not?? It is same thing with the locals lah...:D

trip...

[Joe Fox]

bro, the other two girls pretty or not...
if yes, ask another two guys out lor... as a group
easier to find excuse to end the date oso...

just my two cents

JF

[asdfghjkl]

ur situation is similar to mine, i went out with 3 girls to makan at high class restaurant and later all 3 went home straight away from there.

[longwinter]

anyway just to update u guys, i never went out with the girls in the end, feel like they just wan to chop me and take me for a ride. But i never regret my decision. :o

having $$$ in pocket is still the most secure for me.

[longwinter]

ur situation is similar to mine, i went out with 3 girls to makan at high class restaurant and later all 3 went home straight away from there.

sometime i feel that we guys have to be careful and more alert, there are some girls out there who want to take us guys for a ride but they hav nothing to offer to us..just wan to get freebies from us only...

Such girls their telltale signs very easy to spotted de...

[sbf4life]

bro you must understand gal la. they always l;ike to ask friend out for the first date wan.. i also kenna so many times liao. but no choice. let it be la, must act gentleman mah.. if can i also want to be direct just tell her i wan to scrrew her and then say bye bye.. but things dun work like that mah. so bo pian la. :D


So Guys, do u think i play the wrong game, am i being too straight forward ??? Any opinions or feedbacks? :D

[lapyong]

I dun think there's anything wrong with it.

[drekman]

longwinter, and u guys all are cheated by the girls, Girls always say guys money are easy to get or to say we r stupid. Just bring them to eat cheap food. U go and ask them for money. they will say no. ask them to treat u, u will never get it.

Just dunt give easy money to woman.

[drekman]

She brought another 2 friends to rip u and cheat u more. the friends dunt even bother about u but getting u for free food and free stuff.

[mg8888]

anyway just to update u guys, i never went out with the girls in the end, feel like they just wan to chop me and take me for a ride. But i never regret my decision. :o

having $$$ in pocket is still the most secure for me.

If she is not carrying LV bag offer her $xxx for a bonk an amt u think she worth and see her reaction .

To them if they are not loaded they will take up ur offer or counter propose .

If they dun really care bout ur $xxx offer means u missed the boat

[owen10]

to each his own bro. for me, since she suggested askin her friends along, i will treat it as doin her a favour n not making myself look too petty (u know, gals can be ultra sensitve). instead of goin to some xx place (maybe some high end restnt) which i've intended to bring her, maybe will downgrade it to a cheaper restnt. possible she asked her friends along cos she wanted some 'face', like showing off to her friends how generous her s'pore guy friend is.

one-off event, ok lah but if she asked u again to treat her friends then i'll juz tell her straight NO lor.

well, who knows her frens may be chio bu n may be yr long term frens (or even gf/fuck buddies??? in the future. so juz treat this as a LT investment lor.

[Savanna]

Bring your Buddies along too!!! All can enjoy mah!!! ;)

[dc_31]

From your post, you already tell us you are a kiam ka na. ask yourself what is your motive of dating her? Imagine if one day your gf bring along her parents for dinner with you, are you going to ask her, '' are they going to allow you to marry me? if not, i will be a carrot head.''