life with OC

[t123]

How many bros going thru a difficult patch in life especially with times like now, financial problem and others? OC jumped on you, no one could turn to. No sex with OC for many months? Just curious, mind to share?

[sundial]

How many bros going thru a difficult patch in life especially with times like now, financial problem and others? OC jumped on you, no one could turn to. No sex with OC for many months? Just curious, mind to share?

there are many here ....
always want this and that but cannot contribute ... a real liability

[immutable]

Lean times indeed. Just have to tighten belt, celibate, ride through this storm. Like they say - every cloud has a silver lining.

[t123]

you think singapore has silver linning nowadays. ALmost raining cats and dogs everyday.:(

[leecs]

Dont let them climb on top of your head, like what im experiencing previously. You'll had a hard life...

I have a friend, whose OC wants him to send her to work in central everyday, send their baby to his mother in-law in the east, then he can peacefully go to work in the west. Every night my friend will have to wake up in the middle of the night to fix milk for baby. OC told my friend she can’t wake up at night, she’ll vomit. Been going on for 4 years. He’s totally shagged out

Then recently my friend reason with his OC with the above-mentioned. His OC said that her colleague’s hubby does it without complains, why cant you… Typical SG women. My friend told OC to marry him la. After our 2nd child, then we decide whether want to carry on or not…

She got shocked & now trying to amend. But my friend feels kind of awkward because not her usual self..

[CityOfAngels]

Dont let them climb on top of your head, like what im experiencing previously. You'll had a hard life...

I have a friend, whose OC wants him to send her to work in central everyday, send their baby to his mother in-law in the east, then he can peacefully go to work in the west. Every night my friend will have to wake up in the middle of the night to fix milk for baby. OC told my friend she can’t wake up at night, she’ll vomit. Been going on for 4 years. He’s totally shagged out

Then recently my friend reason with his OC with the above-mentioned. His OC said that her colleague’s hubby does it without complains, why cant you… Typical SG women. My friend told OC to marry him la. After our 2nd child, then we decide whether want to carry on or not…

She got shocked & now trying to amend. But my friend feels kind of awkward because not her usual self..

It's difficult to change the pattern after many years thus, we got to mould the pattern during courtship times.

[SamSeng79]

Must always show them who is the boss!!:D

[sky_liner2]

Some (or maybe more than 50%) of Sillpore's OCs are very demanding and unreasonable. Everything the hubbies got to do and it is only right the hubbies have to do. What a shit!? It's just like those young couples now that the BF carrys GF's handbag, and the gals are being pampered all the way till marriage. All they know is to talk about man and woman are equal, and does nothing.

Bro T123, are you having some problems right now?

[StillLearning]

I consider myself fortunate. My OC does almost all the housework. We have four children, and she breast fed all of them. After post partum, my OC would resumed to entertain me. I am about 50, and we still have live firing 2 to 4 times a week, almost everyday during the fun week, and more frequent during the summer months. My OC is not high maintenance; does not spend much money on expensive clothes, shoes and make up; natural blonde, green eyes, tall and average weight (although was almost 200 pounds when she was pregnant), 34C 23 35 before child birth, now 36C/D 27 36.

[itsabt6x]

well.....life with OC will always has its ups & downs......after being with her some years...you should by now know what makes her tick & what dont......i know most men will tend to give in to their OC's demands however unreasonable or inconsiderate it may be....but sometimes we have to take charge and show her who's the BOSS.....yes....play hardball sometimes.....but not all the time.....else it'll lose its effectiveness....good luck!

[lovemilf]

I agree....It's very difficult to change things after so many years.....you can try to change it slowly by throwing temper once in a while and she may gradually know that you are not happy with her and change oso:cool:.....I believe many Bros here face the same problem and thats why they are here at SBF:p....Do you guys agree - woman behaviour and attitute changes before and after marriage?

[lovemilf]

I consider myself fortunate. My OC does almost all the housework. We have four children, and she breast fed all of them. After post partum, my OC would resumed to entertain me. I am about 50, and we still have live firing 2 to 4 times a week, almost everyday during the fun week, and more frequent during the summer months. My OC is not high maintenance; does not spend much money on expensive clothes, shoes and make up; natural blonde, green eyes, tall and average weight (although was almost 200 pounds when she was pregnant), 34C 23 35 before child birth, now 36C/D 27 36.

Bro...I really envy you have such a wife.....my OC very very seldom do housework and now had totally stopped after we got maid and kid......most of the time, I'm the one to study and play with my girl.....
Cherish wat you have....does she know you surf SBF?

[leecs]

Some (or maybe more than 50%) of Sillpore's OCs are very demanding and unreasonable. Everything the hubbies got to do and it is only right the hubbies have to do. What a shit!? It's just like those young couples now that the BF carrys GF's handbag, and the gals are being pampered all the way till marriage. All they know is to talk about man and woman are equal, and does nothing.

+1..........:D

[immutable]

you think singapore has silver linning nowadays. ALmost raining cats and dogs everyday.:(

Every difficult and depressing circumstance has its hidden consolations. There is always reason for hope in the most desperate situation.

[lovemilf]

+1..........:D

I nearly fall into the category.....now slowly and steadily climbing up......
maybe we shall form some kind of association/group for married men......:cool:

[sunny302]

How many bros going thru a difficult patch in life especially with times like now

Communication in the key here as it's the essence to bonding a solid relationship between two people. When they share a common wavelength and talk to one another, many things can be resolved...be it sex or any other problems that one may have in their daily life. Hope you can ride out this storm.

Cheers bro!

[Bangster]

My take on this is....

nurture(can re-phrase to 'brainwash' also lah..) her and communicate.

Even though it's hard to adopt such a method, especially if you 2 have not had such a practice before, as the man of the family I believe we should.

Very simply said - it's either this, or end up quarrelling and have you issue an ultimatum ("EITHER YOU START HELPING ME TO FEED THE KID AT NIGHT OR THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!") to 'settle' things, so to speak. Well, things won't be settled this way one...it's more like cooping up the anger inside and one day it'll all explode again and back to Square 1. Perhaps this time it's her who will issue the ultimatum since she's seen you use that to quite an effective level.

[sounding]

last time my father told me this, if want get a wife get someone who can take care of you not only you take care of her.
my OC is that person who can take care of me. almost every housework she do one I juz as a support to help her. she also can cook. so she can consider a perfect wife. ofcoz, thing will have the up side and the down side. one thing is only she doesn't have much friend and seldom go out with them, doesn't have any acitivity too so it might be abit sticky lor. but as long as we live happily ofcoz inclusive of sex life, then can't complain so much lor.
hope ur guys there happy in your marriage life too.. ;)

[tanhockgin]

To the bro who started this discussion,

You need to put your foot down that you are the boss. Dun be like those sissy carrying guys who carry their wife's handbag and think that it is male chivalry.

They have to breast feed and take care of the kids at nite. This is their national service so tell her to get with the program.

Lastly, tell her you are actually doing her a favour by having sex with her because:

1) It saves the family money (as oppose to "eating out")
2) Bonds family closer (hubby and wife)
3) Keeps you from straying and potential family break up.

All works in your favour.

:)

[leecs]

Communication in the key here as it's the essence to bonding a solid relationship between two people. When they share a common wavelength and talk to one another, many things can be resolved...be it sex or any other problems that one may have in their daily life. Hope you can ride out this storm.

Cheers bro!

I agree communication is important. But what if the OC insists on her ways? Do we men have to LPPL continue doing the shit stuff or we can do something to remedy it?

[HCKing]

nwadays alot of girls are demanding and intolerant.( too used to being pampered liao ) try raising yr voice at them and they will tell u to fark off instead of giving in. dont think the hard approach will work on them.

[HCKing]

I agree....It's very difficult to change things after so many years.....you can try to change it slowly by throwing temper once in a while and she may gradually know that you are not happy with her and change oso:cool:.....I believe many Bros here face the same problem and thats why they are here at SBF:p....Do you guys agree - woman behaviour and attitute changes before and after marriage?

dont think their behaviour change after marriage, its after marriage then u get to see their true colors.:D

[kazwind]

It's never easy when you are in it. I'm no expert but I do realise the ultimatums are never pretty. You need to be ready to face the consequences, which could either turn out very well, or the exact opposite, once you issue an ultimatum.

Always aim for a firm response, but never give extremes. Women will see you thru to the other end if they are THAT bull-headed.

All the best bro.

[sunny302]

But what if the OC insists on her ways? Do we men have to LPPL continue doing the shit stuff or we can do something to remedy it?

For me, if the OC insists on doing things her way unreasonably....then I think the communication part has really gone kaput...and will need some soul searching to see what has gone wrong.

No point avoiding the problem and pretend that it is not there because life will really become miserable and unbearable. In extreme cases, divorce would be the only way out if the relationship is really beyond repair.

[lglg666]

How many bros going thru a difficult patch in life especially with times like now, financial problem and others? OC jumped on you, no one could turn to. No sex with OC for many months? Just curious, mind to share?

Sir....I have gone thru all these times you mentioned here, btw no sex since yrs ago ( even lose count already :o ), that is why I go for some "side dishes" whenever I feel horny and if the side dish is free to meet for some fun. Sometime...go for paid ones too if can tahan but gotto keep expenses down during this hard time...just "bonk" the older looking MILF maids :o.

Btw...also got friends who faced this issue too and just "LL" stay at home and keep super low profile.

Sad...but no choice:o

[lglg666]

I consider myself fortunate. My OC does almost all the housework. I am about 50, and we still have live firing 2 to 4 times a week. My OC is not high maintenance; does not spend much money.

Sir....I saluted u :) and yes...you are one of the fortunate ones maybe you still got strong earning power.

But....for those bros here with no job or under-employed, we don't have that bargaining power with "OC" who is bring back some beacons for the table. Worst....if we had children involved, not an option to break up family.

[Longitude]

It is said that a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Yet there is also a saying that when poverty steps in at the door, love flies out of the window.

The latter is the sad reality of life.

[cncs]

I guess alot of bros here have very understanding and co-operative wife. Every night I need to play scissor paper stone with my wife to see who does the chores.. Sigh!!!

[t123]

Some (or maybe more than 50%) of Sillpore's OCs are very demanding and unreasonable. Everything the hubbies got to do and it is only right the hubbies have to do. What a shit!? It's just like those young couples now that the BF carrys GF's handbag, and the gals are being pampered all the way till marriage. All they know is to talk about man and woman are equal, and does nothing.

Bro T123, are you having some problems right now?

Obvious rite! can't you hear me dialling 995! My are worse. But i share in depth with some i could trust. Too painful for me to bring up.:o

[sky_liner2]

Obvious rite! can't you hear me dialling 995! My are worse. But i share in depth with some i could trust. Too painful for me to bring up.:o

I acknowledge your calling for "HELP"!

Nothing can be done much unless we wanted a divorce, but painful for the kids.

Let me list down my unhappiness ......

I was helping my dad to move house, only less than 2 hrs, I received emergency call from OC that I have to be back home to take care of the children or else she will just leave them stuffing. A few months later, helped FIL to move only a small room of furnitures and for half a day no call no nothing, all are well, and still bothered to ask me if I was tired!!! Things that are related to my side are unimportant, but not vice versa.

My uncle passed away and I attended his wake and funeral, and of course I asked OC to go along, but she said not close relative nevermind forget it. Her uncle mati and I MUST go because she said she doesn't know where was the place and as nephew-in-law important to at least pay respect.

Where is the fairness????????

[ecruz]

I guess alot of bros here have very understanding and co-operative wife. Every night I need to play scissor paper stone with my wife to see who does the chores.. Sigh!!!

Bro interesting leh ur life.. still so merry can play scissor paper stone..
cheers..

[Fatty George]

OC works, Come home, take dinner, watch television, sometimes conference call. Sleep. Touch her- she says tired.
I Go for In-Camp Training ...
EMA (Excercise Mobilisation Area) and
also talk about EMA - Extra Marital Affair.
Sex is not priorty or rather in her diary anymore.
Didn't eat out for a long time. Sometimes feel like having meal outside again.:o
Should I ?

[loneyheart]

Since t very 1st day gov encourage married women n full time housewives to continue to join t work force every thing had changed no more such word as housewife......n not to mention woman higher education level....

For t older generation no matter how low pay t husband earned when he come back from a hard day work he still received t respect as t master of t family.
She will make sure all house chores r nicely done n big decision still leave it to t master of t family.Wife duty to full fil husband sexual needs.....

Now women will asked for equality in every expect in life. they will tell u both r working n must share all house chores duty .....

If t husband earn much more then t wife , he still ok still have some respect as a small master of t family.
If t wife earn much more then t husband or even worse he is jobless....
then u can see who is bossing around......
not to mention sexual need , she can tell u pls do not disturb she is tired or she need to wake up early for heavy work next day....

High unemployment may be partly due to more n more working married women.....last time quite common to see guys work as Admin staff but now employer mostly hire lady only.....

Master of t family gone by t wind long long ago

I can understand why some choose to be single.....
Don't u married guys do sometime feel emptiness n lost somewhere in yr heart after more long years of marriage ?

More n more divorce cases why....
They dum see eyes to eyes in daily chores or one party flirt ard....

Of course there still alot of exceptional cases n i shall say t guy r greatly blessed. May they live happily ever after......

Just my narrow cent IMHO:p

[Castrol]

It's just like those young couples now that the BF carrys GF's handbag,

the amazing thing is when the boy boy would carry one of those cute tiny sexy little handbags for the girl girl when such little handbags are supposed to match the girl's theme or attire etc and the handbag will make her look even cuter carrying it. what can you put in a palm size handbag that need help to carry, and of course the boy boy will look like a barpo carrying it. is it supposed to be an act of love or what? :D

last time my father told me this, if want get a wife get someone who can take care of you not only you take care of her.


i fully agree with it. we have to go for something more sustainable like her desire for housekeeping, cooking etc...

http://www.ukkitchengadgets.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/kitchen-girl-apron.jpg

[yang punk]

The secret is to know "who needs who more" and never have joint bank accounts.
Of course having a loyal and faithful fb outside would make married life more bearable...;)

[StillLearning]

Bro...I really envy you have such a wife.....my OC very very seldom do housework and now had totally stopped after we got maid and kid......most of the time, I'm the one to study and play with my girl.....
Cherish wat you have....does she know you surf SBF?

Yes, and she told me not to be addicted. In a way, a few of the stories are fun to read. She said that I should avoid reading the SBF stories and approach her at night. She is very accommodating.

[StillLearning]

nwadays alot of girls are demanding and intolerant.( too used to being pampered liao ) try raising yr voice at them and they will tell u to fark off instead of giving in. dont think the hard approach will work on them.

I believe that the younger generation have this attitide of "entitlement", that is they are entitled to this and that, which they were pampered as a child.

[VanGogh]

It is said that a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Yet there is also a saying that when poverty steps in at the door, love flies out of the window.

The latter is the sad reality of life.

i agree with u 100%... ...

remembered a chinese saying also quoted : "a poor couple will mean facing 100s of problem".. ... it really takes alot of understanding and mutual support to ride the couple thru.. ..

poverty was the main factor that drove my marrige nuts 8 yrs ago, although i was not really that poor, but my shit ex-OC kept comparing her lifestlye with her rich "tai-tai" friends.... while I'm just a poor engineer.. .. KNN.. ..

my divorce was painful with a tingle of joy... joy because finally i felt free of all the problems , quarrells and problem with ex-OC... painful was fully for my kids...

today, I did not regret my decision... ... what i'm trying to say is the people around your OC also plays a part... u know wat i mean ??

... just sharing my 2 cents though.. .. :D

[Softcore]

Instead of gripping about it here, why don't the guys that are pussified by their wives stand up to them instead?

[alea]

How nice if i do not have any libido. Then don't have to bother about pleasing OC, etc.

[lovemilf]

Yes, and she told me not to be addicted. In a way, a few of the stories are fun to read. She said that I should avoid reading the SBF stories and approach her at night. She is very accommodating.

I really admired you wife for being so open and trusting you so much. Does she knows that the website also got a lot of lobangs to find sex?
Last time before my married, my wife would sometimes buy porn vcd for us to see together....but after married, she will be angry if I buy porn vcd or surf those websites:p

[lovemilf]

[QUOTE=sky_liner2;4069242]I acknowledge your calling for "HELP"!

Things that are related to my side are unimportant, but not vice versa.
QUOTE]

I certainly understand how you feel Bro.....why can't they think from our view...if we can't be bother with our family and treat them well, what makes them think we will be bother with their family.....i always tell my wife that if i'm those type of person which don't even care for my family, does she think that i will treat her family well? My wife is the youngest among her siblings and her age gap with them is quite big, that's why she had always been pampered and spoilt.....before marriage she is still ok and fun to be with but that changes after marriage.....but luckily for me is that her family ack that and that I treat them well....whenever we quarrel, they will always side me as they knew that the quarrel always arises due to her temper and minor things......and the most important factor that we are still together is....she borne me a cute girl who is everything to me now......whenever i feel down due to work or with my OC, seeing and playing with my daughter will cool down everything and brighten my day....:)

[aufait]

There are some things in life that we cant change. Instead of lamenting on them we should seek solace in the things that can give up happiness. Isnt this what this forum is all about?

[pokeman71]

there are many here ....
always want this and that but cannot contribute ... a real liability

Halo, who are you to comment on a Sammer old bird. Look at his pts, you will know how much he had done for SBF. Look at you, we will know what have you done and contribute to SBF.

[Spanner]

My wife and I almost divorce 3 months, it was a tough marriage as she was mentally unstable.

Sex can be counted on 1 hand in a year. She can suddenly lose her temper fare up for no particular reasons.

I very much wanted to leave her but because of her condition and the love I decided to hold on and God (I'm a Catholic) lead me to more help that I can imagine.

And 3 months down the road, I'm glad that I hold back my decision, the help that we are receiving are encouraging.

Communication is important. My wife and will write to each other every night. Yes writing as in pen and paper. Its was a wonderful way to communicate.

Now sex life is consider quite ok. We have it for about 4 times a week, friday nights out and plus a sex role play on sat night. And I will cook a wonderful meal for her every sunday (I was a ex chef)

So to all the brothers here who have a terrible marriage, go and seek help from the professionals, gave yourself and and your wife a chance. It may turn out more than what you expected.........

[Longitude]

[QUOTE=VanGogh;4070091]i agree with u 100%... ...

remembered a chinese saying also quoted : "a poor couple will mean facing 100s of problem".. ... it really takes alot of understanding and mutual support to ride the couple thru.. ..

poverty was the main factor that drove my marrige nuts 8 yrs ago, although i was not really that poor, but my shit ex-OC kept comparing her lifestlye with her rich "tai-tai" friends.... while I'm just a poor engineer.. .. KNN.. ..

my divorce was painful with a tingle of joy... joy because finally i felt free of all the problems , quarrells and problem with ex-OC... painful was fully for my kids...

today, I did not regret my decision... ... what i'm trying to say is the people around your OC also plays a part... u know wat i mean ??

It appears that your wife lacks wisdom. I am fortunate in the sense I can afford to give my OC all that she needs financially. But even if one is financially secured women as they are, will ask for other things like time and others. I am still married for I love my children too much that it will kill me to imagine them suffering for our mistakes. With that I persevere.

To those who are married please heed this: The marriages we regard as the happiest are those in which each of the partners believes that he or she has got the best of it.

[Bangster]

I salute you Bro Spanner. And I seldom salute anyone unless made to (think NS)

You are what I label a true man.

Love should and will conquer all, eh?

[StillLearning]

I really admired you wife for being so open and trusting you so much. Does she knows that the website also got a lot of lobangs to find sex?
Last time before my married, my wife would sometimes buy porn vcd for us to see together....but after married, she will be angry if I buy porn vcd or surf those websites:p

Yes, my OC / wife has read a few of the stories at SBF. My wife has total trust in me, because during the few weeks after delivery of each child, she said that I could seek pleasure outside but please use condom in order not to contract any disease. However, I told her that I rather not spend a few hundred dollars, but prefer to use the money to buy her whatever she desires. She told me that although she gave me the green light, I did not proceed, and therefore, she knows that I do not fool around. To date, I have not.

I do not watch porn vcd, only photos at xx sites on internet. My wife told not to waste time watching those photos, but go to her for entertainment in the evening. Almost all the time, regardless what time I seek her, she usually obliged.

[Oralcraz]

Dont let them climb on top of your head, like what im experiencing previously. You'll had a hard life...
I have a friend, whose OC wants him to send her to work in central everyday, send their baby to his mother in-law in the east, then he can peacefully go to work in the west. Every night my friend will have to wake up in the middle of the night to fix milk for baby. OC told my friend she can’t wake up at night, she’ll vomit. Been going on for 4 years. He’s totally shagged out
Then recently my friend reason with his OC with the above-mentioned. His OC said that her colleague’s hubby does it without complains, why cant you… Typical SG women. My friend told OC to marry him la. After our 2nd child, then we decide whether want to carry on or not…
She got shocked & now trying to amend. But my friend feels kind of awkward because not her usual self..

Your friend is not that unfortunate. At least his OC tried to amend. This is a very good sign. Tell yr friend to try to appreciate her for trying to amend. I can tell you if he shows the appreciation, the relationship will be better and she will try harder. There are many who don't even bother to amend you know.

[Oralcraz]

I consider myself fortunate. My OC does almost all the housework. We have four children, and she breast fed all of them. After post partum, my OC would resumed to entertain me. I am about 50, and we still have live firing 2 to 4 times a week, almost everyday during the fun week, and more frequent during the summer months. My OC is not high maintenance; does not spend much money on expensive clothes, shoes and make up; natural blonde, green eyes, tall and average weight (although was almost 200 pounds when she was pregnant), 34C 23 35 before child birth, now 36C/D 27 36.

last time my father told me this, if want get a wife get someone who can take care of you not only you take care of her.
my OC is that person who can take care of me. almost every housework she do one I juz as a support to help her. she also can cook. so she can consider a perfect wife. ofcoz, thing will have the up side and the down side. one thing is only she doesn't have much friend and seldom go out with them, doesn't have any acitivity too so it might be abit sticky lor. but as long as we live happily ofcoz inclusive of sex life, then can't complain so much lor.
hope ur guys there happy in your marriage life too.. ;)

Congratulations and happy for you. I envy you. :)

[Oralcraz]

I acknowledge your calling for "HELP"!

Nothing can be done much unless we wanted a divorce, but painful for the kids.

Let me list down my unhappiness ......

Things that are related to my side are unimportant, but not vice versa.

Where is the fairness????????

I can fully understand this. It has been happening to me all these 19 years of marriage.

[Oralcraz]

i agree with u 100%... ...

what i'm trying to say is the people around your OC also plays a part... u know wat i mean ??

... just sharing my 2 cents though.. .. :D

I know exactly what you mean.....especially her family members like (mother, sister).

[Oralcraz]

How many bros going thru a difficult patch in life especially with times like now, financial problem and others? OC jumped on you, no one could turn to. No sex with OC for many months? Just curious, mind to share?

Every married couple has their problems. Be it children, money, household chores, work, in-laws etc. I had my problems too in my 19 yrs of marriage now (is a long story, so save the description). Relationship decline about 2 yrs after marriage. Almost divorce during the 7th or 8th yrs of marriage. Things got so bad until my mom passed away (she was ill and also was sad for me). I was totally down and out. After that, I woke up. I started to see myself in the mirror of my mistake or unwarranted character and tried to change. I also started to understand and most importantly accept my wife's character (is very very hard to accept but I tried). Don't even bothered to pick on her negative points anymore cos I do have my negative points too. I also begin to see more open and prioritise my duties, commitment and responsibilities as a father and husband.
Today, real true love doesn't exist between us, I believe. We just live life as a routine, avoid quarrel, perform my duties (don't care if she perform her's or not). If need be, just act luvy luvy. Also, don't pressure ourself too much. Just do the best we can. The antidote is to see more "OPEN". Good luck bro.

[leecs]

Your friend is not that unfortunate. At least his OC tried to amend. This is a very good sign. Tell yr friend to try to appreciate her for trying to amend. I can tell you if he shows the appreciation, the relationship will be better and she will try harder. There are many who don't even bother to amend you know.

My friend has prepared to 跑路 if she pulls off any more stunts.:p

After my friend said when the baby is born, we'll decide whether to continue this marriage, I think she freaked out... :D

[StillLearning]

Congratulations and happy for you. I envy you. :)

I guess I spoke too soon, because now my OC told me that I did not have the vasectomy after the fourth child, and every month she worried and stressed about whether the late period is due to her hormones or she is pregnant, my privileges have been terminated until after her appt with a gynaecologist to put in an IUD.

Would any individual who has had a vasectomy help me with the matters which I should consider, and how they and their OC, have adjusted their lives after the vasectomy . Thank you

[sky_liner2]

I can fully understand this. It has been happening to me all these 19 years of marriage.

I have to take my hat off to you!!! You are still tahaning and going strong....

Me, trying to accomodate, lucky I listened to master's advice and started AiMiTouFo.....:D....if not, gong-ka-keowk liao!

[t123]

The antidote is to see more "OPEN". Good luck bro.

I understand where you coming from. But my counsellor thinks the one unopened is my wife.

[Bangster]

aiyoh..

like that how can?

Bro t123, must tell your wife to have a broader mindset...

becos women must "想开"
and men must "想通"...

isn't it? :D :D

[salacity]

Whatever is happening, the sun will still continue to shine. So make hay while you can.

[robust]

Somethings are inevitable. If you want a place in the sun you have to put up with some blisters.

[wild]

There will invariably be conflicts in marriage. Praises and appreciations will go a long long way.

[stolten]

My uncle passed away and I attended his wake and funeral, and of course I asked OC to go along, but she said not close relative nevermind forget it. Her uncle mati and I MUST go because she said she doesn't know where was the place and as nephew-in-law important to at least pay respect.

Where is the fairness????????

Walamak! If I were u, I'd turn the whole house upside down lorrrrr. Cos not showing respect to u. I'd tell her what if the same thing happened to her and I did the same.

[Oralcraz]

My friend has prepared to 跑路 if she pulls off any more stunts.:p
After my friend said when the baby is born, we'll decide whether to continue this marriage, I think she freaked out... :D

Hope yr friend and wifey will become better after her birth.

[Oralcraz]

I guess I spoke too soon, because now my OC told me that I did not have the vasectomy after the fourth child, and every month she worried and stressed about whether the late period is due to her hormones or she is pregnant, my privileges have been terminated until after her appt with a gynaecologist to put in an IUD.

Would any individual who has had a vasectomy help me with the matters which I should consider, and how they and their OC, have adjusted their lives after the vasectomy . Thank you

Maybe is time to start using condom bro. This will help yr loving wife de-stress. Anyway, Good Luck to you.

[Oralcraz]

I have to take my hat off to you!!! You are still tahaning and going strong....
Me, trying to accomodate, lucky I listened to master's advice and started AiMiTouFo.....:D....if not, gong-ka-keowk liao!

I'm tahaning or I would say learn to see more open and accept life as it is, because like you, I do chanting and meditation. Help calm our character or keep it in check. One day, you'll realise, actually, there is nothing to tahan about.:) Best wishes.

[Oralcraz]

I understand where you coming from. But my counsellor thinks the one unopened is my wife.

With due respect to u bro, IMHO who is the "open" one or the "unopened" one is not important. Is good enough if we ourself are the real "open" one. Cos, if we are able to be more "open" and exercise our understanding, our internal wisdom will develop and we will be able to "see" beyond what's in front of our eyes.
I'm not trying to preach here. I'm just sharing my personal experience. Believe in yourself bro. You can do it.:)

[sky_liner2]

I need SammyBoss attention and action!

Someone, without leaving his nick (no balls) and zapped me 5 pts in this discussion thread : "Do not interfere into other people business. I down you to teach you a lesson NOT to be a busybody."

Seems like there are quite a few of such so called SENIOR Brudders here, taking action into their own hands but no f88king balls.

[Frankiestine]

I understand where you coming from. But my counsellor thinks the one unopened is my wife.

Bro T123 I sympathize with you, women always think that it is we the guys with the problem but they are the one who refuses to "open" up and talk..

[swain]

Bro T123 I sympathize with you, women always think that it is we the guys with the problem but they are the one who refuses to "open" up and talk..

When they do not open up to talk, its because they dont want to reveal their wrongdoings.

[leecs]

My uncle passed away and I attended his wake and funeral, and of course I asked OC to go along, but she said not close relative nevermind forget it. Her uncle mati and I MUST go because she said she doesn't know where was the place and as nephew-in-law important to at least pay respect.

Where is the fairness????????

My OC more power.

This year CNY, my parents asked us to go back Malaysia as my grandpa was not feeling well. So i asked her to tag along. She told me that "nobody is taking care of the dog, how to go?" KNNBCCB!!! You go holiday can put it in dog hotel. Go to Malaysia say no 1 take care. PUI....

In the end, I went with my parents only...

[leecs]

Hope yr friend and wifey will become better after her birth.

Hopefully. They're like quraelling almost everyday.

[lovemilf]

My OC more power.

This year CNY, my parents asked us to go back Malaysia as my grandpa was not feeling well. So i asked her to tag along. She told me that "nobody is taking care of the dog, how to go?" KNNBCCB!!! You go holiday can put it in dog hotel. Go to Malaysia say no 1 take care. PUI....

In the end, I went with my parents only...

One of the classic example is when going our parents home to eat......everytime zun zun that day not feeling well......hahahaha....knn....tio bay pio also not so zun ah......

ytrday we got another big quarrel......now i'm still in marriage is due to my daughter sake...i do not want her to grow up in a single parent family.....i know i will not get her custody if we divorce....i'm also sure my OC will not be able to take good care for her alone......i'm just waiting for my daughter to grow up faster......

[leecs]

One of the classic example is when going our parents home to eat......everytime zun zun that day not feeling well......hahahaha....knn....tio bay pio also not so zun ah......
ytrday we got another big quarrel......now i'm still in marriage is due to my daughter sake...i do not want her to grow up in a single parent family.....i know i will not get her custody if we divorce....i'm also sure my OC will not be able to take good care for her alone......i'm just waiting for my daughter to grow up faster......

Haha! Same here bro. She always tells me that Sunday is her rest day so dont wana go out anywhere. That was previously untill we had a big quarrel. Now she would wana accompany me wherever i go. But I dont want. It left a scar & its difficult to mend...

[HeadOn]

My OC more power.

This year CNY, my parents asked us to go back Malaysia as my grandpa was not feeling well. So i asked her to tag along. She told me that "nobody is taking care of the dog, how to go?" KNNBCCB!!! You go holiday can put it in dog hotel. Go to Malaysia say no 1 take care. PUI....

In the end, I went with my parents only...

aiya, its easy to understand lar..Holday she can Hiao, Vain here Vain there, relax, shopping, eat etc..so dog is nothing to her..but going msia w u, she got nothing, will be bored..so sure make excuse not to go

[Furyman]

i am sure everyone got his story.

my oc always kbkb whenever i go out kopi with my frd.i mean just kopi no hank panky and its like maybe once a week she will let go things like "remember: they are single u r married and later when i got my car she will go out to meet her frd leaving me alone. i just keep quiet as i take this opportunty to meet my frd but once a while i will let go the same statement but im a nice way.

[sky_liner2]

i am sure everyone got his story.

my oc always kbkb whenever i go out kopi with my frd.i mean just kopi no hank panky and its like maybe once a week she will let go things like "remember: they are single u r married and later when i got my car she will go out to meet her frd leaving me alone. i just keep quiet as i take this opportunty to meet my frd but once a while i will let go the same statement but im a nice way.

U r right brudder. Everyone has got his side of stories, but very pityful one.

When she made a statement or remarks, she MEANT it. When you made the same remark, you are being very MEAN! Got one incident, so I did the same thing telling OC off, and she said : "NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL AT THAT MOMENT!" :mad:

Women got 2 mouths, difficult to win in words fight!

[Furyman]

U r right brudder. Everyone has got his side of stories, but very pityful one.

When she made a statement or remarks, she MEANT it. When you made the same remark, you are being very MEAN! Got one incident, so I did the same thing telling OC off, and she said : "NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL AT THAT MOMENT!" :mad:

Women got 2 mouths, difficult to win in words fight!

yes bro sometimes i just keep quiet cause no point keep quarraling also no end.

[leecs]

aiya, its easy to understand lar..Holday she can Hiao, Vain here Vain there, relax, shopping, eat etc..so dog is nothing to her..but going msia w u, she got nothing, will be bored..so sure make excuse not to go

Exactly... I make it a point to have dinner with her family everytime. My friend told me not to. I say go better. Next time if quarrel, she cant bring this issue up...:D:mad:

[HeadOn]

Exactly... I make it a point to have dinner with her family everytime. My friend told me not to. I say go better. Next time if quarrel, she cant bring this issue up...:D:mad:

well easy to understand too...cos she's more at ease w her own family..tis applies to most gals as u can see they always drag their hb to go dinner w their family..but when come to your family, if can say no than say no...

we guys always tend to give in cos dun wan quarrel, so end up the gals always take things for granted...but if u explode to a very very mad person, will scare the hell out of her n she will tone done alot..:D

[starcrosser]

Before our baby come out, we are still sweet. After our baby come out, we fight often mostly on the baby :(

Sometimes think forget it but i cannot be selfish la. Go out and play play can be must be safe lor. :(

[mseveninch]

My OC........is evertything to her family. So always want me to go visit her family together with her!

When I sudgested visit my family........she pull long face and told me to go alone:(!!!! Of course I get mad and blow my top..........then I throw her these statement........LET'S DIVORCE...........coz you treat my family.....like enemy!:mad:

[starcrosser]

My OC........is evertything to her family. So always want me to go visit her family together with her!

When I sudgested visit my family........she pull long face and told me to go alone:(!!!! Of course I get mad and blow my top..........then I throw her these statement........LET'S DIVORCE...........coz you treat my family.....like enemy!:mad:

Brother such a card is a trump card cannot use too often de. If uses too often will finally get your wish de, especially if you don't mean it.

[iceman72]

Thats right bro,cannot anyhow use the D word,don play play leh.

[leecs]

well easy to understand too...cos she's more at ease w her own family..tis applies to most gals as u can see they always drag their hb to go dinner w their family..but when come to your family, if can say no than say no...

I dont understand why they wouldnt wana come to our families home. Really curious...

we guys always tend to give in cos dun wan quarrel, so end up the gals always take things for granted...but if u explode to a very very mad person, will scare the hell out of her n she will tone done alot..:D

Correct!!! OC has climbed on top of my head already & i couldnt stand it. So I went cheonging on weekends, even weekdays after work. 5 days a week. Then she was suspecting something & we had a big quarrel. She wanted divorce. Then I said out everything & she was shocked!!! Then she said she'll change, bla bla bla.....

So now its cool, but im currently searching for a job in Vietnam. Sick & tired of this life now...

[lovemilf]

before i married, i was got friends who went geylang, ktv and spa for women...they chio me but i feel that i need to be faithful to my future wife and never went with them before.....after married for 9 yrs, i more and more buay tahan about my OC (not abt sex) and thus recently i had started looking for fun outside.......its not sex i'm really looking for actually, its just the feeling that since she dun know how to appreciate me, how i treat her and her family, someone else would!

[HeadOn]

well easy to understand too...cos she's more at ease w her own family..tis applies to most gals as u can see they always drag their hb to go dinner w their family..but when come to your family, if can say no than say no...

I dont understand why they wouldnt wana come to our families home. Really curious...

- cos they live w their families since birth mah, so v used n comfortable liao..so they tend to be at ease n happy w them..moreover, if they deemed the other side families not to their std (like the way they behave, table manners etc etc) then they will prefer not to be associated with them...u know lar, our local gals always pampered n never been in army b4..they dunno how to be tolerant n mix well w pple of different class n status!!

we guys always tend to give in cos dun wan quarrel, so end up the gals always take things for granted...but if u explode to a very very mad person, will scare the hell out of her n she will tone done alot..:D

Correct!!! OC has climbed on top of my head already & i couldnt stand it. So I went cheonging on weekends, even weekdays after work. 5 days a week. Then she was suspecting something & we had a big quarrel. She wanted divorce. Then I said out everything & she was shocked!!! Then she said she'll change, bla bla bla.....

So now its cool, but im currently searching for a job in Vietnam. Sick & tired of this life now...

- ya, u should turn to a green monster then she will get scared..if not she will never know..

[lglg666]

Before our baby come out, we are still sweet. After our baby come out, we fight often mostly on the baby :(

Sometimes think forget it but i cannot be selfish la. Go out and play play can be must be safe lor. :(

Yes...bro, btw it is quite common reason for the OC to spend most of her time with the baby. It happened to me too, if you will to ask around then you will realise that is the normal reaction of OC when there is a baby involved and you understand the situation better.
Maybe can hekp if instead of fighting becoz of the baby you want to try to spend and bond with the baby. That way....it a family thing and OC will treat you better too.

2 cents worth!

[leecs]

before i married, i was got friends who went geylang, ktv and spa for women...they chio me but i feel that i need to be faithful to my future wife and never went with them before.....after married for 9 yrs, i more and more buay tahan about my OC (not abt sex) and thus recently i had started looking for fun outside.......its not sex i'm really looking for actually, its just the feeling that since she dun know how to appreciate me, how i treat her and her family, someone else would!

Im exactly the same as you!!! :D:D:D

- ya, u should turn to a green monster then she will get scared..if not she will never know..

If I can turn into a green monster, I'll be long gone from this god-forsaken dump. Now its looking for a job overseas time!!!:)

[falconboy]

- ya, u should turn to a green monster then she will get scared..if not she will never know..

Well said. Being mean is necessary sometimes. The more you give in the more they want from you.

[HeadOn]

Im exactly the same as you!!! :D:D:D



If I can turn into a green monster, I'll be long gone from this god-forsaken dump. Now its looking for a job overseas time!!!:)

ya, a gd way to get out....but wonders wat will her reaction be when u tell her u r off to vietnam for 2yrs ..keke

[HeadOn]

Well said. Being mean is necessary sometimes. The more you give in the more they want from you.

everything got 2 sides, a coin got head n tail, so is ur own hand too....so pple also have a gd n bad side..but usually i wanna show the gd side only..but once in a blue moon show the bad side of u also good...;)

[leecs]

ya, a gd way to get out....but wonders wat will her reaction be when u tell her u r off to vietnam for 2yrs ..keke

I'll tell her its for our future. I need to earn more $$$ so in our later lifes, we dont need to work so hard.......... Its not like im leaving forever. I'll still come back once every few months...:)

I go there really for job, not to find VN women there....

[tamtam]

Sometime i think its the social culture here that up bringing the so call " Singapore women", they have been so well protected by the law even since it was put in place to protect them during the difficult 60s and 70s....But by today standard, do you really think its fair for us mens?

i have been married for 16 years, its not too long but definintely not short either, i had tried all sorts of ways and means to sustain my marriage, you name it, i did it...But it's really hard to live together with a Singapore women, they expect you to do things in their way, do your duties as a husband, be faithful "because" you had taken the vow, without putting any effort to make us stayed faithful...

Things evolved during this 16 years...from trying to save my marriage, listen to advices, doing things her way, staying home early, not to disturb her when she is tried, sex only on weekends due to her work, diy myself, respect her parent, sending her and picking her up all the time, doing all chores when babay are newly borned, wake up in middle of the night to prepare milk, etc.....

Once i stopped helping out, she will compare me with all their friend's husband, me for not being the norm. I wished i can pen down more ....but its just too many issues that i can't simply write. So in the last few years, my heart starts to harden, and slowly i learn to let go things, from not even dare to think of divoiceing due to the sake for my children, to slowing able to accept the fact that i need to let them go....

I was at this crossroad many time, whether to make a decision to leave this family or stay on. After going round and round, i found that i m still stuck at this crossroad, finally she pull some stupid stunt and make me woke up, i cannot be doing these for my next 30 years, so i decided to leave for good, its a painful decision, but i can't live unhappily for my next half a lifetime right?
How about my children ? This is the painful part, but as a singaporean, you cannot win the law, let alone the "women charter". So i will not fight for custody of the children, just leave it to the law, 99.9% they will be awarded to the mother....so no point fighting a losing battle.

I have try so long to keep this marriage, but realised i have wasted too much time, i should have done this much eariler, cut my losses and get on with life...I have since make up my mind to file for divorce and are now currently selling my house.

I'm not trying to discourage any bro here, but sometime it just wakes each other up to see things in a different perspective, there have been some good and wonderful marraige around too, but not with mine, sadly 1 in 4 marriages ended up divorce, probably half of the 3 are simply tolerating each others, with the remaining few are the truly good marriages...lucky few, your efforts paid off.

So to marry a Singapore lady, think harder, in for a choppy ride....Some of you may think i'm abit shallow, but if you are in it, then you will understand why some of us do things this way.

I would like to thank all SBF bro here for all these years of sharing, and are glad mine comes to a conclusion.

[HeadOn]

I'll tell her its for our future. I need to earn more $$$ so in our later lifes, we dont need to work so hard.......... Its not like im leaving forever. I'll still come back once every few months...:)

I go there really for job, not to find VN women there....

how old are u both n married how long?...i think if wife heard u b outstations for yrs, dun think she will be too happy.they have heard lotsa stories, esp in china n viet...

[HCKing]

well i have also heard frm alot of OC's point of view hw they feel abt their husbands, also alot of grumble like not caring enough, not sensitive enough etc etc so i guess its really tough for 2 parties to fully accept one another's way of life and character.

[leecs]

how old are u both n married how long?...i think if wife heard u b outstations for yrs, dun think she will be too happy.they have heard lotsa stories, esp in china n viet...

We are reaching 30 very very very soon..... married for 5 years.

Shes not that stupid, i know. But I will tell her geniuely Im there to work, not to fling around... She has to trust me. If not, theres no point in this marriage...

[HeadOn]

well i have also heard frm alot of OC's point of view hw they feel abt their husbands, also alot of grumble like not caring enough, not sensitive enough etc etc so i guess its really tough for 2 parties to fully accept one another's way of life and character.

marriage is combining two different pple lor..n b4 marriage, they lived n think differently...so out together cfm will have problems..even twins also dun think alike

[HeadOn]

We are reaching 30 very very very soon..... married for 5 years.

Shes not that stupid, i know. But I will tell her geniuely Im there to work, not to fling around... She has to trust me. If not, theres no point in this marriage...

well u both married young, still considered young couple lar...i got a fren also married at ur age, went overseas to work...wife actually quit n follow him....

u can sound out to her..say u boss intro u a gd opportunity to work in Viet..u quite interested...then say must stay there like 3yrs to 5yrs or even longer....see wats her reaction...

[Oralcraz]

i have been married for 16 years, its not too long but definintely not short either, i had tried all sorts of ways and means to sustain my marriage, you name it, i did it...But it's really hard to live together with a Singapore women, they expect you to do things in their way, do your duties as a husband, be faithful "because" you had taken the vow, without putting any effort to make us stayed faithful...

This I understand. Me same situation. The mindset is husband has to be like this and that but.....never thought as wife and mother, what's the duties,responsibilities or commitments. Consider household chores as a burden. Only pick on my negative points and if any idea that do not meet her liking, :mad:black face immediately.

Things evolved during this 16 years...from trying to save my marriage, listen to advices, doing things her way, staying home early, not to disturb her when she is tried, sex only on weekends due to her work, diy myself, respect her parent, sending her and picking her up all the time, doing all chores when babay are newly borned, wake up in middle of the night to prepare milk, etc.....

Me married 19 yrs. I'm still doing what you mentioned except the sex part. Only once a month or never. So, I'm worse then you.

I was at this crossroad many time, whether to make a decision to leave this family or stay on. After going round and round, i found that i m still stuck at this crossroad, finally she pull some stupid stunt and make me woke up, i cannot be doing these for my next 30 years, so i decided to leave for good, its a painful decision, but i can't live unhappily for my next half a lifetime right?
How about my children ? This is the painful part, but as a singaporean, you cannot win the law, let alone the "women charter". So i will not fight for custody of the children, just leave it to the law, 99.9% they will be awarded to the mother....so no point fighting a losing battle.
...........
I would like to thank all SBF bro here for all these years of sharing, and are glad mine comes to a conclusion.

Sorry about yr situation. Although I'm not in favor of couples divorcing but I can understand. If, you have carefully thought it over and if you think this is the best conclusion, then I wish you all the best. Come to think about it, damn, I wonder how I tolerated all these 19 yrs and am still tolerating ... or I would say, ..... numb already ..... no feeling anymore. Anyway, Good luck to you.

[leecs]

well u both married young, still considered young couple lar...i got a fren also married at ur age, went overseas to work...wife actually quit n follow him....

u can sound out to her..say u boss intro u a gd opportunity to work in Viet..u quite interested...then say must stay there like 3yrs to 5yrs or even longer....see wats her reaction...

Actually hor, I dont want my wife to follow... Fucked up right...

I will sound to her after everything's confirmed.. Sweet talk abit. Good salary, good career advancement, free accomodation & insurance, can contribute more $$$ to our joint account, etc...

[newbieboy]

hi bros

just curious and want to ask why you decided to get married?

i didn't come from a happy family, and from a young age i realized how the law favors women here, and how divorce settlements really suck blood from us men. after spending some time overseas, singaporean women really don't interest me anymore.

luckily my parents don't pressure me, tell me they don't care if i get married, i don't have any pressure to settle down at all. it makes me angry to see all these stereotypes we have of singaporean women play out so predictably here, now i lagi won't marry. good luck to all married bros out there.

[leecs]

double post...

[HCKing]

marriage is combining two different pple lor..n b4 marriage, they lived n think differently...so out together cfm will have problems..even twins also dun think alike

tats y most of the problems arise only after both parties started staying together under one roof and get to see the side of the other party that wasnt displayed b4. its then up to one's acceptance and tolerance to continue living together problems-free.

[HCKing]

hi bros

just curious and want to ask why you decided to get married?

i didn't come from a happy family, and from a young age i realized how the law favors women here, and how divorce settlements really suck blood from us men. after spending some time overseas, singaporean women really don't interest me anymore.

luckily my parents don't pressure me, tell me they don't care if i get married, i don't have any pressure to settle down at all. it makes me angry to see all these stereotypes we have of singaporean women play out so predictably here, now i lagi won't marry. good luck to all married bros out there.

actually there r still gd and nice wife calibre type of sg girls out there but most probably u wont get to knw them frm nightspots nor will u see them in thick make up and sexy, attention seeking dressing. girls with inner beauty still exist its down to the guy's ability to discover them.

[Furyman]

Thanks to all bro who up me,i will slowly up u back. the bro who up me 2 pts tks its doesnt matter if its 2 or 20 tks.

why we get married? cause at that time we think our gf is the "one" which is true cause after spend sometime together u feel comfortable,she fell comfortable u pop the question she say yes,register and thats it. the thing is most of the time its either u meet during the weekends of certain times during the weekend days.or maybe spend some time holiday oversea. but the impt things is reli living together and its during this period that u see each other habits and lifestyle.when in love the flame is strong,after married is keeping the flame going.it is living together and keeping the love going after married that is critial.

[HeadOn]

Actually hor, I dont want my wife to follow... Fucked up right...

I will sound to her after everything's confirmed.. Sweet talk abit. Good salary, good career advancement, free accomodation & insurance, can contribute more $$$ to our joint account, etc...

haha, if she wanan follow u also bo bian mah...

but then sound her out is to c her reaction nia lar.usually she will pretty black face one, cos she will b all alone....not many married gals are happy w tat one

[HeadOn]

tats y most of the problems arise only after both parties started staying together under one roof and get to see the side of the other party that wasnt displayed b4. its then up to one's acceptance and tolerance to continue living together problems-free.

true lor..living together is an art...luckily i do have some experience living w other pple in my Uni days overseas...its really n art to live w strangers

[HeadOn]

actually there r still gd and nice wife calibre type of sg girls out there but most probably u wont get to knw them frm nightspots nor will u see them in thick make up and sexy, attention seeking dressing. girls with inner beauty still exist its down to the guy's ability to discover them.

partly true only...cos u should have known lotsa just average gals think tat they are pretty, deserve lotsa pampering etc..

i only gotta say..its really down to ur own luck or fate to meet someone really gd n settle down with...

[leecs]

haha, if she wanan follow u also bo bian mah...

but then sound her out is to c her reaction nia lar.usually she will pretty black face one, cos she will b all alone....not many married gals are happy w tat one

There was once I asked her if I go Japan to work, will you tag along. She said no. She won't leave her job behind. She won't forsake everything here, especially her DOG......

[HeadOn]

There was once I asked her if I go Japan to work, will you tag along. She said no. She won't leave her job behind. She won't forsake everything here, especially her DOG......

ha is it?...maybe she thinks u wont go away or tat time u both are not reaching 30?..

but anyway, if its true is gd for u...bug up look for an overseas assignment liao...once there, u r a King !!..:D

[cumranger69]

I acknowledge your calling for "HELP"!

Nothing can be done much unless we wanted a divorce, but painful for the kids.

Let me list down my unhappiness ......

I was helping my dad to move house, only less than 2 hrs, I received emergency call from OC that I have to be back home to take care of the children or else she will just leave them stuffing. A few months later, helped FIL to move only a small room of furnitures and for half a day no call no nothing, all are well, and still bothered to ask me if I was tired!!! Things that are related to my side are unimportant, but not vice versa.

My uncle passed away and I attended his wake and funeral, and of course I asked OC to go along, but she said not close relative nevermind forget it. Her uncle mati and I MUST go because she said she doesn't know where was the place and as nephew-in-law important to at least pay respect.

Where is the fairness????????

bro, is your wife a malaysian?

[cumranger69]

I was at this crossroad many time, whether to make a decision to leave this family or stay on. After going round and round, i found that i m still stuck at this crossroad, finally she pull some stupid stunt and make me woke up, i cannot be doing these for my next 30 years, so i decided to leave for good, its a painful decision, but i can't live unhappily for my next half a lifetime right?
I would like to thank all SBF bro here for all these years of sharing, and are glad mine comes to a conclusion.

bro, hope u make the rite decision. Mind telling wat kind of stupid stunts she pulled on ya?

[starcrosser]

Yes...bro, btw it is quite common reason for the OC to spend most of her time with the baby. It happened to me too, if you will to ask around then you will realise that is the normal reaction of OC when there is a baby involved and you understand the situation better.
Maybe can hekp if instead of fighting becoz of the baby you want to try to spend and bond with the baby. That way....it a family thing and OC will treat you better too.

2 cents worth!

I help by bathing the baby, changing the napkin, play with her and also feed her from bottle if needed. Sometimes it is the smallest thing like whether who is it who didnt sterlize the bottle and things like that.

I know she protective. I also equally protective after all who want their baby to get hurt right?

[ace_rc]

I think nowadays woman thinks that giving birth is some great job, this gives them the right to scream at us and make us like male slaves. They never know this is their national service, just like we guys serve the army. Woman from 5000 yrs ago already start giving birth, nothing to great or something to ffel proud. By mking us more tulan, we will go more often to geylang surf more sammyboy, fuck more WL , without having to feel guilty at all.

[sky_liner2]

bro, is your wife a malaysian?

No la, I think she would be a better person if she is one!

[sky_liner2]

....I have try so long to keep this marriage, but realised i have wasted too much time, i should have done this much eariler, cut my losses and get on with life...I have since make up my mind to file for divorce and are now currently selling my house....

Bro TamTam, I do hope that you have made the right decision. The loss is that you would be able to be your children daily to see them grow, which that, I think it is a joy and I thank god for giving me this.

Nevertheless, I envy and admire you in a way, your courage to break free and to lead a better tomorrow. Wishing you all the best!

Till then, it is no end to our stories I believe, so long that we are still stick to this marriage.

[HeadOn]

I think nowadays woman thinks that giving birth is some great job, this gives them the right to scream at us and make us like male slaves. They never know this is their national service, just like we guys serve the army. Woman from 5000 yrs ago already start giving birth, nothing to great or something to ffel proud. By mking us more tulan, we will go more often to geylang surf more sammyboy, fuck more WL , without having to feel guilty at all.

well cos more than often is the guy who wanna have the kids lor..so if guy wan but gal not keen, then when baby is out, the guy gotta shoulder more responsibilties..cos its the guy who wan, not the gal

[Tanoto]

Hi bros

i agreed spore woman are difficult female to please.
i had my share of experience as well.

now divorced, married to my OC for cool 11yrs.

i only started SBF , KTV , WL not long ago when OC started her nonsense.
spore woman talk abt equal treatment . They expected men to pay for big ticket items, pamper her and show her care and concern. respect her and give them freedom .

examples of list of expenses which i paid forth and meant for her use.
1 ) cars ( upgrade )
from a lexus to a BMW to merc.
2 ) country clubs.
3 ) branded handbags.
she practically owned an entire buberry shop previously but slowly upgraded to LV to Cartier.
4 ) watches
from Baby G to Tag haeur to AP
5 ) house
start from HDB to APT to a semi D
6 ) holidays. ( min 2 long trips and 3 short trip per year )
7 ) jewelleries.

in additional , she never do any household chores at all. always compplain too tired. and say if i pamper her , i will do for her.

come on , man got to work so hard to earn the demands of hers and yet come home become a slave cum maid as well.

the last straw was after 11 yrs , i gave her the ultimatunm. I wanted a child of my own. ( she gave excuses every year since our 3rd yr of marriage ). She says she is not ready. Fuck it man.

so spore man has been a fool like me. I am a sucker by the country norms like Man must treat their OC well to the extend their queen and ended up geting all the bull shit.
No wonder many foreigner woman say spore man are well known to treat their wife extremely well. and were highly sought after. I do not realised this fact until i look back on my own life.

now , i have my freedom and my own life.
i do not have any hatred for marriage but i do think that singaporean woman are seriously taking singapore man for a ride and does not appreciate the scarifices we ,man made.

hope one fine day , they will wake up their fucking idea soon.
If not , they will finally lose all singapore man to foreigners woman who appreciate us.

[StillLearning]

Hi bros

i agreed spore woman are difficult female to please.
i had my share of experience as well.

now divorced, married to my OC for cool 11yrs.

i only started SBF , KTV , WL not long ago when OC started her nonsense.
spore woman talk abt equal treatment . They expected men to pay for big ticket items, pamper her and show her care and concern. respect her and give them freedom .

examples of list of expenses which i paid forth and meant for her use.
1 ) cars ( upgrade )
from a lexus to a BMW to merc.
2 ) country clubs.
3 ) branded handbags.
she practically owned an entire buberry shop previously but slowly upgraded to LV to Cartier.
4 ) watches
from Baby G to Tag haeur to AP
5 ) house
start from HDB to APT to a semi D
6 ) holidays. ( min 2 long trips and 3 short trip per year )
7 ) jewelleries.

in additional , she never do any household chores at all. always compplain too tired. and say if i pamper her , i will do for her.

come on , man got to work so hard to earn the demands of hers and yet come home become a slave cum maid as well.

the last straw was after 11 yrs , i gave her the ultimatunm. I wanted a child of my own. ( she gave excuses every year since our 3rd yr of marriage ). She says she is not ready. Fuck it man.

so spore man has been a fool like me. I am a sucker by the country norms like Man must treat their OC well to the extend their queen and ended up geting all the bull shit.
No wonder many foreigner woman say spore man are well known to treat their wife extremely well. and were highly sought after. I do not realised this fact until i look back on my own life.

now , i have my freedom and my own life.
i do not have any hatred for marriage but i do think that singaporean woman are seriously taking singapore man for a ride and does not appreciate the scarifices we ,man made.

hope one fine day , they will wake up their fucking idea soon.
If not , they will finally lose all singapore man to foreigners woman who appreciate us.

Salam, you have been very patient.
For those who are contemplating marriage, may I suggest that you consider asking your potential spouse whether or not she would be prepared to deliver 1 to 2 babies.
My wife did not wish to have any children. But my mother persuaded her to to try for one, and then consider 2. Fortunately, 3 years after we were married, we have a daughter, three years thereafter, a son, followed by another daughter and a son, total 4 children. My wife is very busy at home.
I wish you good health, peace and comfort.

[Oralcraz]

Hi bros
i agreed spore woman are difficult female to please.
i had my share of experience as well.
now divorced, married to my OC for cool 11yrs.
i only started SBF , KTV , WL not long ago when OC started her nonsense.
spore woman talk abt equal treatment . They expected men to pay for big ticket items, pamper her and show her care and concern. respect her and give them freedom .
........
in additional , she never do any household chores at all. always compplain too tired. and say if i pamper her , i will do for her.
come on , man got to work so hard to earn the demands of hers and yet come home become a slave cum maid as well.
the last straw was after 11 yrs , i gave her the ultimatunm. I wanted a child of my own. ( she gave excuses every year since our 3rd yr of marriage ). She says she is not ready. Fuck it man.
so spore man has been a fool like me. I am a sucker by the country norms like Man must treat their OC well to the extend their queen and ended up geting all the bull shit.
.......
now , i have my freedom and my own life.
i do not have any hatred for marriage but i do think that singaporean woman are seriously taking singapore man for a ride and does not appreciate the scarifices we ,man made.
hope one fine day , they will wake up their fucking idea soon.
If not , they will finally lose all singapore man to foreigners woman who appreciate us.

I can understand your position. I would not consider us s'porean men as fool or sucker. Afterall, I think what we all wanted end of the day is to have a harmonious and happy family. Is unfortunate that this one doesn't meet the mark. I'm married for 19 yrs now. Before married, she help to wash car, do some household chores and good sex. So, told myself, "hey, this is a good lady, must marry her." ..... after married, demands start to come already. Told me she doesn't want to work anymore (age below 30 at that time), she wants maid and wants monthly allowance and doesn't want to do anything. Just shake leg. I was shock:eek:. But, at that time, I kept my cool, I told her "sure, you should have married XXXXX (some rich man names). You sure will get what you want. Why marry a working guy like me? I marry in the hope to start a family, working together, planning and helping each other for the future, I don't mind that. However, if you think getting married and every responsibility is on the husband, then sorry, I am not the right man for u. Things was never the same for both of us. Till today, we are still together. I don't believe in divorce as I feel is like from the "frying pan into the fire". Also not good for children (you different cos no child yet). I believe marriage has to really exercise tolerance, patience, sacrifice, tactfulness and forgiveness. I am managing mine the best I can ... like it or not.

[Softcore]

My parents are divorced, and one of the things that I've picked up is that there is a time to give in, and there is a time to stand firm.

If you give in all the time, you are a spineless wuss. That is a sad, sorry fact of many Singaporean men. From a woman's point of view, she will find it very difficult to respect you if you lack the balls to stand up to her when necessary. She wants a man, not a mouse. Is she throwing tantrums because you wouldn't buy her an expensive ticket item? Ignore her. Is she craving for Nasi Lemak at three in the morning? Indulge her... But not too much.

You need to give her the understanding that you'll love to have her around, but you wouldn't tolerate her nonsense.

I think nowadays woman thinks that giving birth is some great job, this gives them the right to scream at us and make us like male slaves. They never know this is their national service, just like we guys serve the army. Woman from 5000 yrs ago already start giving birth, nothing to great or something to ffel proud. By mking us more tulan, we will go more often to geylang surf more sammyboy, fuck more WL , without having to feel guilty at all.

Sorry to say but this is such a loser's attitude. Instead of confronting the problem and communicating with her, you'll choose to fuck an escort instead? When you head home after that the problem is only temporarily resolved. What then? Keep going for escorts time after time?

[Softcore]

Life story

Nice story, but your first and most crucial mistake was in attempting to please her all the time and in overindulging her.

[HCKing]

My parents are divorced, and one of the things that I've picked up is that there is a time to give in, and there is a time to stand firm.

If you give in all the time, you are a spineless wuss. That is a sad, sorry fact of many Singaporean men. From a woman's point of view, she will find it very difficult to respect you if you lack the balls to stand up to her when necessary. She wants a man, not a mouse. Is she throwing tantrums because you wouldn't buy her an expensive ticket item? Ignore her. Is she craving for Nasi Lemak at three in the morning? Indulge her... But not too much.

You need to give her the understanding that you'll love to have her around, but you wouldn't tolerate her nonsense.



Sorry to say but this is such a loser's attitude. Instead of confronting the problem and communicating with her, you'll choose to fuck an escort instead? When you head home after that the problem is only temporarily resolved. What then? Keep going for escorts time after time?

unfortunately this is easier said then done bro. IMHO i would rather go look 4 escorts to have an enjoyable gd time, after that come back n have a peaceful sleep then risked getting farked jialat by OC for confronting her short-comings and getting myself into an even lousier mood. whenever there r any arguments btw couples the guy will most likely lose out not only becos the girl will get very emotional n unreasonable but ppl around will also tend to side her then staying neutral. sigh.:o

[cumranger69]

No la, I think she would be a better person if she is one!

Well not really, some malaysian girls i know always go back to their families every weekend and drag their singaporean bf to go with them. As if the guys themselves dun have a family here. I see already, I tell my singaporean bfs dun be a cock lah. But apparently, their cocks have been swallowed by the pussy already and they gong gong followed them back. knn, dunno their parents raise them up for fuck.

[extant]

The greatest of all art is the art of living together.

[gyrfalcon]

The greatest of all art is the art of living together.

Living together is never easy. Should cohabit as a trial before considering marriage.

[leecs]

Living together is never easy. Should cohabit as a trial before considering marriage.

For westerners, its normal. But for stinkapore, its rare because most of us live with parents & dont own a home unless you rent out or your're 35.

As for cohabit, its subjective...

[y7u8i9o0]

I think all men must acknowledge that life before and after marriage will be different. My advise, be who you really are during courtship, dun pretend to be romantic if you are not, dun pretend to be those super sensitive guy if you are not. What you do during courtship set the baseline for her expectations. Just be who you are - the natural you.

Communicate. Tell the truth. (of course, some secrets you carry into your grave) If you dun want to buy her an expensive item because you cant afford it, tell her. If you are facing work pressures in the office, tell her that you need the necessary silence back at home or excuse you from the household chores for the month as you got an important project to rush.

Time. The time your OC wants from you is forever not enough. So get her used to a routine. Chill out a while with friends and go home later at times. Go uncontactable at times. Dun call her all the time. Break undesirable habits such as reporting where you are, be home on time on target (soon she will bitch when you wasn't home on time), buying gifts for every occasions etc.

Truth. You entered the marriage willingly. You made that choice. So live it. Once you confirmed you made a terrible mistake and you are sure you be better off living alone. Then pluck up the courage and do the necessary. However, if kids are in the way, then ask yourself the same question again when the children are old enough to fend for themselves. Be fair to the kids.

Just my few cents worth...hope it helps

[tamtam]

just curious and want to ask why you decided to get married?

Looking at the present situations, its easy to say that i made a wrong choice for getting married, but this is not the case then, when i was in my twenties...young and green, i didn't know anything about the women's charter law, not even till recent years that i found out much about the Women charter law.

I don't know about now, but in those days when a couple go steady for a while, automatically both will quickly go HDB and Pay $10 to register for a new flat, and in those days, it will generally takes about 3 years (if you lucky) to 5 years to get your new flat eventually, so if during these waiting period, should a couple fucks up and split, there goes the wait....you have to start all over again with your next new girlfriend, or boyfriend....an wait for another 3 to 5 years again....

So in that particular era, all couples will automatically get married when HDB announced the allocation of a comfirmed new flat, without even need to propose to her !!! as a matter of facts... So the housing thingy will easily weight up to 50% of importance with the rests being on her. So this is the prevailing social probelm then, but i dont know how its being done now a day on housing issues....

Being young at that time, there are also peers pressure, not so much on me, but the girls parents will give hints on marriages.....etc. So you see, there are so much more to it, let along when you are young and green about the whole world.

If the Women charter law were to legislate that all marrying guys must know and attend class on the right of the women before married, then i believed that numbers of marriage per year will drop drastically....

These are some of the reasons that made us married in that era, and there are nothing wrong with the law, just that most of us are equally ignorance about it when we says " I do "

[tuxedosam]

no relationship is ever static. no person is an island...we do not exist in a vacuum but interact in a dynamic fashion with the environment around us. just as we are moulded by circumstances, we can also shape the very situation we are 'stuck' in. a deep and committed relationship isn't always easy...people need to realise that interpersonal ties (especially those that are intimate and those that count) need nurturing and hard work, before resorting to knee-jerk complaints about this, that or some other extraneous factor...before they've even taken a long, hard look at themselves. you can't expect a perfect relationship to fall into your lap. besides, it DOESN'T exist. we are all flawed beings so in 'real life', overly romanticised notions of an ideal 'love' of the sort that is reproduced everywhere by the mass media, just doesn't quite square with the facts on the ground. still, sometimes it's best to accept that people change as well. something that used to work might not always. anyway, divorce is not such a big deal anymore. i've seen so many cases, including some involving close friends, that i actually think it can kinda be a good thing. staying in a marriage for all the wrong reasons is the worse thing you can do for a relationship or yourself. 'traditional' family values? hmph, i'd rather that marriage not be seen as such a political and social bastion in an age characterised by choice, diversity and a healthy respect for difference. my point is just that problems have solutions. no point being overly defeatist or negativistic. you might have wasted X number of years, but you still have the rest of your life to look forward to. and that rings true even if you factor in complications like parental objections or the presence of young children etc. people ought to take charge of their lives instead of drowning in resentment, blaming their partners or unseen forces like the 'cruelty' of 'fate' for their lot in life. and they have got to be accountable for their own choices and be responsible for their own happiness. as for cohabitation, it's actually pretty common these days, even in singapore. hey, it actually makes good sense la. if you can't even LIVE together under one roof for six months, what about six years? or six decades?

[HCKing]

Living together is never easy. Should cohabit as a trial before considering marriage.

haha sounds like probation period.:D

[cheeeburger]

Stay married or divorce, you will still regret, becauce life is never perfect. Treasure what you have now. Remember how you two got together to come to this stage? What you see in her then. Be positive, look at her good point, then you dont feel so bad, slowly she will also be influence by you.

[Longitude]

A marriage without conflicts is almost inconceivable as a nation without crisis. And if there is a war nobody will ever emerge as a winner.

[TightV]

I am divorced too. Guess i am lucky as i didn't have to worry custody as we had no kids. Some people marry with a hidden agenda and i guess my EX-OC was one of them.

My point is this, the next time i marry, i will layout my cards, and leave nothing to "common sense", "guess", "expectation". Love is too loosely used these days, for those girls who use on my saying "you love me, you will do XXXX" i will tell them, "if you do love me, you will not use "love" to pressure me.." and usually, for me, its "bye-bye" (of cos after a few more rounds in bed :p ) for this kind of girls.

For me, its "you respect me, u get my respect for you.."

[TightV]

I am divorced too. Guess i am lucky as i didn't have to worry custody as we had no kids. Some people marry with a hidden agenda and i guess my EX-OC was one of them.

My point is this, the next time i marry, i will layout my cards, and leave nothing to "common sense", "guess", "expectation". Love is too loosely used these days, for those girls who use on my saying "you love me, you will do XXXX" i will tell them, "if you do love me, you will not use "love" to pressure me.." and usually, for me, its "bye-bye" (of cos after a few more rounds in bed :p ) for this kind of girls.

For me, its "you respect me, u get my respect for you.."

[Frankiestine]

For me in my marriage I try to practicse the 3As, Accomodate, Adapt and Adjust. Unfortunately, for my OC it is me who has to do all the above....:(:(

[wild]

For me in my marriage I try to practicse the 3As, Accomodate, Adapt and Adjust. Unfortunately, for my OC it is me who has to do all the above....:(:(

Same here. In general, women are unusual creatures.

[lightning]

My parents are divorced, and one of the things that I've picked up is that there is a time to give in, and there is a time to stand firm.

If you give in all the time, you are a spineless wuss. That is a sad, sorry fact of many Singaporean men. From a woman's point of view, she will find it very difficult to respect you if you lack the balls to stand up to her when necessary. She wants a man, not a mouse. Is she throwing tantrums because you wouldn't buy her an expensive ticket item? Ignore her. Is she craving for Nasi Lemak at three in the morning? Indulge her... But not too much.

You need to give her the understanding that you'll love to have her around, but you wouldn't tolerate her nonsense.



Sorry to say but this is such a loser's attitude. Instead of confronting the problem and communicating with her, you'll choose to fuck an escort instead? When you head home after that the problem is only temporarily resolved. What then? Keep going for escorts time after time?

Strongly agreed and had such encounters before.

[lightning]

There was once I asked her if I go Japan to work, will you tag along. She said no. She won't leave her job behind. She won't forsake everything here, especially her DOG......

This type of gal i would say will not sacificre for u. For me i would think very hardly to commit to this type and she might leave for something better:rolleyes:

[falconboy]

Just concentrate on making money. When you have the money you become the king and your OC tends to listen to you.

[t123]

For me in my marriage I try to practicse the 3As, Accomodate, Adapt and Adjust. Unfortunately, for my OC it is me who has to do all the above....:(:(

Sama Sama:(

[Olduncle]

For me in my marriage I try to practicse the 3As, Accomodate, Adapt and Adjust. Unfortunately, for my OC it is me who has to do all the above....:(:(

Old uncle marry many years liao. Old uncle use the 3 MONKEYS

COVER THE EYE

COVER THE EAR

COVER THE MOUTH

KUM XIA KUM XIA

BUT ONLY OLD UNCLE PRACTICE WIFEY CAN DO ANYTHING SHE WANT HOR !!!

[Cuntworth]

Old uncle marry many years liao. Old uncle use the 3 MONKEYS

COVER THE EYE

COVER THE EAR

COVER THE MOUTH

KUM XIA KUM XIA

BUT ONLY OLD UNCLE PRACTICE WIFEY CAN DO ANYTHING SHE WANT HOR !!!
If my OC will practise like the Monkey cover eye , ear n mouth.. that will be heaven in my Nest liao.. Sometime i rather wish that i was not married. can have a carefree lifestyle... but the saying "When 1 was tired the best place to rest still the HOME" so my standard is 1 ear in 1 ear out.. guess that does help the marriage a bit ya

[grandhotel]

every marriage has its own problems since time immemorial. thats why WL is the oldest profession... when cannot tahan at home, go release some stress it wont solve your problem, but will definetely give u temporary "relief"

[fatso]

To the bro who started this discussion,

You need to put your foot down that you are the boss. Dun be like those sissy carrying guys who carry their wife's handbag and think that it is male chivalry.

They have to breast feed and take care of the kids at nite. This is their national service so tell her to get with the program.

Lastly, tell her you are actually doing her a favour by having sex with her because:

1) It saves the family money (as oppose to "eating out")
2) Bonds family closer (hubby and wife)
3) Keeps you from straying and potential family break up.

All works in your favour.

:)


Halo.. wht do u mean by saying tht huh... i really pity ur wify if u have got 1. :mad:

[Oralcraz]

unfortunately this is easier said then done bro. IMHO i would rather go look 4 escorts to have an enjoyable gd time, after that come back n have a peaceful sleep then risked getting farked jialat by OC for confronting her short-comings and getting myself into an even lousier mood. whenever there r any arguments btw couples the guy will most likely lose out not only becos the girl will get very emotional n unreasonable but ppl around will also tend to side her then staying neutral. sigh.:o

You know what, I agree with this move. I'm practicing this too. Have been trying to explain for the past 18-19 yrs, sian liao. Better just "let it be....let it be...let it be.....let it be.... don't speak word of wisdom ..... let it be...":)

[Oralcraz]

Old uncle marry many years liao. Old uncle use the 3 MONKEYS
COVER THE EYE
COVER THE EAR
COVER THE MOUTH
KUM XIA KUM XIA
BUT ONLY OLD UNCLE PRACTICE WIFEY CAN DO ANYTHING SHE WANT HOR !!!

Old uncle, you must have been "practicing this wu gong "Hoh qench" (monkey fist) for many years. That's why you are now master of it. But for the just married or not so many years, is not easy to practice. In my first 7-8 yrs of marriage, I don't see things this way. It is only after my mom passed away (about 8 yrs of marriage then), that I started to practice "see open". Not easy but ... can do it. Good luck.

[Cyberfriend]

The greatest of all art is the art of living together.

This art is really very difficult to master. Before and after marriage is so much different. :(

Cheers :)

[ch18]

Just concentrate on making money. When you have the money you become the king and your OC tends to listen to you.

Totally agreed..........$$$ is KING!!!
Nowadays, Women/OCs look more toward $$$.....

[SamSeng79]

Totally agreed..........$$$ is KING!!!
Nowadays, Women/OCs look more toward $$$.....

100% agree...:D

[Furyman]

This art is really very difficult to master. Before and after marriage is so much different. :(

Cheers :)

fully agree bro!!!

[cannon]

Just concentrate on making money. When you have the money you become the king and your OC tends to listen to you.

My OC only listens and be good to me when she suspects I was seeing someone. But when she knew I was no longer seeing that someone she reverted to her original self. So sometimes it pays to be naughty.

[HeadOn]

This type of gal i would say will not sacificre for u. For me i would think very hardly to commit to this type and she might leave for something better:rolleyes:


is it?..as far as i know, most gals will choose to follow their partner overseas...cos they dun wanna b separated

[onlyou]

the ideas and solutions given here is superb! its a marriage of 2 families of just 2 persons. i also hv my fair share... as i come from peaceful family before marriage, my new family is giving me more headaches in the last 5 years than my entire 30 years with my own. to list a few:
1) maid - now wife doesnt even wants to make her own cup of coffee
2) car - when i on leave, she drives to work; when she on leave, she drives for shopping
3) kid - i m doing more emotional and growing up support
4) family - her family's problem becoming mine. niece got sick come to my place and leaves immediately when recovered without saying thank you (not to me)
5) work - i travel a bit in my work. when i got home, she just said - now the kid is yours. ok since i also missed the bonding with my kid.
6) domestic work - i do help like washing a cup or plate cos i was brought up to. she leaves it on the table
7) Outings - she suggests going out but i planned schedule. from her family's birthdays to her relatives. i have to suggest a place.
8) Arguments - will side her side of family (loudly) even though the opinion is subjective
9) throw tantrum when she is losing the argument
like Bro Oraclez & Olduncle - i have tried, argued, quarreled, reasoned and all but i think the best is just to concentrate on things that matters to me most like my kid. I dont have to win every battle to win the war... but i appreciate sharing in this thread... i am not alone...

[wild]

the ideas and solutions given here is superb! its a marriage of 2 families of just 2 persons. i also hv my fair share... as i come from peaceful family before marriage, my new family is giving me more headaches in the last 5 years than my entire 30 years with my own. to list a few:
1) maid - now wife doesnt even wants to make her own cup of coffee
2) car - when i on leave, she drives to work; when she on leave, she drives for shopping
3) kid - i m doing more emotional and growing up support
4) family - her family's problem becoming mine. niece got sick come to my place and leaves immediately when recovered without saying thank you (not to me)
5) work - i travel a bit in my work. when i got home, she just said - now the kid is yours. ok since i also missed the bonding with my kid.
6) domestic work - i do help like washing a cup or plate cos i was brought up to. she leaves it on the table
7) Outings - she suggests going out but i planned schedule. from her family's birthdays to her relatives. i have to suggest a place.
8) Arguments - will side her side of family (loudly) even though the opinion is subjective
9) throw tantrum when she is losing the argument
like Bro Oraclez & Olduncle - i have tried, argued, quarreled, reasoned and all but i think the best is just to concentrate on things that matters to me most like my kid. I dont have to win every battle to win the war... but i appreciate sharing in this thread... i am not alone...

You are right. You are not alone. Many husbands have similar sufferings (me including. I console myself with these words : what is these sufferings compare with the world's history of sufferings?

[bangbangben]

Life was simple till human intervention.

I find approach to most issues are in our local context are as follow;
1) Found out some small issues which cause slight unhappiness
2) Endure and swallow
3) More problems rises
4) Endure and swallow again
5) Bigger issues arise
6) Unable to take it and voice out
7) Other party not will to give in or accept. (If accept or change, problem solve)
8) Physical rebel or changes to influence other party. (If changed, problem solve)
9) Still no change by other party.
10) Decides to leave.

I think above process is very similar and familiar to many even when we picture it at work, home or personal relationship.

Humans when being nice often turns soft and give others the chance to climb all over you.
Humans when being direct and straightforwarded are often found disliked and detested by others.

The true solution is to find a balance in not just your own life, but a balance in everyones.

[HCKing]

Humans when being nice often turns soft and give others the chance to climb all over you.
Humans when being direct and straightforwarded are often found disliked and detested by others.

The true solution is to find a balance in not just your own life, but a balance in everyones.

agree with u bro, there's time to be soft n time to be hard, depending on the situation, just like our didi.:D

women usually dislike their men to tell them their shortcomings directly cos they will start thinking their men dont love them anymore or have changed their hearts for other women. its just like if u tell yr gf she is fat she will start to think that u have fallen for other slimmer MM and gets emotional rather than solving the problem (to slim down)

[Toyota Honda]

Hi bros

i agreed spore woman are difficult female to please.
i had my share of experience as well.
examples of list of expenses which i paid forth and meant for her use.
1 ) cars ( upgrade )
from a lexus to a BMW to merc.
2 ) country clubs.
3 ) branded handbags.
she practically owned an entire buberry shop previously but slowly upgraded to LV to Cartier.
4 ) watches
from Baby G to Tag haeur to AP
5 ) house
start from HDB to APT to a semi D
6 ) holidays. ( min 2 long trips and 3 short trip per year )
7 ) jewelleries.

in additional , she never do any household chores at all. always compplain too tired. and say if i pamper her , i will do for her.

come on , man got to work so hard to earn the demands of hers and yet come home become a slave cum maid as well.

the last straw was after 11 yrs , i gave her the ultimatunm. I wanted a child of my own. ( she gave excuses every year since our 3rd yr of marriage ). She says she is not ready. Fuck it man.

so spore man has been a fool like me.now , i have my freedom and my own life.
i do not have any hatred for marriage but i do think that singaporean woman are seriously taking singapore man for a ride and does not appreciate the scarifices we ,man made.

hope one fine day , they will wake up their fucking idea soon.
If not , they will finally lose all singapore man to foreigners woman who appreciate us.

Bro,

Really feel for you.. My sense is that women are afterall humans. I am a very direct man. So whatever I say might offend you. But plese forgive me.

U are really a fool. If your worker or maid is not doing what they are supposed to do up to your expectations, u should take in control and make sure they do what you expect cos u give them the salary. Of cos, I am not asking you to take drastic measures of not paying them salaries or not giving them food.

Likewise, if a wife is not doing what she is expexcted to, whats the point of marrying? Cut back on all the items that shhe wants. I remember when I was younger and had a gf. She always expects me to peel the prawn shells for her. My point to her is.. If I, as a husband have to peel prawns for her, and in future for my kids, I would be a very useless husband. A wife is one who should help the husband whenever and whatever she can. If she can't even do this, u are as good as marrying a women who are only capable of being a wastrel or even worse, a cripple.

Spore girls indeed are getting worse.. But its up to us guys to help balance things and change them of their selfish ways and mindset. If they think the western guys are better, let them go get 'f & d' by those westerners. We sporean guys don't need attitude women. We soprean men are not losing out to our western counterparts in any ways esp capability and thinking. Its those ladies' loss. But sad to say, there are still many guys out there who still spoil market.

[Oralcraz]

the ideas and solutions given here is superb! its a marriage of 2 families of just 2 persons. i also hv my fair share... as i come from peaceful family before marriage, my new family is giving me more headaches in the last 5 years than my entire 30 years with my own. to list a few:
1) maid - now wife doesnt even wants to make her own cup of coffee
2) car - when i on leave, she drives to work; when she on leave, she drives for shopping
3) kid - i m doing more emotional and growing up support
4) family - her family's problem becoming mine. niece got sick come to my place and leaves immediately when recovered without saying thank you (not to me)
5) work - i travel a bit in my work. when i got home, she just said - now the kid is yours. ok since i also missed the bonding with my kid.
6) domestic work - i do help like washing a cup or plate cos i was brought up to. she leaves it on the table
7) Outings - she suggests going out but i planned schedule. from her family's birthdays to her relatives. i have to suggest a place.
8) Arguments - will side her side of family (loudly) even though the opinion is subjective
9) throw tantrum when she is losing the argument
like Bro Oraclez & Olduncle - i have tried, argued, quarreled, reasoned and all but i think the best is just to concentrate on things that matters to me most like my kid. I dont have to win every battle to win the war... but i appreciate sharing in this thread... i am not alone...

Smile more my friend:). Able to accept and smile, you will be happier. Good luck.

[hock19]

Smile more my friend:). Able to accept and smile, you will be happier. Good luck.

SO maybe the alternative way, not necessary the preferred way, is to have a gal outside (China girl or whatver). AT least you can think of this gal and when youa re with her, you feel good. But obviously this is short term but this is an outlet. Hopefully in a few years time, wife will mellow and all is fine. If not, jsut contiune with girl friends. But make sure they are not hanging on to you. A little bit can but if it goes serious for her and if you cannot control this, you are in trouble also!! Unless you divorse wife and marry girlfriend. But then, it starts the cycle all over again.

[Oralcraz]

Bro,
Likewise, if a wife is not doing what she is expexcted to, whats the point of marrying? Cut back on all the items that shhe wants. I remember when I was younger and had a gf. She always expects me to peel the prawn shells for her. My point to her is.. If I, as a husband have to peel prawns for her, and in future for my kids, I would be a very useless husband. A wife is one who should help the husband whenever and whatever she can. If she can't even do this, u are as good as marrying a women who are only capable of being a wastrel or even worse, a cripple.
Spore girls indeed are getting worse.. But its up to us guys to help balance things and change them of their selfish ways and mindset. If they think the western guys are better, let them go get 'f & d' by those westerners. We sporean guys don't need attitude women. We soprean men are not losing out to our western counterparts in any ways esp capability and thinking. Its those ladies' loss. But sad to say, there are still many guys out there who still spoil market.

After reading all these post, guess majority of us here are not that please with our OC. However, to be fair to S'porean ladies, I must say that not all S'porean ladies are that irresponsible to their marriage. I would like to share 3 genuine cases of good S'porean lady that make me tears.

1) Once I was walking on the street near a small factory (or shop) which sells hampers. It was near Christmas time. I saw this guy, in shorts and T-shirt carrying hampers and loading into his van. Then, I saw this lady (late 20s or early 30s in nice make-up and wearing heels and office attire) helping him to carry those hampers and loading into the van too. You can see that the blouse is sticking onto the body due to perspiration. I asked myself, what is she doing. I approached the lady (when the guy went in to collect more hampers) and asked if she is from the shop and selling the hampers (pretending looking for one). She said "no, I am helping my husband to collect and deliver hampers." I said why you are wearing heels and the attire ..... she said "I just finished work and straight down to the shop. Need to deliver 18 hampers by tonight." Oh, good luck. Bye. I was touch and nearly tears.
2) This is my former neighbour. She has 3 kids. Is a housewife with a maid. She drives kids to school. She tutor the kids. She sees her husband off to work at the door with a kiss. Never hear her complain. Sometimes even cook nice food/desert and share with us. What a lady.:)
3) This mother is amazing. My kid's former classmate mother actually. Has 2 kids in school. Drives them to and fro, beside school, drives them to music class, tuition class etc. NO MAID. Does household chores by herself. She told me everyday, morning wake up busy until 12 mid night. I told her, you are a wonderful mother. (:rolleyes:wonder if still have time for sex???)

I really admire the above ladies. At the same time, I envy their hubby. For me, I always tell myself not to compare. Wife is chosen by us ourself. So like it or not, just do the best I can. Good luck.

[onlyou]

having alternative outlet cant solve the OC prob. i am long enuf in a marriage to know that. of cos there are superb wives and i do know some too.

as for really superb wives, i think the Japs wives are really something. have you seen Jap wives / mothers (Daimaru) holding to their toddler, piggybag another and pulling a stroller and shopping bags? i heard that its a shame if they get a maid or unable to handle the usual wife / mother duties. i am not a wife torturer but how i wish, just how i wish...

yes bro oralcraz, i am smiling, i m smiling... cos i got a world class toddler that just melts my heart, all the time :)

[UFH-UFC]

Sometime i think its the social culture here that up bringing the so call " Singapore women", they have been so well protected by the law even since it was put in place to protect them during the difficult 60s and 70s....But by today standard, do you really think its fair for us mens?

i have been married for 16 years, its not too long but definintely not short either, i had tried all sorts of ways and means to sustain my marriage, you name it, i did it...But it's really hard to live together with a Singapore women, they expect you to do things in their way, do your duties as a husband, be faithful "because" you had taken the vow, without putting any effort to make us stayed faithful...

Things evolved during this 16 years...from trying to save my marriage, listen to advices, doing things her way, staying home early, not to disturb her when she is tried, sex only on weekends due to her work, diy myself, respect her parent, sending her and picking her up all the time, doing all chores when babay are newly borned, wake up in middle of the night to prepare milk, etc.....

Once i stopped helping out, she will compare me with all their friend's husband, me for not being the norm. I wished i can pen down more ....but its just too many issues that i can't simply write. So in the last few years, my heart starts to harden, and slowly i learn to let go things, from not even dare to think of divoiceing due to the sake for my children, to slowing able to accept the fact that i need to let them go....

I was at this crossroad many time, whether to make a decision to leave this family or stay on. After going round and round, i found that i m still stuck at this crossroad, finally she pull some stupid stunt and make me woke up, i cannot be doing these for my next 30 years, so i decided to leave for good, its a painful decision, but i can't live unhappily for my next half a lifetime right?
How about my children ? This is the painful part, but as a singaporean, you cannot win the law, let alone the "women charter". So i will not fight for custody of the children, just leave it to the law, 99.9% they will be awarded to the mother....so no point fighting a losing battle.

I have try so long to keep this marriage, but realised i have wasted too much time, i should have done this much eariler, cut my losses and get on with life...I have since make up my mind to file for divorce and are now currently selling my house.

I'm not trying to discourage any bro here, but sometime it just wakes each other up to see things in a different perspective, there have been some good and wonderful marraige around too, but not with mine, sadly 1 in 4 marriages ended up divorce, probably half of the 3 are simply tolerating each others, with the remaining few are the truly good marriages...lucky few, your efforts paid off.

So to marry a Singapore lady, think harder, in for a choppy ride....Some of you may think i'm abit shallow, but if you are in it, then you will understand why some of us do things this way.

I would like to thank all SBF bro here for all these years of sharing, and are glad mine comes to a conclusion.


Bro, I am in the same boat as you and now filing my divorce.

The only difference is that my marriage is only 6 years and my wife will go all out to nail me DEAD.

I can truely understand how you feel!

Take care and try to get some support from family and friends. That helps.

[onlyou]

to bro UFH-UFC, sorry to hear abt that. do be strong and call for listening ear if you need to. and - to hate a person takes a lot of energy and it is tiring...

[Furyman]

the ideas and solutions given here is superb! its a marriage of 2 families of just 2 persons. i also hv my fair share... as i come from peaceful family before marriage, my new family is giving me more headaches in the last 5 years than my entire 30 years with my own. to list a few:
2) car - when i on leave, she drives to work; when she on leave, she drives for shopping
9) throw tantrum when she is losing the argument
like Bro Oraclez & Olduncle - i have tried, argued, quarreled, reasoned and all but i think the best is just to concentrate on things that matters to me most like my kid. I dont have to win every battle to win the war... but i appreciate sharing in this thread... i am not alone...

well bro u are not alone,especially the car,since the day got the car,been driving her around,its always the day i need to go out with frd that she need to used it.at times when i ask her where is she going she say wat if i need it!! end up neber drive park at carpark.

[Bangster]

I'd like to have my say here also...

The problem with some of the affected marriages mentioned herein above lies not only with the wife but also with the MEN. Let me explain my views.

We love our wives, or should I say we once loved our wives, which is the very reason we got married. For those bros who married their wives for some other reasons, I have no interest to discuss on that. It's disheartening for me to read how some of the marriages have failed allegedly due to the wife giving problems.

Now I am no counsellor nor women's rights activist, ok? But let's face it - how many women are problem-free? How many of them actually do not crave attention and do not kick up a fuss when we men go for a boys' night-out? They all bloody do. And from what I've read above, it seems to me some of the brothers here started out on the wrong footing - by being too nice to the wives. Now, women who are pampered heavily by their husbands are very very likely to never get enough of stepping on the heads of their men. You'll find these are the women who wants to dominate the lives of their men, to be ultra possessive of so-called 'shared' properties eg. car, to expect their husbands to treat her parents and family more importantly rather than being fair to both sides' families.

I simply put the blame on the men. Why?

Because they were the ones who very likely have been giving in since the start of their relationship, the ones who have been pampering their bitches after marriage just because the women brings up the issue of the wedding vow(as if they themselves did not recite it!) and they were the ones who not been honest with their bitches that they cannot take it anymore and they should both work out a solution rather than go through a divorce! Up till this point, please do not assume that the woman is free of blame. She was the one who has been stirring up the shit.

So, if there is to be an effective solution, I'd say fuck the pampering. Stand your ground and let these bitches know their place. They've had their fair share of being pampered back at their parents' home when they're growing up and you men are supposed to be the ones to wake them up from their princessy dream-like state. Yes, every woman deserves to be loved and treated nicely but in a marriage, I believe it is a 2-person team effort and not just one-sided.

There are just too many divorces nowadays. It's not very encouraging at all..

[Oralcraz]

.....
yes bro oralcraz, i am smiling, i m smiling... cos i got a world class toddler that just melts my heart, all the time :)

Great. Congrats and am happy for u:)

[hi-bro]

I'd like to have my say here also...

The problem with some of the affected marriages mentioned herein above lies not only with the wife but also with the MEN. Let me explain my views.....

There are just too many divorces nowadays. It's not very encouraging at all..

I certainly agree with what you say.....part of the reason is mainly before marriage guys give in too much and expect their wife to be mature after their marriage, which most probably will not......worst still, there has been a rise of husband abused nowadays:eek: I may give in to my OC but there is definately no way I will let myself be abused by her.....if not this :cool: will be her face for the next few weeks :D

Too bad now then I'm learning by the hard way:(.........I always shared with my younger colleagues and friends about my experience and hope that it is still not too late......Stand up GUYS.....TOGETHER WE WILL CHANGE!!!!

[asspanker]

I'd like to have my say here also...

The problem with some of the affected marriages mentioned herein above lies not only with the wife but also with the MEN. Let me explain my views.
.
.
.

Yes, every woman deserves to be loved and treated nicely but in a marriage, I believe it is a 2-person team effort and not just one-sided.

There are just too many divorces nowadays. It's not very encouraging at all..




I agree totally with your point. Although im nearing my 1 year anniversary and the 'sugar rush' has been a little diluted, but still very sweet. Im wondering how it will be once the marriage goes beyond 3/ 5/ 10/ ++ years.

A friend of mine shared with me that his another good friend's mom complained to him that her own son was 'useless'. Why i might ask?

It turns out that her own son 'sided with her daughter-in-law after marriage, and even the new born grandson was spending lots of time with the maternal in-laws instead of paternal side.' I guess this sort of thing is very easy to neglect but our parents will definitely wonder why the son married 'out' instead of a daughter-in-law married into the family?

[leecs]

I agree totally with your point. Although im nearing my 1 year anniversary and the 'sugar rush' has been a little diluted, but still very sweet. Im wondering how it will be once the marriage goes beyond 3/ 5/ 10/ ++ years.

A friend of mine shared with me that his another good friend's mom complained to him that her own son was 'useless'. Why i might ask?

It turns out that her own son 'sided with her daughter-in-law after marriage, and even the new born grandson was spending lots of time with the maternal in-laws instead of paternal side.' I guess this sort of thing is very easy to neglect but our parents will definitely wonder why the son married 'out' instead of a daughter-in-law married into the family?

My friend's wife forbade my friend to brign their daughter to his mums home. She said that if your mum takes care of her, she cant learn English. Her mum was complaining to my friend why so long never bring my grand-daughter here.:mad:

[Bangster]

Total rubbish. I think your fren's wife grew up on shit. Jiak sai dua harn.

Can't learn English? In the first place, maybe you should get your fren to ask his wife if she finds any difference in the way she speaks English and our dear Ms Singapore World- Ms Ris Low.

I bet not.

Nine out of every ten kids I come across speak rubbish English. And then I usually discover the reason why when I hear the crap that comes out from the parent's or parents' mouths. The crap they labelled 'English'.

The so-called 'English' we have here in Singapore is merely direct word-for-word translation from our more familiar Mother Tongue actually but somehow or rather many are too proud and choose to think they're more proficient in ENGLISH...

Ok back to the topic..

As I've said before, such shit happens(the wife forbidding the hubby to take the kid to visit his paternal grandparents) because this useless prick of a man, *KA-PUI!!* no, he's not even fit to be called a 'MAN'...this, this PRICK allowed(or merely did not do anything to prevent so) the inhumane wife to lay down ridiculous terms at the very beginning and he abided by them. Once, twice and it became a norm.

Sorry if I have been sounding like some militant male egoist but the presence of men in a relationship, in a marriage, I believe is not only to carry and move heavy stuffs which the fairer sex could not but also to keep check on their al naturale ridiculousness and unexplained emotional bust-ups. Why, just because they bleed themselves crazy once a month we have to give in to their stupid demands? FUCK OFF LADY!

[spacehawk]

You cant change them. So, whenever my OC yelled at me I award her with demerit points. After a while I just redeemed points for a bonk with some FL or WL. Fair, right?

[netuser]

After reading so many posts, I think its better for me to stay single. Cheaper on my budget and so much freedom. That said, I have to brave the loneliness feeling....Pros and cons I guess.

Oh well, Geylang geylang here I cum!:p

[Softcore]

Total rubbish. I think your fren's wife grew up on shit. Jiak sai dua harn.

Can't learn English? In the first place, maybe you should get your fren to ask his wife if she finds any difference in the way she speaks English and our dear Ms Singapore World- Ms Ris Low.

I bet not.

Nine out of every ten kids I come across speak rubbish English. And then I usually discover the reason why when I hear the crap that comes out from the parent's or parents' mouths. The crap they labelled 'English'.

The so-called 'English' we have here in Singapore is merely direct word-for-word translation from our more familiar Mother Tongue actually but somehow or rather many are too proud and choose to think they're more proficient in ENGLISH...

Ok back to the topic..

As I've said before, such shit happens(the wife forbidding the hubby to take the kid to visit his paternal grandparents) because this useless prick of a man, *KA-PUI!!* no, he's not even fit to be called a 'MAN'...this, this PRICK allowed(or merely did not do anything to prevent so) the inhumane wife to lay down ridiculous terms at the very beginning and he abided by them. Once, twice and it became a norm.

Sorry if I have been sounding like some militant male egoist but the presence of men in a relationship, in a marriage, I believe is not only to carry and move heavy stuffs which the fairer sex could not but also to keep check on their al naturale ridiculousness and unexplained emotional bust-ups. Why, just because they bleed themselves crazy once a month we have to give in to their stupid demands? FUCK OFF LADY!

Great post.

You cant change them. So, whenever my OC yelled at me I award her with demerit points. After a while I just redeemed points for a bonk with some FL or WL. Fair, right?

Only if she knows that you're doing it. Otherwise you're just running away from the problem.

[Furyman]

i wonder any of the bro's here oc do not allow them to meet or talk to his frd at times,i got a frd who oc does that i dont know why.i remember this particular times when i meet him and he was with his oc.i mention one of our frd meet an accident and is in hospital.as we were in a bookstore he kay kay pick up a book pretend to read while asking me which hospital he is in and wat happen:mad: while i must do the same also:(

[sky_liner2]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her..


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.



'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'


'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.. It's called marriage.'


'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut your mouth.



The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.



A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'


First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

[felatio]

The good old saying "I never experience hell until i marry you and i only experience heaven after i've divorced you". But Singapore men or any men beware, do not be too trigger happy to end your marriage in Singapore, you could end up losing everything and there are totally nothing you can do about it.

My hard earned money & possessions in Singapore were all gone when i divorced my Singaporean wife three years back, my private apartment, my fairlady, all my cash in our joint account and my three prized red arowana. And this are all earned overseas and i bought them before i marry the slut. Her reason for the divorce was neglect resulting in psychological trauma due to my hectic travelling schedule. I agreed to the terms due to the potential loss i will sustain in keeping this marriage together. And the other reason was that the fixed assets were transfered to her name thinking that i only spent less than two month in Singapore every year, and if i were to drop dead overseas or the pilots decide to test the integrity o the plane by performing a nose dive, it would be easier for her and not get entangled in all the legal red tapes. One stupid dick to actually consider such details.

Revenge is sweet, she lost everything to the bastard that was showering her with undivided attention when i was travelling overseas and the low life cheap slut is back at her parents' three room flat in Ghim Moh where she belongs in the first place.

My advise to all bros, have a will and fight for what is yours, and for bros who have divorced and divided the assets, fixed another will for she still can stick her fingers into your current assets if you drop dead without a will and even if you have remarried.

[5stars]

Yes. I do agree that couple should do some compromising.

I relate my colleague's case - every now and then, he has to come out with some silly excuses to sneak out to go GL. He would say that he needs to wash his car, to give DVDs to his friends, to meet some friends for kopi - and his wife will always give him stern face & unhappy look.

If you have a car, why can't you say that "I am so tensed, could I go out for a drive"? If she wants to join you, bring her along, after a few boring trips, she might not tag along in future. Making excuses to work on weekend is another way. I am sure there are ample excuses you can come out with :p

Well ... Sometimes, guy should be more direct and simply tell his wife that he needs some time for chill out. He should encourage his wife to go out & do her own shopping or friend gathering. And, there should also be a limit.

If a guy enjoys his freedom so much, I believe marriage is a no-no for him.

Some quality time away from each other might help in the relationship. Of course - you cannot do it in a manner that she will suspect that you are having an affair or fun outside & neglecting her.

[mincin]

The husband is asleep and the wife has got nothing better to do then to surf the net and come across this very interesting and thought-provoking forum -- this thread caught my attention. Din know what OC meant but after reading thru' found out that OC= the wife (wonder why?!)

I did not know that guys think so badly of local gals till now. As each contributor puts up his list of things his wife does (that he resents), I make a mental list and reflect on my own actions.

1. car - I don't drive so I always take the bus or train (cos I can't stand the smell of cabs)
2. housework - No maid, I do all housework except the toilet which hub cleans fortnightly.
3. money - I know nuts about money issues. I'm contented with the $3000 that is maintained in my savings a/c for groceries & occassional shopping. I pay for my own splurges for facial with my tuition income.
4. kid - I quitted my job to look after him myself but my hubby spends time with my boy too.
5. in-laws - my in-laws live next block, has a set of my house keys and comes by every afternoon.

I always thought that as long as I do all the 'wifely duties' marriage will be a bed of roses but I'm wrong!
Why are we still NOT happily married? Or should I ask, what must a wife do (or perhaps, not do) to make her husband happy????

The problem: NO SEX
Tried sexy lingerie, tried initiating, tried direct asking, tried outburst, tried cold shoulder still no solution.
He is not having affairs and he has no problems with his gears.
Thought it is my problem so did a field test with my friend at St James but with the number of guys approaching me, dun really think it is the problem with my outlooks. So I'm stuck in a rut of being unhappily married and I'm starting to feel resentful.

I read other threads with jealousy about guys wanting more sex with wife, wanting wife to be more adventurous etc and I tell myself that I can do all those, in fact, I want to do all those but my hubby is plainly not having sex with me! I feel so ashame that in our relationship, I'm the one who needs sex more than him. Sometimes i wonder if i should just get a FB and solve the problem.

I sincerely need a guy's perspective on why a husband is not having sex with his wife??!

[leecs]

From what you've written, you are a typical wife that most men wants, maybe?

He might be tired from a long day's work, hence no sex. Why don't you initiate a holiday, just the 2 of you for a getaway to a resort or something. Do some sports which he likes... Make him feel pampered.

[OC.SIN09]

1. car - I don't drive so I always take the bus or train (cos I can't stand the smell of cabs)
2. housework - No maid, I do all housework except the toilet which hub cleans fortnightly.
3. money - I know nuts about money issues. I'm contented with the $3000 that is maintained in my savings a/c for groceries & occassional shopping. I pay for my own splurges for facial with my tuition income.
4. kid - I quitted my job to look after him myself but my hubby spends time with my boy too.
5. in-laws - my in-laws live next block, has a set of my house keys and comes by every afternoon.

I always thought that as long as I do all the 'wifely duties' marriage will be a bed of roses but I'm wrong!
Why are we still NOT happily married? Or should I ask, what must a wife do (or perhaps, not do) to make her husband happy????

The problem: NO SEX
Tried sexy lingerie, tried initiating, tried direct asking, tried outburst, tried cold shoulder still no solution.
He is not having affairs and he has no problems with his gears.
Thought it is my problem so did a field test with my friend at St James but with the number of guys approaching me, dun really think it is the problem with my outlooks. So I'm stuck in a rut of being unhappily married and I'm starting to feel resentful.

I read other threads with jealousy about guys wanting more sex with wife, wanting wife to be more adventurous etc and I tell myself that I can do all those, in fact, I want to do all those but my hubby is plainly not having sex with me! I feel so ashame that in our relationship, I'm the one who needs sex more than him. Sometimes i wonder if i should just get a FB and solve the problem.

I sincerely need a guy's perspective on why a husband is not having sex with his wife??!

Dear sis Mincin,

Sex is an important part of a marriage but it is not everything. If you still treasure your family & if your hubby is still loving, caring and communicating with you & your kid, then don't do something that you may regret later like FB r/s. (you may want to refer to my thread on FB - Should I accept?)

A pt to note, for gals to mention FB in their posting, you will sure get tonnes of PM offering to be your FB. :eek:

Take care!

[Toyota Honda]

The problem: NO SEX
Tried sexy lingerie, tried initiating, tried direct asking, tried outburst, tried cold shoulder still no solution.


I sincerely need a guy's perspective on why a husband is not having sex with his wife??!

Sis,

I am at times like that too... Sometimes its just the no mood to do it thing. But 1 thing which my girl does is that she would suddenly come over to me after I come out from the bathroom, kneel down infront of me and start to do bbbj etc. It kind of turn me on and I am sure many bros here can tell you that type of feeling.

In other word, guys actually like their girls to be sluts.. but sluts to them only.. Try that tactic. It may help. But if it doesn't, I really don't know what to do liao..

lso, you mentioned that ur man doesn't sleep out there.. How sure are you?

[storm]

The husband is asleep and the wife has got nothing better to do then to surf the net and come across this very interesting and thought-provoking forum -- this thread caught my attention. Din know what OC meant but after reading thru' found out that OC= the wife (wonder why?!)

I did not know that guys think so badly of local gals till now. As each contributor puts up his list of things his wife does (that he resents), I make a mental list and reflect on my own actions.

1. car - I don't drive so I always take the bus or train (cos I can't stand the smell of cabs)
2. housework - No maid, I do all housework except the toilet which hub cleans fortnightly.
3. money - I know nuts about money issues. I'm contented with the $3000 that is maintained in my savings a/c for groceries & occassional shopping. I pay for my own splurges for facial with my tuition income.
4. kid - I quitted my job to look after him myself but my hubby spends time with my boy too.
5. in-laws - my in-laws live next block, has a set of my house keys and comes by every afternoon.

I always thought that as long as I do all the 'wifely duties' marriage will be a bed of roses but I'm wrong!
Why are we still NOT happily married? Or should I ask, what must a wife do (or perhaps, not do) to make her husband happy????

The problem: NO SEX
Tried sexy lingerie, tried initiating, tried direct asking, tried outburst, tried cold shoulder still no solution.
He is not having affairs and he has no problems with his gears.
Thought it is my problem so did a field test with my friend at St James but with the number of guys approaching me, dun really think it is the problem with my outlooks. So I'm stuck in a rut of being unhappily married and I'm starting to feel resentful.

I read other threads with jealousy about guys wanting more sex with wife, wanting wife to be more adventurous etc and I tell myself that I can do all those, in fact, I want to do all those but my hubby is plainly not having sex with me! I feel so ashame that in our relationship, I'm the one who needs sex more than him. Sometimes i wonder if i should just get a FB and solve the problem.

I sincerely need a guy's perspective on why a husband is not having sex with his wife??!

Alot of factors can lead to no Sex. I believe you have already "eliminated" some of the "reasons". Like what other bro mention in this thread, the issue (not problem, but issue) may not be with you, it may be your hubby.

When I mean issue, please don't take it negative. Identify what's on his mind and try to understand him. From what your post, you must have thought the issue is on your side. That's a start and I believe bro here will agree that you are not the issue.

Continue your quest to find out more. Move on to to find out about him. May I suggest that you start with getting closer (eg. initiate small talks while making him a cup of coffee/tea, etc) to him and trying to understand his thoughts.

You may be surprised to find out more about the challenges (life, work, money, etc..) he's facing currently. Alot of men likes to keep issues to themselves. Not many men likes to share and ask their wives for thoughts. So if he does open up to you, don't ever ask question like "Why didn't you tell me earlier etc."

I am not suggesting you to to react or respond in sympathy. Alot of times, a listening ears and a supporting look are good enough to make your man feel you are behind him. I am not trying to sounds conservative but hey this is Asia. Like the saying goes, there's a supporting wife behind every successful man.

Hope this helps.

[kimchi]

Thought it is my problem so did a field test with my friend at St James but with the number of guys approaching me, dun really think it is the problem with my outlooks.



This field test is useless...intoxicated guys will see even below average looks as above average and also most of the times if the guys are not good looking they will not be so stupid as too go after the pretty ones if the intention is for ONS...unless of coz they have ferraris park at the entrance.:D Im not saying u are ugly or aniting like that...but pls dunt use this as a barometer.

However u do have my sympathy. Well sumtimes the flame just go off.
Cheers n take care.

[stakoe]

Hi bros,
My first posting just to share my experience with my OC . Married for 22 yrs , have its fair share of ups and downs , but overall still happy with my married life and 2 kids. Do have the odd quarrels once in a while .Still have my regular drinking sessions with frens. Life is good ...To all the married man out there, good luck and enjoy yr time with yr family .Take care

[mincin]

Dear all,

Thanks for the reponses.

Sis OC.SIN09,
Had read your thread and I guess the replies to you might as well had been replies to me. I'll keep that in mind. But i really admire your determination to stay in the marriage for so long. I'm in my 5th year of this kind of r/s and I can't stand it liao :o But think I'm in a better position cos unlike your hubby, he is always at home playing PC games. Just that I'll lament that PC games is more important than me. :mad:

Bro leecs,
Had gone Jap in Mar. Nothing happened there. Will head for TW in Dec to try to invoke some sparks again.

Bro Toyota Honda,
Can no mood for 5 years? I had been in the slut role everytime I suggest to him but I'm always in the dilemma of being a turn-off cos he likes those sweet sweet guai guai, submissive kind of gals so initiating it is already like very bad.:( I'm sure he doesn't fool around outside cos he is strongly against extramartial affairs and I dun doubt him a single bit cos whenever he is not working he is at home playing games on PC.

Bro Storm,
I really do hope he will talk to me about this issue but everytime I brought it up subtlely to discuss it, he will avoid and sweep it under the carpet (he'll joke n say he fat liao no stamina for sex or he is angry, he'll say that the way I touch him very tickle-ish so no mood liao). Tried solving the problems that he mentioned but so far still no luck :(

Bro kimchi,
Noted. I just hope to get over my self-doubts when I did that cos was (still am sometimes) feeling lousy about myself cos very hard to look well-maintained with a toddler and no maid. Feel like a maid most of the time... but trying my best to look gd cos I know husbands dun like 'huang-lian po'.

Perhaps, I'm posting in the wrong thread here (sorry!) but I'm stuck in a rut and need an outlet to dwell. I love my hubby, he is a very good & responsible man/father but my resentments on the sexual issues is building up over the years and is blinding me over all his positives attributes. Hence, I'm desperately trying to solve it before I do something silly (again - fell for some1 and wanted to leave but ended up the other party only wants a 'discreet' r/s) . I'm only 28 and I don't want to live the rest of my life like a nun!

[Oralcraz]

I sincerely need a guy's perspective on why a husband is not having sex with his wife??!

From what you have written, I believe you are a good mother and a good wife. As what bro leece says, "you are a typical wife that most men wants, maybe?" I would say not maybe but you are indeed what I hope my wife can be like. However, she is almost the opposite of you. :(

Anyway, I think yr marriage has somewhat become stale. So, his loving feeling may be lost. As kimchi says "flame has gone off". If you are sure he is not having another woman, then I would suggest you spice up the relationship with a short trip (without kids; since your in-laws just live next blk). Use this trip to show him what "sex" is all about. I believe he will first feel :eek: and then :p. Good luck.

[kingcopa]

totally agreed with bro oralcraz. If happen to me i will be :eek: then :)

[sean110]

hi mincin,

i dont know the full story, so cant really comment. Perhaps you like to recall past incidents that were not resolved? From the tonality of yr thread..you sound like a strong willed woman, very singapore woman attitude. Pardon me if i be frank, and i dont take side.

"everyword that come out from a person is always right...because it spoken from his/ her mouth..so how can it be wrong?" words from ym wise friend.

i had my fair share of 10 yrs with OC, really torturing cold treatment, till still dont know why, and she aint telling. Nevertheless, time will even out the unbalanced treatment, which is happening to me. Guys must learn more about the empower and not be too eager to pls the wife.

[mincin]

Hi Sean110,

Some guys are just not the talk & express themselves kind :( so it's kinda hard to resolve issues when one does not even want to discuss issues.

As for the 'very singapore woman attitude'... erm, dun really get what that implies :confused: as in i should just let things be?

"Guys must learn more about the empower and not be too eager to pls the wife. " erm... as for the guy empowerment thing, I dun really like the power struggle between sexes. I know men like to feel that they are the 'boss' and I usually play the '笨女人' role. I dun mind that role in fact i find it blissful. At the end of the day, it's just about doing things that u know your spouse will like and hope he will reciprocate the goodwill so perhaps u should not take it as 'pleasing the wife' but rather making her happy so she'll make u happy too.
I'm not a genius in math but this will balance up the equation & not fight on who is giving/pleasing more.

[Oralcraz]

totally agreed with bro oralcraz. If happen to me i will be :eek: then :)

Thanks and glad to know it works for someone!

[Oralcraz]

.....
Perhaps, I'm posting in the wrong thread here (sorry!) but I'm stuck in a rut and need an outlet to dwell. I love my hubby, he is a very good & responsible man/father but my resentments on the sexual issues is building up over the years and is blinding me over all his positives attributes. Hence, I'm desperately trying to solve it before I do something silly (again - fell for some1 and wanted to leave but ended up the other party only wants a 'discreet' r/s) . I'm only 28 and I don't want to live the rest of my life like a nun!

Gosh, mincin, looks like u are feeling really bad. I don't know if this will work. Try crying. Yes cry. Find one night when the mood and opportunity is there. Once in bed, make yr advances. If he rejects, then ..... shed tears and cry. He sure :eek::confused: and will ask you why. That's when you open up to him and hopefully, he will open up to you. Good luck.

By the way, I can understand yr needs, but if you can, try not to have extra-marital affair cos if being found out, will not be good for you and kids.

[hornybastard]

very heartening to see everyone giving good advice from the heart.
speak about forum sharing:)
Thumbs up to all!

[neveronsunday]

The husband is asleep and the wife has got nothing better to do then to surf the net and come across this very interesting and thought-provoking forum -- this thread caught my attention. Din know what OC meant but after reading thru' found out that OC= the wife (wonder why?!)

I did not know that guys think so badly of local gals till now. As each contributor puts up his list of things his wife does (that he resents), I make a mental list and reflect on my own actions.

1. car - I don't drive so I always take the bus or train (cos I can't stand the smell of cabs)
2. housework - No maid, I do all housework except the toilet which hub cleans fortnightly.
3. money - I know nuts about money issues. I'm contented with the $3000 that is maintained in my savings a/c for groceries & occassional shopping. I pay for my own splurges for facial with my tuition income.
4. kid - I quitted my job to look after him myself but my hubby spends time with my boy too.
5. in-laws - my in-laws live next block, has a set of my house keys and comes by every afternoon.

I always thought that as long as I do all the 'wifely duties' marriage will be a bed of roses but I'm wrong!
Why are we still NOT happily married? Or should I ask, what must a wife do (or perhaps, not do) to make her husband happy????

The problem: NO SEX
Tried sexy lingerie, tried initiating, tried direct asking, tried outburst, tried cold shoulder still no solution.
He is not having affairs and he has no problems with his gears.
Thought it is my problem so did a field test with my friend at St James but with the number of guys approaching me, dun really think it is the problem with my outlooks. So I'm stuck in a rut of being unhappily married and I'm starting to feel resentful.

I read other threads with jealousy about guys wanting more sex with wife, wanting wife to be more adventurous etc and I tell myself that I can do all those, in fact, I want to do all those but my hubby is plainly not having sex with me! I feel so ashame that in our relationship, I'm the one who needs sex more than him. Sometimes i wonder if i should just get a FB and solve the problem.

I sincerely need a guy's perspective on why a husband is not having sex with his wife??!

The problem may not lie with you, he may have low sex drive,
had bad experience that put him off sex or other reasons which
he is not confiding in you. You can persuade him to see
a counsellor or pyschiatrist together with you, that may help.

Sex is important in a relationship but not total, you should feel
even more ashame to even think of getting a FB to sextisfy
your needs or perhaps as a revenge on "you cant do it with
me then I will find another" mentality, it will totally destroy
your relationship eventually, unless you could not care less
anymore and looking forward to a divorce.

[itsabt6x]

hi mincin,

my problem is similar to yours except that i'm the husband. it's not that my wife dont want to have sex but just that the mood, environment & situation are not conducive to that sexy sensation of wanting to have spontaneous sex.

many times, we had sex because it's been a long time since we last make out & not because we feel sexy. so it becomes like duty, a chore, an obligation, etc...it's rush & hush kinda sex.......u get what i mean?

the way i see it is....again this is my pov......my wife's too caught up with our kids. she's always spending all her waking time with them.....our kids evening sleep with us in our room, on our bed despite my many protests.

so that's it for me & my OC....:o

[Toyota Honda]

[QUOTE=mincin;4136069]

Bro Toyota Honda,
Can no mood for 5 years? I had been in the slut role everytime I suggest to him but I'm always in the dilemma of being a turn-off cos he likes those sweet sweet guai guai, submissive kind of gals so initiating it is already like very bad.:( I'm sure he doesn't fool around outside cos he is strongly against extramartial affairs and I dun doubt him a single bit cos whenever he is not working he is at home playing games on PC.
QUOTE]

Sis,

I empathise your situation. you have mentioned that you have a responsible husband. but I guess its not. Probably he is the type of guy who just wants to do what he likes to do and not do what he doesn't want to do.. In short, either the word irresponsible or selfish applies to him. I am sorry to put him down that way.

I have a current fb who is like you. But she gets her sex once a week with him after he watches porno before going into the bedroom. But you seem better off becos at least I get the idea that your husband takes care of the family expenses while my fb's hubby gambles his pay away and leave the family and children expenses to her even though she earns only a meagre pay each month.

I have mentioned in this thread before. do what you want. Just don't live like a fool and continue this type of miserable lifestyle. U have the right to look for what you want and do what you want.

[mincin]

Hi,

Bro Oralcraz,
I cried until no tears liao also din work. He just take face towel, clean my face, pour me water, ask me drink and go to sleep. And for a period of time, i 以泪洗脸 at every bedtime while he happily play on the PC till wee hours in the morning. I even 'drama' by taking sleeping pills & throw away those sexy nighties but end results still the same. :mad:

neveronsunday,
Yah, i admit i had that 'revenge mentality' of u dun wan me some1 else gladly will. Can't help having this kind of ideas but as u mentioned, once I think of my son n how he is still a gd hubby/father, it becomes just thoughts n not actions.

itsabt6x,
Quote: "many times, we had sex because it's been a long time since we last make out & not because we feel sexy. so it becomes like duty, a chore, an obligation, etc...it's rush & hush kinda sex.......u get what i mean?"
I TOTALLY get what u meant... and that is exactly what I'm trying to change in my relationship. I dun want sex to be a duty/chore/obligation. Or in my hubby's (he's a machine engineer) words, "Time to service the wife." machiam like I'm a machine! :(

Thank you all for the empathy...
In the end, I feel like I'm being born wrong as a woman... most of you feel that 'we are in the same boat' cos the wives dun want sex. But the irony is that I'm the 'wife' here. Why are all the husbands here lamenting about their wives not wanting sex whereas I'm the only wife wondering why is my husband not one of the husbands wanting more sex???? :confused:

[Oralcraz]

Hi,

Bro Oralcraz,
I cried until no tears liao also din work. He just take face towel, clean my face, pour me water, ask me drink and go to sleep. And for a period of time, i 以泪洗脸 at every bedtime while he happily play on the PC till wee hours in the morning. I even 'drama' by taking sleeping pills & throw away those sexy nighties but end results still the same. :mad:
:confused:

以泪洗脸 still don't work :confused: ??? Then, I am very sorry to say that I strongly believe your husband love for you is ..... lost .....! Is gone. Is over. I think he is as miserable as you. I don't encourage divorce or affair ..... but in this case, is yr decision. To stay and continue life as it is or to make a change. :(Sorry ..... and Good luck sweetie.

[bochapsing]

Perhaps, I'm posting in the wrong thread here (sorry!) but I'm stuck in a rut and need an outlet to dwell. I love my hubby, he is a very good & responsible man/father but my resentments on the sexual issues is building up over the years and is blinding me over all his positives attributes. Hence, I'm desperately trying to solve it before I do something silly (again - fell for some1 and wanted to leave but ended up the other party only wants a 'discreet' r/s) . I'm only 28 and I don't want to live the rest of my life like a nun!

hi sis,

sorry to hear abt ur situation... and understand tat it's tough for u, as u r still young... as we dunno the full story behind it, we can only do some guessing and give some presonal opinion...

is there a possibilty tat ur hubby may be having some medication, like ED sort of problem? and due to his ego ("understandable" as no guy will be proud of it), he doesn't want u to know so he's avoiding sex at all...

tis is just my guess, and i oso have no idea how u can tackle tis problem, if it's true...

[Royster79]

very heartening to see everyone giving good advice from the heart.
speak about forum sharing:)
Thumbs up to all!

Haha... SAmmies not only know how to tok cock and post fantasies... We can provide heart warming advice too.. :D

[hi-bro]

Hi,
In the end, I feel like I'm being born wrong as a woman... most of you feel that 'we are in the same boat' cos the wives dun want sex. But the irony is that I'm the 'wife' here. Why are all the husbands here lamenting about their wives not wanting sex whereas I'm the only wife wondering why is my husband not one of the husbands wanting more sex???? :confused:

You are not the only one.....my wife is also always the one who initiate sex which i feel it is more of an obligation to have sex with her than myself wanting it. The only reason I'm still together with her now is because of my child, who is still quite young. The reason of me not wanting sex with my OC is that she is those typical OC which a lot of bros here had mentioned, who expect you to concern and care for her family and not reciprocating to your family. This really turns me off and I feel my love for her is decreasing day by day..........How I wish my child will grow up quickly....hopefully by that time, I can withdraw my CPF to enjoy life liao and my tweety bird is still as active....:p

[hunter2005]

hi bros / sis.. would really like to seek some view, cos i completely lose..

u see.. i had been doing all the hse work (almost 90%) for yrs, sweept, mop the floor, wash dishes after dinner, thow rubbish - my mother is staying wif me and most of the time, my bro, sis in law will come to my hse to have dinner, they will bring thier baby girl to play with my mom n let her b happy.. (alot of dishers to wash), i also wash fish tank, turtle tank (cos my oc say she like small animals, so i buy for her, maintain for her) all these i do after i have a tiring day from my work.... n i do it more than willingly, cos she my wife.

i wk in a com with the rules / regualation that cant b in finacial difficulties... recently i was called in to boss room n he told me 'y' i had overdraft with 2 banks n cant paid in full for quite a long period... i get a shock... i know nothing abt it.... cos i hardly use my credit cards and if i used i will pay in full...

go back home, talk to my oc... oh god....!! she not only got overdraft for the 2 cards... she max it, and she max another 2 cards, 2 readycash.... drain my saving... total abt 50k plus.... now i owe the bank 35k with no saving at all..... i was so stunned.. she told me she use it on the famly stuff.. but how can that b.... with my pay, yrs bonuses etc....... how can this happen? she say it start 2 yrs plus back.. 2 yrs can spend like tat?? the thing is our hse dun add any new furniture, no xpensive stuff at all... she didnt buy any things for herself.. no branded goods, no gold, she dun gambling.. if she did anything like buying branded goods... i feel more happy cos i know where the $ go... but now nothing... nothing at all.... i let her handle all my pay, money in the hse cos i trusted her so much..... i know her for 10 yrs.....

i lost... dun noe what i wan.. what can i do..... but i had manage to settle the 35k. of cos not borrow from ah long.... :)

can a girl claim to love u deeply, all craps n yet can hurt u so deeply...... i really wanna to know where all the money go....

[hotsoup16]

Bro, u're confusing yourself. Since your wife claimed so, why not ask her for proof on how the money was spent

[t123]

My pal just laments to me his family not doing well, similar problems with OC and his job sucks. I really dunno how to console him. haiz.

[mincin]

bro hunter2005,

Wow! That's a lot of money leh! Erm, can't u ask her where did all the money goes? Or don't u keep past statements from credit cards? If really dun have, call the bank and ask for transaction records. At least know where has all the $$$ gone. Maybe she herself kena conned???

[t123]

bro hunter2005,

Wow! That's a lot of money leh! Erm, can't u ask her where did all the money goes? Or don't u keep past statements from credit cards? If really dun have, call the bank and ask for transaction records. At least know where has all the $$$ gone. Maybe she herself kena conned???

I understand what he meant. It all started with one wishful thinking then led to many proposals and ideas. Thereafter, its like US credit crunch.

[yan-tao]

take control. u hav the reason to do so now. it for the family good. don't later because of money issue become trust issue. past is past, move on but u take over the role now.

[Softcore]

Mincin,

If this carries on, it is safe to say that you will start thinking of divorce in the coming years.

Let me share a story.

A number of years ago, I overheard the following exchange at a bus interchange as I was waiting for a friend.

"Mummy, why do you and Daddy not talk to each other much?"

"Son, you must understand that the only reason I'm staying with your father is for you."

That was the gist of what I remembered, but at that point in time, I felt very, very sorry for the poor bastard of a boy.

If you stay on with your spouse solely for the kids, you will be unhappy in the years to come. Do you think you'll be able to endure two decades and more of a dire lack of passion?

---

I have one suggestion: Talk dirty to him. Very dirty. Tell him you want him to fuck you so hard your neighbours will hear. Tell him you want to dig your nails into his back as he grinds away in you. Tell him you want to feel his cock pulsating warmly in you. Tell him you want to be on top of him and grind your way to bliss. Tell him you want him to take you so hard and rough from behind, your thighs will be bruised for a week.

If that still doesn't draw a response from him, do consider satisfying your passion needs elsewhere. On his part he needs to realise that he needs to keep the passion in his marriage alive.

One last issue: Is he fat? He may be conscious of his own physical appearance. But really, there could be a multiude of factors involved.

All the best.

[Softcore]

hi bros / sis.. would really like to seek some view, cos i completely lose..

u see.. i had been doing all the hse work (almost 90%) for yrs, sweept, mop the floor, wash dishes after dinner, thow rubbish - my mother is staying wif me and most of the time, my bro, sis in law will come to my hse to have dinner, they will bring thier baby girl to play with my mom n let her b happy.. (alot of dishers to wash), i also wash fish tank, turtle tank (cos my oc say she like small animals, so i buy for her, maintain for her) all these i do after i have a tiring day from my work.... n i do it more than willingly, cos she my wife.

i wk in a com with the rules / regualation that cant b in finacial difficulties... recently i was called in to boss room n he told me 'y' i had overdraft with 2 banks n cant paid in full for quite a long period... i get a shock... i know nothing abt it.... cos i hardly use my credit cards and if i used i will pay in full...

go back home, talk to my oc... oh god....!! she not only got overdraft for the 2 cards... she max it, and she max another 2 cards, 2 readycash.... drain my saving... total abt 50k plus.... now i owe the bank 35k with no saving at all..... i was so stunned.. she told me she use it on the famly stuff.. but how can that b.... with my pay, yrs bonuses etc....... how can this happen? she say it start 2 yrs plus back.. 2 yrs can spend like tat?? the thing is our hse dun add any new furniture, no xpensive stuff at all... she didnt buy any things for herself.. no branded goods, no gold, she dun gambling.. if she did anything like buying branded goods... i feel more happy cos i know where the $ go... but now nothing... nothing at all.... i let her handle all my pay, money in the hse cos i trusted her so much..... i know her for 10 yrs.....

i lost... dun noe what i wan.. what can i do..... but i had manage to settle the 35k. of cos not borrow from ah long.... :)

can a girl claim to love u deeply, all craps n yet can hurt u so deeply...... i really wanna to know where all the money go....

Sorry to say that you got dominated from the beginning by your wife. Instead of a partnership, your marriage became a master-and-slave conundrum. Some of the fault rests on you for allowing her to walk over you.

All the best in clearing your debts.

[Yyzen]

.... marriage so scary ma? why sound like... marry liao sure very cham and saddist life..

@_@ ... i think the wife/husband change because expectations changed.... sigh...i hope i wont be one of those woman :P

anyway mincin sis maybe he is sick and doesnt want you to know ? maybe he is worried to share with u or dont dare to share with u?

i think he still loves u la..even u cry so much.. (p.s i cry until like siao charbo my boy oso bo chup and find me irritating ) some guys just dont give in to crying :) but this doesnt mean he dont love u kay..... if he really dont love you.. he wont be so supporting even if he feels it's a chore or obligated to do so.. he still do it.. and this means he still care... cheer up kay...

if 2 ppl cannot solve the problem.. can go find experts to help :)

[yang punk]

hi bros / sis.. would really like to seek some view, cos i completely lose..


Either she is gambling behind your back or she is keeping a toy-boy!

Take control of your finances from now on, cancel all sub-cards and act like a man! Let the women do the housework...fuck her if she complain!

[Bangster]

Bro Hunter2005,

I feel really really sorry for you.

I hope you can start to be stricter with her. 50k is hell of a lot of money to spend away.

[Softcore]

.... marriage so scary ma? why sound like... marry liao sure very cham and saddist life..

@_@ ... i think the wife/husband change because expectations changed.... sigh...i hope i wont be one of those woman :P

anyway mincin sis maybe he is sick and doesnt want you to know ? maybe he is worried to share with u or dont dare to share with u?

i think he still loves u la..even u cry so much.. (p.s i cry until like siao charbo my boy oso bo chup and find me irritating ) some guys just dont give in to crying :) but this doesnt mean he dont love u kay..... if he really dont love you.. he wont be so supporting even if he feels it's a chore or obligated to do so.. he still do it.. and this means he still care... cheer up kay...

if 2 ppl cannot solve the problem.. can go find experts to help :)

The key point here is that I think very few people actually marry thinking very deeply about the coming years, and that's fine, because it's more important to live in the moment while making plans for the future.

Problems only arise when either party fails to grow in relation to the other. One spouse remains stagnant after a decade, having failed to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (and maybe even physically), while the other has gone through leaps and bounds. This disparity will definitely surface as a major thorn in the side of the marriage or partnership.

[Sting]

Me married for 10 years.
My wife is a malaysian. She is a PR without the help from my identity.
We had a son.

After reading much complain from bro about their Singaporean Wife. I like to comment that my wife is no different from any singaporean wife that describe in the past posting.

She is a working woman. She is so indulge in her work that she keep complaining to me about her job and the individual in her company. Till one fine day, I told her off that I am no interested about her complain, then my ear is returning to peace.

She keep trying to control me, on where I go at night and to whom I am hanging with. In the past a few years back, I try to give in to her, end up losing all my friend. Sometime I think this is the plot she had in mind long time ago to isolates my friends with me. In the end I am the only one left with her as wife and the only friend I had for the rest of my life.

Had a incident that I burst out to her that she better keep herself out of my business and stop trying to control me like what she did our son.

She always complaining that she is tired after. What so tiring can it be sitting in office for 8 hours. F**ling hell that I never complain that I am the transformer in our family.

Transform to 'Driver' - Send them to school and work in the morning. Fetch them in the evening.

Transform to 'Worker Ant' - Start earning money for bill and expenses. Effective hour 9 am to 5 pm.

Transform to 'He-Maid' - Go to Supermarket to buy veg and fish and meat for dinner. Back to base, cook and wash disk after they had finish. Iron uniform for son.

Transform to 'Worker Ant' - start to prepare the paper work for tomorrow.

This is my daily routine job.

Only Transform to sex machine at weekend, weekday is DIY.

Weekend is the toughest of all the day. Need to send her to my in-law place.

Sometime I don't think my need a husband. She may need a a domestic help whom is more approperiate.

She is not the only one that bring in money back home. Why must she be so demanding.

[Oralcraz]

hi bros / sis.. would really like to seek some view, cos i completely lose..
u see.. i had been doing all the hse work (almost 90%) for yrs, sweept, mop the floor, wash dishes after dinner, thow rubbish - my mother is staying wif me and most of the time, my bro, sis in law will come to my hse to have dinner, they will bring thier baby girl to play with my mom n let her b happy.. (alot of dishers to wash), i also wash fish tank, turtle tank (cos my oc say she like small animals, so i buy for her, maintain for her) all these i do after i have a tiring day from my work.... n i do it more than willingly, cos she my wife.
i wk in a com with the rules / regualation that cant b in finacial difficulties... recently i was called in to boss room n he told me 'y' i had overdraft with 2 banks n cant paid in full for quite a long period... i get a shock... i know nothing abt it.... cos i hardly use my credit cards and if i used i will pay in full...
go back home, talk to my oc... oh god....!! she not only got overdraft for the 2 cards... she max it, and she max another 2 cards, 2 readycash.... drain my saving... total abt 50k plus.... now i owe the bank 35k with no saving at all..... i was so stunned.. she told me she use it on the famly stuff.. but how can that b.... with my pay, yrs bonuses etc....... how can this happen? she say it start 2 yrs plus back.. 2 yrs can spend like tat?? the thing is our hse dun add any new furniture, no xpensive stuff at all... she didnt buy any things for herself.. no branded goods, no gold, she dun gambling.. if she did anything like buying branded goods... i feel more happy cos i know where the $ go... but now nothing... nothing at all.... i let her handle all my pay, money in the hse cos i trusted her so much..... i know her for 10 yrs.....
i lost... dun noe what i wan.. what can i do..... but i had manage to settle the 35k. of cos not borrow from ah long.... :)
can a girl claim to love u deeply, all craps n yet can hurt u so deeply...... i really wanna to know where all the money go....

Sorry to hear that bro. Me married for 19 yrs. My suggestion is that you have to be more firm and stern with the situation in a diplomatic fashion. I'm not saying to be temperamental or show anger.
Let me share my own situation with you. My wife is quite similar to what you describe except she used to spend more on shopping and also on her own family side; buying stuff without consideration at times. At that time, already work for 10 yrs but 0 saving. After married, I gave her a supplementary card, basically for her convenience and with the understanding that whatever she sign, she has to pay for it. For the first few months, she pay for what she signed but not before I started chasing for it. After that, started to grumble about others' husband paying for the wife's card and began to give lots of problem when payment ..... until one fine day, she sign more than over a thousand dollars of items. Obviously, she cannot pay up. I told her, look baby, I give you a card is for yr convenience or for emergency used. You did not appreciate but instead, give me so much problem, I'm sorry to tell you I have decided to cancel and withdraw this card. She was like:mad::eek:. Relations hurt, but, I have a better peace of mind:).
So bro, sometimes, is OK to speak up the problem in a diplomatic and calm manner. If the discussion don't seem to be positive, then, be firm and stern to take yr stand. Of course, you have to be reasonable too. Good luck.

[Oralcraz]

bro hunter2005,

Wow! That's a lot of money leh! Erm, can't u ask her where did all the money goes? Or don't u keep past statements from credit cards? If really dun have, call the bank and ask for transaction records. At least know where has all the $$$ gone. Maybe she herself kena conned???

Overdraft and ready credit do not keep track on our expenditure. Those are like borrowing money from the bank. Only usage of credit card has record.

[hock19]

The husband is asleep and the wife has got nothing better to do then to surf the net and come across this very interesting and thought-provoking forum -- this thread caught my attention. Din know what OC meant but after reading thru' found out that OC= the wife (wonder why?!)

I did not know that guys think so badly of local gals till now. As each contributor puts up his list of things his wife does (that he resents), I make a mental list and reflect on my own actions.

1. car - I don't drive so I always take the bus or train (cos I can't stand the smell of cabs)
2. housework - No maid, I do all housework except the toilet which hub cleans fortnightly.
3. money - I know nuts about money issues. I'm contented with the $3000 that is maintained in my savings a/c for groceries & occassional shopping. I pay for my own splurges for facial with my tuition income.
4. kid - I quitted my job to look after him myself but my hubby spends time with my boy too.
5. in-laws - my in-laws live next block, has a set of my house keys and comes by every afternoon.

I always thought that as long as I do all the 'wifely duties' marriage will be a bed of roses but I'm wrong!
Why are we still NOT happily married? Or should I ask, what must a wife do (or perhaps, not do) to make her husband happy????

The problem: NO SEX
Tried sexy lingerie, tried initiating, tried direct asking, tried outburst, tried cold shoulder still no solution.
He is not having affairs and he has no problems with his gears.
Thought it is my problem so did a field test with my friend at St James but with the number of guys approaching me, dun really think it is the problem with my outlooks. So I'm stuck in a rut of being unhappily married and I'm starting to feel resentful.

I read other threads with jealousy about guys wanting more sex with wife, wanting wife to be more adventurous etc and I tell myself that I can do all those, in fact, I want to do all those but my hubby is plainly not having sex with me! I feel so ashame that in our relationship, I'm the one who needs sex more than him. Sometimes i wonder if i should just get a FB and solve the problem.

I sincerely need a guy's perspective on why a husband is not having sex with his wife??!

Can I jsut say something as I see exactly the same issues with me and my wife. So here is my idea on why from my personal view on why I dont have sex with wife.

Long time ago, some years after marriage, I met a girl, fell in love with her. But could not leave wife as she wanted to commit suicide after finding out after quite a number of years. All through that time, I could not make love with wife as I felt morally wrong to do so and really i could not get myself to make love with her. My girl freind broke off with me. But I still love sex and with my outside girlfriends now, I do so few times a week. In fact, I cannot live with out it. But for some reasaon, perhaps mental block, I jsut cant do it with wife. But I still love her and will do what i can to protect her. That is why I am still am with her and will do so forever.

But I need to satisfy myself elsewhere in making love with someone elsewhere and in a way trying to find everlasting love with someone outside. (even though I love my wife, perhaps in a careing sort of way as opposed to lust love).

So, if you ask me why your husband is not having sex with you, maybe he has a mental block and that could be ED (less likely with blue pills etc) but maybe (hopefully not) he found someone outside and is getting it elsewhere. Or even though he does not have a girlfriend, he is getting it outside.

But he still loves you and that is why he does not want to leave you.

Have you spoken to him about it??

[hunter2005]

thanks.. like some bros said, ready credit / cash etc dun have a records and if like what my oc said, she spend on hsehold items there is no way there have a list of records, proof that she can show me...

she dun gambling.. yet no branded goods was found.. n i know she wont have a toy-boy..

already told her, i going to cancel all items that was given to her previously.. going to apply for bank statement for some of the accounts to look at it.. hopefully i might able to find someting.. yet i dun noe what i wish to find out.. haiz...

some bros said partially is my fault... n i totally agreed with it... i too 'chin chai' wit her cos i alway believed that i should not have doubt her, n she is sensible enough not to get me into this shit..... we r not rich or even well off... a very normal ppl.... i thought she know all these.... :confused: haiz....

i alway try not to go against the law to get quick bucks.. i alway try to live within one mean... yet till the end i stuck with this shit.. it only enhance my believed in one thing '修桥铺路无尸骸，杀人放火金腰戴'

hopefully i can contain my evil side and braved through this storm 'happily' and enjoy paying the debts... WHAT A LIFE!!!!!!

[hardthrob81]

thanks.. like some bros said, ready credit / cash etc dun have a records and if like what my oc said, she spend on hsehold items there is no way there have a list of records, proof that she can show me...

she dun gambling.. yet no branded goods was found.. n i know she wont have a toy-boy..

already told her, i going to cancel all items that was given to her previously.. going to apply for bank statement for some of the accounts to look at it.. hopefully i might able to find someting.. yet i dun noe what i wish to find out.. haiz...

some bros said partially is my fault... n i totally agreed with it... i too 'chin chai' wit her cos i alway believed that i should not have doubt her, n she is sensible enough not to get me into this shit..... we r not rich or even well off... a very normal ppl.... i thought she know all these.... :confused: haiz....

i alway try not to go against the law to get quick bucks.. i alway try to live within one mean... yet till the end i stuck with this shit.. it only enhance my believed in one thing '修桥铺路无尸骸，杀人放火金腰戴'

hopefully i can contain my evil side and braved through this storm 'happily' and enjoy paying the debts... WHAT A LIFE!!!!!!

bro i think for that kind of money to disappear in such a short time, must be she give friendly loan to people she know. #1 suspect for me would be her immediate family e.g. parents, siblings, followed by any close relatives e.g. uncle or auntie.

in my line of work i also come across people who live on credit. going by your story with no genuine hardships to support the expenditure, i can only reason that she must have given loans to her family members or (gasp! friends) to "help" them and show that she "got money".

[hardthrob81]

by the way, bank statements are FOC for current to 3 months past.

following that, each bank statement will cost you a sum of money. check the back page of your credit card statements for a breakdown of the costs for requesting previous records.

[leecs]

Me married for 10 years.
My wife is a malaysian. She is a PR without the help from my identity.
We had a son.

After reading much complain from bro about their Singaporean Wife. I like to comment that my wife is no different from any singaporean wife that describe in the past posting.

She is a working woman. She is so indulge in her work that she keep complaining to me about her job and the individual in her company. Till one fine day, I told her off that I am no interested about her complain, then my ear is returning to peace.

She keep trying to control me, on where I go at night and to whom I am hanging with. In the past a few years back, I try to give in to her, end up losing all my friend. Sometime I think this is the plot she had in mind long time ago to isolates my friends with me. In the end I am the only one left with her as wife and the only friend I had for the rest of my life.

Had a incident that I burst out to her that she better keep herself out of my business and stop trying to control me like what she did our son.

She always complaining that she is tired after. What so tiring can it be sitting in office for 8 hours. F**ling hell that I never complain that I am the transformer in our family.

Transform to 'Driver' - Send them to school and work in the morning. Fetch them in the evening.

Transform to 'Worker Ant' - Start earning money for bill and expenses. Effective hour 9 am to 5 pm.

Transform to 'He-Maid' - Go to Supermarket to buy veg and fish and meat for dinner. Back to base, cook and wash disk after they had finish. Iron uniform for son.

Transform to 'Worker Ant' - start to prepare the paper work for tomorrow.

This is my daily routine job.

Only Transform to sex machine at weekend, weekday is DIY.

Weekend is the toughest of all the day. Need to send her to my in-law place.

Sometime I don't think my need a husband. She may need a a domestic help whom is more approperiate.

She is not the only one that bring in money back home. Why must she be so demanding.

Bro sting, I feel sad for you, really.......

[kurosaki ichigo]

Sorry to say that you got dominated from the beginning by your wife. Instead of a partnership, your marriage became a master-and-slave conundrum. Some of the fault rests on you for allowing her to walk over you.

All the best in clearing your debts.

Totally agreed.

Master and slave relationship is best saved for the bedroom aka sexual tyrsts (yes it can be very fun for the man to play slave :p). Once out of the bedroom, the roles reverse!

[entering]

Hi all, i'm new so apologies if i offend any of you.

I met my wife when we were 18 and we dated until we were 26 when we got married. From the time we dated until the time we got married i had only 1 other girl that i was "trying" out to see if we fit better than me and my wife (then girlfriend).

I found out that my wife still better in terms of communication etc though me and my wife are very different. Always disagree but also agree to disagree.

3 years after we married, our first son was born and he had brain injury due to vacuum. 40k of our savings wipe out cuz whole year he go mount e to see 2 doctors (peadiatric and neuro). I remembered for 6 months + almost everyday i eat cup noodle cuz money was so low, credit card and ready credit all max out. Waiting for pay to just survive.

Exactly 2 years after that, my daughter is born and she is special needs. For her, we both gave up our career and anything to do with money and work had to take a back seat.

So today, my son is 5 years old, recovered. My daughter is 3 years old and though she may never go to normal school, at least she is jumping, running and over time, hopefully she can take care of herself. My youngest son is now about 8 months.

Even when we don't have enough, we found out that swimming is good for my daughter so she can improve her balance. Because of that me and my wife work together to see how we can take turns to design a program to help her physical and mental conditioning, at the same time i have to go out and look for work to find $$$ so she can not only go for her very expensive therapy but also to move from HDB to condo.

Even now as we are in a condo, 3 times per week in the morning, i stay at home to run and read with my daughter (a customised program we worked out for her) before sending her to childcare (they all attend childcare which is also quite ex every month in total). 2 times per week, my wife work with her.

The money i earn, we save to buy houses for our kids, so that our sons don't need to worry about their sister being a high burden and long run, they have their families to take care too. What my wife earn, i don't ask and i don't bother. She gets to spend everything she earns + she has a sub card from me to pump petrol and pay for anything she wants. But because her pay is for her only, she usually only use my card when she pumps petrol.

Marriage is super tough. Most of the time, even when you don't make progress, you have to convince yourself that you're inching forward.

Most times when things get to rough i just blow up and trash it out with my wife. Better to talk it out than just keeping it in and hoping things will turn out better.

Most times, it just stress esp when we are in a country that's so expensive to raise kids and be married. Men just don't open up so easily and most times, they are just stress but they don't want their wives to worry. My wife after what we have gone through always comes to me and assure me that even if we end up living on cup noodle, it's ok. That relaxes me and really, makes me love her more.

Sometimes i also wish i'm not a driver or worker ant. I look at my boss, he got driver, got maid, got big house and i wish i'm like him. Still, until i reach there, i'm not him. But he got something i also have, my family.

My kids now still young so they will hug me no matter what. I morning send them to childcare, go to work, evening fetch them, shower them, my wife cook, we eat, i wash dishes, wash clothes and about now at 330am, i'm still working and waiting to hang laundry when the washing is done.

It sucks... it sucks to not be rich and famous and have everything at your beck and call. But until then, i just tell myself that by the time my kids don't want me around anymore, i can go and do what i want. From now till, then, just enjoy the moment.

See them smile. Hug your spouse. It doesn't need to be about who do what all the time (can argue lah but sometimes only).

Just my take. Best regards.

[hock19]

Hi all, i'm new so apologies if i offend any of you.

I met my wife when we were 18 and we dated until we were 26 when we got married. From the time we dated until the time we got married i had only 1 other girl that i was "trying" out to see if we fit better than me and my wife (then girlfriend).

I found out that my wife still better in terms of communication etc though me and my wife are very different. Always disagree but also agree to disagree.

3 years after we married, our first son was born and he had brain injury due to vacuum. 40k of our savings wipe out cuz whole year he go mount e to see 2 doctors (peadiatric and neuro). I remembered for 6 months + almost everyday i eat cup noodle cuz money was so low, credit card and ready credit all max out. Waiting for pay to just survive.

Exactly 2 years after that, my daughter is born and she is special needs. For her, we both gave up our career and anything to do with money and work had to take a back seat.

So today, my son is 5 years old, recovered. My daughter is 3 years old and though she may never go to normal school, at least she is jumping, running and over time, hopefully she can take care of herself. My youngest son is now about 8 months.

Even when we don't have enough, we found out that swimming is good for my daughter so she can improve her balance. Because of that me and my wife work together to see how we can take turns to design a program to help her physical and mental conditioning, at the same time i have to go out and look for work to find $$$ so she can not only go for her very expensive therapy but also to move from HDB to condo.

Even now as we are in a condo, 3 times per week in the morning, i stay at home to run and read with my daughter (a customised program we worked out for her) before sending her to childcare (they all attend childcare which is also quite ex every month in total). 2 times per week, my wife work with her.

The money i earn, we save to buy houses for our kids, so that our sons don't need to worry about their sister being a high burden and long run, they have their families to take care too. What my wife earn, i don't ask and i don't bother. She gets to spend everything she earns + she has a sub card from me to pump petrol and pay for anything she wants. But because her pay is for her only, she usually only use my card when she pumps petrol.

Marriage is super tough. Most of the time, even when you don't make progress, you have to convince yourself that you're inching forward.

Most times when things get to rough i just blow up and trash it out with my wife. Better to talk it out than just keeping it in and hoping things will turn out better.

Most times, it just stress esp when we are in a country that's so expensive to raise kids and be married. Men just don't open up so easily and most times, they are just stress but they don't want their wives to worry. My wife after what we have gone through always comes to me and assure me that even if we end up living on cup noodle, it's ok. That relaxes me and really, makes me love her more.

Sometimes i also wish i'm not a driver or worker ant. I look at my boss, he got driver, got maid, got big house and i wish i'm like him. Still, until i reach there, i'm not him. But he got something i also have, my family.

My kids now still young so they will hug me no matter what. I morning send them to childcare, go to work, evening fetch them, shower them, my wife cook, we eat, i wash dishes, wash clothes and about now at 330am, i'm still working and waiting to hang laundry when the washing is done.

It sucks... it sucks to not be rich and famous and have everything at your beck and call. But until then, i just tell myself that by the time my kids don't want me around anymore, i can go and do what i want. From now till, then, just enjoy the moment.

See them smile. Hug your spouse. It doesn't need to be about who do what all the time (can argue lah but sometimes only).

Just my take. Best regards.

How nice and refreshing - good on you and keep it up. You are good man.

[cqueen]

Re: life with OC

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi all, i'm new so apologies if i offend any of you.

I met my wife when we were 18 and we dated until we were 26 when we got married. From the time we dated until the time we got married i had only 1 other girl that i was "trying" out to see if we fit better than me and my wife (then girlfriend).

I found out that my wife still better in terms of communication etc though me and my wife are very different. Always disagree but also agree to disagree.

3 years after we married, our first son was born and he had brain injury due to vacuum. 40k of our savings wipe out cuz whole year he go mount e to see 2 doctors (peadiatric and neuro). I remembered for 6 months + almost everyday i eat cup noodle cuz money was so low, credit card and ready credit all max out. Waiting for pay to just survive.

Exactly 2 years after that, my daughter is born and she is special needs. For her, we both gave up our career and anything to do with money and work had to take a back seat.

So today, my son is 5 years old, recovered. My daughter is 3 years old and though she may never go to normal school, at least she is jumping, running and over time, hopefully she can take care of herself. My youngest son is now about 8 months.

Even when we don't have enough, we found out that swimming is good for my daughter so she can improve her balance. Because of that me and my wife work together to see how we can take turns to design a program to help her physical and mental conditioning, at the same time i have to go out and look for work to find $$$ so she can not only go for her very expensive therapy but also to move from HDB to condo.

Even now as we are in a condo, 3 times per week in the morning, i stay at home to run and read with my daughter (a customised program we worked out for her) before sending her to childcare (they all attend childcare which is also quite ex every month in total). 2 times per week, my wife work with her.

The money i earn, we save to buy houses for our kids, so that our sons don't need to worry about their sister being a high burden and long run, they have their families to take care too. What my wife earn, i don't ask and i don't bother. She gets to spend everything she earns + she has a sub card from me to pump petrol and pay for anything she wants. But because her pay is for her only, she usually only use my card when she pumps petrol.

Marriage is super tough. Most of the time, even when you don't make progress, you have to convince yourself that you're inching forward.

Most times when things get to rough i just blow up and trash it out with my wife. Better to talk it out than just keeping it in and hoping things will turn out better.

Most times, it just stress esp when we are in a country that's so expensive to raise kids and be married. Men just don't open up so easily and most times, they are just stress but they don't want their wives to worry. My wife after what we have gone through always comes to me and assure me that even if we end up living on cup noodle, it's ok. That relaxes me and really, makes me love her more.

Sometimes i also wish i'm not a driver or worker ant. I look at my boss, he got driver, got maid, got big house and i wish i'm like him. Still, until i reach there, i'm not him. But he got something i also have, my family.

My kids now still young so they will hug me no matter what. I morning send them to childcare, go to work, evening fetch them, shower them, my wife cook, we eat, i wash dishes, wash clothes and about now at 330am, i'm still working and waiting to hang laundry when the washing is done.

It sucks... it sucks to not be rich and famous and have everything at your beck and call. But until then, i just tell myself that by the time my kids don't want me around anymore, i can go and do what i want. From now till, then, just enjoy the moment.

See them smile. Hug your spouse. It doesn't need to be about who do what all the time (can argue lah but sometimes only).

Just my take. Best regards.


Good afternoon Mr Entering,

1. I am indeed proud of u. I am sure your days ahead are even brighter, more cheerful and full of bundle joy...

[lovemilf]

Hi all, i'm new so apologies if i offend any of you.

See them smile. Hug your spouse. It doesn't need to be about who do what all the time (can argue lah but sometimes only).

Just my take. Best regards.

Bro, I salute you and wish you all the best for your family in the future.:) I think both you and your wife must have given one another lots of encouragement during this period....and I certainly dun see that my wife will give me encouragement if something bad happens to my family or myself.....:mad:.

[ah_heng81]

I am married for abt 6 years (shotgun so no choice) , all this years have always been the same, sent my boy to her parents house every morning than sent her to work before going to work. After work is the same thing again, but every week there will be few days whrere by she will go clubbing with her friends till 2 to 3 am, while im stuck at home taking care of our boy. She said she wants her freedom and i agree to it , so i just let it be lor , as usual, i just agree to what she wants.

Than things suddenly took a 360 degree change. One night while she was out clubbing our boy was sick (a very high fever) i just bring him to the doctor and took care of him without informing my wife. When she came home and found out she look sad and when we were sleeping i could feel that she is actually crying. Next morning aft we sent our son to her parents house she told me , she's a bad mother and wife. She suddenly told me sorry and she will learn to be a good mother and wife form now on.

Yes, and from that day onwards she really change and in fact now i feel that she's like a glue, sticking to me, no more late nights out and of course no more clubbing, for how long she can stay to this kind of life, i really dont know. Hopefully it will be a happy ending for me.

(Thanks for reading my long long story)

[entering]

Bro, I salute you and wish you all the best for your family in the future.:) I think both you and your wife must have given one another lots of encouragement during this period....and I certainly dun see that my wife will give me encouragement if something bad happens to my family or myself.....:mad:.

Sometimes i think we guys think too much. Originally i also had the same thoughts until i realised my wife was hostile to me because i was hostile to her.

I was hostile to her because i was worried about not having enough money and don't want to tell her so as not to cause her to worry. So in order not to make her worry, i was stressed. So instead of not making her worry, i ended up being stressed and we quarrelled more. You get the picture.

What my mentor say is true. Everyone's looking for peace and contentement. If earning 10k now brings you peace and contentment, then do that. If being with your family brings you peace and contentment, then do that.

On hindsight, if i was just actively seeking her out to share the burden together and talk it out, it wouldn't have been so rough. But i also know, once you open your mouth sometimes you wish you didn't even talk.

Well, we talked until we cry, fight, punch but at least now quite a lot of things resolve.

To be frank, i come to SBF i also can't contribute much cuz i don't really feel like sowing my oats after having 3 kids. So i hope what i write bring some cheer to you in this thread.

Best regards.

[leecs]

I am married for abt 6 years (shotgun so no choice) , all this years have always been the same, sent my boy to her parents house every morning than sent her to work before going to work. After work is the same thing again, but every week there will be few days whrere by she will go clubbing with her friends till 2 to 3 am, while im stuck at home taking care of our boy. She said she wants her freedom and i agree to it , so i just let it be lor , as usual, i just agree to what she wants.

Than things suddenly took a 360 degree change. One night while she was out clubbing our boy was sick (a very high fever) i just bring him to the doctor and took care of him without informing my wife. When she came home and found out she look sad and when we were sleeping i could feel that she is actually crying. Next morning aft we sent our son to her parents house she told me , she's a bad mother and wife. She suddenly told me sorry and she will learn to be a good mother and wife form now on.

Yes, and from that day onwards she really change and in fact now i feel that she's like a glue, sticking to me, no more late nights out and of course no more clubbing, for how long she can stay to this kind of life, i really dont know. Hopefully it will be a happy ending for me.

(Thanks for reading my long long story)

Bro, your wife "woke up". Im happy for you.

[sky_liner2]

I am married for abt 6 years (shotgun so no choice) , all this years have always been the same, sent my boy to her parents house every morning than sent her to work before going to work. After work is the same thing again, ........how long she can stay to this kind of life, i really dont know. Hopefully it will be a happy ending for me.

(Thanks for reading my long long story)

What can we say bro ah heng, you the si-bei HENG ah.......;)

It's time to have another 'shotgun' with your OC then.....

[Oralcraz]

She suddenly told me sorry and she will learn to be a good mother and wife form now on.


Gong Xi Gong Xi. Am happy for u.:)

[ah_heng81]

Bro, your wife "woke up". Im happy for you.

Haha, ya after waiting for so many years lor. :)

[ah_heng81]

What can we say bro ah heng, you the si-bei HENG ah.......;)

It's time to have another 'shotgun' with your OC then.....

Not a good idea, my face will turn pale when i think back of those days when my son was still a baby. Having to take turn to wake up in the middle of the night to see what he needs and so on. I am not a good citizen, so wont answer to our goverments call on having more baby yet. haha :p

[ah_heng81]

Gong Xi Gong Xi. Am happy for u.:)

Thanks Bro...:)

[alberttoh]

Hi mincin,

I dont like sex with my wife also. Reason is sian leh, like doing OT.
Stop playing a slut , it can be a big turnoff to him to see his wife's CB so itchy like this.

Join him in his PC game. Kill him there, chase him there, know him there, play with him there.

Meantime, rubba and finger yourself. :D

[ch18]

I am married for abt 6 years (shotgun so no choice) , all this years have always been the same, sent my boy to her parents house every morning than sent her to work before going to work. After work is the same thing again, but every week there will be few days whrere by she will go clubbing with her friends till 2 to 3 am, while im stuck at home taking care of our boy. She said she wants her freedom and i agree to it , so i just let it be lor , as usual, i just agree to what she wants.

Than things suddenly took a 360 degree change. One night while she was out clubbing our boy was sick (a very high fever) i just bring him to the doctor and took care of him without informing my wife. When she came home and found out she look sad and when we were sleeping i could feel that she is actually crying. Next morning aft we sent our son to her parents house she told me , she's a bad mother and wife. She suddenly told me sorry and she will learn to be a good mother and wife form now on.

Yes, and from that day onwards she really change and in fact now i feel that she's like a glue, sticking to me, no more late nights out and of course no more clubbing, for how long she can stay to this kind of life, i really dont know. Hopefully it will be a happy ending for me.

(Thanks for reading my long long story)


Wow..... At least she wakes up!!! Good for you man.....
Not everyone as HENG as you lor........

[hunter2005]

hi bro heng, bro entering... gd for u all.... ;)

[ah_heng81]

Hi all, i'm new so apologies if i offend any of you.

I met my wife when we were 18 and we dated until we were 26 when we got married. From the time we dated until the time we got married i had only 1 other girl that i was "trying" out to see if we fit better than me and my wife (then girlfriend).

I found out that my wife still better in terms of communication etc though me and my wife are very different. Always disagree but also agree to disagree.

3 years after we married, our first son was born and he had brain injury due to vacuum. 40k of our savings wipe out cuz whole year he go mount e to see 2 doctors (peadiatric and neuro). I remembered for 6 months + almost everyday i eat cup noodle cuz money was so low, credit card and ready credit all max out. Waiting for pay to just survive.

Exactly 2 years after that, my daughter is born and she is special needs. For her, we both gave up our career and anything to do with money and work had to take a back seat.

So today, my son is 5 years old, recovered. My daughter is 3 years old and though she may never go to normal school, at least she is jumping, running and over time, hopefully she can take care of herself. My youngest son is now about 8 months.

Even when we don't have enough, we found out that swimming is good for my daughter so she can improve her balance. Because of that me and my wife work together to see how we can take turns to design a program to help her physical and mental conditioning, at the same time i have to go out and look for work to find $$$ so she can not only go for her very expensive therapy but also to move from HDB to condo.

Even now as we are in a condo, 3 times per week in the morning, i stay at home to run and read with my daughter (a customised program we worked out for her) before sending her to childcare (they all attend childcare which is also quite ex every month in total). 2 times per week, my wife work with her.

The money i earn, we save to buy houses for our kids, so that our sons don't need to worry about their sister being a high burden and long run, they have their families to take care too. What my wife earn, i don't ask and i don't bother. She gets to spend everything she earns + she has a sub card from me to pump petrol and pay for anything she wants. But because her pay is for her only, she usually only use my card when she pumps petrol.

Marriage is super tough. Most of the time, even when you don't make progress, you have to convince yourself that you're inching forward.

Most times when things get to rough i just blow up and trash it out with my wife. Better to talk it out than just keeping it in and hoping things will turn out better.

Most times, it just stress esp when we are in a country that's so expensive to raise kids and be married. Men just don't open up so easily and most times, they are just stress but they don't want their wives to worry. My wife after what we have gone through always comes to me and assure me that even if we end up living on cup noodle, it's ok. That relaxes me and really, makes me love her more.

Sometimes i also wish i'm not a driver or worker ant. I look at my boss, he got driver, got maid, got big house and i wish i'm like him. Still, until i reach there, i'm not him. But he got something i also have, my family.

My kids now still young so they will hug me no matter what. I morning send them to childcare, go to work, evening fetch them, shower them, my wife cook, we eat, i wash dishes, wash clothes and about now at 330am, i'm still working and waiting to hang laundry when the washing is done.

It sucks... it sucks to not be rich and famous and have everything at your beck and call. But until then, i just tell myself that by the time my kids don't want me around anymore, i can go and do what i want. From now till, then, just enjoy the moment.

See them smile. Hug your spouse. It doesn't need to be about who do what all the time (can argue lah but sometimes only).

Just my take. Best regards.

Bro , u are really a model family man for many to learn from.

[ah_heng81]

Just wanna find out, how much allowance every month do u people give to ur wife ? (pls state if she is working / not working)

[Benefit]

Wife working part-time. I pay for her car including all the incidentals. I give her $300.00 per week which does not include her spending. I will reimburse her spending every week which is above and on top of the $300.00.

[Oralcraz]

Wife working part-time. I pay for her car including all the incidentals. I give her $300.00 per week which does not include her spending. I will reimburse her spending every week which is above and on top of the $300.00.

You must be a high income earner. Basing on yr write-up, you must be spending more then $2K on her expenditure every month.

[starcrosser]

Hi all, i'm new so apologies if i offend any of you.

I met my wife when we were 18 and we dated until we were 26 when we got married. From the time we dated until the time we got married i had only 1 other girl that i was "trying" out to see if we fit better than me and my wife (then girlfriend).

I found out that my wife still better in terms of communication etc though me and my wife are very different. Always disagree but also agree to disagree.

3 years after we married, our first son was born and he had brain injury due to vacuum. 40k of our savings wipe out cuz whole year he go mount e to see 2 doctors (peadiatric and neuro). I remembered for 6 months + almost everyday i eat cup noodle cuz money was so low, credit card and ready credit all max out. Waiting for pay to just survive.

Exactly 2 years after that, my daughter is born and she is special needs. For her, we both gave up our career and anything to do with money and work had to take a back seat.

So today, my son is 5 years old, recovered. My daughter is 3 years old and though she may never go to normal school, at least she is jumping, running and over time, hopefully she can take care of herself. My youngest son is now about 8 months.

Even when we don't have enough, we found out that swimming is good for my daughter so she can improve her balance. Because of that me and my wife work together to see how we can take turns to design a program to help her physical and mental conditioning, at the same time i have to go out and look for work to find $$$ so she can not only go for her very expensive therapy but also to move from HDB to condo.

Even now as we are in a condo, 3 times per week in the morning, i stay at home to run and read with my daughter (a customised program we worked out for her) before sending her to childcare (they all attend childcare which is also quite ex every month in total). 2 times per week, my wife work with her.

The money i earn, we save to buy houses for our kids, so that our sons don't need to worry about their sister being a high burden and long run, they have their families to take care too. What my wife earn, i don't ask and i don't bother. She gets to spend everything she earns + she has a sub card from me to pump petrol and pay for anything she wants. But because her pay is for her only, she usually only use my card when she pumps petrol.

Marriage is super tough. Most of the time, even when you don't make progress, you have to convince yourself that you're inching forward.

Most times when things get to rough i just blow up and trash it out with my wife. Better to talk it out than just keeping it in and hoping things will turn out better.

Most times, it just stress esp when we are in a country that's so expensive to raise kids and be married. Men just don't open up so easily and most times, they are just stress but they don't want their wives to worry. My wife after what we have gone through always comes to me and assure me that even if we end up living on cup noodle, it's ok. That relaxes me and really, makes me love her more.

Sometimes i also wish i'm not a driver or worker ant. I look at my boss, he got driver, got maid, got big house and i wish i'm like him. Still, until i reach there, i'm not him. But he got something i also have, my family.

My kids now still young so they will hug me no matter what. I morning send them to childcare, go to work, evening fetch them, shower them, my wife cook, we eat, i wash dishes, wash clothes and about now at 330am, i'm still working and waiting to hang laundry when the washing is done.

It sucks... it sucks to not be rich and famous and have everything at your beck and call. But until then, i just tell myself that by the time my kids don't want me around anymore, i can go and do what i want. From now till, then, just enjoy the moment.

See them smile. Hug your spouse. It doesn't need to be about who do what all the time (can argue lah but sometimes only).

Just my take. Best regards.

Thumbs up to you. You are the man.

[starcrosser]

The husband is asleep and the wife has got nothing better to do then to surf the net and come across this very interesting and thought-provoking forum -- this thread caught my attention. Din know what OC meant but after reading thru' found out that OC= the wife (wonder why?!)

I did not know that guys think so badly of local gals till now. As each contributor puts up his list of things his wife does (that he resents), I make a mental list and reflect on my own actions.

1. car - I don't drive so I always take the bus or train (cos I can't stand the smell of cabs)
2. housework - No maid, I do all housework except the toilet which hub cleans fortnightly.
3. money - I know nuts about money issues. I'm contented with the $3000 that is maintained in my savings a/c for groceries & occassional shopping. I pay for my own splurges for facial with my tuition income.
4. kid - I quitted my job to look after him myself but my hubby spends time with my boy too.
5. in-laws - my in-laws live next block, has a set of my house keys and comes by every afternoon.

I always thought that as long as I do all the 'wifely duties' marriage will be a bed of roses but I'm wrong!
Why are we still NOT happily married? Or should I ask, what must a wife do (or perhaps, not do) to make her husband happy????

The problem: NO SEX
Tried sexy lingerie, tried initiating, tried direct asking, tried outburst, tried cold shoulder still no solution.
He is not having affairs and he has no problems with his gears.
Thought it is my problem so did a field test with my friend at St James but with the number of guys approaching me, dun really think it is the problem with my outlooks. So I'm stuck in a rut of being unhappily married and I'm starting to feel resentful.

I read other threads with jealousy about guys wanting more sex with wife, wanting wife to be more adventurous etc and I tell myself that I can do all those, in fact, I want to do all those but my hubby is plainly not having sex with me! I feel so ashame that in our relationship, I'm the one who needs sex more than him. Sometimes i wonder if i should just get a FB and solve the problem.

I sincerely need a guy's perspective on why a husband is not having sex with his wife??!

My oc dun give me enough sex ever since my child was borned. Busy with children. Whenever i want it, she will said child still awake. When doing it, sometimes she said that she think she heard our child crying :(

Very often she would just foreplay and jerk me off. :(

[starcrosser]

Wife working part-time. I pay for her car including all the incidentals. I give her $300.00 per week which does not include her spending. I will reimburse her spending every week which is above and on top of the $300.00.

She worked. I give her like 500 every month and ended up majority spend on baby.

[Longitude]

Before we weigh their faults perhaps we should put our thumbs on the scale as well.

There is this saying that if you want to eat eggs you must endure the cacklings of hens.

[horny03]

I been giving 1k per month... But mostly are spend on paying cards debts

[Furyman]

I been giving 1k per month... But mostly are spend on paying cards debts

wah credit card,like that neber ending bro.

[entering]

Hi all,

thank you for all your encouragement and support. I feel the acknowledgement is very important not only for me but for all here.

The small things in marriage are usually the things that make it better. It is super tough to smile and be happy when you have a bad day at work and still have to be home to clean up the mess.

It's also super tough to be loving when things don't go your way. Yet, deep down, my family means a lot to me. In fact, they are the most important thing to me now.

For that i feel it is worth it to try. Try and fail or try and succeed a little today better than nothing.

For those of you who are troubled i want to encourage you to try and try again. It's worth it when your family and you are happy together.

My best regards.

[t123]

I have asked my friend's permission to post his email correspondence with his wife; please give your honest opinion.

"Yes, you have every right to express yourself.
I am trying my very best to put my foot in your shoes so that I can understand your situation better.

1. You are a hard working man who was being blamed excessively because you cannot provide enough for your family need for example childcare fee after you pay for your credit cards repayment. (and this is because you didn't have the savings to provide necessities for your family right from the beginning plus you didn't pay the instalment timely so you end up in this situation?)

2. You like to watch television but actually you feel very depressed and feel like going to kill yourself. (You do laugh very happily when you watched TV don't you?)

3. You has a very "big woman" wife who is very fierce and speak very loud and you dare not tell her how you feel because you are scared. (but why she was so angry in the first place? did you provide enough for her need for example at least her need not to be seperated from her baby? or her need not to be worried if the electricity is going to be cut soon?)

4. You think you are a loser and you have been blaming yourself. (by blaming yourself will you able to solve problems?)

5. You don't think you can upgrade yourself unless you have money. (how about the other people who also wants to upgrade themselvesbut don't have money? What did they do? unless you upgrade yourself you won't get better salary?)

This is what I can think of for the moment...

And, I has my right to express mine too. (but when I express myself, I was considered I was too fierce and dominant?)

So if you were this woman,

1. She is a stupid woman who was being misleaded by her husand who hasn't ready for his family in term of mentally, emotionally and financially. (and she deserve all the suffers because she still marry him even though she know he actually has a debt to pay even before married just because she still believe in him?)

2. She am a excessively worried woman because she can't get to see her baby all the time and her husband is very depressed and wanted to kill himself. (what kind of loser she is?)

3. Whatever she said, her husband always think negatively. (her husband think there is no point to try anything even before he try?)

4. She used to believe in her husband but her husband only describe beautiful pictures which so far hasn't become any reality yet. (In fact she found out that they are in very bad situation until recently someone wants to remove property from their home?)

5. Her heart is feeling heavy with burden and not interested in any other things in her marriage anymore. (so her marriage is in danger but what can she do?)

I miss you too and I still love you but I always very worried and I don't know what to do either.

I am not blaming you just that I am feeling very very sad for our family and I understand you feel sad too.

So conclusion is we are both very sad and our family is a sad family?

2009/10/12

I understand how you feel. I am a failed father and husband. I am feeling no more less sad, depressed and frustrated than you. I am getting more depressed , worried everyday. Sometimes, I also have suicidal thoughts before. I feel very oppressed. I also wants the best for baby. I really don't know what to do, how to do.

When I went home earlier, the mood wasn't as welcoming as before for some part. Because I feel like a failure for whole life, a useless bum who failed to do my duty. Even I was sensitive but the atmosphere was made to feel like that. What I want the whole world to know is that, If all of you wants to blame me for everything, just imagine that I am pointing guns and knives to myself on top of all the fingers pointing at me.

Mrs xxx thinks I blamed myself too much, I shoulder too much. I did tried to share my opinions with you, but just that I feel my views to you are sometimes unwanted and unnecessary. Just take the rainbow vacuum for example. I know you meant well, you want the best. But at what cost? I also want to do best, but I always feel my hands being tied up too. I reluctantly agreed not because you pay on your own, but I don't want you feel disappointed that your effort is not heeded. My knocking on your door is probably too soft to hear, that's why you never get to hear it.

Now as I am trying my best, I can only find comfort that counsellor thinks for some part I have my good points. But, sometimes I feel she is joking, because if I am good, why am i in such situation.

I am telling you this not to share the blame and problem, just to let you understand how I really feel. You said I am too cruel to myself, I refused to see doctor, I refused many things. But have you thought, if for once when I want things for myself, my greatest worry for baby comes. That's why I never allow myself to enjoy even the slightest bit of happiness which I think i can find.

You said I should think of upgrading, but at the end, I need money to upgrade attend cause. You can give many examples which you want to prove me wrong. Maybe you are right. I feel I am insignificant because I am a subset of every links, work, family, commitments in my life. Whatever I do, I affect one of the other links and maybe causes chain reaction. Unless I get sponsorship, if not how to upgrade for now.

I have much more frustrations, more depressions many many more emotional instability within myself. Remember the big fridge, I just asked if we can consider first and you left home for 6 hours. The very next day, you just decide as you would perceived as justifiable. I was scared the shit out of anything. In order to please you, from then on, I only tell myself to do my very best. Maybe to many including you I am very weak, insecure, anything but words that think I am good.

I am not blaming you, I also can't blame anyone, including my parents. I can only blame myself. No matter what I do, I always hit a rock, obstacle along the way. That's why I always feel my life never smooth sailing. I never asked for good fortune, I only ask for a some moments of reprieve, to breathe or maybe can smile a bit.
That are too many maybes because it is always uncertainty. Yes, I never try, but trying to get into conflict or quarrels is never my forte.

Now all that I know, is that I am trying hard, very very hard. I am doing very hard pushing my mental, emotional capacity to the maximum. I will do anything, as in anything even the cost of my life.

It easy for me to blame others, rather, I find more easier to blame myself and hate myself. A lot of things I did not want to confront or did not object because I love my daughter, I love you and I love this family.

Most likely you will disagree on all what I just expressed myself on.

From:
Sent: Monday, October 12, 2009 6:43 AM
To:
Subject:Just how I feel sometimes.

Thanks for sharing your feeling with me.
Unfortuately the computer in this lab can't show chinese now.
Will try to read your this email at night at my friend's place.
Please just send emails instead of making phone calls especially from your handphone to save more money for our family financial crisis.
My heart is very heavy now... I want to give the best to baby Rong but I feel my hands are very tight because of our family financial situation... and because of this I am feeling sad.
And, when I am feeling sad I don't have the mood to think of anything else.
This is how I feel at the moment.

[Frankiestine]

Hmmmm.....sounds very much like a PRC couple..